Board 8 > Ranking 69 NPC's from Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (plus minigames) (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

just got to rank 2 on ghost ship, we're closing in! B rank on Two Legs, Nothin to it as well. just gotta keep grinding them out...

Two legs nothin to it took me like 45 minutes to get the star, it was a pretty big jump in difficulty over the previous songs

you got the star? maniac

That means you played it perfect, sheesh

I got A second try c'mon guys go big or go home

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/5d719943.jpg
(Minigame) 34 . Looking at Notes

This is kind of a "catch-all" category for whenever the game asked you to follow someones notes or polaroids to a place on the map by pressing the left directional button. I want to say every chapter has its own bespoke "note" quest. I think the most memorable of these is Gongaga's, which is the only one that is remotely challenging. The others basically rely on you being able to visualize the map differently. So it was basically just transposing a "bad map" onto a "good map." I think one of Bugenhagen's notes was upside down. So the game does some interesting stuff with this sometimes, but it's still kind of a chore.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/6/677b1184.jpg
NPC 57 . Weapons in the Lifestream aka "Space Whales" aka ... huh.

It's cool that they're explaining weapons and giving us more of them. I'm not sold on the design of these. I'm sure there's some mythical reference I should be getting with two big fish of light and darkness, some kind of yin yang twins thing. I'm sure Emerald and Ruby and everyone will look different and crazed in the next game, and these weapons are more like "normal" weapons?

Anyway, the new stuff in Gongaga is pretty compelling stuff if you ask me. First, Cloud gets his brain mind-jacked by Sephy, and goes full on Hollow Ichigo on some poor Shinra goons. Then, he gets pissed off at the devs teasing Tifa underboob for THE SECOND TIME this game, and so he attacks her so that she gets swallowed by a whale. Tifa, like Pinocchio before her, is then taken on a magical trip into her subconcious, where she gets to play out some moments for her past. The weapons are clearly associated with the whispers, and together they seem to govern the fate of the current world they're in. However, they're also actively combating Sephiroth/Jenova's black whispers. My current working theory is that Aerith in OGFF7 created a new world when she cast Holy. Sephiroth learns of this new world at the end of Advent Children or something and finds a way to project himself into this one.

Or something. It's fun to speculate on this stuff but also given SE's track history with high concept stuff like this it's usually better not to. It's probably going to be revealed that they're Aerith and Ifalna reincarnated. Anyway, you probably either think the lifestream weapons are hugely important lore beasts or you think they're hokey nonsense.

Hint for character 56: Complete. Queen's Blood. Domination.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/d/dbe0e76d.jpg
56 . Wise version 3.0, aka Steampunk robot programmed only for cards

This is a joke character for sure. However, I found his schtick funny, if only because I smoked him at Queen's Blood both times despite him apparently programming superiority. Do I regret having Wise on this list and not, for example, the Singing Lady in Nibelheim? Maybe. However, there's something "classic Final Fantasy" about how random this dude is. It reminds me of how FFIV would have these extremely random NPC's in towns that made no sense whatsoever, and were clearly just a sprite they had cooked up.

Wise is the first "Queen's Blood" quest character on the list, and this also factors into his inclusion. I loved the Queen's Blood quest. It was such a pleasant surprise. Much more on this later.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/a/adb39f15.jpg
55 . Zangan

Whenever I hear this voice actor in things I always think of the "Let me explain" soundclip from Persona 5 Royal, when Sojiro gives you random coffee facts. So "Let me explain" Zangan. Or try to at least.

Will we ever learn more about Zangan? Or will he remain "the random guy who taught Tifa how to fight" in perpetuity? This game gives the impression that Zangan will receive development, but the most we get is that he leads outdoor calisthenics for Nibelheim. I would bet money that he shows up as a quest in the next game. In true Sabin fashion, maybe they'll lock Tifa's ultimate limit break behind a training arc.

Hint for minigame 33: Everybody's gotta eat

Zangan way too low damn.

Tag!

I like Wise. He's a swell dude.

But I just like cool looking robots so that might boost him for me =p

Two legs nothin to it is the true final boss to this game

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/6/6d47931f.jpg
(Minigame) 33. Chicken Luring

We've moved on from the "boring, inoffensive and/or forgettable" stage of the minigame list to the "actively annoying but with some merit" stage. When I got a quest about finding chickens in Gongaga, I expected I would maybe have to sniff them out via chocobo, or round them up Moogle style. When they introduced yet another new gameplay mechanic from out of nowhere I let out an audible "Are you kidding me?"

