Current Events > Are you 30+ years old and still single?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Jesus Christ, what's up with you people? Y'all treat being 30+ like a death sentence to all things happiness-related. Most people don't even fully figure themselves out until they hit their 30s. Relax...you're still young.

TheOnionKnight posted...

It's probably pushing everyone away. In a dating context, if you're trying to attract a woman, what woman is going to want to hang out with a man who loathes half the population of the planet? That's so much negativity. You don't want to bring a dark cloud into a relationship, and this sounds like a very dark cloud.

Okay, you and no one else hear knows precisely how I behave in-person, but I don't exactly go around broadcasting a dislike of men. I do know how to keep in check, ya know.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Thanks for the callout! But when you pop into these threads, you usually put the rest of us to shame in terms of giving advice. You always have a great perspective, especially for being on the other side of it.

On the other hand, I always had the issue of dating below my own age since my divorce. But! I could get away with that because I was joining Meetup, doing activities, and going out meeting people, and it just so happened to be that most people who shared my interests and were single tended to be 5 to 15 years younger than me. I guess what I am trying to say is to be age agnostic. Age shouldn't matter, truly connecting with people is what matters.

So I will reiterate social networking (for everything in life) and being open to experiences and giving people chances. In the end, looks are secondary, especially if you aren't a male bombshell lol

Heartomaton posted...

Zero positive in-person experiences with them over my lifetime or at least none I can remember, tons of negative ones, and zero interest in risking more of the latter to find the former.

I mean... I kind of get where you're coming from. I can't stand interacting with the "dude bro" type of guys, so i actively avoid them. But vibing with fellow nerds is great.

Like, you seem like you get along with some of the guys here. Why not look for guys like that in person? It's not like you have to commit to keeping them in your life if you end up not liking them.

Not judging you either way, but I feel like it's worth suggesting.

Heartomaton posted...

Okay, you and no one else hear knows precisely how I behave in-person, but I don't exactly go around broadcasting a dislike of men. I do know how to keep in check, ya know.

I am sure it still clouds your thinking and therefore impacts your demeanor overall. I always call out men who generalize all women with negative thinking, so I guess I now need to do it for a man generalizing all men with negative thinking, which I have never seen before. I guarantee that your prejudices involving men are only true for a certain subset.

This specifically...

NoxObscuras posted...

I mean... I kind of get where you're coming from. I can't stand interacting with the "dude bro" type of guys, so i actively avoid them. But vibing with fellow nerds is great.

Yes, but then again I'm aro/ace so this is intentional.

This topic is kinda sad tbh. I dont like seeing so many dudes resigning to a life without companionship so damn young.

It really makes you realize how the whole redpill stuff latches on so easily.

I used to think the whole just find a hobby thing was fluff, but it honestly is true.

To the poster who said they dont get along with guys. I felt the same way for a while. I just liked befriending women way more. But as I encountered different types of dudes besides the ones in my immediate area, I realized it was certain type of guys I could not vibe with. Not dudes in general.

Might sound a bit ridiculous but I'm 26 and slowly starting to accept it. Yet at the same time so far, I've actually enjoyed my early 20's being single. I have tons of hobbies, athletic, and so so.......

I've just started entering the dating scene. It's been a week since I started using Tinder and I have basically 100 likes. Yet, that's from both men and women (mostly men... how depressing).

Plus.... 30 years old? That's still young imo.... lmao. That's not a doomsday number lel.

NoxObscuras posted...

I mean... I kind of get where you're coming from. I can't stand interacting with the "dude bro" type of guys, so i actively avoid them. But vibing with fellow nerds is great.

Like, you seem like you get along with some of the guys here. Why not look for guys like that in person? It's not like you have to commit to keeping them in your life if you end up not liking them.

Not judging you either way, but I feel like it's worth suggesting.

Still no interest whatsoever, nerds or not. And like I said before, I'm not in the market for friends, much less ones I don't actually have any desire to be around.

The only reasons I can get along with the guys here are because this is anonymous, not in-person, and I really don't see anyone here, myself included, as anything more than usernames that post messages. We're all amorphous grey blobs here, as far as I'm concerned.

