Current Events > Am I wrong to be pissed off about my mom on this cruise?

(+) Yeah! (+)

On a cruise right now. Spent what we would normally spend on our normal yearly international trip pre-child, and got a two-floor loft, specifically a star loft suite on Royal Caribbean.

Originally, it was myself, my wife, and our 16 month old child. I asked if my mom wants to come with us for free (since she can use the sofa-bed on the first floor and adding a 4th person to a single room didnt add much cost) and help us watch her grandchild to give us some alone time (outside of the daycare hours), and she agreed.

Its day 3 of 8 now, and she has literally never watched our child. She has mostly just been sleeping or lounging in the suite all day (while our baby is in daycare so we cant even get intimate upstairs), and if not sleeping/lounging in the suite, out and about on the ship alone (without taking, nor volunteering to take, our child). To get her out of the suite, I walked her out to our suite-only area on the pool deck, which had significantly less people than the normal area but she couldnt take the hint and said shell just stay in the suite.

She also seems to have zero interest in taking care of our child. All she does is sit, watch us take care of our child (like this morning, she just sat playing on her phone on a lounge chair in the living room and watched us do morning routine and feeding our child in the dining room, while exclaiming how cute our child is and asking when were going to go eat in the restaurant).

The only time she watches our child is when we put her to bed in the evening and then go out to do our stuff. First night, when my wife and I came back to our suite, our child was asleep in her crib and my mom was sleeping; no biggie. Last night, I got texts from her saying (literally)-
9:31- Baby crying about 30 min
9:37- Baby stopped crying
9:56- Baby crying again
10:05- Baby sleeping

After we got back to our room, I asked her what she did to console our child, and she said nothing- she was just telling me the sequence of events.

Im pretty pissed off. I got my mom whos literally not doing the one thing I asked her to do if she wanted to join us on the cruise and no intimacy time with my wife.

My wife says basically that I know my mom, and I shouldve know her to be like this, and I shouldnt be pissed off. Thoughts?

Lesson Learned though- this will be the last time I ever travel with my mom.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/7/2/AAdbDbAAE99k.jpg

Pic of where we are now (first port stop is Florida, in about 5 hours).

and help us watch her grandchild

I'll be pissed If I brought a baby on a yacht

Yikes. Sounds terrible TC. If your mom has a history of not helping i dont see why you would expect it to change. Although you did ask her specifically as a condition to her coming. Have you not been asking her straight up enough or just assuming she will volunteer herself to help?

Lol your own fault for inviting her. Like she is literally the woman who brought you into this world let her enjoy her vacation. What kind of person brings their own Mother on a vacation then is like nope Mom no fun for you watch our baby while we have fun sounds kind of selfish.

Instead of bringing a baby on a vacation they won't remember, you should have dumped the kid with your mom back at home.

You cucked yourself

Priere posted...

Instead of bringing a baby on a vacation they won't remember, you should have dumped the kid with your mom back at home.

You cucked yourself

Clearly he shouldn't have, as the baby would probably be dead by now

Maybe pay a babysitter to come with you next time. Nice of you to invite your mom....not so nice to expect her to take care of your child if you hadn't made that clear to her when you invited her. Just chill and enjoy your trip WITH your child.

R1masher posted...

and help us watch her grandchild

I intentionally used grandchild to her, so my mom can better associate this.

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

Yikes. Sounds terrible TC. If your mom has a history of not helping i dont see why you would expect it to change. Although you did ask her specifically as a condition to her coming. Have you not been asking her straight up enough or just assuming she will volunteer herself to help?

Never asked her for help in the past 16 months. We usually ask my in laws, and theyre fantastic. We wouldve paid for a balcony room for them to join us, but they get terribly sea sick and didnt want to come. Ive asked her directly- can you leave the room? and she does, but comes back after like 10 minutes because she just wants to sleep/lounge in our suite; can you take our daughter out, to which she says sure, but just continued to sit and do nothing.

Quicksilver posted...

Lol your own fault for inviting her. Like she is literally the woman who brought you into this world let her enjoy her vacation. What kind of person brings their own Mother on a vacation then is like nope Mom no fun for you watch our baby while we have fun sounds kind of selfish.

I literally asked her to do this before we left. We have 6 hours of day care every day on board; the rest, we wanted to do a split- some her, some us but its been all us, and during day care time, my mom is just in the suite so we cant even do anything in our suite. Its god damn annoying.

