Poll of the Day > What makes people become friends with each other?

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LeetCheet
02/15/20 12:25:38 PM
#1:


I want to make friends at work, but my social skills are usually extremely limited.

Like, I joke around with them and they usually laugh at my shenanigans.
But I'm really scared to accidentally go to far with my humour or say something wrong and upset them.

I'm can usually chat with 1-3 other people at the same time just fine but when there's more people around, I just can't talk.

Recently, my more negative side surfaced and I accidentally said outloud that I'm always such a big screw-up and fucks up everything.

I assume people don't like hearing about other people hating themselves.

I swear, socialize with others is like rocket science, especially for people like me who's diagnosed with Asperger's...
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hypnox
02/15/20 12:30:58 PM
#2:


Not too hard if you know yourself and what you like. Find your interests and cast out hooks of those interests to people around you. Rather it be movies, board games, video games, whatever.

My best friends brother got a woman WAY out of his league because they were both very big into movies. They now are married with two kids and a house with a movie theater in it.

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LeetCheet
02/15/20 12:48:17 PM
#3:


There are women at work that I talk with but even though I have a girlfriend, they still make me kinda nervous to be around.

I mostly just say funny things to everyone to the point that I think that's the only way I can consistently socialize with others.

It's like I only have two settings; 'Try to be funny' or 'Don't talk at all' with little middle ground inbetween and that's starting to bother me.

There's one guy I talk movies and videogames with but he plays on PC and I'm on console and I don't really think he's as much into movies as me : /

Also during the breaks, I always sit at the table with the other not as talkative guys.
I prefer that over being at a table with only loudmouths though.
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WastelandCowboy
02/15/20 1:02:07 PM
#4:


Common interests and hobbies. Respect, trust, and openness with each other. That's how you make friends.

The kicker is this: it's not hard to make friends. It's keeping friends and making the effort to stay friends that makes/breaks the whole thing. If you're going to abuse the friendship, take advantage of them, continually be an asshole to them and their friends, etc, that's how you lose friends.
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Mead
02/15/20 1:09:20 PM
#5:


common hatreds

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LeetCheet
02/15/20 1:53:34 PM
#6:


WastelandCowboy posted...
Common interests and hobbies. Respect, trust, and openness with each other. That's how you make friends.

The kicker is this: it's not hard to make friends. It's keeping friends and making the effort to stay friends that makes/breaks the whole thing. If you're going to abuse the friendship, take advantage of them, continually be an asshole to them and their friends, etc, that's how you lose friends.


That's one of my biggest problems.
It's really hard for me to maintain friendships and I've already lost most of the connections I had with my friends on my previous job.

I don't know how/too cowardly to try to hang out with coworkers outside of work.

I'm unreasonably anxious for rejections and I'm afraid they might find me boring.

I look at other people and I can't comprehend how easy and simple it seems for other people to bond with others.

Is it a good idea to explain to them that I have Asperger's and that I'm really bad at social situations?

One part of me really want them to know how hard some simple things can be for me but the other part of me doesn't want to burden them with my problems.

Mead posted...
common hatreds


Thank you Mead. You always say something that makes me smile
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darcandkharg31
02/15/20 2:02:23 PM
#7:


I don't think you can force a friendship, some people just click.

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YoukaiSlayer
02/15/20 2:08:39 PM
#8:


LeetCheet posted...
One part of me really want them to know how hard some simple things can be for me but the other part of me doesn't want to burden them with my problems.
You are almost certainly gonna want to do this with anyone you want to be good friends with. You don't even have to make a huge deal out of it either. Everyone has their own struggles.

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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 2:28:44 PM
#9:


Mutual benefit.

If you have nothing to offer them, people don't want to be friends with you.

It's basic supply and demand.

Do something that makes you valuable. Like, be that guy who always has *beep* on him. People love that guy.

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darcandkharg31
02/15/20 2:37:58 PM
#10:


GreenKnight127 posted...


