Current Events > You know whats stupid? When you're depressed and someone tries to one up you.

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Like when you're sad about something or you want to talk about your trauma and someone feels the need to say "I've been through worse than that."

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Opening up to someone and being vulnerable only to get a nod and "That sucks, I've been there too. (MY TRAUMA STORY INSERT)" can take the wind right out of my sails.

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Whats worse is the depressed person who thinks their depression is unique and the worst in the world and you cant POSSIBLY understand.
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CommunismFTW posted...

Opening up to someone and being vulnerable only to get a nod and "That sucks, I've been there too. (MY TRAUMA STORY INSERT)" can take the wind right out of my sails.

That's terrible. I like to ask people questions instead of just talking about myself.

It's such a drag when you call someone on the phone and all they do is talk about them. And you can get in maybe two or three words and then they bring up two different stories in a row that pertains to them. Like okay...

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That's not that bad. One time I opened up to a friend and they stole my car while I was sobbing in the other room.

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Like 10 years ago, I told someone I hung out with that I heard an impulsive voice in my head that shocked my whole system by making a very harmful suggestion. His response was to casually make up that it also happened to him, with no emotion connected.

It's a good thing I was only telling him because I knew he wouldn't care and I could just get it off my chest a lil tho. But he definitely still fell under my low expectations

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Eh, sometimes people are just trying to empathize and start a conversation that makes it clear the person is not alone...though trying to do it in a "you think thats bad!" way is kind of dumb, i agree.

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Yeah that argument is dumb. For example:

Let's be honest: As far as one-upping goes -- anything you've been through in your life, a Jew in Auschwitza circa 1942 had it a lot worse. No food, daily work for 15 hours, no sleep, dogs barking at you all the time, and your kids were shot in front of you.

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

That's not that bad. One time I opened up to a friend and they stole my car while I was sobbing in the other room.

Oh yeah? One time I was crying and my dog set my house on fire and just laughed

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EffectAndCause posted...

Whats worse is the depressed person who thinks their depression is unique and the worst in the world and you cant POSSIBLY understand.

lowkey this too. Sometimes idek what to say, like do they want comfort, do they want me to listen? Idk make up your mind

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Yeah, there's a fine line between sharing your own experience in an attempt to relate/show understanding and coming off like you're trying to one-up the other person's trauma.

I try to remember that I'm talking to that person about it because I know they do care about me, and they're not trying to be malicious. Most of the time I know their heart is in the right place, even if they're terrible at conveying it, and I focus on what they're trying to do rather than their actual words.

But if it's just some random douche bag, I usually respond with something along the lines of "damn, your life really does suck, I'm glad I'm not you." And that usually shuts them up pretty quick.

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

That's not that bad. One time I opened up to a friend and they stole my car while I was sobbing in the other room.

Man that sucks.

Anyway one time I had a cheesesteak in the fridge wrapped up so when I microwaved it the bottom of the bread got nuclear hot but the rest of the food was ice cold in the middle, I burnt my lower lip.

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One time my aunt was telling me a story about how hard she had it as a kid. And it was a good rough story and I was listening the whole time.

And at the end she says "and you thought YOU had it bad."

That ruined everything. Made me regret listening. When did I say I thought I had it bad you dumb bitch?

For the record my mom suicided when I was 7. That's what she was talking about.

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Agreed, but I think some people think they are trying to help by being relatable and don't realize they are being a dick.

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VipaGTS posted...

Eh, sometimes people are just trying to empathize and start a conversation that makes it clear the person is not alone...though trying to do it in a "you think thats bad!" way is kind of dumb, i agree.

Sometimes it's better just to not say anything if you can't come at it right. Just let them vent. Maybe think about it later and drop a gem on them when you see them again. That way they still know you took it in when they were talking and actually thought about them

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The internet loves to bully the vulnerable.

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