As someone technically LGBT+, I still feel like I don't exactly belong.

Asexuals are very rarely even a part of the conversation. It's like we're the black sheep of the Alphabet community.

When talking about LGBT+ things, I sometimes I feel like it's not my place to talk about them at all.

Hell, every year when I make an Ace Pride Topic in June, people on this very board decide to come in and say asexuals are just "in denial". One absolute trophy of a person even said I was just "trying to justify being an incel".

You're a closeted dude who's confused about their own gender expression. You absolutely have a meaningful, personal, and relevant experience that has commonality with tons of other LGBT+ people. If you don't wanna share it because you feel it's not your place, that's bullshit. If you don't wanna share it because you're worried about outing yourself, that's frustratingly normal. Pick your battles :p.

If the legbutt things you're referring are things like gossiping about gay culture, like the latest episode of Ru Pauls Drag Race, know that culture is not some monolithic thing. I don't watch the NFL (any football, really), but that doesn't mean I don't participate in "straight culture", lmao. If you don't like female pop stars or drag, that's... perfectly fine.

If the legbutt things you're referring are things like conversations with idiots who think trans people both aren't real but also are a physical threat to children, it's possible to come across as an "ally" (aka, a straight person with empathy) and positively contribute to the conversation.

Yep. I've been openly ace for about ten years now and still get people asking when I'm going to start dating or assuming that I'm gay when I don't show interest in women, or vice versa.

Hell, every year when I make an Ace Pride Topic in June, people on this very board decide to come in and say asexuals are just "in denial". One absolute trophy of a person even said I was just "trying to justify being an incel".

I have this same problem and it was exacerbated when I identified solely as a lesbian

'As a bi' I often feel this if I'm not dating my own gender.

Can often feel very 'straight' as well at times and not sure I can do much to change that.

okay all you queer, bi, and whatever else we got in here

i officially declare you all queer enough

carry on.

okay all you queer, bi, and whatever else we got in here

i officially declare you all queer enough

carry on.

Technically, non-binary peeps are trans, but I digress as it's not important for this topic, and you don't seem to place much importance on it yourself. You are experiencing classic imposter syndrome and that is okay. It's MUCH more common than you think, especially in the younger queers (not sure if younger or not, but still). I used to feel that way too, for a time.

Of course, I don't know what you can do if you live in a red state other than move. Not suggesting you do that, for the record. But maybe you can try to scope out the local queer community and try for support there. Failing that, you can try to find enby, trans, and bi/pan spaces online, too.

Ever think about leaving the state?

tc does that track with u at all?

I felt this way, too. Reinforced by gay men constantly invalidating my own sexuality. If it's people doing this to you, then you just cut them out. If it's your own brain? Then I think that maybe a little therapy might be in the cards, if you can afford it?

yea but like

Maybe sometimes labels are not necessary?

When talking about LGBT+ things, I sometimes I feel like it's not my place to talk about them at all. I know deep down I shouldn't be having feelings like that, but regardless I have that part of me that feels that way and I don't know why.

My experience is that individual groups inside the LGBTQ umbrella can be extremely cliquey and insular, especially in rural areas or red states. This makes sense and I get why, but it's also a constant source of drama and conflict; with poor behavior being handwaved in the name of solidarity. Being bi/pan or ace feel like traits that often make it hard to fit into different groups under that umbrella and adopt a lot of the norms of some groups, despite feeling like you should be able to gel anywhere.

A high level of conformity within the specific subgroups is often expected. I've had the best luck with general queer identity spaces, but they still tend to split into smaller insular groups. Think of it as a general discord with everyone in their own private side-chats and factions. They often become very toxic and unwelcoming in general. A recent example I can think of was a gay group I was invited to that was hella misogynist and basically "fuck you got mine" chuds who really didn't give a shit about anyone outside of the gay (male) community.

bi/pan and ace sometimes feel like difficulty modifiers for fitting in to a lot of LGBT spaces and you have to be really aware of who you're hanging out with before attempting to try and fit in; because just like most places in life, LGBTQ+ spaces are just as full of shitty people as anywhere else.

Good people are out there. Hopefully you find them.

and i know what you guys are talking about when everyone is straight in the room except you, but, to say the obvious, some of the coolest ppl are also (at least mostly) straight and identify as such. ill say this: straight ppl shouldnt make u feel weird to be around--trust your gut with people.

I think anyone that isn't straight has an authentic "place" discussing LBGT+ issues. It's not as if there is some finite set of non-straight orientation categories into which people must fit to be authentic.

I dunno. Maybe just stop thinking about whether you're in a group or not

Just stop thinking about whether you're in a group or not