If you have nothing to offer them, people don't want to be friends with you.
Maybe not with you lulz

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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 2:39:52 PM
#11:


darcandkharg31 posted...
Maybe not with you lulz

I have many things to offer those around me. Which is why they are my friend.

*beep*, for instance.

What do you offer your friends? Because I highly doubt they just enjoy sitting next to you doing nothing.

LULZOEOZOERSRSZZ!!!! lmao LOrlel rotfllmaosplo lololo durr hurr

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darcandkharg31
02/15/20 2:40:57 PM
#12:


GreenKnight127 posted...
What do you offer your friends? Because I highly doubt they just enjoy sitting next to you doing nothing.
chatting, laughing, things normal people do, I don't have to offer shit to people to be my friend lulz.

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LinkPizza
02/15/20 3:00:20 PM
#13:


It' not really hard to make friends, but you also can't force it. Friendships should come naturally. Like when you just enjoy being around the person. Even if all your interest aren't the same. Tbh, sometimes, me and my best friend (female) seem very opposite of each other. We watch different shows normally (we sometimes enjoy the same one), I play games a lot and she doesn't, and we have generally different hobbies for the most part. But we understand each other so well that nobody understands the stupid things we start laughing about. Or we can understand what the other wants without them saying it, even we others (including SOs) can't. Though, I know with my other best friend (male), we got along better because of our common interest. In things like games, tv shows, and movies. We still did talk a lot about life stuff, though. Just be yourself, and talk to people. It should be fine, I would think...

LeetCheet posted...
I swear, socialize with others is like rocket science, especially for people like me who's diagnosed with Asperger's...

It's not too hard. Having different interest and talking about them with people is how you can find out what they're interesting in. The more you learn about a person, the more you can talk to them about if you find a similar interest...

LeetCheet posted...
It's like I only have two settings; 'Try to be funny' or 'Don't talk at all' with little middle ground inbetween and that's starting to bother me.

You might want to work on that, then. Find a middle ground so you can just talk to people...

LeetCheet posted...
I don't know how/too cowardly to try to hang out with coworkers outside of work.

For that, just ask them. Ask if the want to get lunch. Or hangout after work. Or ask if the whole group wants to go to a movie. I know on base, when I first started work mids, we'd hang out. After work ended (7am), we'd go home, shower, change, and then go see an early movie whenever it started. Then lunch afterwards. It's was actually pretty fun...

GreenKnight127 posted...
Because I highly doubt they just enjoy sitting next to you doing nothing.

Real friend do enjoy that. Real friends just enjoy being around. What darcandkharg31 was saying is that maybe you're the one who has to make friends be offering them something. But real friends, you should have to keep buying their friendship.
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SunWuKung420
02/15/20 3:55:56 PM
#15:


GreenKnight127 posted...
I have many things to offer those around me. Which is why they are my friend.

*beep*, for instance.

What do you offer your friends? Because I highly doubt they just enjoy sitting next to you doing nothing.

LULZOEOZOERSRSZZ!!!! lmao LOrlel rotfllmaosplo lololo durr hurr

Terrible outlook and wrong while being sociopathic.

Common interests.

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dancer62
02/15/20 4:17:00 PM
#16:


If you have to ask, then you just need to wait and grow up a bit. You can't force friendship.

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LinkPizza
02/15/20 4:19:57 PM
#17:


dancer62 posted...
If you have to ask, then you just need to wait and grow up a bit. You can't force friendship.

That's a weird way to put it. I only say that because it always seem like kids make friends easier. And most adult (on this site) seem to have more trouble as an adult. And decided that friends are worth making as they get older. Or aren't worth keeping. Or have marriages that destroy them for some odd reason...

If anything, maybe not growing up would help more...
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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 5:26:21 PM
#18:


SunWuKung420 posted...
Terrible outlook and wrong while being sociopathic.

Common interests.

Common interests help validate each other. That is having something to offer them.

Nothing sociopathic about it.

Nobody would be friends with someone if they didn't offer them something to some extent.

It's acknowledging that fact that sometimes leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. But it's ultimately true.

