Media does fuck all for me now. (BlogFAQs)

Years keep on going by as I consume more and more media. This shit is just becoming so trite. It's not even that the media is good or bad, it just feels like a massive waste of my time because I can't find anything meaningful to fill that time with.

For one, every moment of my day has Youtube injected into my brain. The content is barely stimulating, and I care about none of it. It's just there to fill the void. I can't think of any content creator I would really care about losing. That is how little impact they all make on me.

Reddit is more or less the same. I have been on the platform for 15(?) years now. I can't say that anything meaningful has arose from it for me. Once again it's it's incredibly surface level discussion about crap that I really don't care about, and incessant whining about the same surface level stuff. I'm not one to judge (this thread is doing the same exact thing) but I keep on asking myself "how can I actually find joy in this?"

GameFAQs is Reddit, but somehow worse.

I just finished watching The Pitt. Amazing hospital drama. I had to really push myself to finish the last couple of episodes. I just wanted it to end, Did I mention it was amazing? It would be great to see a second season, but would I even find joy in that? How can I admit that something is amazing but not want more of it or find it enjoyable as a whole?

And don't get me started on video games. I spent around $200 on them back over the holidays and I think I've completed 2 of the games I bought. Zero motivation to play them. Sat down and played like 25 minutes of Rogue Trader today. You see, I really like the premise, but I really don't want to play it. That applies with every game I have, including STO in which I've largely stopped playing in favor of just running the bot.

But when ask myself what I want, I come to more or less the same answers every damn time.

• I am always hungry despite just eating. It's like my basic needs are not being met. This is always on the top of my mind.
• The hunger could just be a result of boredom due to not finding a non-work-related activity to capture my attention.
• I can't stop thinking about how to "improve my workflow" with respect to work.
• I can't stop thinking about work.
• I do not want to code in my free time (the only thing I am somewhat good at) as I mentally translate that to work, and work is stressful. Coding is not an activity I can unwind with.
• I can't unwind. Nothing I do relaxes me. Even writing this up now and all I'm thinking about are the replies that like this thread will go into the void. The replies will be nothing but "go see a therapist" or some iteration of "clean the shit off your walls" despite the latter not being relevant for years now.
• The people in my life appear to have the same problem or they think I am a whiny little bitch, who does nothing but sit in front of a computer all day and doesn't do "real work", so it's nonproductive to try explaining this to them.

Instead of writing this up in front of my PC, I took the laptop and went on my porch.

Posting this to vent. I already know what the replies will be. Suck is the nature of the internet.

You might be depressed.

Judgmenl posted...

Posting this to vent. I already know what the replies will be. Suck is the nature of the internet.

Then why post? Just write it down in Notepad (or on an actual notepad) and then delete it.

You'd get the exact same level of catharsis without the backlash and wasting everyone else's time.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Then why post? Just write it down in Notepad (or on an actual notepad) and then delete it.

You'd get the exact same level of catharsis without the backlash and wasting everyone else's time.

Because some of us are smart enough to confirm things the TC posted.

Yes, TC, you're eating out of boredom. It's very common.

That said, you didn't mention something extremely basic: you made no mention of any physical activity at all. Why are you not exercising? Have you tried? It gives you a natural high, relaxes you, improves your health... The benefits are countless.

KingInBlack posted...

That said, you didn't mention something extremely basic: you made no mention of any physical activity at all. Why are you not exercising? Have you tried? It gives you a natural high, relaxes you, improves your health... The benefits are countless.

Not something I have never, nor will ever do.

It sounds like you want to make zero effort in getting better.

Not to e-diagnose, but you're exhibiting pretty much textbook depression and have been for years. People tell you to go to therapy because this isn't something that's going to get better because Internet People say the right words or you find the right toy to play with. It's something that will require professional help to unravel where these depressive symptoms are coming from, treat the root causes, and probably also throw a few medications in there to stabilize you in the process.

Go for a hike, find a waterfall, sit by it

bring bug spray and sunscreen though I always forget one

I double fucking dare you to unplug your internet for a week. You won't.

KingInBlack posted...

Because some of us are smart enough to confirm things the TC posted.

Judgmenl posted...

Not something I have never, nor will ever do.

Oof.

touch grass bro

Buddy that's depression.

Judgmenl posted...

I am always hungry despite just eating. It's like my basic needs are not being met.

