Lurker > ElatedVenusaur

That's what [REDACTED] was, for anyone who cared. I was existentially terrified of being spoiled.

That show was the hardest thing I ever watched, the most dizzyingly surreal and viciously real and beautiful thing. It's a show where everything comes together, where everything works, where episodes are 50-60 minutes long and not a moment is wasted. It's a brutally realistic depiction of drug addiction, it has a fantastic trans character, it has a cast of flawed, traumatized high schoolers who act and behave like traumatized high schoolers and yet the show has such empathy for them it's hard to hate even Nate. Just realize that you're going to have a front-row seat to each and every traumatic moment in their lives. The segment on Jules' childhood nearly broke me, to be honest. I was literally shaking and crying.

And, for the record, Rue rejecting Jules at the end, while kissing her....was beautiful. It's both Rue thanking Jules for possibly saving her life, and telling Jules she should do better. Rue can't have Jules in her life, because Rue has to forge her own destiny, her own life, her own identity. She isn't ready to love some one, because she hasn't yet learned to love herself. And maybe, just maybe, one day...their paths will cross again. But probably not.

Season 3 has been green-lit, but if Discovery murders it, well...I might just be okay with it. Watch it if you're in a good enough place to bear it, you won't regret it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Its very much a question of finding a good therapist whose approach works well for you. And its not just a place for, like, just super serious shit. View it as a tune-up for your mind. I think we all occasionally need some help sorting our shit out, and the right therapist can be a huge help.

Also, I remember talking to my therapist for the first time. He said he works with trans people experiencing trauma, and I told him maybe I wasnt the right fit. He just paused, and then asked, Well, are you trans? And I said Yes and he responded, Then youre the type of client I work with.
You see, merely existing as a closeted trans person is traumatic in and of itself.

KogaSteelfang posted...
Snipped because it's long, but, yeahhhhh, unfortunately, sometimes people who have no business being therapists end up becoming therapists and do a lot of harm. Like this asshole, Jesus Christ.

The two therapists I saw in adult life were good people. The first one was a 30-something lady who was very gentle, practical, and really good at piecing me together though she also seemed to figure out she was missing an important piece that I was terrified to give her but she was also really pushy about me getting my license and that made me super anxious to see her, so I just stopped going.

Therapist #2 is the one I'm seeing now, and he's a handsome trans dude with some serious Mr. Rogers energy. probably a good thing I'm not into men, he otherwise checks a lot of my boxes. I saw him to finally deal with the missing piece: my crippling gender dysphoria. He's a very practical guy, and sometimes I feel like he goes too easy on me. His catchphrase is "Just be gentle with yourself". I even ended up saying that to another trans woman seeing him and she commented that I must have picked it up from him.

I would assume nothing is safe unless made explicit. I'm here, sweating bullets over the Venture Bros. movie and [REDACTED] Season 3.

I go to therapy once a week, and Ive been seeing my therapist since February of 2021. Hes helped me deal with so much shit. Im thinking were definitely getting towards the point where discussing termination should happen though. Im doing a million times better.

I didn't vote. I would have liked to have kids, but my fertility is pretty fried, by this point. I wouldn't have it any other way, honestly. And most women my age either don't want kids, can't have kids, or already have them (and all of those are fine by me).

And, honestly, it was never economically feasible.

https://www.npr.org/sections/2022%20primary%20election%20results/2022/08/02/1108929419/kansas-primary-election-results
It wasn't just defeated, it was flat-out dumpstered. Currently at 61.9% against with 76.8% of the vote in. It's fucking political malpractice the Democrats aren't launching a full-throated offensive on the issue, to say nothing of the moral bankruptcy of not doing so.

Oooooh, I had quite the day. I went to see a Psych doctor, because that's what you have to do if you want Medicaid to pay for anything: you need a PsyD to certify that yes, you are definitely trans, you are of sound mental health, you would benefit from this procedure. It's bullshit, but the PsyD informed me that I needed two years of lived experience for laser and said she would consult with a colleague.

I was distraught, but also confused. Later on, the PsyD sheepishly e-mailed me that she had mixed up laser hair removal with the various surgical procedures, and that actually I'm fine. The good news is that she was nice and also thinks this whole song and dance is bullshit. Now I just need *another* letter from *another* PsyD certifying the same thing, because CT enjoys making poor ass trans women dance for their care. This is all very virtuous and progressive and not at all problematic in the face of the full-scale assault on trans rights in this country, nor does it in any way discriminate against trans people who, say....don't have a car. It's not like trans people are vastly more likely to be impoverished....

Good for Demi.

