Current Events > So my relationship of 4 years may be coming to an end...

(+) Yeah! (+)

Quality women don't want dependas.
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ExtremeLuchador posted...

Quality women don't want dependas.

I consider myself quality. If I had a so in school trying to achieve his goals I would help all that I could. A guy with goals and a plan is top notch quality waiting to happen.

C_Pain posted...

I feel like in these topics, even though clearly she's in the wrong, people don't get how just "dump that bitch" is hard. You've been together 4 years, you love her, and it's all you know.

misery loves company
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Honestly, it sounds like she wants a man who has his shit together so she can start a family. You are not that person.

Might as well end it. Some women wanna have kids in their early 20s. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Most women want a financially stable man. If you were making 100k and she was making 105k she prolly wouldn't perceive money the same as she does now.

If you dated her for four years and didn't make enough progress financially and academically, she probably got tired of waiting and trying to help from the sidelines. Honestly, some men need a woman like this.
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I may have missed it. What is your degree going to be in? What are your job prospects after you get the degree? Do you have someone lined up willing to hire you? What are you making now versus when you finish your degree? Depending upon the answers to these questions, she could be quite rational.

Regardless of whether or not you stick with her, you could look into that.

I talked to my wife about wanting to go to med school. She told me if I wanted to do it, we would sell all our stuff, she would work overtime, and we would make it happen. I couldnt let her sacrifice that much, but it just goes to illustrated the kind of woman you want on your side.
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C7D posted...

I may have missed it. What is your degree going to be in? What are your job prospects after you get the degree? Do you have someone lined up willing to hire you? What are you making now versus when you finish your degree? Depending upon the answers to these questions, she could be quite rational.

Regardless of whether or not you stick with her, you could look into that.

I talked to my wife about wanting to go to med school. She told me if I wanted to do it, we would sell all our stuff, she would work overtime, and we would make it happen. I couldnt let her sacrifice that much, but it just goes to illustrated the kind of woman you want on your side.

I'm in school for Physical Therapy, and I'm going all the way to a doctorate. I was going to graduate with my A.S. and be a PTA in the mean time. I will have a job for me after I graduate. Right now I'm making roughly $16/hr. After school I should be making around $30/hr. Before I'm even 30.
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Lathissamus posted...

C7D posted...

I may have missed it. What is your degree going to be in? What are your job prospects after you get the degree? Do you have someone lined up willing to hire you? What are you making now versus when you finish your degree? Depending upon the answers to these questions, she could be quite rational.

Regardless of whether or not you stick with her, you could look into that.

I talked to my wife about wanting to go to med school. She told me if I wanted to do it, we would sell all our stuff, she would work overtime, and we would make it happen. I couldnt let her sacrifice that much, but it just goes to illustrated the kind of woman you want on your side.

I'm in school for Physical Therapy, and I'm going all the way to a doctorate. I was going to graduate with my A.S. and be a PTA in the mean time. I will have a job for me after I graduate. Right now I'm making roughly $16/hr. After school I should be making around $30/hr. Before I'm even 30.

... you doing anything later?
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

Lathissamus posted...

C7D posted...

I may have missed it. What is your degree going to be in? What are your job prospects after you get the degree? Do you have someone lined up willing to hire you? What are you making now versus when you finish your degree? Depending upon the answers to these questions, she could be quite rational.

Regardless of whether or not you stick with her, you could look into that.

I talked to my wife about wanting to go to med school. She told me if I wanted to do it, we would sell all our stuff, she would work overtime, and we would make it happen. I couldnt let her sacrifice that much, but it just goes to illustrated the kind of woman you want on your side.

I'm in school for Physical Therapy, and I'm going all the way to a doctorate. I was going to graduate with my A.S. and be a PTA in the mean time. I will have a job for me after I graduate. Right now I'm making roughly $16/hr. After school I should be making around $30/hr. Before I'm even 30.

... you doing anything later?

Yeah, sleep lmao
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How is 30$/hr bad money?
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Sometimes it seems like a vagina is basically a suction cup to a couch.

Lathissamus posted...

she is basically saying it's her way or the highway

Lathissamus posted...

I've let her do basically whatever she's wanted to for the sum of our relationship.

Lol
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The bright side is, he's now free to find a woman who sees his actual worth and will support him as he supports her. And hopefully uses her brain way more.
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Perascamin posted...

How is 30$/hr bad money?

She'll be making more.

It's not bad money at all though.

Leanaunfurled posted...

The bright side is, he's now free to find a woman who sees his actual worth and will support him as he supports her. And hopefully uses her brain way more.