Have you been tested for worms?

I relate a lot to what Judg feels although I wanna make clear I'm a far less extreme version of it. But I can say from experience that you're probably depressed from a lack of social interaction and novel experiences. "Novel experiences" being things outside the house, not just a game or a TV show that feels fresh. Go on a walk. Go on a hike. Go to a board game meetup. Join some kind of sports league. These are some of the things I do myself. No, you won't be "fixed" after doing one. Or even doing a dozen. But your alternative was going to be moping at home consuming unfulfilling media anyway, so might as well give it a shot.

I know you, or maybe someone else reading this who feels similar, is probably just going to say "I'm an introvert" but, as it took me a while to realize, a lot of people (including myself) who say that actually are just looking for a convenient justification to not challenge themselves to leave the house.

KingInBlack posted...

Yes, TC, you're eating out of boredom. It's very common.

HelIWithoutSin posted...

Have you been tested for worms?

I don't think he was talking about literally eating lol

Judgmenl posted...

Not something I have never, nor will ever do.

Unless you have a physical disability then you really have no excuse. Exercise is one of the most fundamental things you can do for your physical and mental health. Again, one workout isn't going to fix you, but it's something you oughta give a couple tries and then see if something clicks.

You complain about being unhappy and yet it sounds like you don't want to make yourself uncomfortable in any way. Brother, let me tell you, you're not gonna get away with continuing down the same life that's making you miserable and just wake up one day and "snap out of it" and suddenly be happy again. You have to be willing to change something to make that happen.

Just as others have said really. If you want to change you must add new things to your routine otherwise you'll stay in this rut you'e in. You know this anyway. Good luck.

Judgmenl posted...

GameFAQs is Reddit, but somehow worse.

Hard disagree there. Voting systems massively neuter discussion.

I can't unwind. Nothing I do relaxes me. Even writing this up now and all I'm thinking about are the replies that like this thread will go into the void

Recreational drugs help with this :^)
Just don't do them more than once/twice a week imo

bachewychomp posted...

I know you, or maybe someone else reading this who feels similar, is probably just going to say "I'm an introvert" but, as it took me a while to realize, a lot of people (including myself) who say that actually are just looking for a convenient justification to not challenge themselves to leave the house.

I don't think introversion/extroversion is a good measure here. I actually do want to, and have tried to do some of these things over the past few months, but usually events happen at very inopportune times for my schedule, e.g. the local board game places do TCGs at something like 7pm-10pm on week nights which is time I usually allocate to decompressing after work. I've read all of the responses in this thread, just haven't been too motivated to reply until now as people have a pretty long standing tradition of just grossly misjudging who I am as a person. It's like all of the stuff wrt exercise. I am not wasting my time filling it with that when I can just waste my time working or staring blankly into space which is 90% of what I do in a day anyways.

Judgmenl posted...

people have a pretty long standing tradition of just grossly misjudging who I am as a person. It's like all of the stuff wrt exercise. I am not wasting my time filling it with that when I can just waste my time working or staring blankly into space which is 90% of what I do in a day anyways.

???

Judgmenl posted...

It's like all of the stuff wrt exercise. I am not wasting my time filling it with that when I can just waste my time working or staring blankly into space which is 90% of what I do in a day anyways.

"Exercise is a waste of time" is certainly a take.

You know, there was a time I felt a similar way.

What worked for me was a complete change of career, and between the one job ending and the training for the next job beginning, I just fucked off to another country for a bit and did my own thing. Worked like a reset button. I still do that bit several times a year.

Not saying that this is what you need to do or that it would definitely help you, but it helped me.

ooger posted...

It sounds like you want to make zero effort in getting better.

ICOYAR all over again.

Judgmenl posted...

I don't think introversion/extroversion is a good measure here. I actually do want to, and have tried to do some of these things over the past few months, but usually events happen at very inopportune times for my schedule, e.g. the local board game places do TCGs at something like 7pm-10pm on week nights which is time I usually allocate to decompressing after work. I've read all of the responses in this thread, just haven't been too motivated to reply until now as people have a pretty long standing tradition of just grossly misjudging who I am as a person. It's like all of the stuff wrt exercise. I am not wasting my time filling it with that when I can just waste my time working or staring blankly into space which is 90% of what I do in a day anyways.

In that case, your blogFAQ should be a .txt file that solely lives on your computer if you don't want to see replies to your blogs.

