It's not so sloppy other than it involving a drunken fat girl, but...
...my room-mate threw a party at our apartment once, and I went to bed before the party fully ended. Shortly after I fell asleep, this girl knocked on my door looking for the bathroom. All I knew about her before was her appearance and her gay friend Ryan. I tell the girl it's to her left a few times, but she doesn't quite get it...so I open the door to show her where.
SURPRISE MAKE-OUT -- she locks lips with mine and drives me back from my doorway to my bed. I was still trying to explain where the bathroom was when she told me she never needed to go. That led to me tonsil-jousting this sloshed liar soon afterward and everything was okay...then...
TEETH
SCRAPING
...she wasn't stopping either even after I tried to train her out of it, so I freaked out. Not only was this girl somebody I had NO desire for before her beartrap caught my junk, a woman was coming into town the next morning to see me for similar and much more mutual reasons. The last thing I wanted to explain was how my wang was just mistaken for a corndog -- "No baby, those are stretch-marks" wouldn't cut it here. I didn't have a condom either, so alternatives were out.
"Look...just stop."
"What?"
After a few moments of confusion, she called me a bigger f** than her gay friend Ryan before angrily stumbling out. I waited a few minutes before going to the kitchen for a drink; the party should have died out by then. It turned out just the music had died out though, because a few stragglers stared me down afterward. After explaining myself, one of the stragglers said he locked himself in the bathroom to get away from her before she knocked on my door.
All was well by the next day, at least!
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http://img812.imageshack.us/img812/3492/eponaharr.jpg
Nominate SuperNiceDog's Guru-choice, then Epona.