Honestly I'm done with relationships for now.
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TC, ya did good. Proud of you man. It can't have been easy

Now is the time to cut all contact. If that gets you down, do whatever you feel you need to do to cheer yourself up. You've earned it, man.
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teepan95 posted...

TC, ya did good. Proud of you man. It can't have been easy

Now is the time to cut all contact. If that gets you down, do whatever you feel you need to do to cheer yourself up. You've earned it, man.

I'm trying to keep myself occupied, but I'm also slowly realizing that I don't have many friends to hang out with/talk to about it.

Any good games I should pick up to keep my mind off of it?
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Your free now, do all the things you used to enjoy before you had that selfish bitch in your life.
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Lathissamus posted...

teepan95 posted...

TC, ya did good. Proud of you man. It can't have been easy

Now is the time to cut all contact. If that gets you down, do whatever you feel you need to do to cheer yourself up. You've earned it, man.

I'm trying to keep myself occupied, but I'm also slowly realizing that I don't have many friends to hang out with/talk to about it.

Any good games I should pick up to keep my mind off of it?

What kind of games do you like? I love StarDew valley.

D-Lo_BrownTown posted...

Fuck that

Dump that bitch now.

Jiggy101011 posted...

Lathissamus posted...

Dustin1280 posted...

Ask her if she plans to pay for those loans required to do what she wants.

And frankly the fact that she went as far as to issue an ultimatum simply because she will temporarily(?) be making more money then you is ridiculous...

It makes me wonder why you stuck with this woman as long as you have, because that is insanely controlling....

Idk, she didn't start being this way until like a year ago. I still have feelings for her, but she has been stressing me out a lot about this. I want her to let me do my schooling the way I feel comfortable about it but she doesn't se to care.

She also is trying to rush into having a kid, despite the fact that she is only 23. I want to be two years into my career before starting my family, she wants to do it next year. Also she wants to go straight from school to buying a house.

Yet I still lover her. When I look at her I see all the great times we've had in the past. I'm not sure if I'm with her for who she is now or who she once was. :/

Sounds like to me she is ready to be in her mind what an adult is and sees you as still trying to figure out your life. That's not a knock on you, but I know both men and women that get like that in their mid to late 20s because society dictates they should have moved out into a house, have a kid or two, and be in financially stable jobs all by the time they hit 30.

Yeah I agree, this sounds like what it is. But she's going about it in the wrong way. Maybe she'll realize it or maybe she won't but regardless never put yourself in financial debt to satisfy someone else because it is hard as fuck to get out of it and it doesn't feel good to live day to day in debt to someone else.

It's a hard thing to do but moving on is the best. Move on and don't feel any regret once your do. Any time your start to think what if or think about if you could have handled it better just remember that you made the right decision

Lathissamus posted...

It's really starting to sink in now. 4 years.

It's all good don't think about it like this everything good eventually comes to an end

Lathissamus posted...

teepan95 posted...

TC, ya did good. Proud of you man. It can't have been easy

Now is the time to cut all contact. If that gets you down, do whatever you feel you need to do to cheer yourself up. You've earned it, man.

I'm trying to keep myself occupied, but I'm also slowly realizing that I don't have many friends to hang out with/talk to about it.

Any good games I should pick up to keep my mind off of it?

Pick up Tekken 7 that's a good one to get your stress out and keep you occupied

Lathissamus posted...

C7D posted...

I may have missed it. What is your degree going to be in? What are your job prospects after you get the degree? Do you have someone lined up willing to hire you? What are you making now versus when you finish your degree? Depending upon the answers to these questions, she could be quite rational.

Regardless of whether or not you stick with her, you could look into that.

I talked to my wife about wanting to go to med school. She told me if I wanted to do it, we would sell all our stuff, she would work overtime, and we would make it happen. I couldnt let her sacrifice that much, but it just goes to illustrated the kind of woman you want on your side.

I'm in school for Physical Therapy, and I'm going all the way to a doctorate. I was going to graduate with my A.S. and be a PTA in the mean time. I will have a job for me after I graduate. Right now I'm making roughly $16/hr. After school I should be making around $30/hr. Before I'm even 30.

You're on the right track then. Don't let her opinions make your feel bad about what you're doing and your overall status in life.

There are plenty of women or there who would not only be happy when where you are not also proud. Just keep it up and don't start slacking or let the sad feelings get in the way of your work and progress. As long as you keep doing what you're doing and stay consistent you'll be good

So.....

