My experience is that individual groups inside the LGBTQ umbrella can be extremely cliquey and insular, especially in rural areas or red states. This makes sense and I get why, but it's also a constant source of drama and conflict; with poor behavior being handwaved in the name of solidarity. Being bi/pan or ace feel like traits that often make it hard to fit into different groups under that umbrella and adopt a lot of the norms of some groups, despite feeling like you should be able to gel anywhere.
A high level of conformity within the specific subgroups is often expected. I've had the best luck with general queer identity spaces, but they still tend to split into smaller insular groups. Think of it as a general discord with everyone in their own private side-chats and factions. They often become very toxic and unwelcoming in general. A recent example I can think of was a gay group I was invited to that was hella misogynist and basically "fuck you got mine" chuds who really didn't give a shit about anyone outside of the gay (male) community.
bi/pan and ace sometimes feel like difficulty modifiers for fitting in to a lot of LGBT spaces and you have to be really aware of who you're hanging out with before attempting to try and fit in; because just like most places in life, LGBTQ+ spaces are just as full of shitty people as anywhere else.
Good people are out there. Hopefully you find them.
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