Current Events > Does anyone else hate themselves? Advice/help/encouragment.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm not sure where to even begin. I'm starting to develop feelings of hate towards myself. I'm not productive, I'm a loser, I don't do shit, I hate what I'm becoming. I've been in and out of work, I smoke marijuana daily, to the point where I've become dependent on it, I'm broke, I don't hang around with friends anymore, I don't even like to go outside anymore.

I hate myself even more knowing loved ones are working and I'm not helping. I hate myself for not being able to help my family with financial issues. I'm just rotting away in this shitty basement I live in (which I had to vacate because it was deemed unsafe to live there).

I can continue on with things that have happened to me recently and why I grow hatred towards myself a little more every day, but I can go on and on. I don't know what to do. It seems like I have an excuse for everything. I just need that something to get me started. That one thing to motivate me to completely change my attitude/current way of living. Can't do shit right man...

I wish I could share so much more with what's going through my mind, but it'll just be way too long. I've never felt so down in my life.
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Start going to the gym
Learn to box
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Getting a job got me out of my funk. That's the first step.
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SomeLikeItHoth posted...

Start going to the gym
Learn to box

It's very funny you say that. I'm pretty fit and I love the sport of boxing. I truly believe in my heart if my father got me into boxing when I was younger, I would've been something. I'm 27 now, so I'd do it as a hobby. That's another thing that bothers me. I know my dedication. I know how hard I'm willing to work to get it all, but it's too late.
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MorbidFaithless posted...

Getting a job got me out of my funk. That's the first step.

It's hard for me. Before I was vacated, I was working and it wasn't too bad. I've been unemployed for over a year. I've had dozens of interviews, but barely went to any. I know I'm not in the right state of mind. My thinking is off and I can admit that, but something's up. I KNOW I need a job, but when I set up an interview, I don't go. I keep applying, I keep getting callbacks, but I don't do shit.

I wish I knew so bad what has me in this...idk what to even call it..this mood. I need to get out of it, but I can't. It's affecting my life because I'm not doing shit. I want to provide, I want to save money, I want to do good for myself, but I just can't.
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Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.
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ShotOJameson posted...

Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.

It's really hard. About a year ago it would be no problem, but now it's the hardest thing ever. IM the problem man. Some switch went off in my mind that has me fucked up. At this very moment I'm looking at my gf sleeping next to me and it pisses me off she has to wake up in the morning tomorrow to work and I'm just here. Man, I need to let some anger out sometimes, but the only way I know how is by hitting something...just letting it out and when there's nothing I'll just punch my face. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just a punch or two to let that shit out. Nothing serious.

Another thing that has me fucked up is I can't get up in the mornings. I feel nauseous and have the biggest feeling of regret when I do. Being that way has lead me to search for evening or overnight work.
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DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.

It's really hard. About a year ago it would be no problem, but now it's the hardest thing ever. IM the problem man. Some switch went off in my mind that has me fucked up. At this very moment I'm looking at my gf sleeping next to me and it pisses me off she has to wake up in the morning tomorrow to work and I'm just here. Man, I need to let some anger out sometimes, but the only way I know how is by hitting something...just letting it out and when there's nothing I'll just punch my face. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just a punch or two to let that shit out. Nothing serious.

Another thing that has me fucked up is I can't get up in the mornings. I feel nauseous and have the biggest feeling of regret when I do. Being that way has lead me to search for evening or overnight work.

are you seeing a therapist? If not do that.
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ShotOJameson posted...

DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.

It's really hard. About a year ago it would be no problem, but now it's the hardest thing ever. IM the problem man. Some switch went off in my mind that has me fucked up. At this very moment I'm looking at my gf sleeping next to me and it pisses me off she has to wake up in the morning tomorrow to work and I'm just here. Man, I need to let some anger out sometimes, but the only way I know how is by hitting something...just letting it out and when there's nothing I'll just punch my face. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just a punch or two to let that shit out. Nothing serious.

Another thing that has me fucked up is I can't get up in the mornings. I feel nauseous and have the biggest feeling of regret when I do. Being that way has lead me to search for evening or overnight work.

are you seeing a therapist? If not do that.