Priere posted...

Instead of bringing a baby on a vacation they won't remember, you should have dumped the kid with your mom back at home.

You cucked yourself

I actually wanted to leave our child with the in laws, and the in laws were volunteering, but my wife wanted to bring our child. Honestly, it isnt too bad with the on-board daycare.

SweetNut_Farm posted...

Maybe pay a babysitter to come with you next time. Nice of you to invite your mom....not so nice to expect her to take care of your child if you hadn't made that clear to her when you invited her. Just chill and enjoy your trip WITH your child.

I did make it clear, and we have daycare on board the ship. Im more pissed off at no privacy any time because shes in the room all day (wont go out, which is unexpected), and did literally nothing watching our child last night.

"Mom. I need you out of the room for a few hours so I can rail my wife. Here's a hundred bucks, go get plastered."

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/8/4/AAdbDbAAE99w.jpg
Literally just standing and watching outside while my wife and I are in the bed (child is at daycare).

We were on a nice Royal Caribbean cruise a few months ago on the Voyager of the Seas. Went with another couple, got the smallest cabins possible, left the kids with the grandparents, and got the unlimited drink package and got plastered.

I try to never take it for granted that my parents are moderately healthy for 60 something's and actually enjoy playing and doing crafts with my 3 kids.

I would be pissed if I invited a family member for a free cruise and they didn't do anything to return the favor. Maybe she's depressed or anxious?

By the way TC, have you been to Chops Grille yet? It was probably the best dining experience I've had since I've been married. It's by far the best restaurant on the ship.

kelemvor posted...

By the way TC, have you been to Chops Grille yet? It was probably the best dining experience I've had since I've been married. It's by far the best restaurant on the ship.

Yes we did, last night! The funniest thing to me was the truffled French fries, which was just normal French fries lol

Just tell your mom that you're going on a date with your wife so can she watch the baby? Then rail her anywhere you can think of

Ditch your mom in Florida.

IdiotMachine posted...

My wife says basically that I know my mom, and I shouldve know her to be like this, and I shouldnt be pissed off. Thoughts?

This was my thought before I even finished the story because none of this behaviour seems like it would just come out of no where, so I have to agree with your wife. You brought this on yourself.

IdiotMachine posted...
IdiotMachine posted...

Yes we did, last night! The funniest thing to me was the truffled French fries, which was just normal French fries lol

Yeah I had the steak and Yukon gold mashed potatoes. Oh and a wedge salad that might have been the best I've ever had.

If you go there for lunch they have burgers. Other than Chops, the regular Windjammer food was pretty good for what it was. It was my first Royal Caribbean cruise.

Tanthalas posted...

Ditch your mom in Florida.

This

ArchNemo posted...

This was my thought before I even finished the story because none of this behaviour seems like it would just come out of no where, so I have to agree with your wife. You brought this on yourself.

Thats true. She was always negligent / not there when I was growing up.

kelemvor posted...

Yeah I had the steak and Yukon gold mashed potatoes. Oh and a wedge salad that might have been the best I've ever had.

If you go there for lunch they have burgers. Other than Chops, the regular Windjammer food was pretty good for what it was. It was my first Royal Caribbean cruise.

This is our first cruise, period! Were eating at Coastal Kitchen mostly, and that place is pretty good.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/9/8/AAdbDbAAE99-.jpg

Still just standing there. Were going out, screw this.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

?

Sorry your mom wasn't there for you as a kid that was wrong.. However in this case you should have expressly stated that you wanted her there for child car and work something out first. From her POV you invited her to this trip. Then you are throwing the child on her.

I feel like you should know you mother, and should of known this was likely to happen.

I feel ya being upset, but is it really all that surprising?

cjsdowg posted...

Sorry your mom wasn't there for you as a kid that was wrong.. However in this case you should have expressly stated that you wanted her there for child car and work something out first. From her POV you invited her to this trip. Then you are throwing the child on her.

Nah, I was pretty clear I wanted her to take care of the child on occasion. I did not expect her to just stay in the suite most of the time though, so we have no privacy at all.

1) don't bring a baby on a cruise
2) don't invite some wet towel 3rd party on a cruise to crash on your sofa lol

Really living up to the username.

lilORANG posted...

