Current Events > Is a "good guy" the same as a "nice guy"?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Pancake posted...

it really made me think that you pulled that 'you're welcome!' shit, too. blame me. your attitude is awful.

Reciprocal obligations grease the cogwheels of society, friend. I was brought up to express a word of gratitude for a kindness shown, even a kindness I didn't ask for, and that it was a little everyday test of civility and mutual respect. I appreciate there are other people, like you, who were brought up to think differently.

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i mean, you're trying to suggest i don't thank other people, now. you're so done.

i thank other people and i hold doors open too, and get this: i don't pitch a fit if they forget to thank me. because you know, i'm not waiting for a chance to defend myself. i don't have this defensive and tiny attitude of I'm not your fucking doormat going in to the door-hold.

i want to re-post your snippet because now that we're on page 2 i think it's easier to ignore. but you literally said this:

I don't expect them to just sweep past me with their nose in the air as if I'm some mere lackey who's only giving them their due. I'm being nice, but I'm not your fucking doormat.

you actually said that. you are actually that small.
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Where's the fit being pictched there?

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Guys what are you even arguing about? Chill.

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No.

Some people are good but not nice. You don't have to be some social friendly person to be good.

Also some people are nice as a means of manipulation, which is not good.

Also I don't feel you have to be some servant doing things for everyone in exchange for nothing in return in order to be a good person. WTF is the limp-wristed logic in this topic lol.
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Pancake posted...

you actually said that. you are actually that small.

I just don't think other people should take other people for granted or treat them as invisible, and I think that people who do are quite selfish. Yes, I really am actually that small. Crucify me on a miniature cross for it.

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just because he didn't admit to throwing one doesn't mean he hasn't, or won't, if you're going to be that pedantic. i don't get how you read I'm not your fucking doormat and not link that to someone being combative or confrontational, but i get that pretending the link doesn't exist lets you participate in the argument.
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Firewerx posted...

I just don't think other people should take other people for granted or treat them as invisible, and I think that people who do are quite selfish. Yes, I really am actually that small. Crucify me on a miniature cross for it.

He has a pony avatar, man. Just ignore him. He's clearly unhinged and projecting.
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Pancake posted...

just because he didn't admit to throwing one doesn't mean he hasn't, or won't, if you're going to be that pedantic. i don't get how you read I'm not your fucking doormat and not link that to someone being combative or confrontational, but i get that pretending the link doesn't exist lets you participate in the argument.

You need to seek help. You have a problem. Not him. I'll pray for you.

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I just don't think other people should take other people for granted or treat them as invisible, and I think that people who do are quite selfish.

that's your issue, really. i'm here to tell you that people often just forget; they don't think you're invisible. they're not actually selfish.

you have all these assumptions about these people that are awful.
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Pancake posted...

you have all these assumptions

This should be applied to every one of your posts.

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This should be applied to every one of your posts.

my assumptions are informed. the dude literally said he wasn't anyone's fucking doormat.

while in that same snippet using language such as 'lackey' and 'nose in the air'. those are pre-conceived notions and assumptions. do you think they have basis in anything?
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Anytime someone tells me "you can trust me man" I'm like hmmmmm

trustworthy people don't have to tell you they are.

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Pancake posted...

i don't get how you read I'm not your fucking doormat and not link that to someone being combative or confrontational

Be advised: people coming angry into a topic from another topic is a thing.

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you're done and i'm not here to pick on anyone. go try that spell i posted. later potater.
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Dudes and bros. Merry Christmas to you fine people.

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A nice guy is typically someone who filters too much trying to spare feelings.

A good guy knows how to POLITELY state what he wants and makes no excuses.

This isnt just about getting into someones pants. Thats a strawman that people use constantly. Nice guys do not lash out at women.

The easiest way to determine a nice guy vs a good guy is to ask them one of two questions:

Do you want to go out and eat right now? When the guy is currently occupied.

Or

Where do you want to eat?

A good guy will have the confidence to decline the first question quickly without making up an excuse because he values his own time and knows its not rude. A nice guy will be hesitant to outright say no, and might actually drop what hes doing to go instead.

A good guy will bluntly answer the second question. No issues. A nice guy will, again, be hesitant to give a clear answer or might try to somehow spin it back with a Whatever youre okay with retort. Because they think doing what others want is the obvious nice choice.

Neither a nice guy or good guy are bad people. But the nice guy is prone to abuse much easier when a toxic person matches with them because unlike the good guy, a nice guy tries to value others wants above themselves because they think its nice. Continually abuse will lead to bitterness and then the nice guy slowly turns into the strawman Nice Guy potentially.

Just look at the posts in this topic. Calling them pathetic or wanting something in return. Whats truly sad is that a nice guy is just too filtered in an attempt to not cause conflict. A good guy simply knows that if being forthright and honest causes conflict, its a bad pairing.

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Yeah, I'm a good person... but I can also be an asshole, too. I'm nice to both genders, and girls have actually fell in love with me for that sole reason. I find it strange that they do, because of the whole 'nice guys finish last' myth, but it happens quite often for me.

I never really understood why I'm the way I am, though, because I'm not a 'beta' and I'm always thrown into leadership positions, but over the years, I feel like I have a sort of 'hero mentality' and thus I do what I do.

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Both genders, implying there's only 2
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MutantJohn posted...

Both genders, implying there's only 2

Really, trying to stir shit today of all days?

