LogFAQs > #927773898

So I went to sleep for a while, and I'm a lot calmer than I was this morning.

The stuff I was talking about basically makes me look really gay - I'm bi, leaning towards women, but when I get involved in more same sex stuff, it's pretty gay. My friends have indicated that they might think I lean more towards dudes in the past, but I feel a lot of shame about that due to years of bullying. Like for example, I have a visceral negative reaction to what I call the f-slur. So like if I'm into any same sex stuff, which I can be, that's something I don't want anybody to know.

The fact remains that I love women, but I'm worried that this stuff in my room convinces my friend that I'm like full gay. Ultimately there wouldn't be a problem if I was, but again - as progressive as I would like to be here, I feel a lot of shame at the thought of being labelled something I'm not. It's kind of shitty of me, but these are issues that have been baked into me by years of abuse.

It's a big issue on my end, and I blew it way out of proportion because my friend is the biggest gossip in my friend group and I don't want anything like this getting out. I just want to have my fun privately and appear "normal". Something like this that threatens that sends me over the edge, as you can plainly see.

So, TL;DR - my friend got really drunk, I basically made sure he didn't die despite getting really self-destructive, then he found some gay shit in my room the next morning which I got really fucking freaked out about. I have a really gross feeling about it, because it's shit I want to keep private, and I feel bad about helping my friend if it means people find out about weird shit I don't want anyone to know about.
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And I am done with my graceless heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Now Playing: Yakuza 5, Final Fantasy X-2, Minecraft