Board 8 > Lopen watches and talks about all the Royal Rumbles. And ranks them. TURBO.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yeah so I decided I wanted to maximize this one month of the WWE Network I got this month for the Rumble, and watch all the Royal Rumbles.

Well long story short I didn't get through nearly as many of em as I thought I would before the current Rumble this Sunday, but thinking I still wanna watch through em all, so we'll see how far I can get. If you like talking about Royal Rumbles or just listening to people talk about Royal Rumbles, then read on, and comment on. If you don't? Read on anyway. Wrestling is a dying craft, man, I need all the readership I can muster. And it'll hype you for Sunday. I know it will.

I'll be doing em in order with an interlude for 2017 on Sunday. Alright let's do this.
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this isn't scathing leader reviews..............but i guess i can follow along anyway
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Royal Rumble 1988

First time I'd actually watched this one. As you'd kinda expect from a Rumble that had Hacksaw Jim Duggan winning it, this was more of a midcard sideshow than anything. It only had 20 guys and very little starpower, and it seems more correct to rank it with mini Royal Rumbles on Raw, Smackdown, and Impact, than the actual PPV stuff. This practically felt more like a drawn out battle royal as very few eliminations took place with less than like 10 guys in the ring. I dunno if this actually did much for Duggan as his U! S! A! and yelling were pretty over here already-- kinda felt more like Hart Foundation got more out of it. Already know this isn't the worst Rumble because being short helps and what few stars were actually in it did last.

I probably won't always talk about undercards but the undercard was kinda more interesting. Jumping Bomb Angels vs Glamour Girls was pretty weird in a lot of ways. First of all you had joshi on WWF which was kinda neat, and like, seeing em do weird ass suplexes and stuff in the 80s was weird too-- especially considering how awful the Glamour Girls were-- hairmare city. Like anyone who thinks WWF/E women's wrestling was at its worst in the late 90s or early-mid 00s has seen these women. I mean this is Kelly Kelly tier wrestling, and while Kelly Kelly is not my cup of tea for looks, she's not offputting like these leathery burnouts were. Guess it's possible that their opponents made em look bad too.

Meanwhile Vince McMahon can't even be bothered to know the names of Noriyo Tateno and Itsuki Yamazaki, instead saying "we'll just call em 'Pink Angel' and 'Blue Angel'!" when Jesse Ventura asks for their names. This gets corrected in fall 2, but yeah. Good ol borderline racist WWF. But at least the women who could actually wrestle won! (why the hell are there women's tag belts in WWF)

Rumble Ranking (despite talking about the shows once in a while this is just the Rumbles)

1988

First and only time it'll be ranked #1? We'll see.
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Royal Rumble 1989

Here's another Rumble I've never seen. This rumble felt more like a bunch of angles strewn together in the form of a match with a lot of pointless filler in the middle. Like you've got the Mega Powers squabbling. You've got Ted Dibiase getting an awful number and then buying a better one. You've got Andre the Giant being afraid of snakes. Just a lot of silliness.

Oh and then Big John Studd who got no talk at all during the show randomly wins over the scheming dude who bought his number because he is more strong and big. Huh? I feel like if Ted Dibiase just wins I probably rank this over 1988 cause the drama over the numbers was fun. But 1988 wins for wasting less of my time.

Only thing of note I remember from the undercard (watched these a few days ago) was a terrible longwinded segment with Dino Bravo trying to lift weight... oh weight that was 1988. Well that was terrible no matter the year. Random gimmick thing with Warrior/Rude posedown was better. Oh also Rockin Robin vs Leatherwoman A continues to give support to the idea that woman's wrestling was at its worst these days. Both these shows and rumbles were not very good.

Rumble Ranking:
1988 > 1989

1988 still on top!
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Royal Rumble 1990:

This Rumble I saw as a kid, but was way better than I remembered. Like, I'm not even sure the action was all that great but man like, this roster just felt stacked. First 11 numbers you have Randy Savage, Roddy Piper, Ted Dibiase, Bret Hart, Dusty Rhodes, Andre the Giant, Even the less legendary guys in the lot like Marty Janetty were guys I at least had some fondness for. This just felt like a big deal, much moreso than the previous two, and it was all about winning the match. You very rarely had any moments where there weren't big names in there.