My best friend used to go by they/them, but after bottom surgery, they accepted themselves as more feminine and now use she/they. Life is a process of self-discovery.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Not happening with anyone from his state. He's the best the Dems can get there.

Dems like Manchin who sell West Virginians down the river for a buck and offer fuck all in return to their constituents while they are ruthlessly exploited by a dying industry and live in horrifying poverty helped create this very situation.
The Republicans at least assure their constituents that everything that's wrong in their lives isn't their fault.

DespondentDeity posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/9/2/AAP2ssAADhPg.jpg

Ooh, I see the boobs are coming in.

gunplagirl posted...

When you get down to it, aren't we all just a man trying to find our shark suit... suit?

Nah. For starters, we're women.

gunplagirl posted...

Well no, it's a man stuffed in a shark costume in a suit

Oh, well, that's less adorable then.

Hahaha OMG thats adorable. A stuffed shark in a suit!

Nah, I feel like S3&K is pretty clear: Knuckles is a gullible idiot who Robotnik manipulates into fighting Sonic, who then changes sides when he witnesses Eggman stealing the Master Emerald. He attempts to stop him, gets electrocuted*, and helps Sonic until he collapses. If you press down while standing next to him, he'll even wave Sonic on.

*In Mania, the Heavy King steals the Master Emerald in much the same way. Knuckles has a flashback, depicted in a thought bubble as a crudely-drawn cartoon. It's a hilarious little call-back, and shows even Knuckles can occasionally learn from his mistakes.

Quite a lot, especially after moving in the middle of 3rd grade. I was the new kid, I had that closeted trans girl energy*, and I was more than a little weird besides.

It didn't get better until high school, honestly. Middle school was legit one of the worst periods of my life. Puberty starting definitely was a part of that.

*I was talking to my girlfriend about my early inklings of being different/trans, and I said, "I never fit in with the boys" and she chuckled a bit and said, "Yeah, I can see that".

Im in a poly relationship, so as long as shes okay with that
I would be shocked though, that woman doesnt have a gay bone in her body.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/5/1/AAIAInAADg_P.jpg
I like this one. Ill have to take some more. The lady does love it when I send her pics

Also she's a fascist, she just got caught backing the wrong horse and is now on the outside looking in.

SF_Okami posted...

The NFL is probably going to appeal the ruling. From what I am reading, the NFL pushed for a year long suspension but the arbitrator rules for 6 games. NFLPA is happy with the ruling.

Also, the NFL is who the NFL appeals. because the NFLPA is dumb and worthless.

Even so, this is disgusting through and through.

ButteryMales posted...

If fusion is a metaphor for sex and love than it's pretty lewd.

Given...every Steven fusion, I should hope you're not interpreting it that way.

Here, have a smattering of songs I listen to too much:

NOVA ONE a.k.a. Roz Raskins - your girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbLVTZWRou8
When the woman you're dating sends you this, it imparts it with...a lot of emotions.

Courtney Barnett - Here's the Thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y808utBEuak

Zheanna Erose - Eurybia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubPwKxcp87g

KNOWER - Hanging On
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLZJ-0IP9bY

Spoken like someone who hasnt experienced the distillation of raw masculinity that is Steg.

ArrogantRat posted...

do you voice train? i've been doing some tonight.

ArrogantRat posted...

how long have you been growing out your hair?

Full of questions, aren't you?

Yes, I voice train, but I'm not terribly consistent with formal practice. I do; however, consciously try to speak as feminine-ly as I possibly can in life. That, in and of itself, is a sort of practice. I actually found Z's videos Trans Voice Lessonson the mechanics of voice helpful, because it helped make me more mindful of just how it works and why.
I do need to step up my game: my girlfriend told me once that she had dreamed about me, and that I had spoken to her "in the most beautifully feminine voice". And I am all about making that woman's dreams come true!

As for the hair, I've been mostly growing it out since my sister's wedding in last September, the last major event I marked in the closet. I've gotten it cut here and there, mostly to shape it a bit and keep the bangs from murdering my eyes. I've got to do that now, actually.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/8/2/AAIAInAADg5e.jpg
Here, have the good pic. I'm still figuring out this makeup business, but it's slow going because I'm lazy.

What's your favorite ever TV show?

ArrogantRat posted...

nice, so you've been on them about as long as i have.
do you think you were always a girl? i do

Of course I was.
I'm exhausted now, but not in the way that prepares you for sleep.

I go for a beach walk with the lady every Thursday. She loves collecting sea glass.

ArrogantRat posted...

what's your hrt start date?
mine was 3/1/2021

I was reborn 6/29/2021.

I have been recharged by a lovely beach walk. Ask away, before I blender my sense of ease by watching [REDACTED]

Sayoria posted...

