Current Events > So my relationship of 4 years may be coming to an end...

(+) Yeah! (+)

The story is that she gave me an ultimatum regarding school. Not gonna go into specifics, but she is basically saying it's her way or the highway. Issue is, her way is not good for me at all. I love her, and I've let her do basically whatever she's wanted to for the sum of our relationship. I don't want to end it but I refuse to be put into a less-than-desirable situation all because she wants me to do things her way.

I guess I'm just venting.

But we're supposed to be meeting up tonight -- that's when we'll discuss it, and I guess I'll give an update after. But it's gonna be tough for me. Maybe I can get her to change her mind on all of this, maybe not. I hope for the best.
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what she wants you to pay for her school or co-sign her loans?
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Yeah, you are going to have to go into specifics for me to comment on this at all or AT LEAST some sort of explanation what the ultimatum regarding school was....
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Dustin1280 posted...

Yeah, you are going to have to go into specifics for me to comment on this at all or AT LEAST some sort of explanation what the ultimatum regarding school was....

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Life is too short to live by someone else's direction.

There's a lot of women out there.
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Lathissamus posted...

and I've let her do basically whatever she's wanted to for the sum of our relationship.

Maybe that's the problem? Healthy relationships are usually more give and take. At this point it would almost be like you're changing the conditions you've already agreed to.

I hope you can work it out, though.
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Dustin1280 posted...

Yeah, you are going to have to go into specifics for me to comment on this at all or AT LEAST some sort of explanation what the ultimatum regarding school was....

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Well, I guess I can give the basics.

1. I'm in community college pursuing my Associate's.
2. I'll be done with my education by 2020.
3. She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.
5. Her way or the highway.
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Fuck that

Dump that bitch now.
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Lathissamus posted...

She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.

Yeah fuck all that

So she's controlling and wants not only your money, but complete direction of your life.

The highway is the FAR better option.
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Ask her if she plans to pay for those loans required to do what she wants.

And frankly the fact that she went as far as to issue an ultimatum simply because she will temporarily(?) be making more money then you is ridiculous...

It makes me wonder why you stuck with this woman as long as you have, because that is insanely controlling....

Honestly I would NEVER have let myself stay in a relationship with someone that is that controlling for as long as you have. I would have dumped her in a couple of months if that....
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Its only gonna get worse from here
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Lathissamus posted...

Well, I guess I can give the basics.

1. I'm in community college pursuing my Associate's.
2. I'll be done with my education by 2020.
3. She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.
5. Her way or the highway.

Dump her bitch ass
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Agree to this

Get one last screw in

Then dump her

Make sure you get everything you want out of that lay.
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Dumping her now might be the best decision of your life, especially because you're in school. Think of all the college poon.
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she sounds like a real winner. even if she doesn't back down her attitude isn't one I would want around me all the time. can you imagine your relationship if you get injured and on disability or something while she continues to work?
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All good things must come to an end. Cut your losses if she's making you choose between her or your career. She made you decide, and she's going to have to deal with the answer.
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KILBOTz posted...

she sounds like a real winner. even if she doesn't back down her attitude isn't one I would want around me all the time. can you imagine your relationship if you get injured and on disability or something while she continues to work?

Yeah I honestly am surprised you have stuck with her as long as you have... That sounds like a terribly abusive relationship to stay in...
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Lathissamus posted...

Well, I guess I can give the basics.

1. I'm in community college pursuing my Associate's.
2. I'll be done with my education by 2020.
3. She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.
5. Her way or the highway.

nope nope nope
back out homie.
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D-Lo_BrownTown posted...

Fuck that

Dump that bitch now.

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Dustin1280 posted...

Ask her if she plans to pay for those loans required to do what she wants.

And frankly the fact that she went as far as to issue an ultimatum simply because she will temporarily(?) be making more money then you is ridiculous...

It makes me wonder why you stuck with this woman as long as you have, because that is insanely controlling....

