Poll of the Day > do you think making a japanese property more american is the worst thing to do?

(+) Yeah! (+)

by that i mean let's say the rumored naruto movie takes place in New York City and Naruto is actually a kid named Nathan Smith who discovers he's related to a bunch of ancient ninja's
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NightMareBunny posted...

a kid named Nathan Smith who discovers he's related to a bunch of ancient ninja's

No, that sounds exactly like Harry Potter except with Japanese-style assassins. Or rather, it sounds like something that the author of those Percy Jackson books would make.
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Not the worst thing, but it is pretty dumb.
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Sounds pretty dumb, personally I wasnt a fan of the Americanized death note but I guess any time the new version strays away from the original, its going to be a bit iffy
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I thought calling him Light "Turner" was funny 'cuz there already was Death Note/Fairly Odd Parents fanfics before the movie was announced
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Lokarin posted...

I thought calling him Light "Turner" was funny 'cuz there already was Death Note/Fairly Odd Parents fanfics before the movie was announced

also the name "Light" i have never heard before in the united states

it's the same as some white kid being named Goku Or Ichigo

it just comes off weird
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Yes

Why make major changes to an established and successful franchise?
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NightMareBunny posted...

also the name "Light" i have never heard before in the united states

They could have called him Moonlight, like a hippy name... since the kanji for Moon is used in his name
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Well, I was going to say that the worst thing which can be done is torture, rape, and murder people but sure, you make a good case for bastardized American versions of foreign media.
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Well when it comes to the majority of anime there isnt a lot a changes you can make that will make it worse
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NightMareBunny posted...

do you think making a japanese property more american is the worst thing to do?

Not really, any more than I throw a shitfit when the Japanese steal ideas from Norse mythology or Christianity and misuse them in their own stories.

That being said, I DID find it annoying when they made a Forbidden Kingdom movie and shoehorned an annoying white teen dude into the lead role, but that's not quite the same thing.



NightMareBunny posted...

also the name "Light" i have never heard before in the united states

To be fair, there's at least one book from the 1990s where the main character's name is Truth and her sister's name is Light. But it makes sense in context because their dad is a hippie wizard.


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Mead posted...

Well when it comes to the majority of anime there isnt a lot a changes you can make that will make it worse

Savage.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Not really, any more than I throw a shitfit when the Japanese steal ideas from Norse mythology or Christianity and misuse them in their own stories.

tbh, they're probably the worst offenders these days when it comes to misusing other cultures' lore. Plus they did this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRL8wJPZKRc

Frankly, we could do stuff with anime until eternity and still not be even over that.
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Zeus posted...

Plus they did this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRL8wJPZKRc

I prefer this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvNLlwkwP64


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No, I like it when they reinterpret stuff.
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Honestly, depends on if the changes are good or bad. Amercanizing isn't necessarily bad, even with American names. Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.
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They should do a kage Naruto/Ichigo visits America movie. The 2 could meet trump.
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yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

But that happens all the time, though. Like when American cartoons reinterpret the entire X-Men team into teenagers, or something like Ikki Tousen recontextualizes the entirety of Romance of the Three Kingdoms into modern high school girls fighting and showing off 100+ panty shots per episode.


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ParanoidObsessive posted...

yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

But that happens all the time, though. Like when American cartoons reinterpret the entire X-Men team into teenagers, or something like Ikki Tousen recontextualizes the entirety of Romance of the Three Kingdoms into modern high school girls fighting and showing off 100+ panty shots per episode.

Yeah but they were done fine. I'm talking like the live action dragon ball, avatar, death note, and attack on titan were done horribly.
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yutterh posted...

Amercanizing isn't necessarily bad, even with American names.

Tim to Jim (The Office) was the most pointless change ever. Literally everything else I could kinda understand. Granted, Being Human was also pretty bad since it turned George to Josh and Annie to Sally (Aidan I was on-board with, though, although I also liked Mitchell.)

yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

If you're referring to DBE, Goku wasn't an adult character when he met Bulma. He was still in his early-to-mid teens. Granted, making him a high schooler didn't do him any favors since a lot of the comedy from the original series was misunderstanding how things worked and that could have transferred over to the movie.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

But that happens all the time, though. Like when American cartoons reinterpret the entire X-Men team into teenagers, or something like Ikki Tousen recontextualizes the entirety of Romance of the Three Kingdoms into modern high school girls fighting and showing off 100+ panty shots per episode.

