Current Events > Woman leaves BF because his cancer hurt her mental health

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://youtu.be/yWCaHRV32YY

As someone who is the primary care giver of a partner who is very sick, I get it. I get that some people are just not strong enough to take care of another.

I don't understand why she gets interviewed for it and acts as if she is doing something worthy of attention. It feels like the interview and the story is designed to just get clicks and bum people out.

I feel bad for her and all the hate she will get. I feel bad for him and all the publicity he will now get for being sick. Like... none of this benefits anyone besides the clicks the site will get.

Capitalism wins. That's it.

Arcanine2009 posted...

It's true that you aren't obligated. But what if it was your spouse?

Still not evil for being incapable of handling the stress. People who are sick need support, but it's extremely difficult to support someone going through cancer. Not everybody is capable of it. I wouldn't leave someone I loved in that situation, but I understand why some people would. I've had several family members go through some very serious medical issues, some fatal and some not, and I wouldn't wish that strain on anybody.

Sickness sucks, but it doesn't always have to take two people down with it.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

Yes you would. And some of us did.

Not nearly as often.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Not nearly as often.

But you still would. It's not like love and marriage were perfect at any point in human history. I will say that nowadays it feels like people are more willing to end long-term relationships just because dating apps and social media have started a culture of replaceability.

But if you view your partner as 'easily replaced' then you're probably with the wrong person...or, more likely, they are with the wrong person.

Second worst Epstein to ever live right here folks.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Something similar actually happened to my brother's friend. He had a brain tumor and ihe got got taken out. But it affected his speech. It took a while for him to recover. He needed help obviously. But his wife at the time couldn't take it and left him. He is now married to another woman who used to have cancer as well and they have a kid.

This generation is fucked I swear. You wouldn't see this with our parents generation.

It's true that you aren't obligated. But what if it was your spouse?

My mom and I was there for my dad when he got brain cancer and to the very end at least.. It's not easy by any means.

Might just be a generational thing as well. Our generation are not as mentally strong and won't work through as many hardships as our parents.

First of all that is good in some ways. Recognizing limits is important. There are times when you need to push past or seek further help to keep going though and sometimes you need to work to make your limits higher.

Second hmm if a generation turned out that way...probably has a lot to do with the parenting and overall descions of the proceeding generation.

People whine about the generation THEY RAISED. Should've done a better job parenting and with everything else then. Lie in the bed you made or fix the shit you and your own parents broke.

It's weird seeing someone romanticize the marriages of the generation with the highest divorce rate.

Saying I cant handle this mentally taxing situation to your partner whos dealing with stage 4 brain cancer is fucking weak.

Im not saying mental health isnt important - but at that particular moment, someone who you supposedly cared about or love is dealing with literal death, you have to put your mental taxation on hold. Because either that person is going to live or die within a brief window.

You decided to date that individual prior to that diagnosis and then when it happens you dip?

thats part of committing to someone. And she should receive every bit of scorn that comes her way.

Be selfish but why advertise it? smh

Look, I'm not going to fault someone for their reasons for leaving their partner.

But holy shit, I will fault someone for trying to get brownie points by publicly patting herself on the back for doing a run for the dude she dumped. Just stfu, asshole.

boxoto posted...

everyone has their limits, and she found hers.

I don't think she's a bad person, but she could have phrased that a little better.

This

I feel like people talking shit haven't experienced either

1. Relationships
2. Serious illness.

Relationships were a mistake

chrono625 posted...

Saying I cant handle this mentally taxing situation to your partner whos dealing with stage 4 brain cancer is fucking weak.

Im not saying mental health isnt important - but at that particular moment, someone who you supposedly cared about or love is dealing with literal death, you have to put your mental taxation on hold. Because either that person is going to live or die within a brief window.

You decided to date that individual prior to that diagnosis and then when it happens you dip?

thats part of committing to someone. And she should receive every bit of scorn that comes her way.

Pretty much.

chrono625 posted...

Saying I cant handle this mentally taxing situation to your partner whos dealing with stage 4 brain cancer is fucking weak.

Im not saying mental health isnt important - but at that particular moment, someone who you supposedly cared about or love is dealing with literal death, you have to put your mental taxation on hold. Because either that person is going to live or die within a brief window.

You decided to date that individual prior to that diagnosis and then when it happens you dip?

thats part of committing to someone. And she should receive every bit of scorn that comes her way.

Well they were dating, not married. How much commitment does she actually owe? And who's to say how long he'll live? You say it's a short while but it could end up being years. Not to mention she is still experiencing mental/emotional trauma by watching someone she cares about dying in front of her. It's not nearly as simple nor easy as you seem to think.

Not an asshole. It sucks, but I will not fault anyone for recognizing they're in over their head and taking steps to fix that, even if the cause is a debilitating disease

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Damn, what a cool bro

lolife67 posted...