Heartomaton posted...

Okay, you and no one else hear knows precisely how I behave in-person, but I don't exactly go around broadcasting a dislike of men. I do know how to keep in check, ya know.

Of course I don't know precisely how you behave in person. I only know what you're writing in this thread. But even the phrasing of "keeping it in check" is dubious. If you're harboring so much negativity, whether publicly or privately, it starts to shape your character and other people definitely pick up on it. And it does sound like you have a pretty negative outlook. (And that's setting aside the issue of how "men" is a super broad category, since there are countless different types of men with different personalities, and there's no reason to hate any gender or sex as a group.) This type of thinking tends to feed upon and reinforce itself. You can end up digging yourself into a hole without even realizing until you're way down there.

Obviously if you think this way now, you can't just flip a switch to think differently. And you probably have all sorts of life experience that led you to feel this way. And I'm just a random nobody on the internet, so it's not like my words are going to weigh that much for you. All I can say is that it sounds like an issue with deeper roots, that's probably connected to other things and has wider consequences than you might notice. So I'd really try to keep a more open mind.

I get a lot of missed matches in their early 40s who don't want kids but my profile states I do lol

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Of course. I was only broadening it to being open to a range of ages, and definitely including close to your own. Age agnostic, as I said, because people are more important than just age. Don't say, I like her/him, but too old/young for me. Unless extreme or illegal or something.

bsp77 posted...

I guess what I am trying to say is to be age agnostic. Age shouldn't matter, truly connecting with people is what matters.

I agree 100%! But I also go in the complete opposite direction as you. I'm 33 and the women I've been most attracted to this year have been ages 38, 40, 42 and 44 lol. I'd miss out on all of them if I limited myself to women my age.

RAAAWWWRRR posted...

I've just started entering the dating scene. It's been a week since I started using Tinder and I have basically 100 likes. Yet, that's from both men and women (mostly men... how depressing).

100 likes in a week is a ton though. You're doing better than most.

Heartomaton posted...

Still no interest whatsoever, nerds or not. And like I said before, I'm not in the market for friends, much less ones I don't actually have any desire to be around.

The only reasons I can get along with the guys here are because this is anonymous, not in-person, and I really don't see anyone here, myself included, as anything more than usernames that post messages. We're all amorphous grey blobs here, as far as I'm concerned.

Like I said, no judgement either way. Just trying to be constructive.

NoxObscuras posted...

I agree 100%! But I also go in the complete opposite direction as you. I'm 33 and the women I've been most attracted to this year have been ages 38, 40, 42 and 44 lol. I'd miss out on all of them if I limited myself to women my age.

Good for you! Enjoy your fine wine :)

Heartomaton posted...

Going out and doing shared interests with a mixed gender group of people is very much easier said than done when a major component of your social disorder is reflexively avoiding exactly that.

There's also the part where I loathe guys, and refuse to associate with them anywhere in-person. My interactions with guys consist entirely of online places like this board and WoW, and whenever I buy something and the cashier is one. Not interested in actually meeting or getting to know a single solitary one.

You should try out some more social outside hobbies...or find a DnD group. I feel like there is always people looking for members.

I'm not a huge fan of meetup groups unless they are for a specific hobby. A lot of idle chatter that goes nowhere otherwise.

Also guys are just humans...not sure why you are viewing us like aliens you have to put up living with loll

AP3Brain posted...

You should try out some more social outside hobbies...

I always say hiking is a good one

the proportion of single people is only gonna increase. that's just how the world is now. having kids sucks.... getting married isn't necessary like it used to be. all i'm sayin is, there's a good chance there's nothing wrong with you. the world is just different now.

AP3Brain posted...

You should try out some more social outside hobbies...or find a DnD group. I feel like there is always people looking for members.

I'm not a huge fan of meetup groups unless they are for a specific hobby. A lot of idle chatter that goes nowhere otherwise.

I don't like D&D, or outside activities in this Texas heat.

Also guys are just humans...not sure why you are viewing us like aliens you have to put up living with loll

Innumerable negative experiences from childhood to the present.

Heartomaton posted...

