Current Events > Girl I was seeing the last few months just started flat out ghosting me.

(+) Yeah! (+)

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Cool. Well I acted like a player for a little over a year after my divorce, and so I wouldn't judge no matter what. I just ultimately found out that wasn't the lifestyle I wanted even though it was a shit ton of fun.

Honestly at work it was like old times, she even referenced a few in-jokes we have which was nice.

She made a few... weird comments that I'm unsure how to take. Like if I'm reading too much into them or not.

One was another coworker saying hi from across the studio. I turned around to wave and asked what, she said "just saying hi" and i laughed, the person i was seeing was with her and rounded a corner and deadpanned "i wasn't though" and i swear to god I thought i heard "suck it up" but I was a distance away and had turned around to grab something

Another was when we were looking at the sheets for today, my times were on there along with everyone else's. Someone had screwed up and had me leaving an hour early. I mentioned that out loud when she was standing next to me. We had a back and forth on it and she had made a comment about "they're trying to get you to leave... you gotta take the hint..."

The latter is probably me reading too much into it because since we got together it's been a recurring in-joke between us that I'm oblivious to a lot of stuff

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Now this I completely agree with

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She has a bit of an acidic sense of humor (well both of us) so you're probably right lol

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Yup. TC, you are way over analyzing everything. Which I get, because you want to know wtf is going on and fix it. But there's nothing to be gleaned there. Most likely too, there's nothing to fix because the three unanswered messages were her response to you and you can't fix someone else moving on. You can only fix you moving on.

Shamino posted...

there's nothing to fix because the three unanswered messages were her response to you and you can't fix someone else moving on.

The part that's just absolutely bizarre to me is that it was literally mid conversation where she stopped looking at them.

Like it'd make slightly more sense if it was after a lull in conversation.

Anyway, the way to go is definitely to focus on moving on.

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Very shitty feeling lol

Anyway, this topic was great. I appreciate the advice from everyone.

I'm still booting myself over sending those three post-NYE followup messages though but too late to undo I guess lol

Doom_Art posted...

Anyway, this topic was great. I appreciate the advice from everyone.

I'm still booting myself over sending those three post-NYE followup messages though but too late to undo I guess lol

I wouldn't let that bother you. Unless there were warning signs beforehand, you had no clue she was going to go silent on you. And to be honest, three seems the right amount of messages to send. One or even two could be accidentally ignored, but three really can't.

Eh my only worry is I got too needy with follow up #3

Um I really hate being "that guy", I usually don't send multiple messages like this, and I really hate bothering. I'm just kinda letting my prior experiences get the better of me I guess.

But is everything okay? Either with you alone or with us?

Like I know shit is going on and you've mentioned not feeling great with everything at work/the season.

I'm just rather confused and a bit lost here.

Doom_Art posted...

Eh my only worry is I got too needy with follow up #3

I wouldn't worry about it. Someone who doesn't respond to that isn't worth your time.

This is part of the reason that my advice has gone back and forth, because I simply feel that you can do better. Like is it even worth trying to get this person?

Doom_Art posted...

Eh my only worry is I got too needy with follow up #3

Nope. You got your answer. If she actually did want to continue the relationship, she would have answered. And in the offhand chance she playing games with you making you sweat, you really want to deal with that?

Honestly at this point you should of brought it up in person.

now youre gonna be depressed af work for months while not really forcing her hand

As an add on to what I am saying, I realize that you like her and I don't know if that's because of her wit or personality or looks or whatever, but this just doesn't seem right. I really liked my ex girlfriend from 2018 to 2020 and I still miss her in many ways because of everything I liked about her. However there were serious issues and these red flags popped up back at the beginning of our relationship, but I ignored them because I like so many things about her. Ultimately I had to break up with her because the issues were too much to handle. You are seeing those massive red flags now.

gamepimp12 posted...

Honestly at this point you should of brought it up in person.

now youre gonna be depressed af work for months while not really forcing her hand

There's no hand to force. Three unanswered messages scream loud and clear, IT'S OVER or I'M GONNA JERK YOU AROUND

<p> <span contenteditable="false">Shamino posted...</span> </p>

There's no hand to force. Three unanswered messages scream loud and clear, IT'S OVER or I'M GONNA JERK YOU AROUND

<p><br></p><p>its definitely a hand to force you can only get ghosted by someone you HAVE to see, if you let yourself get ghosted. </p><p><br></p><p>a simple, hey can we talk would of went along way here </p>

gamepimp12 posted...