I don't want to worry anyone. I can carry the burden. I'm aware my actions aren't normal, I'm aware of my problems, etc. I don't want to worry my parents, family, gf having them think something is seriously wrong with me. I'll never in my life commit suicide or serious self harm. I feel like I have too much pride to talk to a therapist. I wouldn't even know how it works, I'm broke, no insurance, etc.
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DontHateMe posted...

SomeLikeItHoth posted...

Start going to the gym
Learn to box

It's very funny you say that. I'm pretty fit and I love the sport of boxing. I truly believe in my heart if my father got me into boxing when I was younger, I would've been something. I'm 27 now, so I'd do it as a hobby. That's another thing that bothers me. I know my dedication. I know how hard I'm willing to work to get it all, but it's too late.

If that is the case.. :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6asvDd_UQA
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Squidkids posted...

DontHateMe posted...

SomeLikeItHoth posted...

Start going to the gym
Learn to box

It's very funny you say that. I'm pretty fit and I love the sport of boxing. I truly believe in my heart if my father got me into boxing when I was younger, I would've been something. I'm 27 now, so I'd do it as a hobby. That's another thing that bothers me. I know my dedication. I know how hard I'm willing to work to get it all, but it's too late.

If that is the case.. :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6asvDd_UQA

No, I'm applying all that hard work and dedication to something else.
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Serious question, what is your diet like? Even if you are fit, poor nutrition can make you feel lazy, sluggish, and unmotivated to do anything.

I'm not going to preach about changing how you eat to better yourself, but there are things you can add to what you eat that are a bit better for your body, make you feel more motivated, and may help pull you out of your rut.

Not going to get too deep into myself, I don't like doing that, but to keep it brief, growing up as a teen, I was a fat loser, depressed, and suffered from extreme social anxiety. I literally pissed myself during a verbal presentation in 9th grade in front of class. I felt like a useless shell of a person that would amount to nothing.

I was afraid of people, was shy, replied with one word while I stared at the ground. I knew I needed to change myself and my life before the remainder of my existence was just miserable and alone.

Without even considering it for a day, two days after high school graduation, I joined the Army. They nearly didn't accept me, and this was right after 9/11 and were desperate for enlistees. I forced myself into a challenging, social scenario in an effort to make a fast drastic change. It worked, not only did I leave out of boot camp being able to look people dead in the eye, standing tall, with a firm handshake and confidence, but I was overall more healthy, my body was fit, and started attracting the opposite sex. I didn't need pills, or therapy, I needed to shock my lifestyle and put myself in a very difficult process that I conquered.

I was changed forever. I'm not saying go so drastic and join the military, but put yourself in an uncomfortable, challenging scenario and push yourself to the limit. Don't just exist and melt away. Start to change today, and don't look back. You may be surprised at what's buried deep within yourself.
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MabusIncarnate posted...

Serious question, what is your diet like? Even if you are fit, poor nutrition can make you feel lazy, sluggish, and unmotivated to do anything.

I'm not going to preach about changing how you eat to better yourself, but there are things you can add to what you eat that are a bit better for your body, make you feel more motivated, and may help pull you out of your rut.

Not going to get too deep into myself, I don't like doing that, but to keep it brief, growing up as a teen, I was a fat loser, depressed, and suffered from extreme social anxiety. I literally pissed myself during a verbal presentation in 9th grade in front of class. I felt like a useless shell of a person that would amount to nothing.

I was afraid of people, was shy, replied with one word while I stared at the ground. I knew I needed to change myself and my life before the remainder of my existence was just miserable and alone.

Without even considering it for a day, two days after high school graduation, I joined the Army. They nearly didn't accept me, and this was right after 9/11 and were desperate for enlistees. I forced myself into a challenging, social scenario in an effort to make a fast drastic change. It worked, not only did I leave out of boot camp being able to look people dead in the eye, standing tall, with a firm handshake and confidence, but I was overall more healthy, my body was fit, and started attracting the opposite sex. I didn't need pills, or therapy, I needed to shock my lifestyle and put myself in a very difficult process that I conquered.

I was changed forever. I'm not saying go so drastic and join the military, but put yourself in an uncomfortable, challenging scenario and push yourself to the limit. Don't just exist and melt away. Start to change today, and don't look back. You may be surprised at what's buried deep within yourself.