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Projection.

Not even a thank you!

Tell me how many times you've heard these words uttered. If I were a betting man and someone suggested 20 I'd bet "over"

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Idk about some of the stuff in this thread but the whole topic of holding doors is personally irritating for me. In that I've noticed in society men are literally expected to open and hold doors for women. I've had several women know I'm right behind them and they just let the door rail me in the face. And I've had women that have gotten mad that I let them go first through a door instead of rushing to open it for them. Shits wild. But yeah expecting things from people because you were nice is bad.

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Giblet_Enjoyer posted...

Not even a thank you!

Tell me how many times you've heard these words uttered. If I were a betting man and someone suggested 20 I'd bet "over"

I mean, I have. But you already made up your mind of what you're willing to believe. If Im out enough, I can hear it that much in a week. If you don't ever do anything for anyone, you probably won't hear it. That might be your problem

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no idea

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Skipping over this interim conversation that's happened and going back to what @Vol2tex originally said:

I think the framing problem with the "Is it okay for to be disappointed when a girl doesn't appreciate the nice things you did?" question is that though it doesn't have to be this way, most of the time the people who would get hung up over a specific woman not appreciating what they do is actually just fooling themselves into thinking that it's not tied up in romantic stuff.

If I hold open the door for someone and they don't say thank you, I don't really care because it takes zero effort. If I brought in some baked goods for my office and people ate them but no one thanked me or acknowledged it, sure I would be upset/disappointed. That doesn't mean it wasn't a nice thing for me to bring them in.

But if I do something nice for a female friend that I wouldn't do for a male friend and they don't appreciate it and I get upset (or even if I would do it for a male friend, but get more upset about it than if that person didn't appreciate it) there's something more going on than me just being nice.

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Anteaterking posted...

Skipping over this interim conversation that's happened and going back to what @Vol2tex originally said:

I think the framing problem with the "Is it okay for to be disappointed when a girl doesn't appreciate the nice things you did?" question is that though it doesn't have to be this way, most of the time the people who would get hung up over a specific woman not appreciating what they do is actually just fooling themselves into thinking that it's not tied up in romantic stuff.

If I hold open the door for someone and they don't say thank you, I don't really care because it takes zero effort. If I brought in some baked goods for my office and people ate them but no one thanked me or acknowledged it, sure I would be upset/disappointed. That doesn't mean it wasn't a nice thing for me to bring them in.

But if I do something nice for a female friend that I wouldn't do for a male friend and they don't appreciate it and I get upset (or even if I would do it for a male friend, but get more upset about it than if that person didn't appreciate it) there's something more going on than me just being nice.

I agree with that, but not even getting upset, just noticing that the person didn't seem appreciative of your efforts. I hope I didn't sound like I was portraying it as a guy sitting there crying or fuming over a girl not appreciating something he did for her.


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What would you say about this example?

I donated money through paypal (among other people donating) to a person I've known for years because she was mentioning on Instagram how sick her cat was and the cat needed emergency surgery. I am not romantically interested or want anything in return. The cat got the surgery and ended up fine. When I met up with her a few days later and we were talking about the cat, she didn't mention my donation but mentioned other people who donated.

I wasn't upset or anything and I forgot about it until right now, but I just found it interesting that she knew I sent money but didn't say thanks even when talking about it in person.

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Sometimes. You can be kind without being a doormat.

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Vol2tex posted...

I agree with that, but not even getting upset, just noticing that the person didn't seem appreciative of your efforts. I hope I didn't sound like I was portraying it as a guy sitting there crying or fuming over a girl not appreciating something he did for her.

Yeah I didn't take it that way exactly, I'm just thinking of some people I know who would do nice things for women just for generic female attention and would get upset any time something would not get received the way they wanted.

It wasn't targeted enough at one person to feel like a "Nice guy" thing, but at some point I feel like they should have been reflecting on why they were actually doing all of these kind things for women, especially when it kept ending with them feeling unappreciated.


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Vol2tex posted...

What would you say about this example?

I donated money through paypal (among other people donating) to a person I've known for years because she was mentioning on Instagram how sick her cat was and the cat needed emergency surgery. I am not romantically interested or want anything in return. The cat got the surgery and ended up fine. When I met up with her a few days later and we were talking about the cat, she didn't mention my donation but mentioned other people who donated.

I wasn't upset or anything and I forgot about it until right now, but I just found it interesting that she knew I sent money but didn't say thanks even when talking about it in person.

In a vacuum, I think that was a nice thing to do and I think she probably should have voiced gratitude to you, especially since she was soliciting donations. So in that regard I think it's reasonable for you to feel unappreciated.


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Vol2tex posted...

What would you say about this example?

I donated money through paypal (among other people donating) to a person I've known for years because she was mentioning on Instagram how sick her cat was and the cat needed emergency surgery. I am not romantically interested or want anything in return. The cat got the surgery and ended up fine. When I met up with her a few days later and we were talking about the cat, she didn't mention my donation but mentioned other people who donated.

I wasn't upset or anything and I forgot about it until right now, but I just found it interesting that she knew I sent money but didn't say thanks even when talking about it in person.

Aww, that's kinda shitty.

The sad fact is that women (young/pretty ones in particular) are just accustomed to being cared for by generally everyone so they don't really understand acts of kindness the way less privileged people do. But it's whatever, only thing that really matters in this instance is the cat and I'm glad she got enough money for the surgery

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