MACisBack posted...Sometimes you have to close your eyes, muster all your courage, and nervously take that step forward into a whole new world and mind state.
For example to start your path forward:
You constantly want to smoke or whatever it was you did. So instead of constantly doing that every hour. Try going without it until you feel you really need it then the next time push ever farther so instead of one hour, make it 3 hours until you can go without it.
Keep pushing your other goals to, such as biking or switch it up to body weight exercise to try something new for a new day. Or keep your eye out and try different things around you, if you can to change the setting of your life.
I agree, I feel like I need change. The good news is I have an interview tomorrow at 2:30. I can make that because it doesn't require me to wake up early. The bad news is that I'm probably gonna smoke with my gf when she comes home. I smoke maybe 3-4 blunts a day with my gf. Like I said, it helps me in the sense that I don't care what I'm doing. For example, about 2 years ago I hated/forced myself to the gym, but when I smoked I didn't even care to go. I didn't feel like it was "work" or a chore. Same with biking, although I could bike easily without having to smoke...smoking makes me want to go further than my original plans cuz I don't care, lol. I know it sounds odd and contradictory, but it does motivate me a bit. I'll even treat it like a treat at times. Bike 20 or so miles and I get to come home to smoke.
I actually have incorporated body weight exercise due to my lack of weights. It's the same thing, when I'm sober I see it as a chore, but when I'm high...I'll work out because fuck it, I'm high, I feel relaxed, etc. Even with all this, I understand I do have to stop eventually because it DOES cost money.
My number 1 goal is to get this job, make enough money to buy a laptop and just dedicate myself to music. I KNOW I have the skills, I'm pretty cocky/confident when it comes to that. I love music, I get inspired by all types. I used to recreate beats a while back so I can see for myself how it got to that point, what was added, what effects, etc. I'm a strong believer when it comes to myself. I know I'm not stupid. I remember failing in high school, my father had a talk with me and I decided to actually try and got all A's. Unfortunately I only tried for that one semester because I proved to myself I was capable, but I just didn't like school. Random, but one day I decided to learn to juggle and I learned! I feel like anything I do I can be good at, it's just the mindset nullifying all of that. I'm hoping tomorrow goes well and there can be a new start for me.
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Too Complicated.