I've been eating twice a day for a while. When I was vacated, the only way allowed for me to return is if the stove and kitchen sink were removed. I only have a fridge and microwave now, so I assume you know what types of food I've been eating. I actually was going through a very dark time when all this came at me and wanted to join the military for the wrong reasons. I just wanted to be sent off to a place where I could die. As I said in a previous post, I'll never commit suicide or cause serious harm to myself, but I don't exactly have the will to live either. I respect what you've gone through and glad you were able to pull through.

I was similar in high school. I was a loner. I had people I said hi to in the halls, but they weren't friends. I had way more problems at that age with social anxiety, couldn't look people in the eye, my older brother told me to tell anyone that ask if we're related, that we're not. My high school years weren't fun, I couldn't deal with it so I dropped out in 11th grade.
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I cant really relate because I never lacked confidence and never really at any point hated myself Except for some fucking stupid embarrassing moments I am sure we all had >.>

But I know alot of people who do have similar problems so I am used to seeing it. If you are looking for somewhere to start, you need to find a hobby or job that you are really (REALLY) passionate about. If you can wake up and be happy about going to do 1 thing in the day, that really makes a difference in your entire day. If you go the gym and box every day, you will get good, and you will get more confidence which absolutely carries over into other things in your day.

Oh and listen to really upbeat music, here is a track I always recommend to people :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk
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DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.

It's really hard. About a year ago it would be no problem, but now it's the hardest thing ever. IM the problem man. Some switch went off in my mind that has me fucked up. At this very moment I'm looking at my gf sleeping next to me and it pisses me off she has to wake up in the morning tomorrow to work and I'm just here. Man, I need to let some anger out sometimes, but the only way I know how is by hitting something...just letting it out and when there's nothing I'll just punch my face. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just a punch or two to let that shit out. Nothing serious.

Another thing that has me fucked up is I can't get up in the mornings. I feel nauseous and have the biggest feeling of regret when I do. Being that way has lead me to search for evening or overnight work.

are you seeing a therapist? If not do that.

I don't want to worry anyone. I can carry the burden. I'm aware my actions aren't normal, I'm aware of my problems, etc. I don't want to worry my parents, family, gf having them think something is seriously wrong with me. I'll never in my life commit suicide or serious self harm. I feel like I have too much pride to talk to a therapist. I wouldn't even know how it works, I'm broke, no insurance, etc.

I just think you might have some kind of chemical imbalance if you're getting irrationally angry all the time and have to hit yourself to calm yourself down. It might be good for you, what do you got to lose at this point?
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tbh a lot of your complaints sound like they're above CE's paygrade. might help to seek professional help.

from my limited experience, here are the steps I'd take to rebuild my life:

1. Stop smoking marijuana. I know it's not some nightmare death drug but it is deceptively more dangerous than people think. For many, marijuana is an ambition killer and a crutch. Flush it, give it away, whatever, just get it out of your life. It's not doing you any benefits, even if you think it is.

2. Get into a routine. No sleeping till whenever, eating whenever, staying up super late, etc. You're going to get up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time every day, eat meals at the same time, etc. You need this discipline to get thing back into order.

3. Start exercising - jogging, lifting weights, whatever, just get in some exercise as much as possible. Watch what you eat as well.

4. Take pride in your appearance - make sure you're showering daily, brushing your teeth, get a haircut, get dressed in presentable clothes daily, etc

5. Make a list of things you want to do. This could be anything, from "get a job" to "get new shoes" to "fix my car." Make a list of everything, then sort it by what you think is doable. Start doing these things, first the easy ones, until you're left with the hard ones. Then, for the hard ones, start lining up the steps you need to take to accomplish them ("ok, i want to get a job. what do I need? i need to find the kind of job i want, get a resume and cover letter, apply, get a suit, research the company or role, etc"). Then just start doing them.

honestly the key is to get a sense of routine and discipline back in your life and then just start taking baby steps towards what you want. there's no other way to do it, no magic cure
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SF_Okami posted...

I cant really relate because I never lacked confidence and never really at any point hated myself Except for some fucking stupid embarrassing moments I am sure we all had >.>

But I know alot of people who do have similar problems so I am used to seeing it. If you are looking for somewhere to start, you need to find a hobby or job that you are really (REALLY) passionate about. If you can wake up and be happy about going to do 1 thing in the day, that really makes a difference in your entire day. If you go the gym and box every day, you will get good, and you will get more confidence which absolutely carries over into other things in your day.

