Current Events > Man pays wife's student loans, she divorces him

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Crepes posted...

TheMikh posted...

this is why you don't date or marry women with bad credit or debt

Or on the other hand you do as they are easier to control.

you have more to lose than they do, meaning they're in a perfectly good position to destroy you
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Zanzenburger posted...

Darkman124 posted...

Cleo_II posted...

My ex demanded one a week before our wedding and I said no.

Tbh, that is a shitty thing for him to do. It wouldn't even hold up--you need more time than that to review it/subject it to lawyers' analysis/etc.

My wife and I have one, but we worked it out soon after we got engaged on the fundamental basis that we wanted any end between us to be decided by the people we were at that time.

This is the part that bothers me about prenups. I got married at age 24. I was in grad school and didn't have a penny in my name at the time. I also made a couple of bonehead decisions that I look back at in shame. No way would I have wanted that guy to make those kinds of decisions for our future selves. I didn't even know what to expect in my future, and the nuances that would have made any kind of agreement outdated pretty quickly.

We've been married 7 years, and any prenup would have to be remade at least 7 times, as our value and life situation has changed dramatically, and with it, comes more wisdom. For example, our laser tag business. The business started as an equal partnership. However, I put more work at the beginning stages and took more risks (i.e. I took more loans in my name). If we split around that time, I would have fought for majority share of the business.

However, recently, due to a layoff and some health issues, my wife has taken over the business and renovated it completely, using her time and skills. She's in the process of installing and opening a beefed up restaurant in there to make it more like a Dave and Busters with laser tag. With the amount of work she's put into it, I'd be more willing to give her a bigger share of the business (liquidation or otherwise) because of that work she'd put into it and the return it's brought us. I make more anyways salary-wise so it wouldn't be a big deal for me.

24-year-old me wouldn't have been able to account for any of that. Heck, I had no idea we'd even own a laser tag business one day. I can't imagine a situation where my wife and I wouldn't be able to work out a divorce professionally if it came down to it. We've had some troubled points and got through them without ever disrespecting the other or trying to take the other down.

You still have those 3 adopted girls too? Another pretty dramatic turn there though I haven't seen you say anything about it for a while so I don't know where it stands.
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TommyG663513 posted...

You still have those 3 adopted girls too? Another pretty dramatic turn there though I haven't seen you say anything about it for a while so I don't know where it stands.

lol right? How would that have worked out? But I actually don't have them anymore. There were some complications in transitioning them from foster children to adoptive kids and so we had to give them up to another home.
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I feel like some of the people in this topic think prenups are just some shit you sign and it stops the spouse from getting fair share.

Whatever yall both get during the marriage will be looked at and split up whether in mediation or in court. You will never see someone get absolutely nothing. You will see people get screwed but i can guarantee you they arent telling the whole story.

Also If the person doesnt like the terms of the prenup what do you do? You really think that wont put a subconscious wedge into your relationship?
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I could have sworn that I saw this story a long time ago, but maybe it wasn't that long ago. Or maybe it was a similar story because I've definitely seen this scenario described out before.

Either way, yeah this scenario sucks. Don't get blinded by a cute face broskis.
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@fenderbender321

Thats the whole point, a woman who trusts you and is willing to sign means she is not ever planning to take you to the cleaners.

Women who refuse to sign a prenup almost always have a sinister reason not to as divorce almost always favors the woman and women know this.

If she refuses to sign a prenup DO NOT MARRY HER, divorce is mostly initiated by women and it heavily favors them 99% of the time.
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Offworlder1 posted...

Women who refuse to sign a prenup almost always have a sinister reason not to as divorce almost always favors the woman and women know this.

Eh, I'm not so sure the usual reason is necessarily "sinister" per se. I think most people really buy into the whole "unconditional love" thought process and they see a prenup as something that doesn't line up with that. I don't necessarily think "I'm going to divorce him and take his stuff" is usually the motivating factor here. At least that's the impression I've come away with when I've gotten into, at times, heated discussions with many female friends about the topic.

Although I do think that deep down most women are aware that marriage in general tends to favor them. That's also an impression I've gotten from those same female friends during those same discussions.
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@Twin3Turbo

Then they do have sinister motives knowing marriage favors them as does divorce. Theres no reason women would get into a heated discussion about that if they were not aware that they have the most to gain in marriage and divorce.

When is the last time you heard the court giving alimony to the man and the woman NOT complaining or bitching about it ??
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That's one way to get out of debt :o
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Offworlder1 posted...

@Twin3Turbo

Then they do have sinister motives knowing marriage favors them as does divorce. Theres no reason women would get into a heated discussion about that if they were not aware that they have the most to gain in marriage and divorce.

When is the last time you heard the court giving alimony to the man and the woman NOT complaining or bitching about it ??

Eh, knowing something favors you doesn't mean that you have sinister motives. By that logic, me getting a prenup would mean that I have "sinister motives" because I know that it would favor me (as opposed to getting divorced without one)

My impression is that they get heated about it because they deeply value love and marriage, see it as something that is supposed to last forever and usually have some unrealistic view of how it should be or how it works to be honest. Not necessarily because there is something sinister behind it. They get into a heated debate about it because getting married is a core tenet/belief/goal/ whatever you want to call it in their life that's been rammed into their heads for as long as they can remember, and a prenup doesn't line up with their fairy tale expectations.
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Men get a prenup so they dont get fucked up the ass in a divorce, there is almost never a time where divorce favors a man. Women who have cheated, and lied about the baby being his have gotten child support and alimony even when proven to be a liar from the guy who is not the kids father.

A prenup is more like marriage insurance, but it is not an advantage or having a leg up.

@Twin3Turbo
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Offworlder1 posted...

Men get a prenup so they dont get fucked up the ass in a divorce, there is almost never a time where divorce favors a man. Women who have cheated, and lied about the baby being his have gotten child support and alimony even when proven to be a liar from the guy who is not the kids father.

A prenup is more like marriage insurance, but it is not an advantage or having a leg up.

@Twin3Turbo

I guess it depends on how you look at it.

It could be a leg up from a "I'd be better off than you if we got divorced" standpoint, which is pretty much the power that the person that makes less money has generally speaking in the marriage because courts try to make them "whole". Either way the power dynamic shifts from woman being able to divorce as she pleases and get money to man gets to divorce as he pleases and potentially leave her with relatively little.

I think these women just want some protection if the thing goes sour, which is certainly self preservation but I'm just not so sure I would call it "sinister", or their primary motivation for getting married in the first place usually.

Either way we ultimately agree, dudes probably have little to gain from getting married and generally shouldn't, and they def shouldn't marry someone without a solid prenup.
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I'd like to get married eventually, but stories like this do scare me a bit sometimes.
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If she loves you she'll get a prenup because it proves she really wants to be with you forever. Otherwise the love isn't strong enough to warrant marrying her.
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