Current Events > Old Simpsons jokes you remember randomly, Part 2

(+) Yeah! (+)

HylianFox posted...

COMPU-GLOBAL-HYPER-MEGANET

"Internet King? Perhaps he could provide me with faster nudity..."

In my daily life I regularly quote Comic Book Guy saying 'hurry up, I'm a busy man!' *long big gulp sip*

masterpug53 posted...

In my daily life I regularly quote Comic Book Guy saying 'hurry up, I'm a busy man!' *long big gulp sip*

"Can I have some money now?"

"I don't believe it, Jerry Springer couldn't solve our problem."

"And now he is dead."

RIP

This should provide adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon.

Hello, Id like to speak with a Mr. Snotball. First name, Eura.

Youre a snotball?

What?! How dare you! If I find out who this is, Ill staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

*gasp* You can't use the word "sex" on the internet!

RIP Jerry Springer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A34tKMBoiyU

"Aahhh, you can't get a good sarsaparilla like this back in Springfield. It angries up the blood!"

"You like it, huh?"

"UP YOURS!!!"

"Sounds like you're in love with a girl named Mindy... or a guy named Andy."

"What time and how burnt?"

Merely quoting this scene does it no justice so I'll just link it.

https://youtu.be/3N_JVMUj-VY

"And now, the final ordeal: The Paddling of the Swollen Ass...With Paddles!"

"Marge, could you close your eyes? I'm trying to sleep."

Bart: Principal Skinner?
Skinner: Up yours, Children!

Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!

in honor of yet another Writer's Guild strike

Mmmm, 52 slices of American cheese.

"Conga conga conga! We love Monty Burns more! Conga like you mean it! Please don't make me shock you!"

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!"

"I'm rowing as fast as I can."

"No, I'm having one!"

FOX News: Not Racist, but #1 with Racists!

If you have a moment I can explain.

Well....

https://youtu.be/gmBj8r1-fDo

Kid: My sodie is too cold. My teef hurt!
Moe: Aw, your "teef" hurt, huh, your "teef" hurt? Well that's TOO FREAKIN' BAD, you hear me? I'll tell you where you can stick your freaking "sodie" too!
Rod: Ow, my freakin' ears!
Maude: Oh, let's go dear.
Ned: Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's, but not here!

"The elderly aren't like you or me, Bart. They thrive on consistency, predictability, and a life of no surprises!"

Hello, Mr. Kurns. I bad want money now. Me sick.

Trevor_Belmont posted...

Hello, Mr. Kurns. I bad want money now. Me sick.

Ooh, he cards reads good!

Danger! Danger! My hooks are flailing wildly!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/2/3/9/AABGtnAAEcuf.jpg

When I was a pup we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

"Very well. Now I must return to my store, where I dispense insults rather than absorb them."

My beard! I broke my beard!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/8/5/AABGtnAAEdB9.jpg

"So that's what's been wrong with the little fella: he misses casual sex!"

"There was nothing in Al Capone's vault; But It wasn't Geraldo's fault"

"Bay-bee on Board,
Something, something...Burt Ward!

This song writes itself!"

"Saxo-ma-PHOOOOONE!!! Saxo-ma-PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNE!!!"

"Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it!"

"Well, look at the wonders of the computer age now!"
"Wonders, Lisa? Or blunders?"
"I think that was implied by what I said."
"Implied, Lisa? Or implode?"

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.

"Uh, Chief, what about those coleslaw punks?"
"Well I can't be everywhere at once Lou, now can I? Y'know in most cities, the chief of police doesn't even go out on calls like these!"
"Yeah, yeah, we know, Chief."
"We appreciate it."
"We count our blessings every day."

"TELEVISION!!! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... come, family. Let us bask in television's warm glowing warming glow..."

"I... have a bomb!"

"Wait a minute... those are hot dogs. Armour Hot Dogs!"

"What kind of man wears Armour Hot Dogs?"

Springfield cops are on the take, but what do you expect for the money we make?

Whether in a car or on a horse, we don't mind using excessive force!

Nooooo!
Noooooooo!!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Lisa: But I didnt see any aliens!
Air Force Officer: Thats right, missyou didnt. (Guy behinds him lowers syringe)

"Mr. Vice President...someone finally bought a copy of your book, sir!"

Every time I'm talking to someone and we're arguing some fact I'll go "they have the internet on computers now" and look it up.

Well, John Q. Driveway has our number. Now we play the waiting game.

...

...

Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!

"Gentleman, we've got to sink this Lisa Lionheart doll, and fast! It's time to call in a favor from Washington."
[Washington D.C.]
"Yes, yes...I understand. I'll take care of it personally."
[drives by Simpsons home, chucks brick at their front door, chuckles maniacally]
...
"Our one effort to put a stop to this has failed miserably!"

theAteam posted...

Every time I'm talking to someone and we're arguing some fact I'll go "they have the internet on computers now" and look it up.

I've posted this one before, but:

"The internet!? That thing still around?"

"So, should I meditate? Should I give up my possessions?"
*snarls* "Are you kidding?! If anything, you should have more possessions! You don't even have a computer."

"Remember, leaves of three, let it be."
"Leaves of four, eat some more, heh heh heh."