LogFAQs > #972031769

CassandraCain posted...

He actually does mean well, it's just that he has such a horrifically terrible way of expressing it sometimes. And he doesn't easily understand perspectives that aren't his own.

Yeah this is pretty much what I've gathered over the years, and how I usually try to approach engaging with him. But in this particular instance, it's something that has weighed heavily on me for a very long time and has actually significantly affected my mental state. Because I realized I was unhappy and got why I wasn't considered appealing and put in A LOT effort to get in shape (lost about 90 pounds of fat and put on some noticeable muscle), improve the way I dress and groom, work out many of my less-admirable personality traits with a therapist, broaden my interests, pick up some talents, learn to carry myself more confidently, and become more sociable, and while it's certainly helped me in other aspects of my life, it hasn't changed my dating prospects much because I don't have a single feature that falls into the "conventionally attractive" category (I could list them but... body shaming), so me doing the best with improving what I've got is still much less desirable than the average guy rolling out of bed hungover and throwing on the first shirt he can find. And I think most/all of us in this topic understand the basic principles of what makes a guy attractive and what we can do with ourselves to make the most of what we have and don't naively think we're going to have supermodels clinging to us. And he comes in and is like "Guys, getting women is really simple. You just have to be handsome, rich, and charismatic," and I'm like "Gee whiz, why didn't I think of that?" And I've also been through/am going through therapy for body dysmorphia and let me tell you that that is NOT a fun thing to deal with, so yeah, in this instance, I let him get under my skin and I kinda regret that.

So as to not end this on a negative note, here's an actual example of a guy who isn't what I would consider conventionally-attractive, but many women are attracted to and is incredibly successful because he knows how to work with what he's got and has a gem of a personality (and who I admire and quite frankly would like to start looking to as a role model):
https://deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/adam-sandler.jpg