Lurker > -Komaiko54-

I hate having autism. I hate having everything I do be judged by this singular fact.

Diagnosed at age sevenand never had a chance to live a true childhood. My peers asked questions, why does he get special treatment and I dont? At the time, I didnt even understand what the issue was! Why was it that kids withdrew from talking to me? Why was it that I enjoyed the kids not talking to me?

I reveled in being alone. The space where no one existed but me, my imaginary friends, and my family was the only entity that I had control over, and that gave me tremendous joy. Maybe its because of the poor environment I grew up in, but I learned that the outside world was exceedingly cruel; I avoided making any true friends.

Years and years of developing without basic human interaction outside my immediate family pass by. In 2017, I vowed to fight my autism by becoming a normal human being. What followed those plans in the coming years were the absolute worst social-decisions I have ever made. At one point, I finally realized the limitations that autism presents: perhaps operating in the normal world just isn't in my physical capabilities, so I give up.

There was a brief stint where I managed to go to a military school; predictably, I was eventually let go due to my having autism. You will never get a waiver to serve in the military, I was told. At first, in my arrogant nature, I sought to challenge them because they were obviously wrong; it did not succeed.

Perhaps they are right. Five years later, I still cannot manage to talk normally with people; I still havent found someone whom I truly can call a friend; I still get paranoid if people suspect my being autisitc; I still struggle to do basic tasks like waking up in the morning, keeping a clean room, and texting back on time.

It has been five years; I have made no progress, and I am still lonely as ever. My few acquaintances moved on, and here I lay, with no one to talk to.

I am simply not strong enough to endure this. I hate having this disability! I hate being alone! I hate being unable to talk to people! I hate never being able to have a relationship! I hate the thought of being single forever! I hate the thought that I can never truly overcome this! I hate how I can never express my feelings. I hate it; i hate it; i hate it ; i hate it; i hate it; i whish i was never born with this fucking useless ass disabliily i fucking ahte my self and I cant fucking take it anmyore i hate it i hate it

MabusIncarnate posted...

Go stand in front of Home Depot early morning, someone may offer you a job for the day for cash. This is a thing in Atlanta for sure.

wait really?

CryoForceOmelet posted...

People should feel the impact that locomotion has on climate change in their wallets. Basically fuel should be treated like cigarette taxes.

Respectfully stop talking. That exact line of reasoning is why gas prices are so high in the first place.

@The Wheelman1 posted...

Doordash or Uber if you have a car.

read the post? I can't use my car

Vicious_Dios posted...

Ask your parents for money? Get a warehouse job? Make a garage sale? Offer to mow lawns? Pawn your jewelry? Sell off all of your anime crap?

My family poor. I sold my school textbooks but that isn't enough.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Get a job. Then leave job when you move.

yeah but that's kind of a jerk move. I applied for some summer jobs tho

RISEofCHRISTIAN posted...

Day trading?

don't have the heart for it. Waiting for my current stocks to bounce up

DespondentDeity posted...

Hes a lifelong troll, hes been making these kind of topics on PotD since at least 2015.

First off, that isn't true. Second off, I prefer the term Retired troll; I don't do that childish ish anymore. Thirdly, I'm just really desperate for coin. How is that a troll?

LordRazziel posted...

Sign up for doordash or uber, or something.

I can't do this, because my car is literally almost breaking down and I'm trying to keep it in good condition so I can sell it.

I Can't get a job because I dont know how much longer I'm staying in my state

Naysaspace posted...

sell plasma?

read the post?

hockeybub89 posted...

Ah "people can change". The go-to defense of hypocrites who haven't changed at all.

it's not a defense; it's a real thing. Are people to remain static forever? Literally just google people who used to be pro choice who were then transformed as prolife

Humble_Novice posted...

Tagged as a MAGA enabler.

K, don't know what giving my two cents have to do with Trump or MAGA or anything.

Even if this is true, it'd be a reach to call it "hypocrisy." People can live a lifestyle and change over time. There are many advocates who became anti-abortion because they understood the pain it brought; just look at at Abby Johnson.

Still, it just goes to show that insiders are so afraid of a newer GOP, that they're willing to engage in shameless character assassination attempts instead of focusing on the actual issues.

please I'm broke and desperate.

fyi I can't donate blood or anything; I had an issue with my blood so they put me on a deferral

mcpwnia posted...

just write. all there is to it

obviously. lol. But I mean more like how can I develop a style? How do I know what's good or not? How do I even get the darn thing published?

I have this burning desire to write a book. Two actually: one fiction and one historic/research-based.

I always really loved writing; I would write amateur journalism from time to time but I don't really have any professional writing experience. Was wondering if anyone had any advice?