LogFAQs > #966393614

SKARDAVNELNATE posted...

On the other hand, if the person referred to says they don't like the nickname someone has for them and they prefer to be called twinkle toes that also raises issues. No one else thinks of that person as twinkle toes and will think the speaker is an oddball for calling then that.

Anyone that thinks the speaker is odd for referring to somebody by their preferred name is part of the problem and can safely be treated that way. It will occasionally happen that the speaker will use a name the listener is unfamiliar with, but in that case it's very simple to ask for clarification and update one's world view, provided one has at least the mental flexibility of a dung beetle. Nobody's saying you need to never acknowledge any former identities no matter how confused uninformed people are, just that you need to listen to and respect the wishes of people that ask you to identify them a certain way.

SKARDAVNELNATE posted...

Usually a nickname is something you call someone when addressing that person. The issue of pronouns comes up when describing someone whom the speaker is not addressing.

Conversations pretty routinely include more than two people, in which case using third-person speech and pronouns to refer to one of the participants can be perfectly appropriate. Even when referring to non-participants, though, using the names/pronouns they have requested (and avoiding ones they've requested you avoid) is a simple matter of respect and a critical part of cultivating an attitude of respecting them and their feelings about who they are. If you just pretend to care when they're around and revert to ignoring their wishes at other times, that's a fundamentally disrespectful attitude. Don't do that.