Texas

Problem identified! Lol

RAAAWWWRRR posted...

I've just started entering the dating scene. It's been a week since I started using Tinder and I have basically 100 likes.

Good lord... I can't even comprehend having that many likes... I've gotten like 2 in 5 years... and of course I fucked up on both of those before anything even began...

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


That's a product of failure, not a product of my goals.

random_man9119 posted...

Good lord... I can't even comprehend having that many likes... I've gotten like 2 in 5 years... and of course I fucked up on both of those before anything even began...

To be fair, he said most were men. I was thrilled when I could get about a dozen matches a week across like 3-4 apps. What worked out well for me is I could turn about a quarter of them into 1st dates.

Heartomaton posted...

That's a product of failure, not a product of my goals.

Having a girlfriend shouldn't be the be-all end-all to your sense of self-worth and purpose in life.

reb0rn posted...

Jesus Christ, what's up with you people? Y'all treat being 30+ like a death sentence to all things happiness-related. Most people don't even fully figure themselves out until they hit their 30s. Relax...you're still young.

I think 30 is a warning sign to get going especially if youre wanting to find a female companion

say youre 30, best chance to finding a female partner to settle down with would be around your age give or take - best chance unless you can settle down with someone in their 20s

thing is women in their 30 want to settle down asap as in getting married and have a kid or 2 within 1 year of finding and dating a guy

i see it all the time

Thing is are the guys ready to get married and have kids to a woman theyve only been seeing for less than a year?

A lot of guys will probably struggle to adjust their single life style theyve had in all their 20s into a relationship lifestyle in their 30s with a woman already to settle down within the first year

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


getting laid is harder for a single guy though

reb0rn posted...

Having a girlfriend shouldn't be the be-all end-all to your sense of self-worth and purpose in life.

Is though.

Heartomaton posted...

Is though.

why would it be?

bsp77 posted...

To be fair, he said most were men. I was thrilled when I could get about a dozen matches a week across like 3-4 apps. What worked out well for me is I could turn about a quarter of them into 1st dates.

The only app I've ever had likes (that weren't just bots) has been Tinder... and even then it's so minimal I might as well have not gotten anything...

Although, even if I got matches... They'd be a waste since I don't know how to start conversations... First like I took too long and they unmatched and I don't really remember what happened with the second one...

MrAndersonWb posted...

why would it be?

Because I decided it was when I was 8.

rexcrk posted...

Ive never tried to hide or be ashamed of who I am (which I was always told was the key to finding a romantic partner)

so like you know when you got an appointment with the cable guy and you clean your living room and shit but just shut your bedroom door instead of making the bed? cause i mean, who tf gonna let that cable guy in the bedroom?

thats what dating is like. you clean your public face, put your best foot forward, but you keep that mess hidden until youve felt each other out

MrAndersonWb posted...

why would it be?

not sure.

as your average single guy who wants to be in a relationship but isnt how often he gets laid. Then ask a girl in the same situation

random_man9119 posted...

The only app I've ever had likes (that weren't just bots) has been Tinder... and even then it's so minimal I might as well have not gotten anything...

Although, even if I got matches... They'd be a waste since I don't know how to start conversations... First like I took too long and they unmatched and I don't really remember what happened with the second one...

If you ever go back on the dating apps, I'd suggest starting out by asking about something in her profile. Either something she typed, or something in one of her pictures.

Good way to start her talking, while also showing that you looked at her profile.

Oubliettes posted...

but you keep that mess hidden until youve felt each other out

... and felt each other up!

Sorry, I am a 14yo sometimes...

I'm in a committed relationship that I somehow pratfalled into, and I STILL do single things.

reb0rn posted...

Having a girlfriend shouldn't be the be-all end-all to your sense of self-worth and purpose in life.

Yeah, the whole line of thinking is almost in reverse order. The self-worth should come before the girlfriend. Because that's what will attract a potential girlfriend. And "self-worth" can come from simply having a positive attitude. It doesn't need to be attached to money, status, career accomplishments, or anything like that. If you're fun to be around, then people will like being around you.

bsp77 posted...

