LogFAQs > #956410470

Payzmaykr posted...

Sorry youre going through this, man. I sometimes feel like Ive exhausted my options of who to talk to, also. It really sucks when this place is the only place you can go.

At least there's some anonymity and looseness to posting on a forum under an alias. If I post stuff like this on Discord or social media, people are basically forced to see it in the course of their engagement with the platform. On GameFAQs, you can skip over it if you don't feel like interacting with it or don't care.

I feel a lot more free posting here too, like I'm not going to alienate myself. There's absolutely an element of risk, with known doxxers who still actively post on the board, but there's still that looseness that makes CE a good place to post.

Guerrilla Soldier posted...

it does sound really difficult. i think the doctor cancelling out last minute, even if it was for legit health purposes, is still a bit of a slap in the face... shouldn't mental health doctors be aware of how this can affect people, and have some kind of backup plan for it? maybe that's expecting too much from a doctor

The reason the sessions took a month is because she was going on holiday in July. I contacted my GP at a point in time where there was enough hope that I'd be able to pursue face-to-face counselling, but where she was not going to take on a new client until she got back.

And my mindset is that if she got health news that was so bad she decided to stop practicing medicine for the next 5 months, it must be really fucking bad. I was on the phone to her in late June, and she told me she'd be back to work on the 21st and I'd see her on the 23rd.

I'd be upset with the practice for not letting me know if she called up on the 21st and told them that she wasn't coming back. I got a (presumably automated) text on the 22nd asking me to confirm my appointment, even.

Now, my actual GP - I don't know what to make of her. My last doctor was great, but he left town in December to see his family and he didn't come back. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the best in them, but I don't know if this doctor suits me, y'know. We don't gel well, and I feel like I'm on eggshells around her, which is a feeling I get around a lot of people. I shouldn't feel that way about my doctor.

Master Kazuya posted...

Is there anything you are actively putting off doing that you need to do, like looking for a job, paying some debt, moving, etc?

To be frank, I've been losing more and more control over my life in years. I've been thinking of moving lately, but despite the benefits - one of which being that I'll be forced to quit drinking cold turkey to maintain the budget necessary to rent my own place - it's such a massive effort that I've resigned myself to staying here for the time being.

And that feeling permeates more or less everything in my life. The inciting incident that triggered this three month meltdown has basically just fast-tracked it - it's like the past 8 years on this road to hell has been going at supermarket car park speed, and the past three months are analogous to the speed and frantic energy of drunk-driving directly into a tree.

I understand what you're saying, and I appreciate the advice. Doing something productive feels good. Accomplishing something and taking back some measure of control when you're in a tailspin can help a ton. At the moment though, I don't think that's in the cards for me. That's one reason why I'm looking for counselling - an exercise like this isn't enough.

teep_ posted...

I'm sorry you're going through this, man, and I wish you all the best

Don't ever feel you've exhausted your goodwill to vent about the things that are affecting you. There are absolutely people out there who care and are willing to lend an ear, myself included

Thanks teep. You're a good friend. I try not to put this stuff directly on anyone's shoulders, though I appreciate that you care enough to offer that.

And a general thank you to everyone for their well-wishes. Thank you for caring.

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But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
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