We met up and talked. She owned up to her faults, admitted she was wrong and that she was sorry for pushing me away. We both discussed some things, like what we want, what we'd do if we got back together. She conceded on the whole buying a house thing and making a family so soon; she also conceded on the whole school thing, so I don't know where we're going from here. She did say that she was rushing things, and she apologized.

I think I'm going to get back together. Despite her faults, I have my own faults too -- and talking to her today, I was happy just to even see her.

This whole situation has been crazy to me. I haven't been able to sleep or concentrate really this whole time. It sounds cliche and strange, but she's a huge part of my life. It's hard to see myself without her. Too strong of a bond here.
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You do know she is only saying this shit because you dumped her right ?

When you get back together with her she will know that your a doormat and how to refine her manipulation.

What she was saying is not just some willy nilly bs, she will pull it again but with higher stakes and ultimatums that only hurt you.
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Thats good that she owned up to it. We're all human people make mistakes. If you two get back together I hope it works out

Be careful TC, she might be confused as well but still have the intention of forming you into her ideal person. She proved it once and one week typically isn't enough for someone to change drastically.

Also, this topic at least taught you not to take OpheliaAdenade seriously. Don't ever take them seriously.
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Based on what you said earlier in the topic, TC, she's just one of those stock women that rely heavily on the husband instead of being her own person. Basically, she sounds exactly like the kind of woman that would cheat several years into the marriage, divorce you, and take half of everything.
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Yeah I think you shouldn't get too comfortable she may change her mind down the line still try to force things on you. Just be prepare yourself for the worst emotionally but hopefully things work out

Sounds like you are both trying. It's important to work together instead of just throwing away so much. Good luck.

Lathissamus posted...

So.....

We met up and talked. She owned up to her faults, admitted she was wrong and that she was sorry for pushing me away. We both discussed some things, like what we want, what we'd do if we got back together. She conceded on the whole buying a house thing and making a family so soon; she also conceded on the whole school thing, so I don't know where we're going from here. She did say that she was rushing things, and she apologized.

I think I'm going to get back together. Despite her faults, I have my own faults too -- and talking to her today, I was happy just to even see her.

This whole situation has been crazy to me. I haven't been able to sleep or concentrate really this whole time. It sounds cliche and strange, but she's a huge part of my life. It's hard to see myself without her. Too strong of a bond here.

Congrats, you failed.
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so what happens when youre married and she issues another ultimatum only this time you walking costs you hundreds of thousands so she has all the leverage?

to me the fact she gave you an ultimatum like that, that is the deal breaker there. Not the exact content of the ultimatum. but I have a no-ultimatums ultimatum.
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Drpooplol posted...

Lathissamus posted...

Well, I guess I can give the basics.

1. I'm in community college pursuing my Associate's.
2. I'll be done with my education by 2020.
3. She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.
5. Her way or the highway.

Dump her bitch ass

Dump her and move on... She's way too controlling
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KILBOTz posted...

so what happens when youre married and she issues another ultimatum only this time you walking costs you hundreds of thousands so she has all the leverage?

to me the fact she gave you an ultimatum like that, that is the deal breaker there. Not the exact content of the ultimatum. but I have a no-ultimatums ultimatum.

Are all ultimatums bad?

I mean, it's pretty much saying "this is what I need/want, if you can't provide that, we aren't meant for each other.

We all have our deal breaker
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emblem boy posted...

KILBOTz posted...

so what happens when youre married and she issues another ultimatum only this time you walking costs you hundreds of thousands so she has all the leverage?

to me the fact she gave you an ultimatum like that, that is the deal breaker there. Not the exact content of the ultimatum. but I have a no-ultimatums ultimatum.

Are all ultimatums bad?

I mean, it's pretty much saying "this is what I need/want, if you can't provide that, we aren't meant for each other.

We all have our deal breaker

to me its the expression of ultimatums.
it is fine to have deal breakers but change has to come from within IMO. if its external motivation (pleasing your significant other) it doesn't last from what I've seen.

saying "I can't raise a family with someone who smokes crack." that's a fair statement to me.
saying "You need to stop smoking crack or I leave", that sort of communication doesn't work for me.
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@KILBOTz

Exactly, how they word it and phrase it matters, and yes ultimatums are always a bad thing in my book as well and a deal breaker.

Seen a lot of people break up because an ultimatum was given and the person just dumped them with zero regrets.

Asking, requesting, saying I cant be with a person if your doing ____. is far better then stop doing ____ or I leave.

Even something reasonable is shit when it is part of an ultimatum.
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