Poll of the Day > Is an emotional affair REALLY cheating?

(+) Yeah! (+)

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Yes

But also it depends on the mutually agreed upon boundaries of each individual relationship

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Nah keeps your woman in check.

If youre keeping it from your partner then yes.

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i mean if there are romantic feelings involved its cheating so yea?

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and also what mead said

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Jen0125 posted...

Yes

But also it depends on the mutually agreed upon boundaries of each individual relationship

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No. That would imply best friends (people who are their for each other emotionally and platonically) are cheating on their spouses.

Affair is defined as a sexual relationship where one or both people are married to other people. So an "emotional affair" would be one where sex is involved with emotion or a funeral/wedding/birthday, all of which are events (affairs) where emotions run high.

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Jen0125 posted...

it depends on the mutually agreed upon boundaries of each individual relationship

This. In some relationships, a guy looking at another woman is cheating. In others, a guy participating in an orgy where 600 different women service him in immediate succession is not. The only blanket statement you can make is that there are no blanket statements: It's up to you and your partner to decide what you're comfortable with the other doing and to communicate those boundaries.

The bottom line: If you aren't sure, ask. If you don't think you can ask without making your partner upset, it's cheating and you shouldn't do it. If you feel that your partner is being unreasonably restrictive (like the aforementioned example of looking=cheating), express that, and accept that the relationship isn't a good one for you if you can't arrive at an acceptable compromise with them.

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If you're hiding it from your partner, it's cheating

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The short answer is "yes." But it really hinges on if it's sorta some passing crush level thing where you have zero intentions with the person and just like them vs. actively being in love or wishing you were with them instead.

Zangulus posted...

Damn it. I guess I have to confess of my affair with a bag of Oreos last night. Damn it.

I mean, if eating Oreos is something she doesn't want you to do, that argument can be made. If not, not so much.

There's a very important difference between hiding something and just not telling your partner about it. Hiding something is a deliberate action because you don't want them to know the truth. Not telling them is just a matter of not giving them information they don't particularly need/want.

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Yes. I online dated some gal who ended up fucking another guy just before we were planned to meet. That counts as emotional cheating as we talked on webcam and everything for a long time but she still was a.... unfaithful person.

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It depends on the boundaries and expectations that have been established within the relationship. If no boundaries have been established then the root problem lies more in the couple's communication than anything else.

Yes.

I've absolutely known people in relationships where they were essentially were dating someone, and got all of the intellectual, emotional, and psychological benefits of being in a full relationship with that person with sex being about the ONLY thing they weren't getting, while simultaneously still in an official relationship with someone else. And it's absolutely unfair to the other person.

As many people are always keen to point out, there's more to a mature adult relationship than just sex. But that also means sex isn't the only way you can essentially "cheat" on someone else. It's just the most obvious way.



SunWuKung420 posted...

No. That would imply best friends (people who are their for each other emotionally and platonically) are cheating on their spouses.

Except it wouldn't, because there are different types of love, commitment, and devotion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

I can love my family, my best friend, and my significant other simultaneously, and every one of those relationships are different and complicated, and don't necessarily conflict with each other. Romantic love is generally the only one where we have an expectation of singular devotion between two people exclusively (unless those people themselves have other ideas and are on the same page about things like polyamory). But "romantic love" is much more complicated than just "friends who fuck".

Physical sex (or lust in general) is an important part of romantic love, but it's not the sole part.
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Dolphins sometimes fuck family members to increase pod bonding.

JigsawTDC posted...

Dolphins sometimes fuck family members to increase pod bonding.

Dolphins > Alabama

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According to my ex, yes.

only if you party together imo

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Maybe its cause Im a dude but I dont understand the concept of emotional cheating.

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Generally yes.

unless you are polyamorous but even then the term affair implies some form of secrecy that is still cheating even in an open or semi open situation.


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HornedLion posted...

Maybe its cause Im a dude but I dont understand the concept of emotional cheating.

Its not because you're a dude, it's because you're bad at relationships.

Which may not be your fault, so dont think that I'm completely dunking on you.

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EvilMegas posted...

Its not because you're a dude, it's because you're bad at relationships.

Eeyup. There's no reason dudes can't understand the emotional fulfillment relationships provide.

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adjl posted...

Eeyup. There's no reason dudes can't understand the emotional fulfillment relationships provide.

I mean... if my girl sought another man to tell him how bad of a day shes had, and looked to him for affirmation Id be upset.

BUT... it wouldnt be a dealbreaker. It would be more of a wake up call.

But if she gave her kitty away... well... thats a more serious problem.

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HornedLion posted...

I mean... if my girl sought another man to tell him how bad of a day shes had, and looked to him for affirmation Id be upset.

BUT... it wouldnt be a dealbreaker. It would be more of a wake up call.

And that's your personal boundary. You're entitled to draw whatever lines you like for what you consider acceptable behaviour, and there's really no objective "right/wrong" way to do so. She's entitled to do the same. Then, in turn, you are both entitled to (and, in fact, should) reject the relationship if you consider those boundaries unacceptable.

Quite simply, if she has a problem with you relying on other people for the emotional support she's trying to offer you, you're cheating if you do so. That doesn't mean you can't have legitimate reasons for that reliance, which you can (and should) discuss with her so you can arrive at a compromise you both feel comfortable with, but you are cheating if you go behind her back to do something she's not comfortable with you doing.

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You can't be blamed for falling in love with someone else. You can be blamed for chasing after them as if you were a free agent when you're not.

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