Problem identified! Lol

Aw come on dude, I grew up from Texas and I got laid by the age of 17 in my senior year lol. Though it doesn't help that the weather in Texas is super shitty to go outside for.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Not at all, it was just the formulation of a goal.

Or that it would make you equipped to deal with the adversity that comes with a relationship?

No, the things that make me equipped for that are all the observations I've made and all the studying I've done on them. I did my due diligence, it just didn't help.

Like, I'm struggling to understand how you would handle a breakup with that thought process

Well it doesn't look like I'm ever going to have to cross that bridge, so don't waste energy thinking about it.

NoxObscuras posted...

If you ever go back on the dating apps, I'd suggest starting out by asking about something in her profile. Either something she typed, or something in one of her pictures.

Good way to start her talking, while also showing that you looked at her profile.

Honestly, I probably won't go back to any dating apps... I think I higher chance of winning the lottery than anything coming out fo using apps...

Prestoff posted...

Aw come on dude, I grew up from Texas and I got laid by the age of 17 in my senior year lol. Though it doesn't help that the weather in Texas is super shitty to go outside for.

Twas a joke! But, he was talking about his negative impressions of men, and depending on where in Texas, there are certainly some stereotypes that probably have a certain element of truth in some regions of the state.

Also, I grew up in Florida and I will be the first to throw insults that way too.

TheOnionKnight posted...

Yeah, the whole line of thinking is almost in reverse order. The self-worth should come before the girlfriend. Because that's what will attract a potential girlfriend. And "self-worth" can come from simply having a positive attitude. It doesn't need to be attached to money, status, career accomplishments, or anything like that. If you're fun to be around, then people will like being around you.

Bingo, too many single guys think that having a girlfriend or getting laid will somehow relieve them of feeling lonely. I think the reason many single guys feel that way is because they never got a chance to have a girlfriend for whatever reason like social anxiety towards the opposite sex or lack of self-esteem to do so. Working on yourself should absolutely be the first thing every guy should try to strive for first. The counterpoint I hear from guys who hate my advice about self-worth always say "but women don't have to work that hard to give themselves self-worth" and I answer them that they got their own shit to worry about that most men in their life probably would never deal with. There's no reason to play oppression Olympics and work with what you're given.

TheOnionKnight posted...

Yeah, the whole line of thinking is almost in reverse order. The self-worth should come before the girlfriend. Because that's what will attract a potential girlfriend. And "self-worth" can come from simply having a positive attitude. It doesn't need to be attached to money, status, career accomplishments, or anything like that. If you're fun to be around, then people will like being around you.

usually though it is tied to status/accomplishments

Sackgurl posted...

usually though it is tied to status/accomplishments

I always say rap is great because it started feats

Sackgurl posted...

usually though it is tied to status/accomplishments

I find it to be a circular thing, and you gotta celebrate the little accomplishments. A tiny accomplishment can lead to a tiny increase in self worth can lead to another tiny accomplishment...

After some time has passed, this can become significant.

For all you guys who are depressed about this shit-- I really feel for you. I've been fighting clinical depression pretty much my entire life.

But here's a little secret-- another person won't magically fix that.

You have to find ways to make yourself happy. Keeping active is the best way I've found, whether that be from hobbies, hanging out with friends, doing something physical, etc. Sitting around in front of the computer, fucking around here or at reddit or something-- that's just going to let the negativity build. Engage your mind in anything more productive and it will likely help.

As for the original question, I'm in my 40s now & I've got the perspective to realize that I prefer being single.

When the ladies I've been with have been (in order): abusive, manipulative liar, manipulative liar, manipulative liar, cheater, abusive, cheater... Yeah, I'm done with that shit. Sure, not everyone is an asshole, but I just really don't care that much anymore about trying to find someone. Seeing numerous male friends & family get fucked over by the divorce industry has also helped to kill my desire to ever get married.

Besides, I like being alone.

Sackgurl posted...

usually though it is tied to status/accomplishments

Not in my experience. I'm a fairly poor dude without a very high social status, but I've still been able to get a steady stream of fuck buddies over the years. And my girlfriend doesn't mind that I'm not pulling in tons of cash right now either, because we have fun together! That's really the main thing.