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TopicLopen watches and talks about all the Royal Rumbles. And ranks them. TURBO.
Lopen
03/06/17 8:35:47 PM
#451:


Royal Rumble 2012:

Miz draws #1, cuts a promo about how he's gonna be awesome or somethin, former disciple turned enemy Alex Riley draws #2. Miz eliminates him, gives a bow... former friend turned enemy R-Truth is #3. Cool, it's a Rumble about Miz, I'd forgotten this! Well, not so much. Cody Rhodes eventually comes in and starts making most of the important eliminations. And so I guess it's about him.

Ricardo Rodriguez
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http://i.imgur.com/sR4DFCX.gif
...
All 3 announcers
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Kharma
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Kofi handstand
...
Road Dogg, Jim Duggan
...
It's the end of the world as we know it, says Y2J

We eventually reach 30, Big Show, who decides to eliminate Cody Rhodes and Miz (and Ziggler) immediately to no fanfare whatsoever. Well sure why not. Everyone left has been there for less than 10 numbers (22, 28, 29, 30) now. We get down to Sheamus and Jericho. It's super drawn out for some reason. Sheamus wins.

There was just something... missing from this Rumble. Nothing felt like it mattered. It was just a string of sideshows that Miz and Cody Rhodes refused to laugh at, followed by them being unceremoniously dumped just before the final stretch, and Sheamus eventually winning. I mean when you've got ~1/3 of your field dedicated to gimmick entries, and another ~1/3 dedicated jobbers, there just isn't much drama to be had. I think they could've made it a bit better by spacing out the comedy a bit more early, as seeing Mick Foley (who isn't taking himself remotely seriously), Ricardo Rodriguez, and Santino Marella in order was just kinda overload.

Royal Rumble Ranking
1992 > 2004 > 2002 > 1997 > 2007 > 1990 > 2011 > 2001 > 1994 > 2009 > 2003 > 2010 > 1996 > 1989 > 1988 > 1993 > 2005 > 2008 > 1991 > 1995 > 1998 > 2012 > 2000 > 1999 > 2006

This may seem kinda low relative to the amount of complaints I had... but, nothing at all feeling like it matters is a pretty big negative. Other generic complaints like "too much laying around" and "ring is too filled" also apply, but yeah, the true reason this Rumble was bad is you can get what you need to out of this with like a 2 minute hype package, and really that gif I posted probably was half the entertainment I got out of this (other half being a combination of Khali lasting a while for once and Kharma HURLING Hunico from the ring). It really was that spotty. Only the truly offensive Rumbles deserve to be lower.

The Undercard was also completely boring-- I think I had the most fun playing "see how reliably I can determine which Bella is Nikki" in a Bella Twins match. You also had the wretched Kane vs John Cena/Ryder feud (remember Kane's stupid "grab their face to suffocate them" finisher? And people said the Heart Punch was bad.), and Dolph Ziggler facing CM Punk in a best of 19 match where CM Punk won 10-0. Why wasn't this is in Miz's hype package of Ziggler failures? (CM Punk! CM Punk!)
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