Let it be known that these devs know exactly what they're doing, which is trolling. This isn't even the most "trollworthy" minigame either, but it's clearly playing with the idea that "the players won't like this, but we're going to do it anyway, teasing and testing their patience all the while." There's a moment where the game tricks you into thinking you're going to have to lure this chicken an in-game mile's worth of distance, but it thankfully fakes you out.

In this game, you have to use a "clanger" to attract chickens in an actual "realistic" way. I mean, it's more realistic than Link walking up to cucco and just lifting that sucker above his head. To use the clanger, you have to walk backward, pull the clanger along, but not too far along, and be ready if this chicken sees red and decides to flip the fuck out. It's infuriating. I feel like most of the time I was being interrupted by something off-screen behind me, like I'd get screwed over by a random NPC or an invisible wall.

But the thing is... it's actually kind of fun? I wanted to keep trying despite how tilted I was getting. Players are also rewarded at the end of this quest with a semi-funny resolution that calls into question why we do these sidequests to begin with.

Hint for NPC #54: Behind the Ivory's short of tea and ray

colliding posted...

Two legs nothin to it is the true final boss to this game

feeling that way, I'm making good progress through hard mode and having watched a video of how the end of pirate's rampage can go if you get your shit together, I'm confident in that one happening soon... gonna be stuck playing the fucking red in a suit song til the end of time

For Zangan, you're gonna want to read the novel Traces of Two Pasts for more characterization on him. It was a great novel, would definitely recommend it

Novels? in my Final Fantasy? I don't think so.

colliding posted...

There's a moment where the game tricks you into thinking you're going to have to lure this chicken an in-game mile's worth of distance, but it thankfully fakes you out.

this is actually extremely funny

Steiner posted...

this is actually extremely funny

Watching people's reactions to running all the way out and thinking they'll have to drag the box ALLLLL the way back is hilarious.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/b/baea8d68.jpg
54 . Dorian, aka Piano Guy

There's something about the way this guy says "would you like to sh-are a perFORmance with me" that is utterly hilarious.

On the one hand, blind pianist is a trope I never need to experience again. On the other... look at this guy completely wreck shop on "Let the Battles Begin."

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/6/64cd45c1.jpg
53 . Reeve, aka a completely normal Shinra Executive with no hidden identity whatsoever

Rebirth really dropped the ball with Reeve. He's barely in this one! He seemed like such an important character in Remake, since he's a Shinra exec with a conscience. In this one, all he does is attend a few meetings. Maybe they could've had him connect with the main characters or something. I feel like he could definitely end up betraying Shinra at some point as the principled company man trying to fix the issue from the inside.

He also photoshops the Avalanche posters to make the main cast look like Dollar General Wesker, Shulk in real life, and British version of the Office Tifa.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/9/98c63f78.jpg
This scene really reminded me of that One Piece arc where the original wanted poster of Sanji was a terribly unflattering drawing. Suddenly the Straw Hats get ambushed by a guy who looks exactly like the Sanji drawing in real life. Comedy gold Reeve! Try to be more helpful next time!

Hint for minigame 32: Kept you waiting mon cherie

Agreed that Reeve was pretty underutilized in this game.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/c/c5724581.jpg
(Minigame) 32. Gears and Gambits

Another mini game that comes out of absolute nowhere. The plot reasons for it existing are murky at best. We're going through these Cosmo Canyon ruins, finding points of convergence in the lifestream, but the only way to engage with them is to send some AI bots in to fight some flans? And in so doing we get to have flashbacks of the old Avalanche crew? It's complete nonsense (the flashbacks are good characterization for Barret and Tifa though).

This game is poorly explained and seem extremely complicated at first. However, once you understand it, the execution of the game is so simple that it feels impossible to fail.Case in point: I completely misunderstood the "weakness" indicators the first three rounds. I thought a robot having a lightning bolt icon meant that it was a lightning type, when it was trying to indicate that it was strong against lightning (I think). Point is: it completely didn't matter the first three rounds, because Chadley's pre-programmed units wrecked shop.

Side note: Thank you Chadley for the pre-programmed Gambits, because going through the menu and setting up the bots was aggressively annoying.

The last round forced me to "learn" what was actually going on. The game gives the impression of depth, and for FFXII fans it probably does feel weirdly nostalgic. I can see a version of this game working, but it would require way more enemy types and gambits. Right now, it's kind of this weird thing that just exists. It just feels like a worse Fort Condor, which itself is a worse Fort Condor from Intergrade.

