Current Events > Having kids are a trap right? Being kid free is the way to be.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I found out one of my friends who I haven't had contact with for so long just had kids and now he's married. He was working as a restaurant manager barely making 60k when I knew him. I remember him spending his money recklessly on drugs, alcohol, and gambling establishments (slot machines). Had he cleaned up his life then, he would have had 20k put aside every year, totaling to maybe 80k by now without considering compounding interest.

Now that guy has a kid. He'll never be able to save money. That 20k he could have put on the side goes straight to child care expenses. Now he's trapped into a lifestyle where he's bound by law to uphold his parental duties. He can kiss his 30 - 50s goodbye.

I think when you have a stable career, your 30s and 40s are a prime time to really dig deep into your predispositions and see what your true passion is. Having kids will ruin that "me time" that many men over 30 are missing out on.

having kids is, not are. the concept of having kids is one thing, kids are multiple things, so it should be "having kids is a trap, right?"

TodorokiHayato posted...

I think when you have a stable career, your 30s and 40s are a prime time to really dig deep into your predispositions and see what your true passion is.

And if that true passion is having a family?

A lot of people feel this way until they get old and need someone to take care of themselves or their company.

Having kids when older can be a disappointment because your kids haven't grown into adults and they may abandon you.

You're not wrong though. Interested in what other posters say. I'm a kidless guy that works with older people.

I'm pro adopting kids myself, actually birthing a kid you made yourself I consider extremely selfish tbh

It all depends on your income level. Poor people with kids get all kinds of government assistance. Wealthy people don't have to worry. Lower middle class who don't qualify for help may have it rough.

viewmaster_pi posted...

having kids is, not are. the concept of having kids is one thing, kids are multiple things, so it should be "having kids is a trap, right?"

What if I mean "kids" as in multiple kids to make it a plural noun?

I think either way is fine

No kids then you have the freedom to do whatever you want. Including having kids.

Having kids you have gotten to breed a woman and raise a child to carry on your legacy or whatever rewarding things there are that come with creating children. Plus you can guilt them into taking care of you when you are old and have dementia.

LeoRavus posted...

Poor people with kids get all kinds of government assistance.

But they're still below the middle income level right? In that sense is it worth having kids even with the government assistance?

Jaguar34 posted...

You're not wrong though. Interested in what other posters say. I'm a kidless guy that works with older people.

I think it's like marriage. It needs to be recognized as something that shouldn't be treated as the default for success, but something to pursue only if you want to and are as prepared as possible.

Would like to be a parent, but yeah not really mature or capable enough.

And on another forum I still frequent there was a long time ago (early 2000s) someone posting how his life was a mess and he thought adopting a kid would give him the motivation to improve. Not adopting after he cleaned up, but while still a mess. Yikes!

But yeah, the problems stem from well one or both:
A. Satisfying the crowd who believes we are morally obligated to get married and making babies.

B. Even if in a good place financially speaking and being fairly mature, it seems like underestimating the difficulties is a receipe for disaster.

I love my daughter and cant imagine my life without her.

But I always wanted to be a dad. For as long as I could remember. Not everyone is going to feel that way.

Jaguar34 posted...

A lot of people feel this way until they get old and need someone to take care of themselves or their company.

Having kids when older can be a disappointment because your kids haven't grown into adults and they may abandon you.

You're not wrong though. Interested in what other posters say. I'm a kidless guy that works with older people.

It's fucked up and selfish to force some one into existence so they can be your caregiver.

Sounds like you're making false equivalences. Your friend doesn't have a ton of money saved up, so you're blaming it on the fact that he had kids. But he was fucking up his life with alcohol, drugs and gambling (all of which can be addicting), so he likely wouldn't be any better off now without kids.

No one should feel like they have to have kids, but kids aren't a trap or any bullshit like that either.

Being married, I can be persuaded to agre it's a trap. But there's nothing that's given me more happiness and motivation to do better than my son.

You don't have kids to save money. My daughter cost $110k + $50k/yr. My wife and I carry $1.5M in life insurance, each.

TodorokiHayato posted...

What if I mean "kids" as in multiple kids to make it a plural noun?

The subject in the sentence is having kids. Thats the clause that needs to agree with the verb, not just the word kids. Youre not talking about kids, youre talking about having kids. You would conjugate the verb as if the word kids Is not there.

Also, having kids is one of the worst financial decisions a person can make.