There's pretty strong precedent for having the X-Men be teens since the original team started out fairly young and they routinely have teenages on the roster. Even when they do stuff like Evo, though, some characters like Wolverine will be adults.
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Zeus posted...

yutterh posted...

Amercanizing isn't necessarily bad, even with American names.

Tim to Jim (The Office) was the most pointless change ever. Literally everything else I could kinda understand. Granted, Being Human was also pretty bad since it turned George to Josh and Annie to Sally (Aidan I was on-board with, though, although I also liked Mitchell.)

yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

If you're referring to DBE, Goku wasn't an adult character when he met Bulma. He was still in his early-to-mid teens. Granted, making him a high schooler didn't do him any favors since a lot of the comedy from the original series was misunderstanding how things worked and that could have transferred over to the movie.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

yutterh posted...

Now making an adult character now in highschool when he was a country bumpkin, is kind of stupid.

But that happens all the time, though. Like when American cartoons reinterpret the entire X-Men team into teenagers, or something like Ikki Tousen recontextualizes the entirety of Romance of the Three Kingdoms into modern high school girls fighting and showing off 100+ panty shots per episode.

There's pretty strong precedent for having the X-Men be teens since the original team started out fairly young and they routinely have teenages on the roster. Even when they do stuff like Evo, though, some characters like Wolverine will be adults.

Good point hahaha I didn't even think of that lol well him being a highschooler with a love interest is the weird part. Totally butchered the character.
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Worst thing?
No.
Still stupid because they always mess it up.
Reminds me of all the talk they had about a Hollywood live-action Akira movie.
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it's almost as if the united states has some fear of foreign properties and must make them more american to feel safe
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It is the only way to make America great again.
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I hate it when they (the US) are censoring or editting foreign movies or series. Like anime dubs (where Ash Ketchum eats "donuts" that look exactly like rice balls and nothing else) or censored games or manga. Especially when it makes its way here via the US. Leave your silly censoring in the US please!

As for Franchises getting an American version (also known sometimes as whitewashing).. like Goku or Naruto in New York.. I don't care much. I'll most probably skip it.
The American The Ring movie remake was pretty good though. Not as good as the Japanese Ring movie, but still worth a watch and plenty different.

In most cases I definitely don't need the americanization. There are already a lot of (great) movies, series, games and other media from the US and/or that take place in the US. Culturally it's very over represented.

Damn it just leave it the way it is.

I don't know if any of you have seen the Japanese "The Dark Knight". The voiceovers are made sillier and it's fucking awful. Everyone in Japan hated it except for this guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CzHFhZFk3g

And that's because he watched the English version, if you couldn't tell by the voice.
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yutterh posted...

Yeah but they were done fine. I'm talking like the live action dragon ball, avatar, death note, and attack on titan were done horribly.

Yeah, but those aren't problems with the adaptation being "Westernized" as much as they are problems with the adaptation being crap.

Which isn't exclusively a cross-cultural thing. To this day, still the absolute rage-inducing worst adaptation of anything I've ever seen in my entire life was the fetal alcohol syndrome abortion of a movie they made based on the Dark is Rising books, and those were Western in the first place.

Something "foreign" CAN be "localized" and be good. You're just more likely to remember the bad ones because the badness makes you notice the changes more.



Zeus posted...

There's pretty strong precedent for having the X-Men be teens since the original team started out fairly young and they routinely have teenages on the roster. Even when they do stuff like Evo, though, some characters like Wolverine will be adults.

Yeah, but it still gets kind of wonky when you start crossing characters from different generations. Like having Cyclops and Jean be teens dating in a school where they're side-by-side with a similarly-aged Kitty Pryde (who is like 15 years younger than them in the comics), then throwing in other characters who have no real business being there, who've had their characters radically changed to fit the new setting.

Or where all the given heroes and villains are at the same public school with no real explanation given as to why they're all there, especially when they're not explicitly there BECAUSE of their powers.

Most comic cartoons change shit all the time. Even Batman: the Animated Series changed stuff - we're just much more inclined to forgive them (and Superman:tAS, and Justice League) for it because most of their changes were either clever in their own right, or were better than what was actually in the comics at the time.


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i don't get why netflix even picked up the rights to make a death note movie if they didn't care at all about the source material

it's not like this was some pokemon where the name was gonna draw attention no matter what and get lots of people viewing it

death note aired on adult swim back in 2007

that was probably when death note was at it's highest level of mainstream exposure

10 years later and is there even any interest in an american death note movie after all that time?....not really considering Japan had it's own set of death note movies and chances were likely that an american death note movie would desperately try to make the concept hip for The Modern Audience
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goku was 12 at start of dragon ball, not exactly in his mid-teens
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Yes.

