Current Events > Girl I was seeing the last few months just started flat out ghosting me.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Learn about female nature or continue down life being a fool.

Now my main concern is that I overdid it with the messages lol

In the past she expressed distaste for dudes who exhibit stalkerish or needy tendencies and I'm worried that's how I came across

fsurb28 posted...

Learn about female nature or continue down life being a fool.

Oh my god, I finally found it.

A sentence guaranteed to visit a drought upon the vaginas of all who hear it.

DrizztLink posted...

Oh my god, I finally found it.

A sentence guaranteed to visit a drought upon the vaginas of all who hear it.

Sorry bud but no drought here, keep derping!

Doom_Art posted...

The weird bit is the last conversation we had was normal (I mean her stress/whatever aside) but it's like mid-conversation she just decided "nah".

Or, she went out with someone else on NYE and they hit it off.

daynlokki posted...

Or, she went out with someone else on NYE and they hit it off.

Maybe? In regular times that would be a thought of mine but with the city basically closed Iunno how you'd meet someone on NYE

She's not willing to be straight with you, so just stop caring. If she's legit depressed, don't save her, even if you care, because that's probably flying over her head or she is using whatever form of logic she sees fit around it.

This isn't to put her down, but a lot of guys who do nothing wrong face this kind of stuff, and stumble into caring too much and in turn come off the wrong way. It's a waste of time. This relationship thing just isn't for her.

I dated someone a few years ago and we had a great couple of months and then she basically acted like this when she got sick and overwhelmed with work. And then when I tried reaching out to help or maybe even bring her soup because she was sick, she all of a sudden thought I was overbearing and controlling. Ultimately, clearly not a good match. Hopefully it all works out for you, which very well might mean moving on.

The funny thing is we reconnected a couple years later as friends (and briefly more).

smoke_break posted...

And if that happens he should ignore her, out of his own self-respect.

And this is shit advice. Regardless of what is going on with her, you stay a good person.

bsp77 posted...

And this is s*** advice. Regardless of what is going on with her, you stay a good person.

Ignoring someone doesn't make you a bad person.

KaZooo posted...

so just stop caring.

This is one of those things where people say "just ignore that" "stop thinking about it" or "put it out of your head"

Like yeah that's the goal, but it's not as though it's something you can control

If this were a film, we'd next discover the issue was her phone broke and you'd now need to delete the messages before she read them somehow leading to whacky hijinks!

Doom_Art posted...

Like yeah that's the goal, but it's not as though it's something you can control

Eh, it kinda is. What they really mean is when those thoughts come into your head, you need to make a conscious effort to think of/do something else.

lolife67 posted...

Ignoring someone doesn't make you a bad person.

In a case like this, it kinda does. Especially with how that guy worded it.

Who knows what she has going on. Showing empathy is always a good idea.

I am not saying that he should accept anything she says and forgive anything, but don't just ignore.

Yep shes making soup in the public pool

lolife67 posted...

Eh, it kinda is. What they really mean is when those thoughts come into your head, you need to make a conscious effort to think of/do something else.

True I guess

Things have felt worst for me when I just kinda am sitting around.

Keeping distractions would be better tbh

bsp77 posted...

In a case like this, it kinda does. Especially with how that guy worded it.

Who knows what she has going on. Showing empathy is always a good idea.

I am not saying that he should accept anything she says and forgive anything, but don't just ignore.

Yeah I'm not a doormat by any means, and if this were just some random tinder bitch I'd have dropped her and not looked back

But I got history with this person, so just unpersoning her from my life rn feels a bit wrong and premature.

Probly found out about the soup @Heartomaton

bsp77 posted...

I am not saying that he should accept anything she says and forgive anything, but don't just ignore.

If TC has moved on by the time she reaches out in Neveruary, he really has zero reason to revisit this person and take likely steps backwards to get played like a yo-yo.

Easier said than done, but he should just look to something better to occupy his mind. This is just a form of stagnation he shouldn't be subjected to.

KaZooo posted...

If TC has moved on by the time she reaches out in Neveruary, he really has zero reason to revisit this person and take likely steps backwards to get played like a yo-yo.

I mean just because I don't ignore her doesn't mean I'll take her back lol

KaZooo posted...

Easier said than done, but he should just look to something better to occupy his mind. This is just a form of stagnation he shouldn't be subjected to.

It sounds like my province is doing another lockdown soon so I'll just keep things on the dl and focus on myself for a bit.

By the time stuff reopens again I'll probably seek out companionship elsewhere lol

KaZooo posted...

If TC has moved on by the time she reaches out in Neveruary, he really has zero reason to revisit this person and take likely steps backwards to get played like a yo-yo.

Easier said than done, but he should just look to something better to occupy his mind. This is just a form of stagnation he shouldn't be subjected to.

All I said was to not ignore. That's it. Ignoring is always childish unless someone is harassing and not stopping.

Is she dead? :(

Doom_Art posted...

Maybe? In regular times that would be a thought of mine but with the city basically closed Iunno how you'd meet someone on NYE

Maybe by, going out of the city?

daynlokki posted...