Ted Dibiase meanwhile completely redeems himself from the year before, coming off as a total badass and staying in there forever from the #1 spot in this sea of legends. Dude doesn't need to pay to make things easier-- he's just smart and chooses to do so.

I think I sorta just grouped it with 1991 cause I was pretty disappointed with the ending on both-- I was never a very big Hogan fan (Hogan being a dick and opportunistically eliminating Warrior here probably didn't help with that!) so they kinda just blur together in my head. I'll get back to 1991 next write-up, but suffice to say they're not very alike at all.

Random thought: I appreciate Hercules and Earthquake a lot more in these things than I used to. I mean, they're no good in the ring or anything but man they have legit presence without being overly ridiculous like The Warlord. Which is impressive because I think Hercules was about as jobbery as The Warlord? Maybe not.

The undercard was completely unmemorable, but I quite enjoyed this Rumble.

Rumble Ranking:

1990 > 1988 > 1989
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tag
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TURBO brought me here

Tag!
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Royal Rumble 1991:

A while ago, I said something like "Monsoon is a great announcer but he needs the right color guy to play off of." This wasn't a knock on Monsoon-- I like Monsoon a lot. But yeah, if you want a good example of a show where Monsoon doesn't have a good guy to play off of. Piper and Monsoon is death at the announce position. Like good lord. This damaged the entire show immensely for me.

The actual Rumble, beyond the announcing and the zzz winner, was also kinda garbage. It was a nice cycle of long periods of nothing going on, teasing something cool, then taking it away before it could develop into anything fun. Some examples to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Bret Hart draws #1. At just about the exact time where I'm like "hey cool, Bret is gonna make a run and go deep" Undertaker shows up and unceremoniously dumps him out of the ring immediately, when he was like the only guy in the match who had anything going for em at this point.
Taker is dominating, steps up to Hawk and Animal, who are then like "nope f*** off" and just wreck him and throw him out. At this point, I'm like "oh man I hope LoD start owning this match--" nope one of em is immediately tossed out.
Rick Martel has a nice ironman run going, but is tossed out just before the final four.

And what the hell happened to the roster between 1990 and 1991? Like just pure number of names here it's not even close. 1990 had a bunch of stars, 1991 had some stars, but a bunch of jobbers. The amusing part is that the finish between 1990 and 1991 are extremely similar, but really drives home this point even further. Both are Hogan vs two nasty heels and overcoming both. 1990? Two legends Mr Perfect and Rick Rude face off vs Hogan. 1991? Earthquake and.... Nasty Boy Knobbs. Oh.

Undercard? Yeah a bunch of garbage beyond the mentioned opening Rockers/Orient Express tag, but that's commonplace by now-- not sure Warrior vs Slaughter is worst title match ever but it's gotta be in the running. Would take any Khali match over it for sure, just out of the entertainment of Khali being Khali.

Rumble ranking:

1990 > 1988 > 1989 > 1991

I didn't expect that at all, particularly after 1990 was so good. But yeah, new worst rumble right here. For all I said about 1989 being a bunch of storylines with a match backdrop-- at least it had the storylines. This was just bad wrestling and a bunch of teases for 60 minutes with a predictable end I saw better done last year.
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Okay now we've got all the APWT backlog here so it may actually be a bit slower for new rankz.

Still have a few I've watched but haven't written up yet, though, so it won't be utterly plodding any time soon.

Anyway... after watching these first 4 and finding 3/4 being bad, I can only determine that I watched these to make me hate myself more again so I could effectively do scathing leader reviews. My childhood!!
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So far so good, pretty fun writeups. I wonder what-

Anyway... after watching these first 4 and finding 3/4 being bad, I can only determine that I watched these to make me hate myself more again so I could effectively do scathing leader reviews. My childhood!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmp09mAXgKc
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Tag yo
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tag tag tag
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Royal Rumble 1992:

A while ago, I said something like "Bobby Heenan is a great color commentator." Now, you probably didn't actually need any convincing on this. Well, if you haven't seen this Royal Rumble, you would be wrong. Stop reading immediately before I spoil this, and go watch it first, and see peak Bobby the Brain Heenan in all his glory.