Well they were dating, not married. How much commitment does she actually owe? And who's to say how long he'll live? You say it's a short while but it could end up being years. Not to mention she is still experiencing mental/emotional trauma by watching someone she cares about dying in front of her. It's not nearly as simple nor easy as you seem to think.

not married, at least stick around for support then whatever happens you make that decision after. Not during. Its quite simple - youre able to make that decision but be prepared for the consequences.

But commitments happen when you agree to be in a relationship. Obviously marriage is a promise and vow, but if I was serious for two years with a partner and everything was great UNTIL they got sick and I decided to bounce then I cant complain if people call me out.

if he makes a recovery you tell him - hey while you were going through this ordeal, it took a huge toll on me and I dont believe Im the right person to be your partner in case it happens again.

Boom, done. You dont look like an asshole and you still supported your partner in a time of need.

and I said short while within the context of the guy in the story had stage 4 brain cancer which its a live or die scenario where many people dont live.

and unfortunately sickness and death is a part of everyones life. This woman couldnt handle the mental stress of being with someone who was dealing with cancer. I hope she stays single forever cause she admitted all she needs to about her potential commitment abilities.

Sadly all too common. I don't hate her for that, as it's just human nature. We don't want to attach to something that has a low chance of survival and a normal life. Takes a very strong person to be willing to do that, and most people aren't.

chrono625 posted...

not married, at least stick around for support then whatever happens you make that decision after. Not during. Its quite simple - youre able to make that decision but be prepared for the consequences.

Why? She can be supportive as a friend. She's not obligated to be more than that. And what decision are you talking about? Again, being in a monogamous relationship doesn't equate to agreeing to stay with someone while they're dying. That's what marriage vows are for. This isn't that. The rest of what you posted is predicated on this flawed reasoning you have, so no need to go further. I think you're being a bit naive on how bf/gf relationships actually work and are romanticizing them s great deal. It's not a forever commitment.

If you don't want to stay with someone with cancer, fine. you do you. we can debate the morality of that if we want. I think it's a bit of a dick move, but whatever.

But if you DO decide to leave them, you do not get to publicly parade their name around in some sick feel-good campaign that's clearly a ploy to fish for sympathy for yourself.

Like, what do you mean "running it in his honor?" You abandoned him to help yourself, and are now doing something functionally worthless for his "cause." Just own it.

Ok, so, why did she have to "leave" him? And make it some public thing?

It's not like they'd be fucking or anything. Just sit back quietly and wait for the inevitable?

DarkBuster22904 posted...

If you don't want to stay with someone with cancer, fine. you do you. we can debate the morality of that if we want. I think it's a bit of a dick move, but whatever.

But if you DO decide to leave them, you do not get to publicly parade their name around in some sick feel-good campaign that's clearly a ploy to fish for sympathy for yourself.

Like, what do you mean "running it in his honor?" You abandoned him to help yourself, and are now doing something functionally worthless for his "cause." Just own it.

LeoRavus posted...

Ok, so, why did she have to "leave" him? And make it some public thing?

Both comments nailed it.

/Topic

alphagamble posted...

2 years apparently

They werent married.

Married women tend to stay with partners though. But for the most part married men do not stay with sick wives.

DarkBuster22904 posted...

But if you DO decide to leave them, you do not get to publicly parade their name around in some sick feel-good campaign that's clearly a ploy to fish for sympathy for yourself.

Like, what do you mean "running it in his honor?" You abandoned him to help yourself, and are now doing something functionally worthless for his "cause." Just own it.

Well like I said earlier she can still be supportive as a friend, which considering he seems ok with it, is likely where she's coming from.

I'm actually finding this story very disturbing.

Imagine having an incurable disease and laying there dying. And one of the most important people in your life decides to abandon you, then makes a public spectacle of it.

I wish this nasty bitch nothing but the worst in life. I hope her mental health goes to absolute shit.

Aso, I'm not sure she's really at fault for promoting this story. It's not like she posted it on her timeline. A publication picked up the story and decided to run with it.

Brutal but

C_Pain posted...

There's nothing wrong with that.

Especially when not even being married.

lolife67 posted...

Well like I said earlier she can still be supportive as a friend, which considering he seems ok with it, is likely where she's coming from.

"I know I left you in order to help myself while you're dealing with stage 4 brain cancer, but I'll still tell people I'm doing it for you while completing a personal athletic milestone!"

"... thanks for your support..."

DarkBuster22904 posted...

"I know I left you in order to help myself while you're dealing with stage 4 brain cancer, but I'll still tell people I'm doing it for you while completing a personal athletic milestone!"

"... thanks for your support..."

That's exactly what he basically feels, though. So if he's good with it then that's what matters. And none of us know the actual conversation they had, so no need to be hyperbolic.

If she moved on that would be one thing. But then Running a race for him and letting people know. Come on people that is a being an asshole.

cjsdowg posted...