<p></p><p><br></p><p>its definitely a hand to force you can only get ghosted by someone you HAVE to see, if you let yourself get ghosted. </p><p><br></p><p>a simple, hey can we talk would of went along way here </p>

He was ghosted on the personal aspect with this girl. Forcing her hand would make work uncomfortable for everyone.

bsp77 posted...

As an add on to what I am saying, I realize that you like her and I don't know if that's because of her wit or personality or looks or whatever, but this just doesn't seem right. I really liked my ex girlfriend from 2018 to 2020 and I still miss her in many ways because of everything I liked about her. However there were serious issues and these red flags popped up back at the beginning of our relationship, but I ignored them because I like so many things about her. Ultimately I had to break up with her because the issues were too much to handle. You are seeing those massive red flags now.

Honestly you're probably exactly right.

It's the issue of having built this relationship or whatever up in my head and the reality being such a disappointment. It's letting go of what it could be

Shamino posted...

He was ghosted on the personal aspect with this girl. Forcing her hand would make work uncomfortable for everyone.

And yeah the most I would ever ask at work is "how are you" or "what do you want me to do with your lotr box set"

Doom_Art posted...

Honestly you're probably exactly right.

It's the issue of having built this relationship or whatever up in my head and the reality being such a disappointment. It's letting go of what it could be

I really am sorry. I wish I could buy you a beer

jeff is entirely right about the behavior at work being a tell that the relationship part is done

if the contact disruption were a result of matters beyond her control there would be some attempt to clarify that, there has been none, and doom do his best to rewind to whatever they were before they were involved

you have zero reason to feel bad about the texts though, there was a legitimate possibility she was going through something rough and you showed empathy, which is exactly what was needed if that were the case. and if she's not a jerk she recognizes that and isn't going to think less of you for it, or otherwise make you feel bad for worrying about her

but not responding and acting normal-ish the next day is definitely communicating "I'm okay, but we're done"

Ehhh I was holding out hope that maybe there was some mental health reason she dipped but it's absolutely right that the behavior at work is a clear indicator that shit is done.

Honestly I just miss being friends with her and hanging out and shit, not even necessarily the sex/romantic stuff (though I do miss the comfort we had together).

Ving_Rhames posted...

Time to move on bruv.

this

Classic being ghosted in the end.

Sorry dude. A lot of us been there and never get clear answers. It could be this or that, your fault or not. Good on you thinking about what you might have done wrong, and then trying to make right, but if she wants nothing to do with it, then that's her problem now.

I get why girls ghost, but yeah sometimes it's off base. If this is a habit of hers, good luck to how she handles any relationship.

People here actually want you to chase this girl to the ends of the Earth. Have some fucking backbone CE.

BigMeatyClaws posted...

People here actually want you to chase this girl to the ends of the Earth. Have some fucking backbone CE.

The consensus was to not chase her. I made a couple of posts about how he could go about it as he seemed very intent on trying to make something with her, but I was also advising that it's probably not a good idea. Sometimes this stuff is difficult without having all of the information since we don't know either of these people.

Discussed the issue with a friend IRL

After reading through the recent chat shit and getting context on my and hers relationship

He's convinced she's upset over NYE lol

So am I too now

ModLogic posted...

possibly soup related

lmao

Yknow and it was also a recurring thing prior to us getting together where I'd be unable to do shit, to the point where it was like I was constantly turning her down.

I know that ticked her off, and I cleaned up my act when I was in the thing with her

It'd make sense. She was having shit from her period, stressed due to shit with her family, asks me what I'm doing that night for NYE only for me to be all "hanging out w friends lol"

Makes sense shed see that as a return to that neglectful shit I did

Also since the convo was totally normal until the exact moment she asked what I was doing NYE

Not that it excuses ignoring me tho

Relationships are a waste of time. It is best to just do your own thing and not worry about others feelings or what they want dragging you down.

Doom_Art posted...

Yknow and it was also a recurring thing prior to us getting together where I'd be unable to do shit, to the point where it was like I was constantly turning her down.