Rather...

The American film industry is dumb as heck. They seem to think that anime stuff is basically a Nick direct-to-film movie. I mean, hell, for as horrible as the Avatar movie was, it was 10,000% more faithful to the source material than the Dragonball movie.

If Hollywood got their hands on the pokemon liscense it wouldn't be Pokemon, it would be about a young social outcast 'Ash' who is desperately trying to impress his childhood crush 'Misty' with his best friend and comedy relief 'Brock'. Ash's grandfather, 'Oak', would be some crazy old kook with a bunch of ancient stock asian stuff to seem mystical like jade dragons, gongs, and so-forth and talk about how a bunch of miniature statues contain the spirits of ancient warriors named 'Blurbasaur', 'Chalarmander', and 'Squatle' which Ash, of course, will totally ignore and write off as crazy-talk despite evidence to the contrary that Oak is telling the truth.

All the while Ash's attempts to woo Misty will horribly fail while the school alpha 'Gary' will invite Misty out to the upcoming prom/dance/similar social event. She will accept despite secretly being in love with Ash. Meanwhile fellow childhood friend 'Serena' whom always had an unrequited crush on Ash will attempt to make a move on him. Ash will attempt to impress Misty one to three more times, failing horribly each time yet in an endearing way while Brock provides cheap one-liners while hitting on the school nurse 'Joy' while principle 'Jenny' hounds him and tries to keep Ash and Brock in line.

Eventually the evil pokemon 'Mewtwo' will show up and attempt to steal the statues from Oak. The outcome is irrelevant as Oak will end up severely wounded and likely dying (don't worry, he won't ACTUALLY die as he'll show up right before the end credits on crutches or something) before Mewtwo unleashes the pokemon on the school transforming all the students into pokemon, including turning Misty into a 'Pikalchu'. Realizing his grandfather was telling the truth Ash and co will return home to obtain the three pokemon warrior thingies and unleash their powers to defeat the various students-turned-pokemon including Gary whom will either beg for Ash, Brock, and Serena (who will have had almost no lines up to this point, of course) to help him or, more likely, wreck havoc on the trio and school for no good reason what-so-ever beyond 'trying to steal my girl' despite having likely been transformed into a Nidoking. The final battle against Mewtwo will take place somewhere where it will seem epic for the trailer but will actually be quite lame as the group uses various skills and the like utilized in the first half of the movie, in the bits where they attempted to impress Misty but failed, to defeat him for good with no help from the Pokemon at all. After all is said and done Ash will either finally get his dance with Misty or, more likely, realize he was in love with Serena all along (she still will have the fewest lines out of the main cast and supporting cast will have more) and dance with her. Brock will finally get Joy to reciprocate, and whichever girl got stiffed will look on but try to be happy for Ash. Oh. And one final shot will show that Oak is okay. Then, as the credits roll, there will be a stinger for a sequel where Team Rocket shows up that, hopefully, will never be produced.
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it doesn't help that anime's now at a spot where big chain retailers aren't bothering to stock as much of the anime films/tv shows as they used to

so it's not like the average person is gonna have much exposure to what the actual source material is like

you have to go out of the way to discover this stuff and get it for yourself
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As for Naruto...

Nate 'Naruto' Johnson will be an average kid living in New York city. He will likely have just moved to New York with his dying mother and absent, work-a-haulic, father. He will struggle to fit in at his new school where kids will constantly beat him up and mock him except for the smartest girl in school 'Sally' and the quiet girl 'Hinata'. One day after getting beaten up he will stumble across a store of ancient chinese (not Japanese. Because Hollywood.) mysticism in which the store owner will give him a scroll because he can sense some great evil or the like coming and it can only be stopped if Nate trains in the ancient art of the 'Hokage'. Nate will take the scroll home and study the ancient art of chakra but be utterly confused by it despite it being laid out in terms so simple an eight-year-old could understand it. He will attempt to use this chakra in order to beat up the school bully 'Sasuke' (pronouced Sa-Suke, because Hollywood.) only to fail miserably.

