LogFAQs > #956410980

Eramir posted...

You need a professional, I seriously doubt anyone on CE is qualified to help you. It would even better to search YouTube on someone who recovered from rock bottom. I like David Goggins story.

For sure. For what it's worth, I feel bad spreading my weight like this. I'm just venting to cope, because it feels like I don't have any other options.

I'm sorry to put any pressure on you or anyone else, I understand that what I'm saying is extremely heavy and it's a taxing burden to place on someone. But I just need somewhere to vent.

masticatingman posted...

If youre having mental health issues, drinking alcohol is about the last thing you should be doing.

I agree, self-medicating is bad. I'm conscious of the fact that alcohol makes my depression worse, and that I'm essentially burning myself out like a candle by using alcohol the way I'm using it.

The reason I'm using alcohol is because the process I'm undertaking to get the healthier alternative, the thing that will actually help me, is taxing beyond the point that I can cope with it by itself. I've been told to do mindfulness exercises and they help, but I am being stretched to my breaking point and my sober self can't handle the pressure. I just can't.

Like, I'm pretty sure I've cried more these past 3 months than I have in the past 15 years. I broke my sobriety earlier this year because I hit emotional depths I didn't know I had. And at no point do I want to justify the degree to which I'm drinking, because it's awful - when I took my first drink after three and a half months, the first thought I had was that alcohol is a road that will lead to my own death if I let it. I am fully aware of the severity of my actions.

clyde_frog posted...

Minus the alcohol part, this topic reminds me of what I was going through late last year up until March. I fell into this deep depression where I would do nothing, not fall asleep until 8am, and eat fast food and delivery pizza nearly every day.

Last year was a rough time for sure. It wasn't even COVID for me, though it was absolutely a factor - it was the Australian bushfires. I would check the fire map every day to make sure my dad had an opportunity to escape if they got too close to where he lives.

It was actually the trauma of last year that set off the events that have led to all of this. Like there's a direct link. I don't want to talk about it, but there is a direct link.

Thank you for the suggestions. I'm at a point where everything feels shitty and insurmountable, but it means a lot that you're trying to help me out.

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But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
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