Now that out of the way... I remembered this being great, and well, turns out, it is great. It's one part Flair, one part Heenan's commentary, and one part all the chaos of the WWF working against the two. Storyline coming in is that Flair is making the claim that he's "the real world champion," and well, somehow the title was vacated between Hogan and Undertaker I think? I honestly don't even remember. Point is the Rumble is for the title, and as such the stakes are higher than ever.

Well, sucks for Flair (and Heenan, who REALLY wants flair to win the match) cause he draws #3. So basically the recurring theme of the whole match is Heenan freaking out about how this "isn't fair to Flair" and Flair being in peril damn near the whole match as Monsoon is like "give it up he's doomed no one numbers 1-5 is ever here at the end!!"

There are two truly great moments this contributes to. The first being mid rumble, just after Hercules comes out... somehow pretty much everyone ends up tossing each other out. You're left with Big Boss Man and Flair. Boss Man then rushes at Flair, dives, and eliminates himself, leaving Flair alone. Flair walks to the center of the ring, does the Flair Flop and collapses in exhaustion, alone. Then who comes out next to have Flair all alone but ROWDY RODDY PIPER and Flair is like "oh god why"

It's an amazing moment and placed perfectly in the middle of the match. The second of course, is the finish, where it goes down to Sid, Hogan, Savage, and Flair. Sid tosses Hogan and Savage out while they're messing with Flair, leaving him alone with an exhausted Flair. BUT Hogan is a sore loser and a dick, so he tries to pull Sid out from the outside as Sid taunts him-- Flair is no fool, capitalizes on Hogan and Sid being more interested in each other, and dumps Sid out from behind to win the match. Then Hogan and Sid are STILL squabbling with each other even after Flair has won the match-- only a little after that does Hogan realize "hey wait that Flair guy hoodwinked us..." and then they both rage at Flair who is already outta there and gloating with Heenan and Mr Perfect backstage.

God what a match. So great. All these cartoon characters are fighting each other while Flair just picks his spots and hangs on for dear life the whole time.

Now... the undercard on this show was awful aside from the opening tag (Owen + Anvil vs Orient Express-- not a great match mind but not awful)-- particularly the cringeworthy and frankly kinda offensive Bushwhackers (with JAMISON) vs Beverly Brothers match which may be in contention for worst match I've ever seen on a PPV. Worse than Jenna vs Sharmell for sure. It did have some clips of the infamous Barber Shop scene with Michaels and Jannetty which I guess was fairly recent cause it was the explanation for why Jannetty wasn't here so that was a cool piece of history. But who cares. Fantastic Rumble heals all wounds.

Rumble Rankings:
1992 > 1990 > 1988 > 1989 > 1991
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Mega Mana posted...

tag

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Oh s*** a Ric Flair RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEE

definitely gonna watch, it's from the year I was born too! Hypehypehype
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Lopen posted...

BUT Hogan is a sore loser and a dick, so he tries to pull Sid out from the outside as Sid taunts him

I don't know why this made me laugh. I've been watching Wrestling since the first Wrestlemania, I know exactly what Hogan is like, and I knew exactly how this Rumble played out, but for some reason it caught me off guard.
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That's probably it for tonight

Random humorous Rumble factoid that's way better than the crap WWE throws at you about numbers and pounds in the ring and whatever else.

In the rumbles I've rewatched so far, Ted Dibiase drew these numbers

1989 - 30
1990 - 1
1992 - 2
1993 - 4

Now if you consider in 1989 Dibiase cringed at his number and bought a better number from Slick, you gotta figure he's got the worst luck in Rumble history.

Although looking at who was in 1989, I'm not actually sure whose number Slick traded. I think Akeem at #23 is the only guy who Slick managed in it? Was Dibiase just greedy for that extra edge? I'm way overthinking this I'm sure.
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KanzarisKelshen posted...