She also has a dog who humps her on camera and she welcomes it.

Again, gross. I'm watching FinallyZoey23, Maid Queen of Dinotopia.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Gross.

Sayoria posted...

People still watch Alinity?

Who's that?

Sayoria posted...

What's it like being trans?

Just curious, as I have absolutely, no idea whatsoever. At all.

I'm watching a twitch stream where the streamer barked like a dog and it summoned her dogs. That is trans.

Eh, which ghost now speaks before us?

itachi15243 posted...

That makes sense. Although I hope the time comes soon when anyone of any sexuality, background, religious affiliation, culture, and skin color can all live a bit easier and except the fact that even if who they are is more or less statistically likely, they are all just normal people.

I think I might understand you vaguely on the sex hormones aspect. Not to say I understand what being trans is like at all(and hope not to offend), but I have had multiple pituitary tumors and so I don't have any testosterone unless I give myself shots of it, which makes for a drastically different experience and feeling from having the testosterone and not having it is kinda like a different look at life.

That must be rough to be consciously aware of such a life altering thing, especially at the time, and feeling a need to bury it just because of other people, and the times/culture themselves. I assume the trauma didn't exactly help either. I hope that you're doing much better now, and that one day society will actually be able to let everyone accept themselves for exactly who they are from the moment they are born.

I've often thought of how damaging it was, yes. There's much I regret in life, #1 being not transitioning sooner, but ultimately, the past is dead. The present lives and the future will.

itachi15243 posted...

I suppose that makes sense. I guess a better way to put it would be when did you realize, or have any time of moment that made it clear for you? Or were you just always accepting of it? I just ask because like you said, a lot of people consider being straight that norm, or natural, so I'd assume that they're less likely to questions it on any meaningful level or have any revelation of being what they'd consider outside the norm.

Well, there's a big difference between knowing you're off in some way, in knowing how, and in accepting that.

I learned trans women were a thing from a New York Times magazine article about the murder of Calpurnia Adams' boyfriend. He was murdered for being "gay" because Calpurnia was a trans woman. Even my tween mind had two thoughts: 1) Why would you ever kill someone for being gay and 2) How is it gay for a man to have sex with a woman? The article spent considerable time exploring Calpurnia herself and trans people in general, and this being the '90s, they were treated more as fascinating oddities rather than anything dangerous. One thing she said that I'll never forget was that living as a man had been like seeing the world through a dirty filter. In transitioning, she said she finally saw the world clearly for the first time. My experience as well, as a matter of fact. Our sex hormones are, after all, a vital component of our neurochemistry, and I can say with confidence my brain was always meant for *this* balance of hormones.

So, on some level, I was consciously aware of being trans from that point onwardl. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't even know how, and, any way, I liked girls. I had a lot of excuses, and piled up a bunch of trauma, so I ignored it. I buried and repressed it for a good two decades before I finally had the strength to accept it and do something about it. Trans is beautiful, but I wish we didn't have to be so damned brave just to exist authentically. It's exhausting.

itachi15243 posted...

ElatedVenusaur posted...
When did you know?

That's tough to answer, my childhood was really weird and there was a lot of it where a lot of stuff was sexualized that sometimes I liked and sometimes I didn't, or didn't know exactly what to think.

I hope I'm not being rude, I was just wondering the feeling was always there, or a sudden realization, or so on. I've heard different things from different people and was honestly curious. Looking at that I probably asked that very poorly, and I didn't mean to. I'm just honestly curious what it was like and what went from there.

I always ask that question, because nobody ever asks cis straight people that question, because being cis and straight is just accepted as a normal default state that a lot of people assume is natural, as opposed to being trans and/or gay, which is often treated as abnormal or even artificial in some way.

We're all the way we are. Always.

Edit: I actually had a conversation related to this with my girlfriend, who was curious about when I knew. You can't pinpoint it, but I can tell you I never really fit in with the boys she laughed softly at that and said, "Yeah, I can't imagine that you did." I always latched hard onto any tom boy that came into my vicinity. I had a number of confused straight girls tell me they saw me as a friend when I told them I found them attractive and that I wanted to be with them. A few were even blunt/forward enough to point-blank ask if I was gay they were right LOL, just not the way they thought. I barely even read as a dude to others (who knew me, at least), and certainly I never felt invested in it either.

ArrogantRat posted...

i don't know my levels anymore. the place i went to in florida had an online portal where i could view lab results, and i would get my blood drawn every 3 months. the place i go to now doesn't bother with that kind of stuff though.

Ooh, I hope you got out of that hellhole.

ArrogantRat posted...

i felt the rush the first time, but after that i've usually been too distracted by a hectic life to notice the rush sadly. my e-day is every other thursday.

