Poll of the Day > Counselling request

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have been struggling for close to 20 years with anxiety and nervousness. I think it has to do with the way i was raised. I can't live with the feeling, and tbh i don't know how to live without it.

I smoke and drink to help me cope, but i wish i didn't have to do those things anymore.

I'm also struggling with a lot of lust right now. A long time ago i took a vow of celibacy because I thought i could handle everything on my own, but now I feel i need a partner. I'll keep my eyes open for someone i can talk to and grow as a person, but the anxiety really hampers my ability to make lasting friendships and relationships. I have been talking to someone, but i have the feeling she rejected me today without actually saying it. I'm not heartbroken, but i do wish i could click with a woman, I haven't been with a woman since 2014.

On the plus side, I found my own place and i'm moving in a month away from my parents. Living with my parents for close to a year and a half in the middle of nowhere has destroyed me physically and emotionally.

Sometimes i wish i could be like one of those guys who doesn't care, but the truth is i do care a lot and i overthink everything, which adds to my anxiety.

Women have been by far the biggest source of love and pain in my life, and i don't know if i should go my own way and pursue goals, or if i should pursue women. How can i overcome what i'm going through? Thanks for reading, I feel i really just need someone to talk to right now.

Pursue your goals, finding happiness with relationships is like putting out a fire with fire, ok?
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minervo posted...

On the plus side, I found my own place and i'm moving in a month away from my parents. Living with my parents for close to a year and a half in the middle of nowhere has destroyed me physically and emotionally.

Sounds like a good move to be honest. That way you're not isolating yourself away too much.

minervo posted...

i overthink everything, which adds to my anxiety.

I'm in the same boat with this. Anxiety is terrible but made worse by the fact that Doctors or the like seem to be very dismissive of it from my experience because "it won't kill you". Have you tried things like mindfulness? That seems to be the only thing that helps a little for me. My anxiety seems to be more the physical symptoms of it that's keeping the cycle going though and I've only had it for around a couple of years.

minervo posted...

i don't know if i should go my own way and pursue goals, or if i should pursue women.

I suppose the most important thing is building foundations for you to live your life on and if you meet someone during that journey then great. If not than at least you can live comfortably. Of course nothing stops you doing both.
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ClarkDuke posted...

Pursue your goals, finding happiness with relationships is like putting out a fire with fire, ok?

Words of wisdom

TC it sounds like youre moving in the right direction in life by making changes to better yourself. All i can recommend is for you to continue making those changes so you can be happier

I mean its not the best advice but I think youre one of those people who already understand what they need to do to be in a happier spot in life

Venting is normal, actually good to see someone taking action to better themselves too
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minervo posted...

ClarkDuke posted...

Pursue your goals, finding happiness with relationships is like putting out a fire with fire, ok?

Words of wisdom

I've dealt with a lot of fires, known as chlamydia and gonorrhea, ok?
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A relationship won't fix you. If anything, your anxiety will perpetually sabotage any future endeavours. You need to get better for yourself and just tough it out, even on the days you think you can't. Along this route, you may find somebody that understands and accepts it, so keep an open mind, but don't get derailed by your emotions.

Therapy is a good idea. It'll help you peel off the layers like an onion and deal with the causes directly, rather than the symptoms. I went for 18~ months and it helped immensely. My advice for going that route is to be selective. Know the type of person you're most comfortable around (male/female, age, etc.) so that you're more likely to open up.

I've said this to others here because it's very true and will always help if you commit: start a basic workout routine. It'll help stabilize you in a number of ways, make you feel healthier, and boost your confidence as you get results. It sounds hokey, but try it optimistically.
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minervo posted...

ave been struggling for close to 20 years with anxiety and nervousness. I think it has to do with the way i was raised. I can't live with the feeling, and tbh i don't know how to live without it.

The interweb would be the worst possible place to go then.

fix yourself before you go after a woman, who is going to hate that you haven't attempted to better yourself for yourself

SpeeDLeemon posted...

fix yourself before you go after a woman, who is going to hate that you haven't attempted to better yourself for yourself

This.

Don't be like me.

TheWorstPoster posted...

The interweb would be the worst possible place to go then.

Plenty of support forums exist for anxiety and you can even do courses and stuff online for those who have social anxiety especially so you're wrong.
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@wwinterj25

I suppose i'm used to instant gratification and i want a woman but i'm not too willing to actually make it happen through legit means. I'm tired of jerking off. I'm tired of being alone, but i can't predict when it will happen and it's a hopeless feeling. You say you have anxiety, has that affected your ability to form relationships?

minervo posted...

You say you have anxiety, has that affected your ability to form relationships?

Oh my issues with forming relationships happened long before I had anxiety issues and my anxiety issues doesn't stop me going out to bars, pubs, clubs and whatever now and then so no, not really. Still if you want just sex you can always pay for it. I doubt they would care about your issues or lifestyle providing you have the cash.
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wwinterj25 posted...

minervo posted...

You say you have anxiety, has that affected your ability to form relationships?

Oh my issues with forming relationships happened long before I had anxiety issues and my anxiety issues doesn't stop me going out to bars, pubs, clubs and whatever now and then so no, not really. Still if you want just sex you can always pay for it. I doubt they would care about your issues or lifestyle providing you have the cash.

Is it nave of me to be shocked at how pro-prostitution GameFAQs users are?
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

A relationship won't fix you. If anything, your anxiety will perpetually sabotage any future endeavours. You need to get better for yourself and just tough it out, even on the days you think you can't. Along this route, you may find somebody that understands and accepts it, so keep an open mind, but don't get derailed by your emotions.