Hint for NPC 52: Arguably Remake's most iconic new character, fallen from grace

colliding posted...

It just feels like a worse Fort Condor, which itself is a worse Fort Condor from Intergrade.

My thoughts exactly...one of the only minigames I'd be happier without

I liked G&G more than Fort Condor and I liked both! but I thought the setting up gambits was fun and more engaging than what you get in fort condor

I also enjoyed G&G more than Fort Condor.

but on that note, oh my god can you make a mini game without using the word 'lane' holy shit

Gears & Gambits and Cactuar Rush are the bottom two of minigames to me. Those were the two quests I couldn't bother to finish before NG+

colliding posted...

Hint for NPC 52: Arguably Remake's most iconic new character, fallen from grace

Assuming Roche, I feel like I missed a cutscene here and maybe your write-up will delve into how he goes from a cordial send-off in Junon to straight up voluntary Hojo experimentation?? Felt like it came totally out of nowhere, give me something indicating like, a mental breakdown at constantly losing to this one opponent (Ramsus in Xenogears came to mind but probably not even the best example...)

Roche just wants to fightfuck Cloud some more and Hojo likely led him to believe that he could make that even more exciting.

RIP Roche, you were too cool to continue to exist.

Kotetsu534 posted...

I spent about 45 minutes running around the grasslands (and the desert) searching for excavation areas to get its PLAY ARTS object. It appears to be random which item is in which spot, and it doesn't change when you reset (i.e. you can't just find a spot and save/reload until it gives you what you need), so until someone maps all the spots this will annoy a few people.

I was really scared when I read this but it's a lie, I just googled 'grasslands play arts figure' and the first result was 'it's outside the windmill south of bill's ranch' which was true

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/0/0fb875c8.jpg
52 . Andrea Rhodea

Imagine thinking Roche was iconic in Remake. Rebirth basically saves that character from the garbage pile. This isn't about Roche though. It's about everyone's favorite pansexual icon Andrea.

Andrea and Cloud's Honeybee Inn dance scene is totally iconic, punctuated with his progressive statements on gender, love, and beauty. To see him reduced to giving piano lessons to Tifa and getting schooled in a dance-off by Yuffie is homophobic quite frankly (tone: lighthearted). That Yuffie cutscene at gold saucer is still so weird. The last time we see Andrea he's basically sent spiraling into shame by Yuffie and then Dio. What a fall from grace for Honeybee Inn's regent.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/1/18d931df.jpg
51 . Chocobo Joe

Effortlessly cool, Chocobo Joe is here to dominate the Gold Cup atop his trusty black bird Hyperion. Like Esther, I'm a little surprised the game didn't go all in and the Chocobo Racing side quest. I was truly expecting even more of a Yakuza-esque side story involving gambling, scandals, breeding, affairs, forbidden love and wacky hijinks. We don't really get to understand Chocobo Joe's winning mentality, but we do get to see this man speed along the track, cracked on sylkis, decked out in his jockey regalia.

Hint for minigame 31: No amount of booty is worth this.

colliding posted...

Imagine thinking Roche was iconic in Remake

phew i'm glad i wasn't the only one thinking this

Hint for minigame 31: No amount of booty is worth this.

AGREED

Roche was great in Remake and even better in Rebirth tbqh.

Shoutouts to all my Roche enjoyers

_stingers_ posted...

Shoutouts to all my Roche enjoyers

He's great in Rebirth! You won't see him on this list for quite a while.

He was lame in Remake though.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/5afeefd2.jpg
(Minigame) 31. Pirate's Rampage

First off, I'll admit it: I'm really bad at this one. When it comes to shooting mechanics in general, it's not my preferred type of video game.You have no reason to believe me, but when I've gone shooting before with actual guns (I live in America after all) I do pretty okay. But first person shooting in video games has not, is not, and will never be a strength of mine. So yes, I suck, and I need to just get good.

But also: this doesn't feel good. The act of pressing R2 to shoot a gun to hit a target feels quite bad actually. (Note: maybe this is one of those games where I should have "turned off" haptics/adaptive triggers, but I never actually did that during any of my minigame experiences). So I don't think it's just me being bad at shooting games. I think there's something kind of busted with this one.

