Current Events > Would it be a bad idea to break up with my gf of 3 years via email?

(+) Yeah! (+)

TC

Do it, or just walk out with no conversation

Sounds toxic

Any update on the situation TC..?

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I hope he didn't do anything crazy. It's easy to let your emotions get the best of you when you get screwed over like this...

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This was a reddit post I saw today. Looks like it was removed, though.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ei1256/i_read_her_phone_and_what_i_saw_was_really_bad/
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Make sure you have all of your personal belongings then ghost her. Why give her an explanation when she clearly doesnt respect you at all? It sounds like she wouldnt give a shit if you explained to her that you caught her and all of that. Even if by chance she does feel guilt, her mother and whomever else will just convince her that shes not in the wrong.

She doesn't deserve an explanation or closure to your relationship. Just get your stuff, tell her its over, and never speak to this disgusting thing again. Whatever emotions you feel, channel them into something positive. Focus on yourself and I promise you that the right woman will come along.

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Updates bro

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Get all your stuff from her place, give her all her stuff from your place, then ghost her ass.

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Ok, Update.

New years came and went and I didn't send the email in the dramatic way I initially intended. When I got back from the office and reread my initial draft, I realised it was a cringy revenge letter soaked in hurt feelings, so I just figured I wasn't really in a place to make a clean or dignified decision. I wanted to go out and get drunk and not worry about it just yet. So I did that.

We actually had a small tiff on new years eve where she kept asking me what was wrong (over text) and I just deflected by saying I had some personal things to take care of. She said we are a team (something we always would say) and I can talk to her about anything. She then said I was being a prick for not telling her what it was and she would wait for me to contact her when I grow up. Colossal lol.

I left her hanging for 2 days and sent her a brief and direct text. Text:

I've given this some thought, and decided I dont want to see you or speak to you.

My gut told me something was off, so I read your phone. I saw everything.

We are done.

You can contact me by email for an evening to pick up your purse and whatever else is left, I'll leave your stuff outside the front door.

Happy new year. You and [guy she was banging] make quite the team.

I then blocked her on all social media and messaging apps, leaving only my email as a form of communication. I'm currently waiting a salty email that is sure to come any time today.

Thanks for all the advice. I know this isn't the blistering ghosting revenge a lot of you hoped for, but it's a good enough ending for me. I debated telling her about reading her messages. I know this potentially gives her ammunition, but frankly I didn't want her to attempt to gaslight me by suggesting that whatever I had heard from anyone else was a lie. I wanted the most simple and effective means of letting her know that I know who she is now.
TL;DR - broke up with her over text. Told her I knew everything. Blocked on everything.

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Satisfactory ending.

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TC, take some time to think about what would be best for you. Would email give you the closure you need? Phone? In person?

You don't owe her a goddamn thing. You deserve better than that. Normally breaking up through email is a shit move, but with how she has treated you that's fine as long as it makes you feel happy.

Good enough i suppose.

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Congrats, man. You are free! Be careful talking to her though. She sounds manipulative, don't let her drag you back in.

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Well lo and behold the email didn't take long. But it's a little disappointing to say the least.

Ive just come home for work tonight, mom and dad offered to get my things. They appreciate you are working, but want to know what would be a good time to pick up tonight if possible.

I told them everything, and they know exactly what Ive done. You wont need to see them or me, I wont be coming and you can just leave them outside.

There is my perfume and glasses also on your desk / windowsill also, if you see them, as well as the bag if you havent set it on fire.

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Sign up for tinder and match with her

Edit: yeah that email makes it seem like its been over for her for a while

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MildlyIrkedOwl posted...

Well lo and behold the email didn't take long. But it's a little disappointing to say the least.

Ive just come home for work tonight, mom and dad offered to get my things. They appreciate you are working, but want to know what would be a good time to pick up tonight if possible.

I told them everything, and they know exactly what Ive done. You wont need to see them or me, I wont be coming and you can just leave them outside.

There is my perfume and glasses also on your desk / windowsill also, if you see them, as well as the bag if you havent set it on fire.

I think it's good. You said why you were breaking up and kept it brief. She responded similarly and isn't trying to start an argument or whatever.

Don't listen to the others wanting drama and confusion
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TBH I know her and I think she's pretty broken up, but like me is trying to remain dignified and give nothing away. I'm sure her friends would be coaching her to not write a dramatic apology or whatever.

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JustMyOpinion posted...

You shouldn't expect anything. Just move on with your life.

This. A dramatic response would be interesting (Mostly for us), but there's nothing she could day that would truly matter.

A small, illogical part of you(A part that lies within all of us, this isn't a knock on you) may have been hoping for a last minute tear filled apology, just ignore it.

It's over. Done. Time to work on the next chapter of your life.

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That story actually went as well as it possibly could. Neither of you turned it into this big dramatic thing that wouldn't have been productive. Now you're free to go find someone who isn't a piece of shit and she can go fuck off.

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And good work not getting feelings all over your letter. It's just like emblem boy said.

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MildlyIrkedOwl posted...

TBH I know her and I think she's pretty broken up, but like me is trying to remain dignified and give nothing away. I'm sure her friends would be coaching her to not write a dramatic apology or whatever.

I wouldn't spend any more time thinking about her...

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Umbreon posted...

This. A dramatic response would be interesting (Mostly for us), but there's nothing she could day that would truly matter.

A small, illogical part of you(A part that lies within all of us, this isn't a knock on you) may have been hoping for a last minute tear filled apology, just ignore it.

It's over. Done. Time to work on the next chapter of your life.

Yeah I guess this is true. I want that hollywood "I've made the worst mistake of my life" crap but I guess that is just hollywood.

She replied again after I gave some basic instructions on where to find her stuff.

They are setting off soon if thats ok, they will be about 2 hours, would you mind just hanging onto them and she will text you about 10 mins before they get there, in case it gets stolen.

Must contain rage.

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good luck tc
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lol wow. Her mother just showed up to collect bag.

She said, "aw hun sorry you fell out". I could have smacked her.

I just handed her the bag and said bye and shut the door.

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I've done the whole "I'm leaving your stuff on the front porch". It felt pretty good. Why did you have to see the mom?

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i would say no, lol

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JustMyOpinion posted...

Fell out? Sounds like she lied to her mom. Oh well, it should end there.

Dude, her mom encouraged her to cheat.

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I'd do it in person unless you feel like your safety is an issue

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Very well done TC.

You handled it well.

The main reason i encouraged no contact so vehemently was because i was afraid for you to have the bitch (like you said) gaslight you, and try and talk you out of breaking up with her, giving you the fake tears, blaming you for the problems, etc. etc. etc.--so, thats why i encouraged no contact, and ghost mode.

Most men are not strong enough to simply say ''we are done'', and leave it at that. So, again, i cant stress this enough...you did a great job dude.

Hope you focus better on your home, job, and rebuilding your social life.

Also, if she reaches out, or says ANYthing to you...please let us know. I get the feeling that she will try and talk to you or something (over the course of the next couple weeks)....but i could be wrong of course.

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NeonOctopus posted...

Do it by telegram

NOW WE'RE FUCKING TALKIN'!

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That went about as good as it could of gone. Congrats on being mature with it and not letting it blow up into a bigger thing.

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