Therapy is a good idea. It'll help you peel off the layers like an onion and deal with the causes directly, rather than the symptoms. I went for 18~ months and it helped immensely. My advice for going that route is to be selective. Know the type of person you're most comfortable around (male/female, age, etc.) so that you're more likely to open up.

I've said this to others here because it's very true and will always help if you commit: start a basic workout routine. It'll help stabilize you in a number of ways, make you feel healthier, and boost your confidence as you get results. It sounds hokey, but try it optimistically.

I'm thinking of going to a church for my therapy needs because therapy in the past has been fruitless. I will start that when i move, i just hope i can tough it out for another month here. You mentioned being derailed by emotions, how can i learn to control my emotions so i can get things done more efficiently? I feel like a man/woman hybrid because women are supposed to be emotional and men are supposed to get shit done but i'm like both.

TheCyborgNinja posted...

Is it nave of me to be shocked at how pro-prostitution GameFAQs users are?

Perhaps. Only I understand folk have needs and for whatever reason may not be able to/want to fulfil those needs naturally so treat is as a simply business transaction.
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minervo posted...

TheCyborgNinja posted...

A relationship won't fix you. If anything, your anxiety will perpetually sabotage any future endeavours. You need to get better for yourself and just tough it out, even on the days you think you can't. Along this route, you may find somebody that understands and accepts it, so keep an open mind, but don't get derailed by your emotions.

Therapy is a good idea. It'll help you peel off the layers like an onion and deal with the causes directly, rather than the symptoms. I went for 18~ months and it helped immensely. My advice for going that route is to be selective. Know the type of person you're most comfortable around (male/female, age, etc.) so that you're more likely to open up.

I've said this to others here because it's very true and will always help if you commit: start a basic workout routine. It'll help stabilize you in a number of ways, make you feel healthier, and boost your confidence as you get results. It sounds hokey, but try it optimistically.

I'm thinking of going to a church for my therapy needs because therapy in the past has been fruitless. I will start that when i move, i just hope i can tough it out for another month here. You mentioned being derailed by emotions, how can i learn to control my emotions so i can get things done more efficiently? I feel like a man/woman hybrid because women are supposed to be emotional and men are supposed to get shit done but i'm like both.

Men are supposed to bottle things up, according to society. I did that for about 20 years until I cracked. I was very reactionary and aggressive at times, which almost got me into trouble here and there. It was a symptom of the anxiety though. Trying to control my anger did nothing to eliminate what was causing it in the first place. I needed introspection.

The best way to start is to ask yourself "why" you feel a certain way and then try to be as objective as possible with regards to whether or not it's valid, what the most likely/realistic result is, and how impactful it would be. I had a lot of anticipatory anxiety and just constantly questioning my feelings helped over time. It won't feel like it's working for months, possibly, but it's gradual and one day you'll probably just worry less in general. It's a matter of minimizing "all or nothing" thinking and grounding yourself.

Church can be good if you want a welcoming community to help you out, but the trap there is just being told to pray or let God guide you, which are hollow platitudes and not actually helping you untie any knots. It's just substituting one distraction for another.

Group therapy was as helpful to me as a bladder infection. One on one did the trick though.
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wwinterj25 posted...

TheCyborgNinja posted...

Is it nave of me to be shocked at how pro-prostitution GameFAQs users are?

Perhaps. Only I understand folk have needs and for whatever reason may not be able to/want to fulfil those needs naturally so treat is as a simply business transaction.

Personally i don't think i'll go that route because i feel that might make me addicted and i don't have the money for that kind of addiction. I want to have relationships with people that's beneficial for both parties, and to give someone money to fuck me is a little one sided.

@TheCyborgNinja

My way of dealing with the anxiety is to fawn myself and just ditch people that hurt me. I do need some serious therapy, and in general i want to be way more active. I thought that living with my parents would be easy, doing nothing but playing video games and things like that, but through inaction my own mind started to turn on me and i overanalyzed my whole life in vain because i started seeing darkness and i only saw the bad side of everything.

minervo posted...

Personally i don't think i'll go that route because i feel that might make me addicted and i don't have the money for that kind of addiction. I want to have relationships with people that's beneficial for both parties, and to give someone money to fuck me is a little one sided.

Yeah I mean the lack of cash and fact I'd rather have a relationship is the reason I've not gone down that road. I can certainly see the appeal though.
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minervo posted...

@TheCyborgNinja

My way of dealing with the anxiety is to fawn myself and just ditch people that hurt me. I do need some serious therapy, and in general i want to be way more active. I thought that living with my parents would be easy, doing nothing but playing video games and things like that, but through inaction my own mind started to turn on me and i overanalyzed my whole life in vain because i started seeing darkness and i only saw the bad side of everything.

Yeah, I understand. That's exactly why the psychiatrist I saw refused to give people disability for mental illness. He said it just made them sit home and stay miserable.

You don't seem to have problems going out, so go to a gym. The less you do, the less you want to and the more you accidentally dwell just to pass the time.
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ClarkDuke posted...

minervo posted...

ClarkDuke posted...

Pursue your goals, finding happiness with relationships is like putting out a fire with fire, ok?

Words of wisdom

I've dealt with a lot of fires, known as chlamydia and gonorrhea, ok?

This wasn't a joke, wear protection, ok?
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