Maybe by, going out of the city?

Nearest city is a 4 hour drive away across the US border

Nearest Canadian city of similar size is a 6 hour drive away lol

If she wants to fuck some random fishing village guy then more power to her lol

@Doom_Art I hope you didn't miss my earlier comment regarding depression as a driver for this behavior.

Sackgurl posted...

@Doom_Art I hope you didn't miss my earlier comment regarding depression as a driver for this behavior.

No I didn't, sorry! I thought I had responded to it.

Sackgurl posted...

based on her messages about feeling unwell emotionally/mentally, what's probably going on here is she's depressed (and probably not because of you)

depressed people sometimes stop responding to their entire network and "lie in bed all day/night" doing nothing. they call it 'inertia' and it becomes harder and harder to respond when more time passes from a message

safe bet if this is the case you won't see her at work today

if you do, and she makes eye contact, i'd suggest asking her how she's feeling--as a friend, since you were friends before

This is a good analysis and would be able to explain a lot of what's going on pretty neatly.

As for asking her how she's feeling, my only worry is that that would seem redundant with the message I sent her this morning.

sometimes depressed people need redundant

they appreciate knowing people care and aren't through with them despite behavior that they feel bad about (note how depression creates a cycle: avoidant behavior due to depression, feel more depressed from guilt over behavior, causing more avoidant behavior)

worst case you annoy someone who isn't depressed or interested in maintaining a connection, which maybe is a small ego shot but not one that you have to carry with you because you know you meant well!

Well if it feels natural I'll reach out casually I guess

superman 2000 posted...

Ghosting people is one of the rudest things weve normalized.

superman 2000 posted...

Ghosting people is one of the rudest things weve normalized.

I think it's fine. Telling people you're not interested is awkward st best. And often ends with some form of confrontation. If ypu just never talk again they get the hint without you having to deal with their feelings qs much.

Now in a committed relationship you should st least say something. Text at minimum. But ghosting someone when it's just early talking is fine imo

I'm seeing a bunch of recurring joke posts referring to soup. The fuck is that about lol

pics

What was her messages like prior to the ghosting?

Doom_Art posted...

I mean if she found another guy then alright? I mean I'd be upset and hurt but it's not like we were crazy committed or labelled, at least tell me so I can get over it.

Where tho

The city is basically shut down lol

If you guys aren't dating, people are usually talking to multiple potential partners at once.

If you're not dating a girl, she's not taking you seriously

bsp77 posted...

All I said was to not ignore. That's it. Ignoring is always childish unless someone is harassing and not stopping.

No one should feel obligated to let someone that mistreated them back into their lives... keeping a conversation going is doing just that, in my opinion.

Oh man, that sucks. Hopefully you get some kind of answers before too long.

Kitt posted...

I'm seeing a bunch of recurring joke posts referring to soup. The fuck is that about lol

@Kitt You probably missed this topic from last week. I almost didn't click it either because of the title... But then the memes started...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/79826861

ShiningBlade1 posted...

What was her messages like prior to the ghosting?

Seemed normal, if a bit more sporadic? Though I had chalked that up more to the holidays but maybe there was more to it Iunno

Holidays are always hard to navigate with these sorts of relationships. It sounds like you didnt do anything together so maybe shes disappointed that you didnt make a (better) effort to be with her, especially if both of you didnt have anything else going on.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Inexperience

I might be a party pooper but it has only been 3 days since new year... I wouldnt consider this ghosting. It is strange she didn't reply to your new year message but I think you might be overreacting here.

samurai bandit posted...

I might be a party pooper but it has only been 3 days since new year... I wouldnt consider this ghosting. It is strange she didn't reply to your new year message but I think you might be overreacting here.

If they have been seeing each other for months, 3 days is waaaay too long. Ghosting might not be the right word though, as people have mentioned things such as depression.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yeah, it's just the confusion that's fucking with me

But like you said, it happened. Doesn't matter why it happened just that it did.

samurai bandit posted...

I might be a party pooper but it has only been 3 days since new year... I wouldnt consider this ghosting. It is strange she didn't reply to your new year message but I think you might be overreacting here.

Yeah Iunno I was wondering this too

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yes, but friends for years first. I have been in that exact situation, and no messaging for 3 days would be really odd.

bsp77 posted...

If they have been seeing each other for months, 3 days is waaaay too long. Ghosting might not be the right word though, as people have mentioned things such as depression.

yeah shes ignoring him, but I wouldnt call it ghosting yet.

its plenty of reasons someone would ignore someone that has nothing to do with the actual person.

either way its still a break down in communication thats concerning

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yeah I dunno. I really like her but this is like not okay, or at the very least I'm not okay with it.

My guard is up, in any case.

Hope my followup messages weren't too pushy, but whatever lol

NoxObscuras posted...

Oh man, that sucks. Hopefully you get some kind of answers before too long.

@Kitt You probably missed this topic from last week. I almost didn't click it either because of the title... But then the memes started...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/79826861

Lmao

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This is a good take on things. Thanks a bunch jeff.