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| Topic | Board 8 Ranks 2010s Horror Movies - Chapter 2 - *THE RANKINGS* |
| Snake5555555555 05/19/22 5:50:52 PM #14: | And to make the main character here semi-sympathetic, they try to out tragedy this old man. There is this hilarious info dump where she talks about how she used to get locked in the trunk of her moms car, and what gave her hope was one time she saw a ladybug and Im sorry, this is one of the dumbest parts of any movie on this list and it is even dumber where some random ladybug shows up in the final scene in a hamfisted attempt to tie it all together. The reason the main character needs the money then is so she can move her and herlittle sister? Did they even explain that part? Anyway, move her and her maybe little sister out of her moms trailer, who spends her one scene in the movie intimating her daughter is a whore and sitting next to her boyfriend that has a literal Nazi tattoo on his arm. And then the reason the dude from 13 Reasons Why needs the money is because he wants to bone this girl so I guess were supposed to cut him some slack. But, again, I repeat my earlier point of holy shit what the fuck because even with all this tragedy porn they try to stick in our faces, I spent the first two-thirds of the movie actively rooting for the blind guy (who I should remind you is a disabled war vet and who only has money because his daughter JUST DIED IN A TRAGIC ACCIDENT). It is such an insanely stupid setup and it botches all the horror when Im like haha yeah old man get those kids. It would be like if in the first scene of Nightmare on Elm street, all the kids got together and set Freddy Kruegers dog on fire and also Freddy Krueger was a volunteer at the orphanage who lost his hands in a tragic saving babies from a woodchipper incident. And then we were supposed to be rooting for those kids. Likeno. Want to avoid the horror in this movie? Just dont break into this old guys house and poison his dog. And I guess while Im on the subject of holy shit what the fuck, I should probably mention THE SCENE in this movie. I was neither frightened nor entertained by what I was watching here, but I will say this movie disturbed me more than any other film on the list, all thanks to a turkey baster and what can I only assume was weeks worth of masturbation. The whole twist of this movie is that the blind man is also a monster, and has the woman responsible for his daugthers death tied up in a room in his basement. How does a blind man who never leaves his house and would be useless navigating places he wasnt intimately familiar with manage to kidnap anyone? Great question, and the movie doesnt feel like answering it. Ill give the movie the benefit of the doubt and assume that she came to his house to apologize, but then that opens up the question of why dont the police check this place out? but I cant sit around focusing on all the ways the movie is dumb because I dont want to write out another six paragraphs. Regardless, the SECOND TWIST is that this old dude is actually a SUPER MONSTER and had impregnated this woman for the sole purpose of giving him another kid. She dies because blind man wildly firing in the basement has consequences. The scene that Im going to remember, probably forever, from this movie is the one where he throws the main character in this weird harness, brings her off the ground, rips a hole in her pants, and the approaches her with a turkey baster FULL of blind old man semen to now get her pregnant as payback for the baby he accidentally killed because of her earlier. I was squirming this whole scene and had several different variations of holy shit what the fuck come out of my mouth. The scene winds up being capped off with what I can only describe as the HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK climax of this holy shit what the fuck movie, where Clay from 13 Reasons Why shows up and saves her, and she turns the tables on him by forcing him to deepthroat the turkey baster and squeezing until his own cum explodes from his mouth. I hate that forcing him to deepthroat the turkey baster and squeezing until his own cum explodes from his mouth is a sentence I just typed, but if I had to watch it, you have to read it. I have so much more I want to say. So much more I want to complain about. How the movie has like six different endings at the end, all serving to draw the movie out longer for another scene I didnt want to watch. I think at like the third one (where she traps the dog in the car and he shows up behind her) is the point where I checked to see how much was left because I was just going to shut it off if there was another 30 minutes. How the cops somehow came to the conclusion well this dude must be innocent even after finding what is pretty clearly a torture dungeon complete with several different types of restraints in his basement. How the dog is supposed to be the secondary villain here but all I could think of when he was scurrying down the vent was AW WHAT A BIG DROOLY CUTIE. Theres so much else here I want to say and make fun off, but I need to stop because my rambling has gone on for too long already and no one is reading this still. This is just such a weird movie that gets so many different things wrong that it almost feels like they mustve been trying. There are a couple of cool scenes and I will say it is at the very least memorable although for reasons I wish I could forget. But this is a bad horror movie. It fails to get the central conceit right and was about three times longer than it needed to be. --- I've decided to put my fears behind me. I'm not going back. https://www.instagram.com/horror_obscurities/ ... Copied to Clipboard! |
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