Oh and listen to really upbeat music, here is a track I always recommend to people :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk

It's weird for me. I have random moments where my confident shoots through the roof whenever I think of the future. I do have a hobby/passion, it's music. Nothing instrumental, but I make music using certain programs on my laptop. At least I did. I haven't had a laptop for over a year. Deep down I know down the road I'll be making a living with music. My dream is to produce music as my job. I remember I used to literally spend all day on it. That's my passion.
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ShotOJameson posted...

DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

DontHateMe posted...

ShotOJameson posted...

Make plans to do something, and then FOLLOW THROUGH with it. It sounds like you're going through a shitty time right now but remember life does not stop you have to remain somewhat active. It will help you from dwelling on whatever problems you're having. You just gotta keep plowing forward my man. You got this.

It's really hard. About a year ago it would be no problem, but now it's the hardest thing ever. IM the problem man. Some switch went off in my mind that has me fucked up. At this very moment I'm looking at my gf sleeping next to me and it pisses me off she has to wake up in the morning tomorrow to work and I'm just here. Man, I need to let some anger out sometimes, but the only way I know how is by hitting something...just letting it out and when there's nothing I'll just punch my face. I know that sounds crazy, but it's just a punch or two to let that shit out. Nothing serious.

Another thing that has me fucked up is I can't get up in the mornings. I feel nauseous and have the biggest feeling of regret when I do. Being that way has lead me to search for evening or overnight work.

are you seeing a therapist? If not do that.

I don't want to worry anyone. I can carry the burden. I'm aware my actions aren't normal, I'm aware of my problems, etc. I don't want to worry my parents, family, gf having them think something is seriously wrong with me. I'll never in my life commit suicide or serious self harm. I feel like I have too much pride to talk to a therapist. I wouldn't even know how it works, I'm broke, no insurance, etc.

I just think you might have some kind of chemical imbalance if you're getting irrationally angry all the time and have to hit yourself to calm yourself down. It might be good for you, what do you got to lose at this point?

Is it irrationally? I feel the reasons I get angry are justified. I see people that I love struggling often and knowing my position pisses me off because I know what I must do, I just can't. I was never like this last year, I just need that one thing to force me in the right direction and I'll handle it from there. As for hitting myself, I feel like everything is my fault so I just hit myself once in a while when I dwell too deep in my thoughts and it gets to me. They're actually not hard punches, nothing hard enough to leave a bruise/bleeding. Just need to shake myself up once in a while.
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Romulox28 posted...

tbh a lot of your complaints sound like they're above CE's paygrade. might help to seek professional help.

from my limited experience, here are the steps I'd take to rebuild my life:

1. Stop smoking marijuana. I know it's not some nightmare death drug but it is deceptively more dangerous than people think. For many, marijuana is an ambition killer and a crutch. Flush it, give it away, whatever, just get it out of your life. It's not doing you any benefits, even if you think it is.

2. Get into a routine. No sleeping till whenever, eating whenever, staying up super late, etc. You're going to get up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time every day, eat meals at the same time, etc. You need this discipline to get thing back into order.

3. Start exercising - jogging, lifting weights, whatever, just get in some exercise as much as possible. Watch what you eat as well.

4. Take pride in your appearance - make sure you're showering daily, brushing your teeth, get a haircut, get dressed in presentable clothes daily, etc

5. Make a list of things you want to do. This could be anything, from "get a job" to "get new shoes" to "fix my car." Make a list of everything, then sort it by what you think is doable. Start doing these things, first the easy ones, until you're left with the hard ones. Then, for the hard ones, start lining up the steps you need to take to accomplish them ("ok, i want to get a job. what do I need? i need to find the kind of job i want, get a resume and cover letter, apply, get a suit, research the company or role, etc"). Then just start doing them.

honestly the key is to get a sense of routine and discipline back in your life and then just start taking baby steps towards what you want. there's no other way to do it, no magic cure

I agree with giving up marijuana. It's hard because I've become too dependent on it. I can't sleep or won't sleep if I don't have any because that's normally what use to help me fall asleep. When I run out, I just wanna lay in bed all day and do nothing. Believe it or not, marijuana actually helps me be more productive because I don't give a shit what I'm doing when I'm high. I like..deep cleaned my basement, love biking when high and overall feel like I'm a better person. I've smoked so much throughout the years that I don't act "high" or silly or anything like that. I function like a normal human being. I agree I must get rid of it, but it's going to be extremely hard.