Plus they penalize you for being inaccurate, which is a cardinal sin for a sloppy gamer boy like me. This is one of two minigames where I did not actually achieve the "top prize" on my first playthrough, because I just knew it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

Next: Surprise Main Character Ranking! It's the worst of Rebirth's "main cast" (which may or may not include non playable party members and timeline hopping dudes with big swords).

oh boy the beginning of the main cast rankdown, very exciting (....probably Zack but I wouldn't mind a surprise main party playable!)

colliding posted...

He's great in Rebirth! You won't see him on this list for quite a while.

yeah I didn't even think how we were still in the 50s so there's gotta be more NPCs to go - my bad!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/8/84753678.jpg
Main Cast Ranking
10 . Cid Highwind

The way the developers have included Cid in this game is smart, though not completely satisfying.

In the original game, players do not meet Cid until after Nibelheim. The party arrives in Rocket Town, they meet Cid, they fight Palmer, get the Tiny Bronco etc. It's a good series of events that makes sense in the OG. This game coincidentally ends right after Nibelheim, so I completely agree that adding Rocket Town there would've felt like too late in the game.

The workaround is to have Cid be kind of the gang's de facto Frank Lapidus (yes, I wrote about L O S T for a living and so it lives rent free in my brain now). Before he becomes a series regular, he'll just be a cranky old pilot for a little bit. This does make him feel like a "real person," if the alternative is we squeeze him in last minute ala the original game. We assume his development/backstory is being saved for Reunite / Reunify.

Much was made of Cid being "toned down" for this game and, in this respect, the jury is still out. Since Shera isn't here, it's too early to say that Cid's not an abusive asshole anymore. He has a few choice lines towards the group that suggests he isn't exactly mellow.

We can all agree though that his shining moment is falling asleep during Loveless. That's the Cid we know and love, right there!

There is a wildly underexplored connection between Cid and Ifalna too, which is curious but seemingly amounts to nothing except "I saw your Mom at Shinra HQ once." I guess this is here to make Cid feel more endearing but I don't know if it works.

He also has a truly epic line of theory-crafting bait in the ending (post Temple of the Ancients spoilers) "What exactly did Aerith do anyway?" This could be referring to her praying/holy/etc, but it could also be referring to some other timeline/alternate universe stuff too. It's such a weird line of dialogue to throw out at the exact moment when the game is playing with the idea of Aerith being both alive and dead simutaneously. Curious.

All this to say: there's no way he isn't last place. Dude doesn't even sniff a battle, and we just haven't dug beneath the surface yet at all. I've made my peace with Cid and Vincent not being playable, but the latter at least had more to do.

I got a laugh out of him walking up to Aerith and blithely asking how Ifalna is doing, and generally enjoyed his vibe, especially noping out of setting one foot inside the Temple. But yeah he's basically a bystander compared to everyone else (except perhaps Vincent).

G&G did a good job of reminding me why I didn't enjoy FFXII very much. Spending time in menus setting up conditional moves just isn't something that appeals to me very much. Preferred Fort Condor. And probably preferred Pirate's Rampage to a lot of the other mini-games, but then I like FPSs in general.

Yeah I thought they did a good job with Cid with what they had to work with. Though I wish we got to see a little more of him generally.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/a/a573bd24.jpg
50 . Cloud's Mom

We've made it to the top 50! Maybe this list was too long. To this I say, maybe it wasn't long enough? There are people not on this list who I find myself having random thoughts about, but maybe that's a conversation for my therapist.

Cloud's mom is named Claudia, which is not great but what is great is that classic scene from the introduction where she talks to him about girls. It is one of many scenes from the original that is translated perfectly into the remake, despite the fact that the game has to deal with both new players and a fervent audience who knows all the twists. Her single scene in the game is both warm and tragic, and despite it's relative brevity, I find it to be extremely important in identifying Cloud's tortured psyche.

She also looks so much like Cloud it's scary. You ever seen these people in real life? Where the son and the mom look exactly alike? It's freaky.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/56c0ffb0.jpg
49 . Choco Bill

The devs really understand the importance of making the original polygon models translate effectively to the 4K PS5 environment. Hence, we get this immaculate specimen. Here are some things we can tell just by looking at Chocobo Bill:

• He cried when Jimmy Buffet died
• He eats the same thing every day
• He prefers the company of birds to people
• He grows his own greens if you know what I mean

Thank you devs for your fidelity to the source material.