Even if you can't immediately see it, you are offering something to each other. Even if it's basic company and sense of belonging. Friends have something to offer.

If you want friends: make yourself marketable in some way. Have something to offer.

It's really that simple.

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LinkPizza
02/15/20 5:28:31 PM
#19:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Nobody would be friends with someone if they didn't offer them something to some extent.

How about friendship... Also, you seem to be the only one here treating friendship like a business transaction. So, I think you may be in the mnority of people who think like you do...

GreenKnight127 posted...
It's acknowledging that fact that sometimes leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. But it's ultimately true.

For you, maybe. But it also sounds like you don't have actual friends. Just people you use for whatever reason...
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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 5:33:36 PM
#20:


LinkPizza posted...
How about friendship

You can't just offer someone friendship. Friendship entails things. Actions.

Hanging out with them, for starters. That is offering them company. A sense of belonging. That is you offering them something. That is substance. That is what they are getting out of their friendship with you.

LinkPizza posted...
But it also sounds like you don't have actual friends.

You are assuming I have no friends simply because I can acknowledge out loud that people need to have something to offer you in order to be friends with them?

But it's true.

I don't understand why some of you feel compelled to turn this into an argument, or make pessimistic assumptions about me just because of what I'm saying.

Everything I have said is true. Apparently you just don't like the sound of it.

That's kinda your problem, not mine. Just sayin'.

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LinkPizza
02/15/20 5:40:06 PM
#21:


GreenKnight127 posted...
ou can't just offer someone friendship. Friendship entails things. Actions.

No it doesn't...

GreenKnight127 posted...
Hanging out with them, for starters. That is offering them company. A sense of belonging. That is you offering them something. That is substance. That is what they are getting out of their friendship with you.

I don't consider that getting something out of it. I consider that part of friendship.

GreenKnight127 posted...
You are assuming I have no friends simply because I can acknowledge out loud that people need to have something to offer you in order to be friends with them?

But it's true.

I don't understand why some of you feel compelled to turn this into an argument, or make pessimistic assumptions about me just because of what I'm saying.


No. I said it sounds like you don't have actual friends. But people you use. I'm not assuming you don't have any. But that it just sounds like that. Also, you're the one with the pessimistic view. Thinking people can't be friends just to be friends. And that the whole thing is a business transaction. When people can just be friends to be friends...GreenKnight127 posted...
Everything I have said is true. Apparently you just don't like the sound of it.

That's kinda your problem, not mine. Just sayin'.

I just disagree. And it seems a few other do, as well. That's you're problem. Not mine. But I don't really have a problem with what you're saying. To me, it's just a false statement. You can live by that weird rule if you want. I don't care how you treat your "friends". I'll treat mine like friends. Where there doesn't have to be something I'm getting from them.
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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 5:50:15 PM
#22:


LinkPizza posted...
I just disagree.

K.

Sounds like you are just caught up in the semantics of it, to be honest.


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LinkPizza
02/15/20 5:53:15 PM
#23:


GreenKnight127 posted...
K.

Sounds like you are just caught up in the semantics of it, to be honest.

Whatever. I just disagree with your pessimistic view of what friendship is and with having to be getting something from my friends for me to be friends with them...
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GreenKnight127
02/15/20 6:05:48 PM
#24:


LinkPizza posted...
Whatever. I just disagree with your pessimistic view of what friendship is and with having to be getting something from my friends for me to be friends with them...

Realistic is often confused with pessimistic.

Every friend you have is offering you something. And you are offering them something. Otherwise you wouldn't be friends. You'd probably just be acquaintances or something.

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LinkPizza
02/15/20 6:13:11 PM
#25:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Realistic is often confused with pessimistic.

Every friend you have is offering you something. And you are offering them something. Otherwise you wouldn't be friends. You'd probably just be acquaintances or something.