He will, dejectedly, give up right as the ancient fox demon starts to appear, likely infecting whatever two comic relief antagonists are around with ancient power. They will proceed to go on a rampage and it will be up to Nate to stop them despite not being able to do the smallest thing with it. During the conflict he will unlock the power to call upon the shadow clone technique which will, somehow, be enough to defeat the stock villains. Their CGI will be so obvious and fake that the Conan movies will look more realistic. At this point the bully Sasuke will be revealed to know how to use Chakra and the demon will convince him to attack and kill Naruto (likely with little to no presuasion needed) however Naruto will proceed to defeat him and Sasuke will not attempt to pursue.

The fox demon will arrive and take both 'Sally' and Hinata hostage. 'Sally' will likely have been previously established as capable with chakra and possibly tried to help Nate out but will be rendered entirely helpless here, likely via being grabbed in the standard female disarmament area (upper arm), despite having probably flipped a dumpster without a thought earlier. This will all take place in some NYC landmark area as well, likely the Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, or Central Park. Because there is nowhere else in New York City of course. Nate will fight back against the fox demon but be entirely helpless until Sasuke returns, having undergone a change of heart off-screen, to save the day and fight back. Despite this the two will still fail until Nate attempts the Rasengan (a move which he likely tried earlier but couldn't get even the smallest bit from) which will defeat the fox demon sealing him inside of Nate's belly, all while likely tearing up the NYC streets and destroying a landmark entirely.

Also...

Depending on the preference of the writer the NYC cops will either be helpful, complete idiots, or outright obstructive.

The man who sold the scroll will NOT be any of Naruto's teachers at any point in the series or, if so, the guy from the very first episode (because, let's face it, they only watched 15 minutes of episode 1).

The ramen shop will make an appearence but will either be a NYC food cart serving ramen or look extremely out of place... likely with chinese lettering or some of the stupidest japanese stereotypes possible to get away with in Hollywood.

There will be at least three celebrity guest-appearances, one of which will be a generic Michael Bay-esque female star (whom Naruto will transform into by accident in a comedy scene before likely turning into a plant or another cameo) and one who will be an actual fan of Naruto and despise the movie, regretting that it was ever made.
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I enjoyed the scripts you wrote of these hollywood anime movies ^
(but I'd never want to see them as a movie XD )

I'm surprised none of his movie ideas involve transporting to ancient Japan where everybody speaks modern day English and even know idioms and slang phrases unique to America.
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ParanoidObsessive posted...

Or where all the given heroes and villains are at the same public school with no real explanation given as to why they're all there, especially when they're not explicitly there BECAUSE of their powers.

Something in the water?

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Most comic cartoons change shit all the time. Even Batman: the Animated Series changed stuff - we're just much more inclined to forgive them (and Superman:tAS, and Justice League) for it because most of their changes were either clever in their own right, or were better than what was actually in the comics at the time.

Or they did something wonky that nobody actually cared about, such as reducing Bane to a one-note joke in B:TAS. Granted, I will say that I didn't know much about Brainiac's actual backstory *before* S:TAS so I really got into tying his existence to Krypton, which became continuity in Smallville as well.

Otherwise worth noting that some of the cartoons didn't so much change existing characters as they did add new ones to offset things like gender imbalances (or, in the case of Harley, in an attempt to make a one-note joke work). And, oddly enough, one of my S:TAS villains was Livewire, an original creation who took forever to make it into the comics. (S:TAS Brainiac was, of course, my fave; DCAU Luthor I wasn't big on until JL/U -- especially for the penultimate JLU season 1 finale where Luthor reveals that his entire presidency has just been a ruse to fuck with Superman and his epic, "Do you know how much power I'd have to give up to be president?")

NightMareBunny posted...

i don't get why netflix even picked up the rights to make a death note movie if they didn't care at all about the source material

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk5VuJ7QDq0

Seriously, is NMB this dense?

Krazy_Kirby posted...

goku was 12 at start of dragon ball, not exactly in his mid-teens

I know he was a lot older than Bulma assumed during that bath scene, but I couldn't remember the exact age.

Unbridled9 posted...

Yes.

Rather...

The American film industry is dumb as heck. They seem to think that anime stuff is basically a Nick direct-to-film movie. I mean, hell, for as horrible as the Avatar movie was, it was 10,000% more faithful to the source material than the Dragonball movie.