I inject every week. Alternating thighs. Plus 3 50 MG tablets of spiro and one 200 MG tablet of progesterone daily.
My T level at my last blood test was 6 mg/dL the average for cis women is 15-70 LOL.

g0ldie posted...

yea, it must suck being proven right when people around you try to downplay the rhetoric used by others

It's quite disheartening and annoying to be as Cassandra, yes.

itachi15243 posted...

Dis you suddenly know or was it a long time feeling.

When did you know?

ArrogantRat posted...

do you shoot up the estradiol?
i love doing that

Yup. My injection day is Friday. That rush of estrogen you get like an hour or two later is great, isn't it? I tend to do a lot of random giggling.

gunplagirl posted...

I'm a lesbian so I guess I'm still lesbian but now I'm cis. So it'll be even harder for a cis man to get into my pants because cis lesbians will maybe be open to dating me.

Mine is a queer butchish lesbian. Maybe that's the good kind? I don't know, she's the first person I'm dating, but I'm quoting this post because this also goes for my gay self.

Humble_Novice posted...

Do you take self-defense courses for your own protection?

I've thought about it, but I have two problems:

1) I have no idea how to suss out what's actually useful vs. what's BS
2) I don't have money LOL

Then there's an addenda: my life isn't actually that dangerous because I'm crazy privileged and live in a relatively safe area (both in absolute terms and in terms of trans acceptance), which is both comforting and a source of incredible guilt. When you sit around a table with a bunch of trans people of color, some of whom tell you about how their families disowned them and they had to sell their bodies to survive....well, I felt almost embarrassed going, "Yeah, coming out is going great. Literally no one has rejected me!"
And now? Well, I've come out to everyone of any import in my life there is to come out to, and that's still true. My girlfriend was picking at that experience yesterday, I just wasn't in any mood to discuss it.

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Should I party (stay up) tonight?

If you don't have anything better to do, why not? If you do, get some sleep.

DespondentDeity posted...

How prepared do you feel in regard to the pain? Do you generally skew towards higher tolerance? I think meditating on the fact that its 10 minutes, once every four weeks is helpful, and holding an image of the final goal in your mind during also helps.

I have no idea how to quantify pain tolerance. It doesn't even fucking matter, this isn't a question: I'm getting this hair burned off no matter how bad it hurts.

MrMallard posted...

Milk milk lemonade?

What?

Incredibly grumpy because living with my parents fucking sucks. Too noisy even to watch my show with headphones. They're so inconsiderate, but God forbid I make noise...

DespondentDeity posted...

Cheese Whiz is a different product than Easy Cheese. Easy Cheese is the pressurized can made by Nabisco, while Cheese Whiz was always the spreadable cheese that Kraft sold in a jar. I distinctly remember this misnomer due to my uncle always referring to Easy Cheese as Cheese Whiz, and when I asked him why he called it that, he said because the van makes a wizzz sound when you depress the nozzle, but whenever Id ask my mother to get Cheese Whiz wed end up with the jarred abomination.

I'm kind of glad I don't know this much about cheese products of questionable provenance.

Bishop_Hastur posted...
What do you think about Easy Cheese?

When the fuck did they stop calling it Cheese Whiz?
I guess it exists and is okay, but actual cheese is already pretty uncomplicated.

mustachedmystic posted...

The way you worded the title implies there are degrees of transmess. I always assumed it was a binary thing, as in you are either trans, or cis.

Ya'll are weirdly literal.

In any case, I'm free from my damned job, and I only got to talk to one enby. Though I did get to hug said enby, which is great, because I missed him. It was nice to hear her voice.

Foppe posted...

What you working with?

The public. Go figure.

Best/worst snes games?

I have no idea on worst, but my fave would Chrono Trigger

DespondentDeity posted...

I didnt wish to be disruptive, I just want these sealions to know that Im not as forgetful as them.

Bummer about work, are you at least close to being finished? I could commiserate, perhaps later tho. Gonna be doing any gaming this weekend? Did you already sign up for the course youll be taking, or have you decided which it will be?

Your answer on the Frankenstein gave me a lot to think about btw, I want to honor you with a worthy response, so it may be tomorrow.

I get out at 7:30, so soon.
Ive actually got an EUIV game going, want to play Sonic 2 GEN again, and am playing OG Legend of Zelda, which is honestly surprisingly playable aside from only being able to move in four directions.

And, the class? I wasnt able to register: I think the system still has me flagged as undergrad. If its not resolved soon, Im going to have to complain.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Deny. Steelix is my king.

No need to feed it, ladies.

God, work is kicking my ass.