Oh s*** a Ric Flair RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEE

definitely gonna watch, it's from the year I was born too! Hypehypehype

Wait youre a ric flair fan and youve never seen this? How?
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Wait youre a ric flair fan and youve never seen this? How?

I watch, read and play basically everything so I'm almost always missing something important from my entertainment lists :(

It's one of the downsides of trying everything at least once, you don't get to do that many deep dives on things you love
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Also if you care about the history at all its basically this

Undertaker cheats to beat Hogan at Survivor Series something to do with the urn to become WWF World Heavyweight Champion.

At This Tuesday in Texas, Hogan wins back the title after doing some cheating of his own.

Jack Tunney steps in and says "all of these shenanigans have damage the prestige of our title so NEITHER OF YOU is champion, and the title will be decided by the rumble BUT to be fair, Hogan and Undertaker are both guaranteed to come out in the second 15"

and there you have it.
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Tag!

I've only ever watched 6 or 7 of the Rumbles, but I do remember going back at one point and looking at the results of all of them.
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I saw TURBO in the title and thus I feel obligated to remind you that you are a filthy FFX-2 TURBO dodger. Never forget.

Also, 1994 and 1995 Rumble hype
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The Utility Man posted...

Lopen posted...

BUT Hogan is a sore loser and a dick, so he tries to pull Sid out from the outside as Sid taunts him

I don't know why this made me laugh. I've been watching Wrestling since the first Wrestlemania, I know exactly what Hogan is like, and I knew exactly how this Rumble played out, but for some reason it caught me off guard.

Yeah it kinda blows the mind that this is not only the case, but is CONSISTENTLY the case. Every one of these Rumbles aside from 1991, where he was never in any real peril, he's been a dick. In 1989 and 1992 he's a sore loser and tries to eliminate the guy who eliminated him. In 1989 and 1990 he "inadvertently" eliminates his allies Savage and Warrior as they're fighting guys when they'd saved him when he was fighting guys. In 1990 Ventura points this out and is completely right at that as he eliminates Warrior and it's like... it kinda really makes you appreciate Hogan more.

Hell you can see it just how his moveset involves eye rakes and back rakes. So much subtlety to Hogan, man-- they don't make em like that anymore.
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I actually do appreciate knowing the actual specifics behind what happened there eddv thanks.
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Lopen posted...

Flair walks to the center of the ring, does the Flair Flop and collapses in exhaustion, alone.

Oh man, I remember that. So good.
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Yeah Hogan was kind of in some ways an anti-hero especially early on

As he transitions into being the AMERICAN HERO, they begin to look really weird in his moveset.

But 1988-1990 especially he's a HUGE f***ing dick, but people love him anyway.
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Hogan is the best. It was kind of amazing to me to learn that people hated him when I got older. Everyone I knew as a kid loved him, at least until the heel turn in WCW.
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It's funny cause I like him more now than I did then

Even as a little Lopen I was pretty much always pulling for his opponent in the feuds. Mr. Perfect, Ultimate Warrior, Macho Man. Not so much the fatties like Yoko and Earthquake I guess but still.

Now granted I'm still rooting for those guys today but that's only because they are great-- back then Hogan always wins definitely was a thing. Between rooting against Hogan and rooting for Shredder I definitely was a weird kid at times.
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Yeah, Hogan sure loved using back rakes, eye pokes and other heelish moves back then.

He was always a bigger dick against the smaller heels, but went full babyface in peril against some of the few guys bigger thaqn him.
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With Hogan using dirty tactics, I always felt that it was great because Hogan was the one guy who wasn't afraid of actually fighting back with the same dirty tactics that would get used on him.
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~ PRIDE ~ tag
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Lopen posted...

Yeah it kinda blows the mind that this is not only the case, but is CONSISTENTLY the case. Every one of these Rumbles aside from 1991, where he was never in any real peril, he's been a dick. In 1989 and 1992 he's a sore loser and tries to eliminate the guy who eliminated him. In 1989 and 1990 he "inadvertently" eliminates his allies Savage and Warrior as they're fighting guys when they'd saved him when he was fighting guys. In 1990 Ventura points this out and is completely right at that as he eliminates Warrior and it's like... it kinda really makes you appreciate Hogan more.

