Current Events > I just got refused sex after meeting a girl from Bumble who agreed to have sex

(+) Yeah! (+)

So I basically met this girl from Bumble today. We chatted nicely for one day and she showed so much interest in me, even considering to meet in the middle of the night. And I think that was by far my biggest mistake of all. By not meeting right there and right then. She was hesitant to do so because her family doesn't want her leaving the house that late.

Instead, we settled to meet the next day evening because I'm dumb AF. The next problem was finding a shady spot to do the act. I have no car, my house has my parents living in it, so we could only do it outside.

Here's where I f***ed up again. I told her to meet at a park where we could do it in a public toilet. Except I didn't mention the last part on the toilet.

So we strolled all the way to the park while conversing. And then for another dumb reason I decided we should sit down at a bench in the park and continue TALKING.

Like maybe... half a hour passed by before I realized what a dumbass i am. I then hinted at her about hooking up already, but by this point she said she wasn't interested/ready. By now I'm just like WTF, then why did we even meet in the first place?!

I tried to hint again to the toilet by saying I wanted to buy a drink at the vending machine there. She seemed to finally get the hint and relented by telling me she can 'provide company'. At this point I honestly didn't know what she meant by 'company' but she followed me to the toilet. Now again, me being a complete utter dumbass for some reason, decides to turn around and GO TO A VENDING MACHINE instead for a drink. But then again, the toilet was really crowded for some damn reason so it was also kind of a hard no-go to drag her at that moment.

After this, we walked back home, just said our goodbyes. I tried to kiss her but didnt dare go for it. Only managed to hold her hand awkwardly. And she kinda made it clear she didn't want to meet again.

Really, looking back, there's so many things that went wrong here. This is my first time actually meeting up for casual sex so I honestly have no idea what I did wrong or right here but here's my personal judgment:

I didn't get straight to the point about having sex with her when we first met
I shouldn't have directed her to a bench to continue our conversation.
I shouldn't have chosen an effin' evening time to meet her at a park which was so damn crowded.
Halfway through the convo, I get overwhelmed and distracted, which kinda led to a lot of awkward moments where i wasn't listening to her talk leading to even more awkward silences.

CE, tell me what I did wrong. I feel like jumping off a building now. F*** I suck at life. Meanwhile this girl can go back to Bumble and get her next hookup guy within one second

Wutobliteration posted...

CE, tell me what I did wrong

Just... literally all of it, tbh

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Wutobliteration posted...

Here's where I f***ed up again. I told her to meet at a park where we could do it in a public toilet.

Pulitzer Prize worthy writing here.
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You gotta get her (and yourself) in the mood with touch, flirting, closeness, etc. Girls aren't always sex on command, build a connection even if small and make it intense.

If she likes you that much it's not even hard, just 1% of effort is enough to set the rocket off

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It seems like you know what you did wrong. which was everything.

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Smashingpmkns posted...

Pulitzer Prize worthy writing here.

DUDE, where else am I supposed to do it??
It was like 7.30pm in a crowded neighbourhood. There were even people coming in adn out of the toilet so often

Funkydog posted...

It seems like you know what you did wrong. which was everything.

yeah, but I don't know what I could have done right.

And please tell me. Unless you got nothing else to offer

New York Times bestseller imo

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Lol

This is some shit for Dr. Phil.

Master Kazuya posted...

You gotta get her (and yourself) in the mood with touch, flirting, closeness, etc. Girls aren't always sex on command, build a connection even if small and make it intense.

If she likes you that much it's not even hard, just 1% of effort is enough to set the rocket off

I think it just sucks 'cos I'm not that kind of guy at all. I'm very introverted and this covid period had me crunched at home for far too long without social interactions.

I'm also not a quick thinker so I can't really come up with flirty jokes on the get-go in a convo. I can actually do it whilst texting since I have the luxury of time there and I guess that's the only reason how I managed to squeeze out a hookup meeting in the first place. But srsly though, WTF was I spposed to have sex???

Wutobliteration posted...

DUDE, where else am I supposed to do it??
It was like 7.30pm in a crowded neighbourhood. There were even people coming in adn out of the toilet so often

Try a construction site next
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I'll be honest. This is probably the single most painful thing I've ever read on this site.