I use to pessimistic behind all my fake optimism. But then I realize that life can still get better with a little bit or real optimism. And I started doing that. While realistic can be confused with pessimism, that's not what's happening here. You outlook on it may be realistic to you. But it's very pessimistic to me. Like I said, all they have to offer me is friendship, and I do the same in return. I don't need to get anything from them. If that's how you treat you friends, good for you. That's not how my friends and I treat each other. There's nothing that we get from each other that we couldn't get from someone else. And easier... My friends are actual, real friends. You sound like "your friends" are just tools for you to use.
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wwinterj25
02/15/20 11:37:40 PM
#26:


Grab their penis/vagina.

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LeetCheet
02/16/20 4:52:20 AM
#28:


Thanks for your input, guys. I really appreciate it.

wwinterj25 posted...
Grab their penis/vagina.


I'm pretty sure they would fire me if I did that to a coworker.
Also a while back an old friend came for a visit at my work and she gave me a hug.
It was pretty nice, it made me really happy
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GreenKnight127
02/16/20 9:32:36 AM
#30:


LinkPizza posted...
My friends are actual, real friends.

So are mine. The only difference between us is that I'm honest and perceptive enough to acknowledge the fact that we are all friends because we are offering something to one another.

Whether that be the basic joys of "company" and "camaraderie", or just the joys of having someone to share an experience with. Whether a movie, a video game, a joke, a conversation. Something is there. Something that gives the friendship meaning and value. We are giving something to one another.

If they offered you nothing.....how exactly are they your friend?

Like I said before: you are simply caught up in the semantics of it.

You disagree with my "tone" or something, and you are putting me into some kind of negative bubble because that's easier for your mind to comprehend. And probably because you just like to be disagreeable. LOL


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TamiaSympa
02/16/20 12:22:02 PM
#31:


Perhaps you could try the cellphone app SLOWLY. It is for writing letters to people around the globe. I managed to make very interesting pen pals I could concider my friends as I talk about my life and they tell me about theirs.

Im like you, I have problems to get around people sometimes. At first, it was because I was afraid of being rejected. I also had some trust issues. Nowadays, I find that trying to make friends and hanging out with them is just time and energy consuming. Perhaps I'm growing old. Lol

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LinkPizza
02/16/20 12:37:01 PM
#32:


GreenKnight127 posted...
So are mine. The only difference between us is that I'm honest and perceptive enough to acknowledge the fact that we are all friends because we are offering something to one another.

Whether that be the basic joys of "company" and "camaraderie", or just the joys of having someone to share an experience with. Whether a movie, a video game, a joke, a conversation. Something is there. Something that gives the friendship meaning and value. We are giving something to one another.

If they offered you nothing.....how exactly are they your friend?

Like I said before: you are simply caught up in the semantics of it.

You disagree with my "tone" or something, and you are putting me into some kind of negative bubble because that's easier for your mind to comprehend. And probably because you just like to be disagreeable. LOL

I'm honest, as well. I, unlike you, don't require people to give me something to be friends with them, though. To me, that's not what friendship is about. Someone who would require something from me to be my friend doesn't sound like a friend to me. Honestly. I would feel like I'm being used. And that's not what friendship is it to me. It that's what friendship means to you, more power to you. But that's just a pessimistic view. You can't say what you want. But I will never believe in friends where the only reason you're friends is because you are offering something to them that they need. As I said, those don't sound like friends to me.

In the end, I think we just have to agree to disagree. I will never agree with you that you have to offer something to be someone's friend, or that they have to offer something in return. If that's what you believe, good for you. I will never believe that. And I will never make my friends offer something to me to be my friend. So, I guess that's that. The most I'll do is agree to disagree...

Also, if you're looking for someone who likes to be disagreeable, that's Kyuubi4269...
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HornedLion
02/16/20 12:39:34 PM
#33:


Mead posted...
common hatreds

Like that of certain washed up actors.

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wwinterj25
02/16/20 12:55:15 PM
#34:


LeetCheet posted...
I'm pretty sure they would fire me if I did that to a coworker.

Just grab their arse then. I'm sure that's how you make friends.

