Current Events > Old Simpsons jokes you remember randomly, Part 2

(+) Yeah! (+)

(After Bart asks for a new bike)
Homer: A 10-speed bike? What'd your mother say?
Bart: She said yes.
Marge: I said no!
Homer: I'm confused, which is it?
Marge: It's no!

jimmyjones69 posted...

"Mr Simpson your silence will only incriminate you further!"

Anything from the Homer Badman episode was pure gold. Shit still makes me laugh.

The clock hands moving with the splices always gets me in that scene

IfGodCouldDie posted...

What'd you just say chief?

Do what the kid said

The absurdity of the (early) Simpsons never fails;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHxH3MJKU_E

"Captain's Log: Stardate 6051. Had trouble sleeping last night... my hiatal hernia is acting up... the ship is drafty and damp... I complain but nobody listens..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1gO-Pf18Yg

Again with the Klingons.

"Smithers, who is this gastropod?"

(alternately)

"Smithers, who was that corpse?"

First, I'll just reach in and pull my legs out. Now I'll pull my arms out with my face.

"Is everything okay? You look a bit flushed."
"Oh, it's just the excitement of studying Jebediah."
Sounds like you've come down with a serious case of Jebeditis."
"Just when I was getting over my Chester A. Arthritis."
*both laugh*
'Did You had arthritis?"
"Um... no."

Also:
"Get out! You're banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children's children!

...for three months."

That's a lie! I'm an antiquarian, dammit!

"Let's make litter out of these literati!"
"That's too clever, you're one of them!"

WilliamPorygon posted...

"Is everything okay? You look a bit flushed."
"Oh, it's just the excitement of studying Jebediah."
Sounds like you've come down with a serious case of Jebeditis."
"Just when I was getting over my Chester A. Arthritis."
*both laugh*
'Did You had arthritis?"
"Um... no."

Also:
"Get out! You're banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children's children!

...for three months."

Donald Sutherland's guest spot is an underrated gem, for sure.

"Hey! Stop! I've got nothing but respect for the office of town crier, but this is well outside your jurisdiction!"

"We worked so hard, and now it's all gone. We ended up with nothing because the three of us can't share."
"What's your point?"
"Nothing. Just kinda ticks me off."

*Upon Lisa getting a new cat*

Lisa: I'm keeping you! You're Snowball V. But to save money on a new dish, we'll just call you Snowball II and pretend this whole thing never happened.
Skinner: That's really a cheat, isn't it?
Lisa: I guess you're right... Principal Tamzarian.
Skinner: I'll just be moving along, Lisa. Snowball II.

"Here you go, you ingrate! Think of me when you're having the best sex of your life!"

"I sleep in a racing car! Do you?"

"I sleep in a big bed with my wife."

"Oh. Yeah."

Villain_S_Fiend posted...

"I sleep in a racing car! Do you?"

"I sleep in a big bed with my wife."

"Oh. Yeah."

So after 20 years, that's it? So long, good luck?

gmanthebest posted...

So after 20 years, that's it? So long, good luck?

I don't recall saying "good luck"

Smithers: I've got to find a replacement who won't outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word "incompetent".
*714 matches found*
Smithers: 714 names? Better be more specific. Lazy, clumsy, dim-witted, monstrously ugly.
*714 matches found*
Smithers: Ah nuts to this. I'll just get Homer Simpson.

"Bart I'm scared! Let's get outta here!"
"Shut up!"
(Slaps guy)
"Where do you want it Skinner!?"
(Spits on Bart)
"Not smart."
(Shoots several times)

Ustwis J Uowo.

Chief, you're speaking into your wallet.

(absolutely not spelled correctly or word for word)

Class, please! If you don't learn Roman numerals, you'll never know the date certain motion pictures were copyrighted.

"Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"

"Donny!"
"What?"
"Did you see a man being chased by some young hooligans?"
"I see lots of stuff."
"Did you see that?"
"...Yes."

"Excuse me, is this MAD Magazine?"
"No, It's Mademoiselle. We're buying our sign on the installment plan."

"What kind of slime would I marry?"

"i was gonna put buttresses in"
"gonna, wanna, shunna..."

"Shame on all of you, give me my dignity! I just came here to see Honk if You're Horny in peace!"

Pretty much anything that Phil Hartman's characters ever said, but this classic Lionel Hutz moment stands out from the crowd:

https://youtu.be/5yuL6PcgSgM

masterpug53 posted...

"Shame on all of you, give me my dignity! I just came here to see Honk if You're Horny in peace!"

"Hey fatty, I got a movie for ya! A Fridge Too Far!"

Flintstones Chewable Morphine

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/5/AAfcteAAEqtR.jpg https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/6/AAfcteAAEqtS.jpg

<CONTINUED>

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/7/AAfcteAAEqtT.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/9/AAfcteAAEqtV.jpg

Homer snoring and drooling
Lisa: Oh no! Dad's been drugged!!
Marge: annoyed No he hasn't!

"AHHHHH, MY EYE! The doctor said not to get pudding in it!"

The turkeys a little dry. The turkeys a little dry!!

C:/DOS
C:/DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN

oh, only one person in a million would find that funny.

yes, we call that the Dennis Miller Ratio

(also, is this joke itself a dennis miller ratio joke yet? all three of the references are decades old by now) (also also, i hate that this episode is marred by a random, pointless slur. why, fox; why?)

Medussa posted...

C:/DOS
C:/DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN

oh, only one person in a million would find that funny.

yes, we call that the Dennis Miller Ratio

(also, is this joke itself a dennis miller ratio joke yet? all three of the references are decades old by now) (also also, i hate that this episode is marred by a random, pointless slur. why, fox; why?)

Dennis Miller was the Tigris and Euphrates of Messopotamin references.

Comic Book Guy: Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulans... breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For me, much, much more.

Homer: "Mmmm~ Organized Crime." ... "That's-a nice-a donut."

Eastern European Car Salesman: She'll go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.

Homer: What country is this car from?

Eastern European Car Salesman: It no longer exists, but take her for a test drive, and you'll agree: 'Zagreb ebnom Zlotdik diev'! Put it in H!

*Homer runs after Ned's car T-1000 style*

Maude: "Come on, Ned! Move this thing!"

Ned: "I CAN'T! IT'S A GEO!!!"

Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.
Mr. Burns: I specifically said no geeks.
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool.
Mr. Burns: Next!

Acting Coach: "Up...and...ATOM!"
Wolfcastle: "Up and at them"
Acting Coach: "Up...and...ATOM!"
Wolfcastle: "Up and at them"
Acting Coach:......
Acting Coach: better....

"You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony! I will say good day to you, sir."

*Homer looks through scratch tickets with a flashlight while Apu is asleep*
"Loser... loser... loser... *gasp* $500?! Apu, wake up! I want to buy a Yodel and this lottery ticket! I have this much!"
"I'm sorry, but you do not have enough for both."
"Ooh... oh... oooh... Yodel."

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."

"Okay, Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"

"I don't know."