LogFAQs > #929560158

I think it's because the weather's getting warmer. I look at my surroundings and just feel stunted, I can't concentrate in my TAFE class when anyone's talking and I'm drinking pretty heavily every weekend.

Even my usual stress fantasies that I only half mean, like having someone just fucking abuse me and break me, hasn't been doing it. I feel so unattractive that I barely see the point in bothering to find a hookup for that sort of thing.

My course ends in 4 weeks, and I have three assessments due. One of them is nearly finished, the other one has only just begun and I haven't started the third one. I'm so tired and shitty every morning that I go, and I'm so close to snapping at someone or something and just letting all the shit break loose, but I don't want to expose anyone else to that sort of negativity so I keep bearing it.

The good news is that this is a temporary state of mind, and there will come a day where I feel a little bit better. I go through cycles - either I feel okay, and I'm either numb or not feeling my emotions at full capacity, I feel manic and I throw myself at something I love for long, crazy stretches at a time until I wear myself out mentally, or I feel incredibly fucking depressed. Usually in that order, but occasionally I can come down from mania and still feel normal. I say all this because it's so common to see people make depression posts and just dress themselves down - I'm pretty miserable at the moment, but I've been around the block enough to know what's going to happen next.

I wanted to post about it because it's been a few weeks of feeling like this. Maybe a month - I had a really bad spiral in early October, I course-corrected for about a week, and then it's been kind of a nosedive ever since. CE's the perfect place to vent out all the poison.
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And I am done with my graceless heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Now Playing: Yakuza 5, Final Fantasy X-2, Minecraft