I know that ticked her off, and I cleaned up my act when I was in the thing with her

It'd make sense. She was having shit from her period, stressed due to shit with her family, asks me what I'm doing that night for NYE only for me to be all "hanging out w friends lol"

Makes sense shed see that as a return to that neglectful shit I did

Also since the convo was totally normal until the exact moment she asked what I was doing NYE

Not that it excuses ignoring me tho

Yep, you fucked up. You got to get your shit in order if you want a relationship with anyone. You didn't mention those exact details before, did you? Seems kinda obvious as to why she would be mad.

But her ignoring you even after trying to open up a discussion isn't cool. And if you two work this out, you will need to have a discussion about proper communication, and my gueas is that you both have some learning to do.

Monolith1676 posted...

Relationships are a waste of time. It is best to just do your own thing and not worry about others feelings or what they want dragging you down.

Yay! Just when I thought this thread was mostly lacking in standard CE bullshit...

Edit: and the waste of a post below mine...

TC, pull your head out of your ass, dust the **** off your ears and get caught up with current events.

Someone else ****s her better. That's all there is to it.

Move on.

I think we have a answer to the mystery, lol. It doesn't excuse her ignoring you, but keep in mind she's probably also following this identical "don't chase them bro" philosophy and is probably not eager to tell you she feels neglected in fear of appearing clingy. You should probably casually apologize and explain yourself but also mention you want her to feel comfortable telling you what she wants and when she's upset.

bsp77 posted...

Yep, you fucked up. You got to get your shit in order if you want a relationship with anyone. You didn't mention those exact details before, did you? Seems kinda obvious as to why she would be mad.

I'll maintain it was never purposeful. Just insanely busy life stuff.

Regardless it all clicks now yeah.

bsp77 posted...

But her ignoring you even after trying to open up a discussion isn't cool. And if you two work this out, you will need to have a discussion about proper communication, and my guess is that you both have some learning to do.

Yeaaaahhhhh

There's definitely holes that need to be filled.

PrsdntHeidecker posted...

Someone else ****s her better. That's all there is to it.

I don't pump myself up a lot but I gotta say I strongly doubt it

E_S_M_Z posted...

I think we have a answer to the mystery, lol. It doesn't excuse her ignoring you, but keep in mind she's probably also following this identical "don't chase them bro" philosophy and is probably not eager to tell you she feels neglected in fear of appearing clingy. You should probably casually apologize and explain yourself but also mention you want her to feel comfortable telling you what she wants and when she's upset.

Yep

E_S_M_Z posted...

I think we have a answer to the mystery, lol. It doesn't excuse her ignoring you, but keep in mind she's probably also following this identical "don't chase them bro" philosophy and is probably not eager to tell you she feels neglected in fear of appearing clingy. You should probably casually apologize and explain yourself but also mention you want her to feel comfortable telling you what she wants and when she's upset.

I feel sorry for wasting everyone time. It legit didn't click for me til explaining everything to my friend.

Doom_Art posted...

I'll maintain it was never purposeful. Just insanely busy life stuff.

Regardless it all clicks now yeah.

Yeaaaahhhhh

There's definitely holes that need to be filled.

I don't pump myself up a lot but I gotta say I strongly doubt it

I certainly believe it was never purposeful. I don't know you but you seem like a good guy. I have younger friends and this isn't atypical cluelessness lol

Doom_Art posted...

I feel sorry for wasting everyone time. It legit didn't click for me til explaining everything to my friend.

No problem. I like talking about this stuff. Keep us up to date.

but pretty sure I strongly suspected New Years awhile back :)

Should I still wait this out?

I was either gonna wait for her to message or give it a week or two now that I know I fucked up

Look at all these love experts on CE

Doom_Art posted...

Should I still wait this out?

I was either gonna wait for her to message or give it a week or two now that I know I fucked up

I am sure Jeff would say to wait. I really don't know since I don't know her enough.

The question is whether she will read a text at all since the last ones weren't. But she might now that time has passed and the first line would have to make her decide to read it.

Or when do you see each other again? Tomorrow?

bsp77 posted...

Or when do you see each other again? Tomorrow?

A few hours crossover tomorrow

Dunno how much time we'll have alone tho