LogFAQs > #879047639

I did not appreciate XIII implying that I made the first topic in order to "stealthily brag" about not finding the movie enjoyable in an attempt to show off my supposed superiority. As though my logic and thought process was that because I did not enjoy a mainstream superhero movie, I was somehow culturally or intellectually superior to those who did.

I made the original topic because yes, I had just watched Guardians 2 and did not enjoy the experience and that obviously inspired it but also because the number of instances where I had paid money to watch a movie I ultimately did not like were relatively low and was curious as to what the average experience among the board was like in regards to this.

I was legitimately offended by his comment where he said
XIII_rocks posted...

Would be much better if it didn't require me to say anything before you said what you actually mean

as if he somehow knew my true intentions and I was being disingenuous or had resorted to an underhanded means of expressing a fairly innocuous opinion. Again, in some attempt to feed my ego that I was somehow superior. As if I had previously openly mocked or condescended upon people for enjoying media of any kind or that I was the type of person to do that. At the time, I had taken his comment as a confirmation that he did make those assumptions. If nothing else, I do pride myself on transparency regarding subjects that are brought up which considering the context that I have been posting on the board for a while now, was something I had hoped people would recognize. Admittedly that may be presumptuous on my part because I still consider myself relatively unknown or negligible among the board userbase.

I do not like being called disingenous, dishonest or a liar of any sort. I can handle being ridiculed (which I am guessing I will be for this post in addition to many others) or being called stupid. If I make a mistake I will acknowledge it. A factor in my anger was that this "incident" did happen on B8, a place where despite my many personal ups and downs with the site, was nevertheless somewhere I felt a sense of belonging to, somewhere I dared to care about people's opinions about some facets of me, somewhere I did take offense to being misrepresented on.

This is not an apology. This is simply an attempted explanation for the frustration and anger I felt which led to the seemingly misplaced outrage I exhibited last night. I just want to be known for who I am, all the shit included, but I do not like to think dishonesty is a large part of that. I know it is ridiculous to try to seem like I am never dishonest in any way but honesty/transparency is the one aspect of myself that I do care fiercely about.

I would also like to take this moment to bring up a possible misconception that people may have that I delete topics or posts in order to save face or some reason of that sort. As I have previously stated, I have done so but only when the content is mired in self-loathing, depression or otherwise unbearable selfishness. I acknowledge that making these posts in the first place was a mistake, is undeniably selfish and that deleting them possibly only furthered this misconception and drew attention to it. I also acknowledge that being self-aware does not make it any less irritating. I simply irresponsibly give into the cathartic desire that comes with posting about it in a place where people may see because I sure as fuck don't have anybody I feel like I can talk to about it in real life. The deletions happen within moments after I rationalize that I am actively becoming a lesser person by choosing to burden people with my largely inconsequential thoughts. I also suspect I will never accept offers to "talk about it" with people for the same reason. And I would just not know where to start. I apologize for continuing this charade for an embarrassing length of time.