Debatable. The industry looks for ways to broaden the appeal of things since, and they're completely right in this regard, the original audience for these things is generally kinda fringe. The problem is that they rarely adapt the material well, thus turning off fans and not bringing in new viewers. The early X-Men movies hit a compromise where they annoyed a lot of fans (especially the leather suits) but they made it into a respectable blockbuster. Transformers also routinely shits on everything but it draws massive money. (While you could draw comparisons with TMNT, it doesn't have a large adult following like Transformers.)
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Unbridled9 posted...

As for Naruto...

Nate 'Naruto' Johnson will be an average kid living in New York city. He will likely have just moved to New York with his dying mother and absent, work-a-haulic, father. He will struggle to fit in at his new school where kids will constantly beat him up and mock him except for the smartest girl in school 'Sally' and the quiet girl 'Hinata'. One day after getting beaten up he will stumble across a store of ancient chinese (not Japanese. Because Hollywood.) mysticism in which the store owner will give him a scroll because he can sense some great evil or the like coming and it can only be stopped if Nate trains in the ancient art of the 'Hokage'. Nate will take the scroll home and study the ancient art of chakra but be utterly confused by it despite it being laid out in terms so simple an eight-year-old could understand it. He will attempt to use this chakra in order to beat up the school bully 'Sasuke' (pronouced Sa-Suke, because Hollywood.) only to fail miserably.

I'm going to be honest with you, I'd want to watch that.
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I never like it when the fuck with stuff like that. altering the story a bit is one thing, but to fuck with
the character itself always irks me. I was so happy to hear they where making a fullmetal alchemist movie only to find out the whole cast is asian, when most of the characters in the show are clearly anything but. I could see Roy being played by an asian, and Ling or whatever his name was from the country in the show that was actually based on an asian people.

only reason I let it slide with comic book characters is they have the whole multi verse thing going on so simply saying "alternate universe" and suddenly its ok because it makes sense as the comics themselves do it all the time.
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NightMareBunny posted...

you have to go out of the way to discover this stuff and get it for yourself

Get a Roku box. Subscribe to Crunchyroll. Done. And for less than the price of a DVD set.
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I don't think it's the worst thing, but sometimes it borders on cringey. I'm honestly surprised that they never went back and retconned Phoenix Wright as taking place in Japan.
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JOExHIGASHI posted...

I'm surprised none of his movie ideas involve transporting to ancient Japan where everybody speaks modern day English and even know idioms and slang phrases unique to America.

Ive only done two so far. I can do another when I get home. Also its fine to change things for a broader audience and different culture; but a lot of these are half-assed and lazy cop-outs.
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Well Naruto is white, so is sakura
Hinata and sasuke are asian though
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I was watching some haunting show on TV where an american family moved into a house in Japan and we're terrorized by demons. They brought some dudes in and they were horrified by how they Americanized the property which messed up the Feng shui which opened it up to demons.

NightMareBunny posted...

it's almost as if the united states has some fear of foreign properties and must make them more american to feel safe

this is the truth. you got it right. one example is the original Godzilla movie. that american man in the movie? he wasn't originally there. they reshot certain scenes to add him into the movie for the US release because they didn't think audiences would like a movie that just had Japanese people in it. same reason Sarah Michelle Gellar is in the US remake of The Grudge

Okay. Here's another one...

Edward Cullen is young normal highschool teenager in the California suburbs whom happens to have the ability to sense strange and supernatural things in the world around him. However no one ever believes him and he can't really 'see' the things so much as sense them. Said things have become more and more frequent of late. However, one day on his way home from school with his friends 'Olivia' and 'Juan' the trio are sucked into a magical vortex and dropped in the middle of feudal Japan. They are instantly caught up in a battle between two warring samurai clans (which ones will never be specified) only to be saved at the last second by a third clan called the 'Death Gods'. This clan deals in hunting down ancient demons attracted to the dying.

The Death Gods will take in the trio and give them some training. 'Olivia' will discover she is good at healing magic while Edward will, in the period of one week, manage to train hard enough to surpass not only all the trainee's but also the standard Death Gods and even his trainer. However he will be, somehow, bested by the 'best' student in the class, Renji, causing all the other students to mockingly nickname Edward 'Ichigo'.

This whole time 'Ichigo' will constantly utilize modern slang while his friend 'Juan' creates modern inventions causing the clan to nickname him 'Sado'. Sado will first manage to create *insert modern food like hamburger or hotdog here* but receive only neutral receptions before being ostracised for not being 'Japanese enough' despite doing absolutely nothing to earn the ire of the Death Gods besides make said food item. Sado will then proceed to create several 'cool' inventions that fail for one reason or another culminating in the creation of a motorcycle off-screen.