Idk, she didn't start being this way until like a year ago. I still have feelings for her, but she has been stressing me out a lot about this. I want her to let me do my schooling the way I feel comfortable about it but she doesn't se to care.

She also is trying to rush into having a kid, despite the fact that she is only 23. I want to be two years into my career before starting my family, she wants to do it next year. Also she wants to go straight from school to buying a house.

Yet I still lover her. When I look at her I see all the great times we've had in the past. I'm not sure if I'm with her for who she is now or who she once was. :/
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Yeah dont cave in on financial aspects of a relationship ever TC. If you cave in now. You will only set yourself up to caving in later. If she was that into you that it shouldn't matter how rich you are etc...
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God damn... Cut your losses and move on, man. I know it sucks but you only have one sane option here.
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None of that made any sense
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Lathissamus posted...

She also is trying to rush into having a kid, despite the fact that she is only 23. I want to be two years into my career before starting my family, she wants to do it next year. Also she wants to go straight from school to buying a house.

She's 23 years old. Meaning, she doesn't really have any life experience. Got it. Maybe it's time to give her some.
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Sounds like she's used to pushing you around and getting her way. This is probably the time to call her bluff and see. If she wants to break up over that, this was probably not meant to work out anyway. And if not, maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.
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glitteringfairy posted...

None of that made any sense

None of it makes sense to me either.
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The whole student loan thing should be non-negotiable. She literally wants to put you into more debt to satisfy her ideals and I highly doubt she'd be willing to pay if she's complaining about men should be making more than the woman

D-Lo_BrownTown posted...

Agree to this

Get one last screw in

Then dump her

Make sure you get everything you want out of that lay.

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Heart to heart with her TC.

The path will reveal itself.

Honesty is key.
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Axiom posted...

The whole student loan thing should be non-negotiable. She literally wants to put you into more debt to satisfy her ideals and I highly doubt she'd be willing to pay if she's complaining about men should be making more than the woman

Additionally, there's no guarantee that she'll be around in 1 or 2 years. Then you've accrued all this debt and moved to a different city when you could have just stuck to a more responsible plan.
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Lathissamus posted...

She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school.

Holy gender roles Batman! Seriously though, we are done here.
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Lathissamus posted...

glitteringfairy posted...

None of that made any sense

None of it makes sense to me either.

Unless she is willing to pay for ALL of your extra cost in school loans, you need to stick to your guns on this.

Even if she WAS willing to pay for that, I would still question if caving in this situation is the right thing to do.

This is a turning point for your relationship and it has 3 outcomes.

1. You will become her bitch for the rest of your life, and never get to make decisions in the future
2. You will stick to your guns and she WON'T end the relationship because of it (best possible outcome if you can't see yourself leaving her)
3. She will end it because you aren't caving to her demands...

Two & three are the only GOOD outcomes...
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Dustin1280 posted...

Lathissamus posted...

glitteringfairy posted...

None of that made any sense

None of it makes sense to me either.

Unless she is willing to pay for ALL of your extra cost in school loans, you need to stick to your guns on this.

Even if she WAS willing to pay for that, I would still question if caving in this situation is the right thing to do.

This is a turning point for your relationship and it has 3 outcomes.

1. You will become her bitch for the rest of your life, and never get to make decisions in the future
2. You will stick to your guns and she WON'T end the relationship because of it (best possible outcome if you can't see yourself leaving her)
3. She will end it because you aren't caving to her demands...

Two & three are the only GOOD outcomes...

You are right, 100% I'm hoping she will concede and let me do it my way.
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Even if you get her to budge on this things are just gonna get worse down the line.
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D-Lo_BrownTown posted...

D-Lo_BrownTown posted...

Agree to this

Get one last screw in

Then dump her

Make sure you get everything you want out of that lay.