When I was younger, I used to believe that every boy should have a wife and have children so that the family name would never disappear. This is the shit my parents made me believe. But somewhere in either my late 20s or my 30s I realized that I don't need to reproduce, and I definitely don't want kids, and that's okay and other people feel the same way. I hope my family name dies with me.

GeminiDeus posted...

When I was younger, I used to believe that every boy should have a wife and have children so that the family name would never disappear. This is the shit my parents made me believe. But somewhere in either my late 20s or my 30s I realized that I don't need to reproduce, and I definitely don't want kids, and that's okay and other people feel the same way. I hope my family name dies with me.

Im content knowing my family name will most likely die with me. I really dont want kids and Im starting to realize that I might be gay so Im not really interested in the act of making kids either >_>

What about having kids when you're 50? 60? Can you still enjoy parenthood or is it only worth doing when you have the energy and health while you're young?

Lonestar2000 posted...

It's fucked up and selfish to force some one into existence so they can be your caregiver.

I have kids and I agree. I hope they throw me in a home and enjoy their lives.

Okay... In this topic and in life it depends 100% on the person wanting or not wanting kids.

Never feel obligated to have or not have kids based on anything but your own decision and commitment to it.

I didn't want kids, but some of my friends I grew up with had kids... And both were correct decisions.

Enjoy your 30s and 40s and then adopt like a 17yo so you have someone to take care of you when you're old. That's the ultimate lifehack

Having kids is an issue where one side preaching at the other only displays a lack of imagination and empathy (and an underlying amount of cope).

Have kids if you would like; don't have kids if you prefer. Both reasonable, justifiable decisions. Pick the right one for you, but don't make out like you discovered life's big secret and anyone choosing the other path is wrong.

Drrobotniks posted...

I'm pro adopting kids myself, actually birthing a kid you made yourself I consider extremely selfish tbh

This is such a weird take. I dated someone who thought this. Sure, no one asked to born. But life is a gift. If the parents are responsible, know they are doing, and take care of their kids and involved in their lives , life is worth living.

You say birthing kids is selfish, but think of how much time and resources are spent towards that child. It's selfish if you a parent who is an abusive asshole who isn't financially stable and isn't willing to take care of the child properly.

I don't care if people have kids or not. I'm on the fence myself, but I strongly disagree that having a child is "inherently selfish."

ssjevot posted...

I have kids and I agree. I hope they throw me in a home and enjoy their lives.

If you are involved in your kids lives and take care of itself, that won't be an issue.

If you are American and kick your kids out at 18 and not offer any financial support after, you nest believe you are gonna be out in a nursing home.

Shit is uncommon in asian culture.

Arcanine2009 posted...

If you are involved in your kids lives and take care of itself, that won't be an issue.

If you are American and kick your kids out at 18 and not offer any financial support after, you nest believe you are gonna be out in a nursing home.

Shit is uncommon in asian culture.

I live in Japan and it's not uncommon for old people to live alone or be in homes. In China it is more common, but that's due to a lack of welfare or social security and an actual legal obligation to take care of your parents. My Chinese wife wants her parents to stop living with us and get their own place. It's very stressful for her to live with them, and I doubt it will get better as they get older.

Arcanine2009 posted...

If you are involved in your kids lives and take care of itself, that won't be an issue.

If you are American and kick your kids out at 18 and not offer any financial support after, you nest believe you are gonna be out in a nursing home.

Shit is uncommon in asian culture.

As somebody who lives in Asia, its a real mix. There are certainly multi-generational households, but there are also plenty of people who live completely independently of other generations of their family. My girlfriend only sees her mum once a year at Tet.

I just say make damn sure you want kids before you have them.

Ive always never wanted kids hence why Im almost mid 30s and kid free

sonichu posted...

I just say make damn sure you want kids before you have them.

Ive always never wanted kids hence why Im almost mid 30s and kid free

Not just wanting them but also understanding the practical reality of it.

Dark_Arbron posted...

Not just wanting them but also understanding the practical reality of it.

This. Some preparation, but acknowledgement and awareness that parenthood even the more successful ones are going to be a trial.

Being 40 and not having kids is awful. My wife and I argue if we want to go to Hawaii in two weeks or wait a month or so

TimeForAction posted...

Being 40 and not having kids is awful. My wife and I argue if we want to go to Hawaii in two weeks or wait a month or so

Im 35 and not having kids is great

Whats going to change when that first digit increments?

sonichu posted...

I just say make damn sure you want kids before you have them.

Ive always never wanted kids hence why Im almost mid 30s and kid free

People do change though, especially if their circumstances change.