However the motorcycle will be sabatoged by a jealous Renji who is intent on winning Olivia for himself and thinks that sabotaging Sado will make Ichigo look bad. This will succeed despite said sabotage being insanely obvious and flying against every code of honor, rule, and bit of common sense resulting in Ichigo and Sado being kicked out of the clan.

News will suddenly arrive that the Death Gods greatest warrior, Kenpachi, has been slain in combat against a rival clan known as 'the Hollows' whom summon demons to fight by their side making them near impossible. The Hollows will then attack and destroy the Death Gods en-masse since the Death Gods cannot see their demons and, thusly, can't fight back. The Hollows will kidnap Olivia and it is only when Ichigo and Sado return that a dying Renji will tell them the truth. Ichigo will then ride off on the ad-hoc motorcycle to assault the Hollows with his ability to see them, mentioned just once at the beginning of the movie, letting him fight back against the Hollows and kill them with ease upstaging all the Death Gods until he fights the Hollows leader: Grimjaw (misspelled of course). Grimjaw will proceed to floor Ichigo by employing the dishonorable tactic of 'dodging slightly to the left' rendering Ichigo helpless instantly. It will only be after remembering hearing about an ancient and mystical art called 'Bankai' which no Death God has ever achieved that Ichigo will attempt such a thing here. He will, of course, pull it off flawlessly and defeat Grimjaw just in time for the time-warp thingy to return and transport the three back to the present. Upon returning they will catch sight of an old Japanese painting depicting their victory being sold by a reincarnated Renji + one unimportant side character that we were supposed to care about.
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In the 1950's Zelda is a simple housewife who busies herself with simple house-wifey things such as cooking and cleaning. She has taken on a day-job as a cleaner and spends her time cleaning toilets until, one day, she unwittingly pulls out a golden triangle with bits of weird design on it. Upon taking hold of this the kindly family whom she was cleaning the house of will suddenly transform into monsters and proceed to attack her. She will fend them off with a plunger. Successfully. The house will be suddenly lifted off the ground by a tornado and land her in the middle of a giant forest among a gathering of Kokori. The great fairy Navi will then reveal to Zelda that, if she collects the other two pieces of the triforce, she will be able to return home. Agreeing Zelda, armed only with the plunger, will head off.

Before long she will, by sheer coincidence, stumble upon a black man with red hair whom calls himself 'Nondor'. He will tell her about the location of the second piece which is within the Water Temple. Zelda will quickly head off only for Nondor to say he cannot follow her into the temple. The temple will be filled to the brim with vicious turtle-like monsters and large-headed monsters with fangs that Zelda will bypass via stepping on their heads and rushing through pipes to find the inner sanctum of the temple. Once in the center of the water temple lava will appear everywhere as a giant turtle with spikes on its shell will drop down. It will break her plunger. In a panic she will grab a sword being held by a nearby skeleton and proceed to stab the dragon in the mouth killing it and obtaining the second piece.

Upon leaving Nondor will compliment her and tell her where the third piece is only to be brushed aside. A group of generic baddies will then attack the group and Zelda, showing off her new bravado, will use the sword to easily defeat all of them. Upon arriving at the third temple Nandor will, again, leave her. This third temple will be proclaimed to be deadly, a test of wit, and most certainly to kill her. The puzzle will consist of a riddle a ten-year old could solve easily and the 'deadly' monster will be slain by her with minimal effort, likely via using an item she found in the dungeon.

When she claims the third piece, however, Nondor will appear beside her, sucker-punch her out, and take all three pieces. It will be only THEN that Navi will reveal that Nondor is actually Ganondorf who is evil and will destroy Hyrule but has already begun to invade Earth.

Zelda will be transported back to 1950's Hollywood where tanks, planes, and everything are proving utterly ineffective against the sticks and shields of Ganondorf's troops. Zelda will proceed to steal a plane and fly up to battle Ganon who will, of course, be located by the Hollywood sign. She will crash the plane into him for no effect before proceeding to fight him one-on-one. He will appear to win at first and even knock her down before turning his back at which point Zelda's sword will be revealed to be the Master Sword. She will proceed to stab him in the back and Ganon will fall over, dead. The military will proceed to cover up that a woman saved them and, instead, proclaim that Zelda's husband Larry 'Link' was the hero while Zelda returns to cleaning toilets. About the only good thing that will happen is a one-frame shot of Tingle getting smooshed by Ganon.
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