Hell you can see it just how his moveset involves eye rakes and back rakes. So much subtlety to Hogan, man-- they don't make em like that anymore.

I've always liked Hogan, even though it's always fun to hate on Hogan as well. However, I gotta say knowing as much about the behind the scenes stuff as I do now, it's hard to imagine that his actions during those Rumbles were scripted and that wasn't just his real nature coming out.
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Lopen posted...

That's probably it for tonight

Random humorous Rumble factoid that's way better than the crap WWE throws at you about numbers and pounds in the ring and whatever else.

In the rumbles I've rewatched so far, Ted Dibiase drew these numbers

1989 - 30
1990 - 1
1992 - 2
1993 - 4

Now if you consider in 1989 Dibiase cringed at his number and bought a better number from Slick, you gotta figure he's got the worst luck in Rumble history.

Although looking at who was in 1989, I'm not actually sure whose number Slick traded. I think Akeem at #23 is the only guy who Slick managed in it? Was Dibiase just greedy for that extra edge? I'm way overthinking this I'm sure.

He managed Boss Man and Akeem, who came out at 22 and 23 consecutively. So yeah, the only way it works is if Ted had one of those numbers and Slick was willing to take it + cash because it would allow the Twin Towers to come out together and guarantee they could work as a team.
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Eddv posted...

Undertaker cheats to beat Hogan at Survivor Series something to do with the urn to become WWF World Heavyweight Champion.

Flair interfered too.
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Also worth a mention is the incredible Flair promo to close 1992

Did you get the version with the fans chanting for Sid intact, or did you get one where WWE overdubbed it with cheers for Hogan?
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Definitely tagging this.

I'm interested in seeing where some of the more hated recent rumbles actually fall in comparison to the old ones.
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Oh right Big Boss Man and Akeem were consecutive that's actually kinda awesome now that I think about it. Still makes Dibiase a bit of a drama queen cringing about 22 or 23 which are pretty decent numbers but what can you do.

And I'm watching all of these on the WWE Network, which I would've suspected was the one with the overdub but Sid getting chants seems like something that I remember happening so I don't know-- I watched it like a week ago so I can't remember clearly and I may just be jumbling the last time I watched it. I do remember 1990 and 1991 having HUGE Hogan chants which if you're introducing the idea that we might be dubbing chants, would make some sense. Like 1991 in particular was like "why are you guys going so nuts about this we just saw this last year"

Anyway chants or no chants, I'll tell you what did bug me though-- this version had some Colosseum Video exclusive promo where Flair was like, talking about how he drew #3 before the match. Now personally I feel like knowing his number in advance kinda cheapens the banter between Monsoon and Heenan before Flair comes out, and Heenan subsequently flipping out, and it should've been left out since it wasn't even a great promo anyway.

End promo was good though.
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Hogan claimed for a long time undertaker had legit dropped him on that chair.

He made the best pure striker feel bad about himself!
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Your writeup of the 1992 Rumble hit me with a wave of memories. It honestly might be the FUNNEST hour of wrestling I've ever seen, with Flair clinging for dear life in the ring and Heenan doing the same on the mic. And then the payoff with their victory promo alongside Mr. Perfect... I'm not sure if anything is more emblematic of the joy of wrestling.
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And I just remembered Mean Gene randomly going PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT. 1992 Rumble > all. I'm watching it tonight.
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It's worse with the long standing story that Mr. Perfect should have won in 1990, but Hogan vetoed it
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Oh man, you serious

That would've been the perfect winner for 1990. Would've made 1991 (slightly) better too cause at least the finish would've been slightly different than 1990. Sucks, man.
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Hogan needed the rub, brother
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Royal Rumble 1993

I've been pretty vocal about hating this in the past, putting in the discussion of worst Rumble ever.

Well, on a rewatch, it turns out, I was wrong. Now don't get me wrong, this thing is still pretty bad. And you need only look at the order of guys coming out and the elimination list to get the gist of why.