I was with my last girlfriend from the age of 24 to 35 and I never had any intention of having kids with her.

Im 37 now and want kids with my current partner.

TimeForAction posted...

Being 40 and not having kids is awful.

If nothing else, there is the option to care for kids in the family of not your own.

But hey, better to regret not having kids VS having kids and regretting them. Said kids even possibly recognizing/seeing themselves as a burden in that situation.

BlueBoy675 posted...
GeminiDeus posted...

When I was younger, I used to believe that every boy should have a wife and have children so that the family name would never disappear. This is the shit my parents made me believe. But somewhere in either my late 20s or my 30s I realized that I don't need to reproduce, and I definitely don't want kids, and that's okay and other people feel the same way. I hope my family name dies with me.

My name will

I will say, I was with someone who had a kid at 27 and had my own at 29. Before that, i definitely had issues fmwith depression and a lack of focus. I was VERY active but it felt like throwing stuff at a wall to see if it stuck more than anything else.

Not everyone likes kids, but I like raising em. It's fun. Also keeps me aways from the drugs and drinking lol I say that because I used to be a little heavy on both. Now I'm going through school, about to be married, and I have a dope ass family. It ain't for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

People in here have really weird and sometimes dangerous advice or opinions

having kids depends on the person, circumstances, and partners involved. Thats it.

_____Cait posted...

People in here have really weird and sometimes dangerous advice or opinions

having kids depends on the person, circumstances, and partners involved. Thats it.

Exactly.
I think I'd be a better parent than most people with kids, but I just don't want to do it.
For me, being a good parent more or less means throwing most of your life away for someone else. And I wouldn't be able to do that.
Then even if everything is great, you're always worried sick that something bad might happen.

Dakimakura posted...

I think either way is fine

No kids then you have the freedom to do whatever you want. Including having kids.

Having kids you have gotten to breed a woman and raise a child to carry on your legacy or whatever rewarding things there are that come with creating children. Plus you can guilt them into taking care of you when you are old and have dementia.

They all go to nursing homes anyway. In the end they dont give a shit.

There is no general answer to that question. It's different for each human being.

_____Cait posted...

People in here have really weird and sometimes dangerous advice or opinions

having kids depends on the person, circumstances, and partners involved. Thats it.

This.

_____Cait posted...

People in here have really weird and sometimes dangerous advice or opinions

having kids depends on the person, circumstances, and partners involved. Thats it.

Yes, absolutely. But can we all agree that having kids when you're in a shitty circumstance with shitty partners is horrible?

If you're making 30k a year with a partner that's addicted to alcohol, should you really be having kids? Just like my friend only grossing 60k a year, that's not enough income to responsibly support a child with even the basic necessities. Can you imagine growing up as a child not ever having the opportunity to go to Disneyland/world until you're in your 40s? I wouldn't want to do that to my kids.

TodorokiHayato posted...

Can you imagine growing up as a child not ever having the opportunity to go to Disneyland/world until you're in your 40s?

Is this satire?

Arcanine2009 posted...

This is such a weird take. I dated someone who thought this. Sure, no one asked to born. But life is a gift. If the parents are responsible, know they are doing, and take care of their kids and involved in their lives , life is worth living.

You say birthing kids is selfish, but think of how much time and resources are spent towards that child. It's selfish if you a parent who is an abusive asshole who isn't financially stable and isn't willing to take care of the child properly.

I don't care if people have kids or not. I'm on the fence myself, but I strongly disagree that having a child is "inherently selfish."

it is absolutely selfish, you can adopt one of the many many kids who need loving parents, without adding to the already increasing population, without bringing yet another person into this world with its fucked up economy and morals and stuff, definitely selfish

ai123 posted...

Is this satire?

Do you not realize how expensive a trip to Disneyland is? If you grew up with no social mobility, you better believe you'll be working dead end jobs until you finally have enough saved up. By that time you're a mid manager at some chain restaurant and you finally have a week off after gritting 20 years of your life through sleepless nights, and unpaid overtime.

TodorokiHayato posted...

Do you not realize how expensive a trip to Disneyland is? If you grew up with no social mobility, you better believe you'll be working dead end jobs until you finally have enough saved up. By that time you're a mid manager at some chain restaurant and you finally have a week off after gritting 20 years of your life through sleepless nights, and unpaid overtime.

Is this satire?

(The idea that a child cannot have a worthwhile, happy life in a loving home without going to Disneyland before they hit 40 is absurd).