I feel routine would help, but that'll be hard as well. I would love to be asleep by 11-12, but when I try that I'm up until 5-6am. My schedule now is waking up at 12-1pm and sleeping at 4-5am. If I give up marijuana, I might need sleeping pills or something.

I actually exercise so I'm not straight up rotting away. I love biking. I enjoy going very far and not knowing where I'm going. I wish I could do it as often as I'd like.

I feel like I definitely take pride in my appearance. You might have the wrong image of me. I shower and brush my teeth daily and all. I try to look nice with the little clothes I have.

Number 1 priority is to get a job. If I get a job, I get money, I'm able to buy a laptop and work on my music. I know I'm not special, but the job has to cater to me basically, at least the hours. I can't wake up mornings without feeling like shit or regretting life. My availability would be something like 3pm-4am or something overnight. I feel routine/discipline could help me out, getting started is the hard part.
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There has been some great advice in here already only thing I can add is...

Keep at it and things will start to fall into place.
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MACisBack posted...

There has been some great advice in here already only thing I can add is...

Keep at it and things will start to fall into place.

I agree, there's been great advice. Getting started is the hardest part, I'm not sure how to begin to get rid of the mindset that I've been having. Everything will fall into place after I'm started, I believe that. But how do I get started? It starts with my mindset, but how the fuck can I remove the negativity in my mind? That's what's keeping me here! Once I'm out, yes...it'll all work out eventually. I don't even know how to get out though.
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Sometimes you have to close your eyes, muster all your courage, and nervously take that step forward into a whole new world and mind state.

For example to start your path forward:

You constantly want to smoke or whatever it was you did. So instead of constantly doing that every hour. Try going without it until you feel you really need it then the next time push ever farther so instead of one hour, make it 3 hours until you can go without it.

Keep pushing your other goals to, such as biking or switch it up to body weight exercise to try something new for a new day. Or keep your eye out and try different things around you, if you can to change the setting of your life.
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MACisBack posted...

Sometimes you have to close your eyes, muster all your courage, and nervously take that step forward into a whole new world and mind state.

For example to start your path forward:

You constantly want to smoke or whatever it was you did. So instead of constantly doing that every hour. Try going without it until you feel you really need it then the next time push ever farther so instead of one hour, make it 3 hours until you can go without it.

Keep pushing your other goals to, such as biking or switch it up to body weight exercise to try something new for a new day. Or keep your eye out and try different things around you, if you can to change the setting of your life.

I agree, I feel like I need change. The good news is I have an interview tomorrow at 2:30. I can make that because it doesn't require me to wake up early. The bad news is that I'm probably gonna smoke with my gf when she comes home. I smoke maybe 3-4 blunts a day with my gf. Like I said, it helps me in the sense that I don't care what I'm doing. For example, about 2 years ago I hated/forced myself to the gym, but when I smoked I didn't even care to go. I didn't feel like it was "work" or a chore. Same with biking, although I could bike easily without having to smoke...smoking makes me want to go further than my original plans cuz I don't care, lol. I know it sounds odd and contradictory, but it does motivate me a bit. I'll even treat it like a treat at times. Bike 20 or so miles and I get to come home to smoke.

I actually have incorporated body weight exercise due to my lack of weights. It's the same thing, when I'm sober I see it as a chore, but when I'm high...I'll work out because fuck it, I'm high, I feel relaxed, etc. Even with all this, I understand I do have to stop eventually because it DOES cost money.

My number 1 goal is to get this job, make enough money to buy a laptop and just dedicate myself to music. I KNOW I have the skills, I'm pretty cocky/confident when it comes to that. I love music, I get inspired by all types. I used to recreate beats a while back so I can see for myself how it got to that point, what was added, what effects, etc. I'm a strong believer when it comes to myself. I know I'm not stupid. I remember failing in high school, my father had a talk with me and I decided to actually try and got all A's. Unfortunately I only tried for that one semester because I proved to myself I was capable, but I just didn't like school. Random, but one day I decided to learn to juggle and I learned! I feel like anything I do I can be good at, it's just the mindset nullifying all of that. I'm hoping tomorrow goes well and there can be a new start for me.
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Its sounds like your off to a good start, and keep at your goals daily, and good luck on that interview!
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