DuranOfForcena posted...

a hotel room

we lived very nearby each other and the nearest motel is a long few miles away. Also she kept insisting on a 'park nearby'. Idk. She could have ghosted me if I suggested motel. I kept the texting vague on my intentions since I didnt want to sound despo

burns112233 posted...

This is some shit for Dr. Phil.

dr phil is a moron and a prick
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wow should have expected such helpful advice from CE.

I'm done here

Is this a joke topic?

So wait, you have no car and your parents live in your house?

I don't know rick.

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It might just be me but I dont think sex on a public bathrooms toilet is most peoples idea of a good first date.

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This is why I always bring a contract guaranteeing sex in every date I go to and make her sign at the beggining
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Flamer_Blue posted...

Is this a joke topic?

So wait, you have no car and your parents live in your house?

I don't know rick.

I should mention I'm not in the US.

Where I live most people my age cant afford to own their cars and live with their parents (think Japan)

you weren't confident clearly from what you're saying, so yeah move on to the next one, be better next time

Wutobliteration posted...

I should mention I'm not in the US.

Where I live most people my age cant afford to own their cars and live with their parents (think Japan)

If you want to say, where do you live?
I can see the car part not being necessary in some parts of the world.
But the parent thing is weird.
Still, could have gone to a motel or "telo"

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Wutobliteration posted...

I think it just sucks 'cos I'm not that kind of guy at all. I'm very introverted and this covid period had me crunched at home for far too long without social interactions.

I'm also not a quick thinker so I can't really come up with flirty jokes on the get-go in a convo. I can actually do it whilst texting since I have the luxury of time there and I guess that's the only reason how I managed to squeeze out a hookup meeting in the first place. But srsly though, WTF was I spposed to have sex???

You are that kind of guy. Everyone has sexuality. Otherwise you wouldn't even get excited over this girl.

I'm not saying you gotta be Mr Smooth but you can't expect things to get sexual without being sexual. You gotta show her you want her, somehow


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The only girls who are gonna bang in public toilets are 3/10. If this girl was anything higher than that then there's your problem.

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Wutobliteration posted...

CE, tell me what I did wrong

Acting extrmely creepy and low brow. Sex in a public park washroom? What are you, homeless?

You can't Uber and Red Roof?

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On a more serious note and after actually reading the OP, you should've just rented a room
I've actually never done it in my own house, always rented a room. I too live in a country where people live with their parents. I do have personal transport so that part (going places) is easy.
Where do you live and how old are you TC? I feel like I can give you advice from personal experience
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don't be afraid to show you desire her through text btw, no need to be "vague" just don't be creepy

and yeah doing it in a public toilet the first time you meet is recipe for disaster, you'd much rather invite her at your house even if your parents are there and just lock the door to your room

Wutobliteration posted...

I should mention I'm not in the US.

Where I live most people my age cant afford to own their cars and live with their parents (think Japan)

Public transportation in Asia is overall affordable as an alternative.

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Heavy_D_Forever posted...

The only girls who are gonna bang in public toilets are 3/10. If this girl was anything higher than that then there's your problem.

She's the one who suggested meeting in a park...

Too much to read.
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Wutobliteration posted...

She's the one who suggested meeting in a park...

Suggested meeting in a park. Girls meet at a public place cause of creepy people exist, as this topic demonstrates
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I mean sex on a toilet is not the way to go in pretty much any situation, even on the fancy Japanese ones. Any hotels nearby?
More importantly though, people can back out of sex at any time for any reason even if they previously agreed to it. It doesn't necessarily mean she didn't like you, maybe she just changed her mind. Probably it was the toilet thing that changed her mind.

Flamer_Blue posted...

If you want to say, where do you live?
I can see the car part not being necessary in some parts of the world.
But the parent thing is weird.
Still, could have gone to a motel or "telo"

I live in an Asian country. Due to confuscious values of filial piety, almost every young adult would still live with their parents until they get married and also getting your own house here is super hard here.
The girl also lives with her parents and has somewhat of a night curfew. At least my parents dont. Yes, that's how s***ty it is

Don't agree to meet to hook up with someone unless you have an actual place to do so.

And no, the public toilet of a park does not count.

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Woodger posted...