Thing is, I'm not even thinking about sex right now from how stressed I am.
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Do yourself a huge favor and kick this controling psycho bitch to the curb NOW, you need to not let her run your life and you sure as shit dont need her ruining your finances with debt, extra loans for her way for school.

She is a gold dogger with her the man should always make more, I want a kid in 1 year and a house. Run the fuck away from this one and in 3 weeks time you will know you saved your life from being fucked hard.
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I would just dump her outright tbh, but yeah I guess the best path for you would be just to stick to your guns and hope she caves.
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Lathissamus posted...

You are right, 100% I'm hoping she will concede and let me do it my way.

Don't get your hopes up. I was in a somewhat similar situation with a 6 yr relationship. I was finishing up med school and we were engaged. She didn't want to move out of her home city and she gave me an ultimatum to pick a residency program in that city. I figured she was bluffing and being emotional, and there was no way I was sacrificing my career for her. I called her bluff, and she called mine. We ended it, and I honestly was expecting her to cave but it worked out for the best.
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She's 23, meaning she's starting to look towards the future and whether or not she thinks you're going to be a viable partner for her long term. I think it's pretty obvious at this juncture that she does not.

I retract my previous position. She might be able to whip your ass into shape and be a responsible adult.
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MrPeppers posted...

Lathissamus posted...

You are right, 100% I'm hoping she will concede and let me do it my way.

Don't get your hopes up. I was in a somewhat similar situation with a 6 yr relationship. I was finishing up med school and we were engaged. She didn't want to move out of her home city and she gave me an ultimatum to pick a residency program in that city. I figured she was bluffing and being emotional, and there was no way I was sacrificing my career for her. I called her bluff, and she called mine. We ended it, and I honestly was expecting her to cave but it worked out for the best.

Damn... :/
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Lathissamus posted...

Thing is, I'm not even thinking about sex right now from how stressed I am.

Well, you need to end it regardless.

If this is the deal breaker for her now now, there's going to be a deal breaker for her after you go into debt.
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If what youre telling us is true and this is indeed the deal between yall.. Then yeah man dump her. Good memories are just that.. Memories. She fucked yall up with this ultimatum. She isnt willing to look at it from your point of view.
Sorry man like others have said. This might be the best decision you make in a long time.
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Throw her out the door. Don't even offer the courtesy of throwing her out an open door, throw her psychotic evil ass through the closed door.
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Literally one fucking year, dump her ass
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If it just isn't there then the both of you are just wasting your time.
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Lathissamus posted...

Dustin1280 posted...

Lathissamus posted...

glitteringfairy posted...

None of that made any sense

None of it makes sense to me either.

Unless she is willing to pay for ALL of your extra cost in school loans, you need to stick to your guns on this.

Even if she WAS willing to pay for that, I would still question if caving in this situation is the right thing to do.

This is a turning point for your relationship and it has 3 outcomes.

1. You will become her bitch for the rest of your life, and never get to make decisions in the future
2. You will stick to your guns and she WON'T end the relationship because of it (best possible outcome if you can't see yourself leaving her)
3. She will end it because you aren't caving to her demands...

Two & three are the only GOOD outcomes...

You are right, 100% I'm hoping she will concede and let me do it my way.

The record shows

You took the blows

Honestly, the fact that her behavior doesn't evoke mostly rage and disgust in you means that you're about to be in for some serious pain.
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Lathissamus posted...

Well, I guess I can give the basics.

1. I'm in community college pursuing my Associate's.
2. I'll be done with my education by 2020.
3. She doesn't want to wait that long as she'll be done with her education far sooner than me. She also has this thing about a man should not be making less than her at all -- which is what the scenario will be after she is done with school. She sticks by her opinion to a fault, even going so far as to make this an ultimatum issue.
4. She wants me to go to a different school whose program will get me done with my education a year earlier. Thing is, I will have to take out tens of thousands in school loans for this to happen.
5. Her way or the highway.

She can fuck right off, enjoy your evening highway cruise!
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