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LinkPizza
02/16/20 1:01:12 PM
#35:


wwinterj25 posted...
Just grab their arse then. I'm sure that's how you make friends.

There's porn that I have seen that is about the office workplace. Many weird things happen there. But I remember in one episode, they are having a meeting about what not to do in the office, by doing what you aren't suppose to do... Like, don't stick your finger up your co-workers ass, while fingering a co-worker to show you what not to do... Stuff like that. There's also a lot of office sex...
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wwinterj25
02/16/20 1:03:28 PM
#36:


Fingering each others arse does sound very corporate.

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LinkPizza
02/16/20 1:08:01 PM
#37:


wwinterj25 posted...
Fingering each others arse does sound very corporate.

How else do you show them what not to do?
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GreenKnight127
02/16/20 1:11:25 PM
#38:


LinkPizza posted...
I, unlike you, don't require people to give me something to be friends with them, though. To me, that's not what friendship is about.

Then why are you friends with someone? What is friendship about, in your opinion? Because you haven't elaborated on that at all. You've just been criticizing my viewpoint this entire time, but never explaining your own.

If you don't think friendship is about mutual offerings....then what is it?

You see....I think what the problem is.....is that your friends do offer you something. And you offer them something as well. But you don't want to see it that way because it makes you feel.....dirty(?) I guess? Selfish? I'm not sure.

But I think you are interpreting what I am saying as a cold, sociopathic, and evil thing. When it's not. It's simply recognizing the finer details to a relationship.

Do you think a husband and wife would remain together if they weren't giving each other something in some way?

Does that mean their marriage is built upon a foundation of parasitic selfishness?

You could see it that way. But that's being pessimistic.

;)

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wwinterj25
02/16/20 1:12:13 PM
#39:


LinkPizza posted...
How else do you show them what not to do?
True. Physical demonstration breeds obedience.

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LinkPizza
02/16/20 2:20:15 PM
#40:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Then why are you friends with someone? What is friendship about, in your opinion? Because you haven't elaborated on that at all.

That's because I never tried to elaborate on it. I've never been good at describing stuff. So I don't try when it's not needed.

GreenKnight127 posted...
You see....I think what the problem is.....is that your friends do offer you something. And you offer them something as well.

As I said in one of my earlier post:
LinkPizza posted...
How about friendship...

But you said no. Or that you can't offer that...

Though, you also said:
GreenKnight127 posted...
What do you offer your friends? Because I highly doubt they just enjoy sitting next to you doing nothing.

Which I disagree with. Real friends would be fine with that... I've done that with my friends before...

You can think what you want, but you know nothing about me. My friends and I don't have to offer anything to each other to be friends. We just are friends... If you need to tell yourself that we offer each something to go to sleep at night, have at it. But you'd be wrong. I don't even have anything to offer them that they couldn't get from someone else. And much easier, as I'm halfway across the country...

GreenKnight127 posted...
Do you think a husband and wife would remain together if they weren't giving each other something in some way?

Yes.

GreenKnight127 posted...
Does that mean their marriage is built upon a foundation of parasitic selfishness?

If the reason for marriage was because they wanted something out of their SO, then yes.

GreenKnight127 posted...
You could see it that way. But that's being pessimistic.

Like I said earlier, you're the one with the pessimistic outlook if you think people have to offer something for marriage and friendship...
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Ogurisama
02/16/20 2:22:57 PM
#41:


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ReggieTheReckless
02/16/20 2:25:03 PM
#42:


as an adult, nothing makes me want to be friends with anyone

I have my friends and I don't want anymore
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GreenKnight127
02/16/20 2:35:09 PM
#43:


LinkPizza posted...
That's because I never tried to elaborate on it. I've never been good at describing stuff. So I don't try when it's not needed.

Well, if you want to have a justifiable position on something while calling others wrong....then yeah. It is kinda needed. Otherwise you are just being disagreeable for the sake of being disagreeable. With no justification or explanation of your own position.