I mean sex on a toilet is not the way to go in pretty much any situation, even on the fancy Japanese ones. Any hotels nearby?
More importantly though, people can back out of sex at any time for any reason even if they previously agreed to it. It doesn't necessarily mean she didn't like you, maybe she just changed her mind. Probably it was the toilet thing that changed her mind.

Jeez, I guess watching movies gave me the wrong idea? Also I thought it was a common thing to do for couples

Woodger posted...

I mean sex on a toilet is not the way to go in pretty much any situation, even on the fancy Japanese ones. Any hotels nearby?
More importantly though, people can back out of sex at any time for any reason even if they previously agreed to it. It doesn't necessarily mean she didn't like you, maybe she just changed her mind. Probably it was the toilet thing that changed her mind.

TBF I didn't tell her we were doing it in the toilet. The moment I indicated to her about doing the act, she already rejected. We were just sitting at a park bench when this happened

Wutobliteration posted...

I live in an Asian country. Due to confuscious values of filial piety, almost every young adult would still live with their parents until they get married and also getting your own house here is super hard here.
The girl also lives with her parents and has somewhat of a night curfew. At least my parents dont. Yes, that's how s***ty it is

I live in an Asian country as well. Tell her to have one of her friends cover for her. Well I suppose it depends on the parents and the country too. Ask your friends what they do
PM me what country and I'll PM you mine, my country is fairly conservative so unless you live in the Middle East, I should be able to give you advice

Wutobliteration posted...

Jeez, I guess watching movies gave me the wrong idea? Also I thought it was a common thing to do for couples

DO NOT GET YOUR DATING ADVICE FROM MOVIES (OR FICTION OF ANY KIND)
That's rule #0
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Master Kazuya posted...

You gotta get her (and yourself) in the mood with touch, flirting, closeness, etc. Girls aren't always sex on command, build a connection even if small and make it intense.

If she likes you that much it's not even hard, just 1% of effort is enough to set the rocket off

Jesus Christ stop taking this shit seriously

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Wutobliteration posted...

Jeez, I guess watching movies gave me the wrong idea? Also I thought it was a common thing to do for couples

I mean almost any toilet sex portrayed in media is one of two things:

A) Sex with prostitute (and almost always a seedy one at that)
B) A scandalous and taboo hook-up. Where the quasi-public and generally unsanitary location feeds into how dirty the hook-up is.

Neither are what the average person is looking for

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Wutobliteration posted...

Jeez, I guess watching movies gave me the wrong idea? Also I thought it was a common thing to do for couples

...on the toilet?

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This is the quality content I come to CE for. Cringey and hilarious.

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awesome999 posted...

I live in an Asian country as well. Tell her to have one of her friends cover for her. Well I suppose it depends on the parents and the country too. Ask your friends what they do
PM me what country and I'll PM you mine, my country is fairly conservative so unless you live in the Middle East, I should be able to give you advice

DO NOT GET YOUR DATING ADVICE FROM MOVIES (OR FICTION OF ANY KIND)
That's rule #0

Ok...where then?

I mean, when I google dating advice, I get advice from Americans who lives vastly different lives and cultures.
There, the environment is more sparse. Everyone has their own cars and houses. Sex is obviously so much easier there

I'm trying to figure out how anyone who has ever lived could think meeting up and just spontaneously going "hey look a public bathroom, let's fuck in it!" Could ever be anything but the worst and most nonsensical idea ever.

Like if you're trying to bang in literally the most disgusting place i can think of to bang (barring like a septic tank) then maybe make that clear from the start that thats what you're thinking.

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This reminds me of the time a couple months ago I fucked up a date up. Didn't realise she wanted it until a couple weeks later. She suggested going to a 'quiet and secluded park that was open late'. Didn't think she was the type until I put the pieces together. Flirted too soft, lost my chance cause she ghosted me after
It's always the ones with the overprotective parents man
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awesome999 posted...

This reminds me of the time a couple months ago I fucked up a date up. Didn't realise she wanted it until a couple weeks later. She suggested going to a 'quiet and secluded park that was open late'. Didn't think she was the type until I put the pieces together. Flirted too soft, lost my chance cause she ghosted me after
It's always the ones with the overprotective parents man

Thanks brother. Only comment here that eases my soul.

Fake but funny. Let me pound your shitter ON the shitter.

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Waaaaaah, let's all cry for you.

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