But then Running a race for him and letting people know.

"For" him.

She's a marathon runner. they train extensively for this shit. She'd have been there running one way or another. It's not like she's soliciting donations, doing fundraising, tying herself to some cancer fund, or anything else. He gets literally nothing out of this. It's a worthless gesture to make herself feel better.

I don't really see a problem with any of this outside of it being a news story.

I feel she isn't obligated to stick by him because of his condition and leaving to protect their mental health is valid. I would even say this if they were married.

I don't even feel like running a marathon in his honor is a bad thing. Maybe she can't mentally handle taking care of him but wanted to raise awareness for his condition and if this were in the US it would also serve as a function to raise money to help pay for medical treatments.

The fact this is a news story is kinda out there, but otherwise I don't actually see what the big deal is. The root of it is, nobody is obligated to stick by somebody because their mental health is taking a nose dive. I can't blame somebody for wanting out.

I guess some factors we dont know like how long they were together for or how he treated her is pretty important. Her bragging about it and making herself sound like a victim is a real bitch move though.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Might just be a generational thing as well. Our generation are not as mentally strong and won't work through as many hardships as our parents.

Our parents generation has left our generation prime for climate disaster, financial disaster, and political disaster. Millennials and Gen Z are going to see far more hardships than our parents.

Supersex420 posted...

This is incredibly normal for relationships and illness

No, it's not

So she's running a marathon for this guy and is a bad person?

I understand that it's taxing on your mental health to deal with a partner who's got a debilitating disease, but fuck this chick. She essentially took his illness and is saying "sure, he's suffering, but what about ME?"

Slay, queen. Don't let men hold you back.

Can you imagine a man getting cancer just to try to manipulate sympathy out of you? Glad she wised up and left that asshole.

Seeking attention is wrong, but don't get why people in relationships aren't allowed to let sickness affect their relationship. Mentally taxing issues test relationships and break them? Should it be wrong to end any relationship since there are always people with bigger issues than you're facing?

I'm not saying it's good to break up or that no one sick deserves a partner, just that it's completely sensible that such a major event could break a relationship. Relationships don't only end because one person hurt the other.

chrono625 posted...

not married, at least stick around for support then whatever happens you make that decision after. Not during. Its quite simple - youre able to make that decision but be prepared for the consequences.

But commitments happen when you agree to be in a relationship. Obviously marriage is a promise and vow, but if I was serious for two years with a partner and everything was great UNTIL they got sick and I decided to bounce then I cant complain if people call me out.

if he makes a recovery you tell him - hey while you were going through this ordeal, it took a huge toll on me and I dont believe Im the right person to be your partner in case it happens again.

Boom, done. You dont look like an asshole and you still supported your partner in a time of need.

and I said short while within the context of the guy in the story had stage 4 brain cancer which its a live or die scenario where many people dont live.

and unfortunately sickness and death is a part of everyones life. This woman couldnt handle the mental stress of being with someone who was dealing with cancer. I hope she stays single forever cause she admitted all she needs to about her potential commitment abilities.

This is legit unhinged

You believe women have to stay with men like their pets even if they are unhappy and miserable in the relationship?

And if they don't do that then they deserve to be single forever?

What is this? 1876?

Sure there's a case to be made if they are married or have children or have been together for decades and live together

But no you absolutely do not have to stay in a relationship that is harming both yourself and your partner because it's making you both miserable, tense, stresed and suffering out of perverted sense of "The Right Thing To Do"

You remind me so much of the Irish Couple from Father Ted:

https://youtu.be/yTn6c1NMxjM

That's not how healthy relationships work....

Basic communication is the most important thing of all

I hope she sees hell one day

Dude is pretty young to have cancer.

Makes me think I'm immortal.

I eat, smoke and drink like shit.

Nothing is bothering me.

Covid doesn't even have a chance.

Coime and try to take me down.

PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

Dude is pretty young to have cancer.

Makes me think I'm immortal.

I eat, smoke and drink like shit.

Nothing is bothering me.

Covid doesn't even have a chance.

Coime and try to take me down.

You sound unprepared for the reality of immortality to strike >_>

PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

I eat, smoke and drink like shit.

Stop.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

You sound unprepared for the reality of immortality to strike >_>

Look... I haven't been vaxed for anything since 1982.

PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

Look... I haven't been vaxed for anything since 1982.

Im so confused lol. Im not on eother end of the vaccine stuff. People can do what they feel best for them. When children get involved, it gets a lil rocky. But that's a different rabbithole.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Im so confused lol. Im not on eother end of the vaccine stuff. People can do what they feel best for them. When children get involved, it gets a lil rocky. But that's a different rabbithole.

Don't have any children or anyone to care about.

I'm just here.

PrettyBoyFloyd posted...

Don't have any children or anyone to care about.

I'm just here.

I felt that way until I got super involved with the younger members of my family. Now I live for them