Judgmenl posted...

It's like all of the stuff wrt exercise. I am not wasting my time filling it with that when I can just waste my time working or staring blankly into space which is 90% of what I do in a day anyways.

"I don't have time to waste being physically active in ways that would almost certainly improve my mental and physical health because I'm too busy staring at my wall."

My guy, listen to yourself. I'm not exactly a fan of exercise myself (exercise for the sake of exercise is just so boring ), but getting some regular physical activity in there will help you feel more motivated. It doesn't need to be a formal workout. Just go for like a half-hour walk every couple days to add some fresh air and movement to your life. It won't magically fix everything, but it'll be a hell of a lot more effective than sitting around wishing you had the motivation to enjoy things. At least give it a try instead of convincing yourself that it won't work because you've built up some kind of personal mental block around the idea.

Judgmenl posted...

people have a pretty long standing tradition of just grossly misjudging who I am as a person.

Again, e-diagnosis is always a bit iffy because you only ever see a small snapshot of how people think when you interact with them online, but everything you're describing lines up with one of the following:

• You're depressed
• You're burnt out from work stress
• You're burnt out from other anxieties, such as your aversion to spending money or the various factors that contribute to your agoraphobia
• Some combination of the above

Whatever the nuances of your personal situation might be, the fact of the matter is that you are describing depressive symptoms, symptoms that you've documented as steadily worsening for years. One doesn't need a comprehensive understanding of who you are as a person to see that, nor does it suggest any sort of misjudgement to recommend seeking therapy or other interventions to help treat those symptoms.

Oooooh you want to unplug your router and not use the internet for a weeeeek

Ooooooh you want to do a digital deeeeetox

Oooooh

adjl posted...

Whatever the nuances of your personal situation might be, the fact of the matter is that you are describing depressive symptoms, symptoms that you've documented as steadily worsening for years. One doesn't need a comprehensive understanding of who you are as a person to see that, nor does it suggest any sort of misjudgement to recommend seeking therapy or other interventions to help treat those symptoms.

To add on:
Clearly, digging a further hole hasn't worked for the past few years.

shadowsword87 posted...

To add on:
Clearly, digging a further hole hasn't worked for the past few years.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/1/14d6795b.jpg

I don't really know what else to say at this point. If you're looking for that one piece of advice that makes everything "click", that's not a thing that exists. You already know everything you need to know and need to just do it. But you sound like you don't want advice, in which case I also don't understand what to say because you could've just written this as a personal journal.

Heck, maybe journaling it without an audience would help you. Like I said, I see some of my own traits in you. I only give this the time of day cause it's like holding up a mirror to my own irrational behaviors. Sometimes I still make irrational excuses for myself but it's better to fail sometimes than never try, which is failing always (I know you said you do try but still, it sounds like you're still in the wrong mindset). Maybe if you blogFAQs to yourself, instead of being fixated on replies and how "nobody gets me", you'll have only your own words to read back and realize how ridiculous your behavior and mentality sounds.

adjl posted...

Just go for like a half-hour walk every couple days to add some fresh air and movement to your life.

I do this daily. It good to clear the cobwebs for me I find.

I can't help you with psychological front, nevertheless I do agree over consumption of media can numb your brain. Especially with so much content being released per second, no one can assure the quality of each and every video, nor time or effort to filter the chaff from the cream.

Getting off the grid is not hard. Myself have no constant connection at home. Only way I get online is to walk to public library, and surf on cellphone. Like right now typing this post.

Being disconnected, then, forces you to find activities to treat your brain from boredom. Myself I like to create stuff, such as my own Magic cards and sets, coding simple games (and modding) and web projects (including card creator site to visualize and organize my card ideas), and writing (short stories, but starting on novels).

I suggest for everyone to also pick up writing -- anything you're inclined. Whether stories, recipes, poems, blogs, manuals, plays, whatever. Whether it's on your free time, or whenever an idea emerges. Publishing is optional. Just get your thoughts and ideas in writing.

Amuseum posted...

Getting off the grid is not hard.

That's not really an option for TC, since he works from home as a software engineer (or something similar, I don't remember the details off-hand). It's an idea that's not without merit more generally, even if it just takes the form of avoiding the Internet for certain periods each day instead of disconnecting full-time, but TC needs to stay connected more than most do.