Hint for minigame 30: cash me outside

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/8/8b123521.jpg
(Minigame) 30. Caches

Again, maybe not a minigame in the strictest sense of the word, but nevertheless a side task that the world map offers up for careful players who aren't bum rushing the story. These are sort of like Xenoblade's scenic spots, with an added impetus to open all the chests in the area. Some cache locations are more impressive and more of a puzzle than others. In some, you'll basically see all the chests right in front of you. In others, you'll have to search around.

I always enjoyed finding a cache, because they truly did feel "secret" in the way the other world map activities don't. Caches don't appear on the map when you activate the towers. This is one reason why Rebirth's world map is a step above something like Horizon or an Ubisoft game. There are landmarks that you can simply see, and you are rewarded (most of the time) for going there.

Hint for character 48: Gyahahahaha

I liked the caches and was pretty surprised they weren't required for 100%-ing each area. Would have felt more rewarding if there were better rewards to be found in chests and if there were fewer free fast travel spots. I especially liked the one you needed to drop into from above in Cosmo Canyon.

colliding posted...

This is one reason why Rebirth's world map is a step above something like Horizon

Lol

Horizon is terrible, sorry if that offends you

Lmao even

Horizon is pretty mid yeah. Definitely enjoyed Rebirth's open world more. Mostly.

thought I was approaching platinum but the worms in the Hellions' Intonement challenge have me ready to quit

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/a/aff15dd5.jpg
48 . Heidegger

Playing the OG FF7 as a kid, I had no idea that this character was named after Martin Heidegger, one of the most "important" philosophers of the 20th century (scare quotes because what philosopher actually is important in the grand scheme of things). So it was wild as a college sophomore to be reminded of this absolute chucklefuck while trying to understand concepts like phenomenology and "being."

Heidegger's name is part of a pattern within the fascist undertone of the Shinra Electric Power Company. Shinra is and always has been an evil empire with layers. On one hand, it represents the domineering force of unchecked capital across the world. On the other, it conjures Nazi-esque rhetoric, particularly in its discussions of genetic experimentation on the Cetra. The Turks could be seen as a reference to regime toppling exercises undertaken by the CIA in South America. Heidegger's physical appearance seems Stalin-esque.

He's also rather clownish, second only to Palmer in terms of "Shinra board joke villains." In Rebirth his biggest moment is almost getting run over by a bike again.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/2/28f01c5b.jpg
47 . Mayor Zander, aka the Mayor of Nibelheim

Insert "moments before disaster" meme. There's also a pretty good line of dramatic irony in the introduction, where Zander says something along the lines of "I'll remember meeting Sephiroth as long as I live" or something.

In a game full of unnecessary mayors, Zander is probably the most memorable due to the vicious nature of his demise. I wasn't a huge fan of how slow the game made me walk/crawl during the Nibelheim burning sequence, but I did like the L2/R2 scene where this guy gets his block knocked off. Sephiroth really didn't need to step on this guy's hat afterwards. That's just cold.

There's a world out there somewhere where Zander kills Sephiroth. Let that sink in.

Hint for minigame 29: Hog's Gotta Hunt

Steiner posted...

thought I was approaching platinum but the worms in the Hellions' Intonement challenge have me ready to quit

i did the worms and am greeted by the next challenge which has gigantuars in round 9. i'm going to kermit

i think they were susceptible to Stop? I remember really leaning heavily on Stop materia for more than a few brutal fights...

Heidegger is pretty disappointing, honestly. In the OG, he and Scarlet always felt pretty equal to me, but Rebirth and the Remake DLC have made Scarlet so much more prominent in the new games, while Heidegger just gets nothing interesting.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/c/c4f63f13.jpg
(Minigame) 29. Picking Mushrooms in Gongaga

Let's talk about navigating Gongaga. It's challenging. On the one hand, I like it, since it requires actual exploration instead of just going straight to an icon on a map. As a jungle, it makes sense that exploration should be difficult. On the other, it sure would be nice if it wasn't such a strict maze. Some mushrooms launch you five feet, others launch you five hundred it seems.

Speaking of mushrooms, Cissnei sends you on a quest to pick up some mushrooms so she can salvage her stew. This requires finding your way through Gongaga to get to the right area (the hardest part), fighting some tricky jellyfish monsters there (hint: use spell blade), and then ripping these suckers out of the ground. You have to judge how much "give" there is in a given direction and then pick them in that order. It's a little tricky. I for sure messed up on the first one.

Ultimately it's a little forgettable. However, it's neat that they made up this puzzle instead of you just going to a place on the map and picking up an item.

Hint for character 46: I thought this character's VA was Haley Joel Osment at first, which would've been wild