1) don't bring a baby on a cruise
2) don't invite some wet towel 3rd party on a cruise to crash on your sofa lol

Really living up to the username.

Except overnight, having a baby on a cruise really doesnt seem that bad, because of daycare.

Be sure to let your mother know you took pics of her while her back was turned so you could s*** talk her to strangers on a video game site.

Devilanse333 posted...

Be sure to let your mother know you took pics of her while her back was turned so you could s*** talk her to strangers on a video game site.

Sure, she wont give a shit.

IdiotMachine posted...

My wife says basically that I know my mom, and I shouldve know her to be like this, and I shouldnt be pissed off. Thoughts?

There's your answer. What made you think international waters would have her change her ways?

You're basically saying "I took my uncle, who a degenerate gambler and alcoholic to Las Vegas with me, but told him not to gamble and drink. Can you believe he's drinking the first night there?"

You brought your mother on a cruise just to be a babysitter. A cruise where she's not allowed to go out during the evenings and have any fun herself.

Why didn't you just drop of your kid at your mothers house? She should be pissed off at you.

I just kind of always assume that there's going to be no intimacy time when traveling with family, and be delightfully surprised when there is. In 20 years of marriage with regular (yearly, ish) family travel, I have yet to be surprised.

There are usually a lot of events on-board. Could you sign her up for something that wouldn't be weird for you to not attend? Are you attending any events *with* her? It's one thing to say "yes, that sounds like a good deal", and it's another to get there and realize that you're a compensated baby sitter; might not be sitting well.

Do you have any excursions booked, assuming you're hitting destinations outside of the US? Make sure she knows (and you two also) that you need to be back on-ship at the right time because they *will not wait for you*.

Kajagogo posted...

You brought your mother on a cruise just to be a babysitter. A cruise where she's not allowed to go out during the evenings and have any fun herself.

Why didn't you just drop of your kid at your mothers house? She should be pissed off at you.

Plan was for her to have 4 nights and us to have 4 nights. Hell, during the day, she just stays in and sleeps.

Ask Reddit if youre the asshole. Theyll know.

SaikyoStyle posted...

Ask Reddit if youre the asshole. Theyll know.

If woman- 95% NTA. If man- 95% YTA.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I didnt think itd be this bad. I was expecting her to not take care of our child, which is why were doing daycare and only relegating her to each her in the evenings while shes sleeping for half the cruise (4 nights, and other 4 = whatever she wants to do in the evening).

I also expected during day time, shed be out and with our child in daycare, we have some privacy in our suite.

But literally nope for both cant believe I cant trust my mom with watching my child while my child sleeps. Like come on

IdiotMachine posted...

But literally nope for both cant believe I cant trust my mom with watching my child while my child sleeps. Like come on

"Can't believe I couldn't trust my 4 days sober alcoholic brother to keep 6 cases of scotch in his basement for me"

How are you STILL not figuring this out?

IdiotMachine posted...

My wife says basically that I know my mom, and I shouldve know her to be like this, and I shouldnt be pissed off. Thoughts?

Well, yeah, my thought is your wife is completely correct. You are acting like her behavior is completely alien to you, but this was literally the person who gave birth to you. You should have a fair idea of what she is all about.

No use being pissed off about it TC. Just go out and enjoy the ship while your kid is in daycare and spend the evenings in the suite. That's what you would have had to do anyway if you hadn't brought your mom along.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Nah, that's AzNDarkSamurai that always complains about his family vacations. And that's on a beach resort that his in-laws pick.

NoxObscuras posted...

No use being pissed off about it TC. Just go out and enjoy the ship while your kid is in daycare and spend the evenings in the suite. That's what you would have had to do anyway if you hadn't brought your mom along.

But we can be intimate

Lesson learned.

Next time, spend an extra grand and get Mom a low-level room of her own, or don't invite her and spend the cruise the way you've spent cruises in the past. Get your jollies while the kid is in daycare.

IdiotMachine posted...

But we can be intimate

Try having sex to see if your mom leaves.

bigblu89 posted...

Lesson learned.

Next time, spend an extra grand and get Mom a low-level room of her own, or don't invite her and spend the cruise the way you've spent cruises in the past. Get your jollies while the kid is in daycare.

This is our first ever cruise, but yes- never inviting my mom.

Tanthalas posted...

Try having sex to see if your mom leaves.

haha