LogFAQs > #925579170

I don't think I've ever gone in-depth about my personal life on here, and I try to keep it light-hearted as much as possible, but I kind of need to talk at someone, or at least know that someone is listening even if no one responds.

To set the scene: I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 8 years now. Definitely a high school sweetheart scenario, and we're both 25 now. We're both of Portuguese descent, but the difference is she identifies more with her Portuguese roots and 90% of her immediate family lives back in Portugal. This is important.

Almost every year she has gone back to visit her family for anywhere from two weeks to a month, and that's cool. She's very close to them. Sometimes she goes alone, sometimes with her family, I've even gone twice and had a pretty good time, I barely speak the language but it's been good. When I'm not there we're in communication, there's no trust/jealousy issues, we never argue, it's all very "too good to be true" seeming.

So here's the issue. Last year around this time after coming back she broke down and told me that she is the most happy there and her dream would be for the both of us to move there. She's always a little upset when she gets back, she's incredibly attached to her family (in a way that honestly might be unhealthy), so I consoled her and tabled the discussion. A few months later we had a serious talk and she understood that she wasn't realistic and we agreed that she'd go for a long period of time this year before settling down and starting our lives as we both just finished school. Everything seemed great. She went for 40 days, minimal issues, and just got back.

Obviously she's in the very upset stage of her return, but she essentially said that going for longer only made it worse and now she's certain that the only thing that would truly make her happy is if at the very least we tried the living there thing, to see how we both felt about it.

I was honest with her. I said I'd be excited to try to live there awhile, because I am, and because there are no teaching jobs here it wouldnt be the worst move to teach English abroad, but I also told her the truth, and that is that I don't think I could ever live there forever. I'm willing to compromise because I obviously love her and do want her to see her family as often as possible, but essentially drew the line at living there.

Obviously she knows I'm being reasonable and already doing more than most would, and she appreciates that, but she doesn't know if that'll be "enough". Where I am willing to compromise, she is not moving an inch.

So here's where i'm at. Do I spend another year of my life trying this idea out with the risk of feelings not changing, or does this relationship end here? I don't blame her, she feels strongly about something and I'm not here to hold her back, and we both also understand that she's the unreasonable one here.

But neither of us want this to end badly. She's honestly more distraught than I am because she's got to make the decision here. We're both on opposite sides of the equation and there is no more potential comprimising, unless she somehow wants to come back after trying it out. I just don't know what to do and am unwilling to come to the understanding that the relationship I've spent my entire adult life in may be coming to an end.

I've rambled here, and the answer might be a simple "let her go", but I just needed to get it all out.
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