In numbers 17-26, you've got the following entries: Damien Demento, Irwin R Schyster, Tatanka, Jerry Sags, Typhoon, Fatu, Earthquake, Carlos Colon, Tito Santana, Rick Martel. Now I like Martel, and I even said "Earthquake feels like a bigger deal than I remembered" but keep in mind that those thoughts were from 2-3 years ago when the guys were more relevant, and that even when they were more relevant they couldn't exactly carry a match like this alone.

Now that would be bad enough, but to lead into this string of jobbers, you have Undertaker clearing out the ring, then subsequently being eliminated by a guy who wasn't even in the match, the ridiculous Giant Gonzales (and the beatdown dragged). So you were basically seeing a bunch of jobbers brawl for like 20-25 minutes, with none of those jobbers having eliminated any stars to be here. It's really really hard to care, and it's towards the end, so it's the thing you're remembering most coming off watching it. Eventually you've got Savage vs Yoko to finish which is at least okay, but the wind is out of the sails.

Also the finish is ridiculous and makes Savage look like a total dumbass-- he knocks Yokozuna down, hits the Flying Elbow Drop, tries to PIN him, Yokozuna kicks out with such force it throws Macho right out of the ring.

But, in spite of this, there are things it does well. The first half an hour or so of this Rumble is actually pretty good. 1993 wasn't a total void of talent-- just most all the names worth caring about were in the first half. (or the undercard. double booking could've helped this Rumble a lot). There were also some cool moments after Giant Gonzales and Taker ruined everything. Like Earthquake has a faceoff with Yokozuna that's pretty fun, Savage vs Yoko is fairly exciting till the end, and a returning Bob Backlund, who drew #1, is unconscious outside during the ring clearing so he gets to continue his ironman run after the ring is wiped out. And at least the winner was fresh.

The undercard was actually pretty good. Bret vs Razor was fun (though internally I always remembered this as an IC title match-- Bret definitely shouldn't have had the WHC just yet) and Michaels vs Jannetty was actually really good. Probably my favorite match of their feud. (which, is going on 1 years and counting as of now, as we get the Barber Shop highlight package for the second Rumble in a row. I bet they've had a fraction of the matches of Sasha and Charlotte in spite of this.). Even the opening throwaway tag of the Steiners/Beverly Brothers was decent.

Bad Rumble, decent show.

Royal Rumble Ranking:
1992 > 1990 > 1989 > 1988 > 1993 > 1991

(You'll also note I moved 1989 up one. I feel like internally that's the one I'm comparing with when thinking "is this good or bad" rather than 1988, so that should probably be the neutral one. It's kinda splitting hairs either way though.)
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Oh and, random thing that amused me about this show that I forgot to mention

I watch the Beverly Brothers match, and am like "god these guys look so generic that Beverly looks just like Mike Enos from WCW"

Turns out it IS Mike Enos.

I don't know how to feel about this. Are all generic wrestlers Mike Enos?
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On the other hand they had the Shaker Heights Spike, the greatest finisher ever made

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKD4u0LxP1o
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After Jannetty jumped through the barbershop window like the coward he is, he didn't return until close to the end of the year, so that feud doesn't really start until very late 1992. I believe the Rumble is the first televised match between Jannetty and Michaels.

Also, Backlund drew #2! Now that my nitpicking is out of the way...I don't think the 93 Rumble is all that bad, but I'm not really bothered by the plethora of jobbers either. The ending is bad, but Macho Man kinda has a history of being really dumb with the Rumbles, considering just the year before he eliminated himself and they had to cover it up by saying someone else had to throw you out
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Oh yeah totally forgot to mention that in 1992.

I loved how Taker just relentlessly tries to get Savage back in the ring for no real reason after he eliminates himself. I feel like he's just a pro who noticed Savage technically eliminated himself but wasn't due to be tossed yet, and wanted to get him back in the ring ASAP so people don't mistakenly think he's out.
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Earthquake is one of the rare guys who was just about always booked like walking death, even during Hulkamania. No selling the buttsplash at the Rumble was probably the worst Hogan ever got to bury him, otherwise the best he managed was countout wins
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Good lord what a finisher.

I'm not sure I'd ever seen the Beverly Bros actually win a match with it. Probably because they rarely won.
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