So I'll just assume it's because you know in your heart that you offer your friends things and they offer you things, and that's what makes the friendship a friendship. You are just scared to death of acknowledging my point because pride is a helluva drug ;)

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LinkPizza
02/16/20 2:45:08 PM
#44:


Ogurisama posted...
https://youtu.be/wx59zLqBRuI

I always forget this exist. But I still like it every time I see it...

GreenKnight127 posted...
Well, if you want to have a justifiable position on something while calling others wrong....then yeah. It is kinda needed. Otherwise you are just being disagreeable for the sake of being disagreeable. With no justification or explanation of your own position.

So I'll just assume it's because you know in your heart that you offer your friends things and they offer you things, and that's what makes the friendship a friendship. You are just scared to death of acknowledging my point because pride is a helluva drug ;)

What I mean is it's not needed because this is a message board. And not, say, something I need to explain for job. You don't always need to point out why you disagree with someone, but whatever. You just say I'm disagreeable because I'm disagreeing with you. Which is dumb since everybody on here has different stances on most things.

Like I said, you can think whatever you want if it helps you sleep better, but you know only what I post on here about me. So, your opinion is pointless. I know that my friends and I don't offer each other anything. Real friendship doesn't need offerings. But you can continue to believe that if you want. I'm not scared to admit anything. I just know I'm right and you're wrong. But it doesn't matter anyway, as you blocked me. Right after posting something at me. Based on that, it seems like you're scared to admit your friends aren't actually friends. But whatever...
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Official King of Kings
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wwinterj25
02/16/20 3:05:57 PM
#45:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Well, if you want to have a justifiable position on something while calling others wrong....then yeah. It is kinda needed.

You're wrong.


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One who knows nothing can understand nothing.
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GreenKnight127
02/16/20 3:25:35 PM
#46:


wwinterj25 posted...
You're wrong.

Nah. LinkPizza is just butthurt. Can't even explain his own stance on things, but wants to say others are wrong. I have no time for that BS. Why are you getting involved? Begone.

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Offensive (according to GameFaqs): sexually explicit, gory, or other obscene content.
Different opinions are not offensive unless they contain these elements.
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LinkPizza
02/16/20 3:31:04 PM
#47:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Nah. LinkPizza is just butthurt. Can't even explain his own stance on things, but wants to say others are wrong. I have no time for that BS. Why are you getting involved? Begone.

Definitely not butthurt. GreenKnight127 is the one that blocked a person that didn't agree with him. He seems like the butthurt one. Haha. I already told him I don't have to explain. But I did say he was wrong because I have many friends who I don't offer anything to except friendship. But you apparently can't offer that. And GreenKnight127 knows he's wrong. Which is why he posted a response to me, and immediately blocked me after, which doesn't really make any sense. Well, he's apparently know as a troll to some people. But it doesn't matter. Now I don't have to worry about the stupid things he says, along with OniRonin. I don't even blocked people myself. It's childish. But they can do what they want, I guess...

@wwinterj25 did he blocked you, too. That would show how childish he is. And probably shows that he knows he wrong, as well...
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Official King of Kings
Switch FC: 7216-4417-4511 Add Me because I'll probably add you. I'm probably the LinkPizza you'll see around.
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AWinterJ
02/16/20 3:34:54 PM
#48:


GreenKnight127 posted...
Nah. LinkPizza is just butthurt. Can't even explain his own stance on things, but wants to say others are wrong. I have no time for that BS. Why are you getting involved? Begone.
You call others butthurt yet you're the one actually blocking me. That's hypocritical and pathetic. Not a surprise though and guess what? You're still wrong. Why am I getting involved? This is a public message bored that's why. Grow up.

LinkPizza posted...
@wwinterj25 did he blocked you, too. That would show how childish he is. And probably shows that he knows he wrong, as well...

He did. Pointless really buy eh. He'll block this account too but it's not a big loss so who cares?

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AllstarSniper32
02/20/20 3:56:11 AM
#49:


So this GreenKnight person is just TerrisUS v2.0? Yuck.

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