Current Events > Let's make the worst mission ever

(+) Yeah! (+)

It's a timed, underwater, stealth, escort mission with...

a 10 minute unskippable cutscene before it starts, and the only checkpoint is before the cutscene

The escort's timer underwater starts while in the cutscene.

Mission doesnt just end if you are spotted, it ends if you make any sound at all.

The person you're protecting swims faster than your normal speed but slower than your fast speed.

On NGage

...with level geometry that the escort frequently gets stuck in, forcing a restart of the mission.

Choosing the restart option places you back at the checkpoint before the unskippable cutscene

Theres a 3 phase boss at the end.

The escort constantly says annoying repetitive lines, usually complaining about how you're doing a bad job protecting them and if they die they get extremely whiny in their last dying breath.

There are a lot of enemies which move fast, make constant annoying sounds, constantly stunlock you/escort, mainly target the escort and do tiny chip damage which seems insignificant at first, but adds up and eventually kills the escort right before the end.

SwayM posted...

Theres a 3 phase boss at the end.

And it has ways to recharge health during all three phases.

the boss is a warehouse and your weapon is an (underwater) forklift

you have to stealthily track a person to their HQ.

get too close you immediately fail, stay too far you fail, you make a sound while out of their line of sight you fail, you lose sight of your target for 1 second you fail.

oh and the target needs to make 10 stops along the way and no checkpoints or manual saves.

It's set in a grid-like maze where the camera always faces forward, even after turning at an intersection.

K-driver posted...

The escort constantly says annoying repetitive lines, usually complaining about how you're doing a bad job protecting them and if they die they get extremely whiny in their last dying breath.

It's also a tutorial mission so the escort gives you a long-winded explanation of controls you figured out in five seconds and points out things in the stage that are extremely obvious.

requires you to be always online and if it's disconnected for even a second you restart the mission

MagiMarthKoopa posted...

a 10 minute unskippable cutscene before it starts, and the only checkpoint is before the cutscene

Add random QTEs scattered through the cutscene, which restarts if you fail any of them.

UnsteadyOwl posted...

points out things in the stage that are extremely obvious.

All you had to do was follow the damn train, why did you not follow the damn train? Are you stupid?

During the mission, textboxes and NPCs will pop up asking you to buy in game currency and microtransactions

You lose if you get too far ahead and lose sight of the escort for more than 10 seconds.

You're also chasing an enemy and lose if they get too far ahead and you lose sight of them for more than 10 seconds.

The first enemy you encounter is introduced in the cutscene, during which it slowly makes its way to you while you just stand there gawking at it, and you don't gain control of your character until the enemy is literally one foot away from you.

The BGM is akin to the first few seconds of the Sonic drowning theme played on an infinite loop.

theAteam posted...

You lose if you get too far ahead and lose sight of the escort for more than 10 seconds.

You're also chasing an enemy and lose if they get too far ahead and you lose sight of them for more than 10 seconds.

You have 1 HP and the character you must escort have 1 HP.

You have to do it in stealth and getting caught triggers an instant game over

It has instant kill enemies and traps

Your character is disoriented that causes the controls to randomly invert in character movement and camera movements simultaneously at different times for each.

Finishing the level requires an item that's tucked away in an extremely easy to miss spot near the beginning. There's no indication that you missed anything until near the end of the level at which point you can't go back for it.

Also the water is frozen, so you slide around while swimming in it

Gameplay actually starts before the cutscene ends so enemies can hit you

I kinda wanna actually play this monstrosity now, as a kind of 3D kaizo.

mercurydude posted...

And it has ways to recharge health during all three phases.

it's also a massive enemy with one target point on its midsection, your attacks often whiff between its legs.

Oh and only when you beat all 3 phases your character still loses in the cutscene.

There are 10 blue coins you must collect during the escort

It's the Dam level from TMNT NES that's absolutely swarming with Dianogas from Shadows of the Empire while the Sonic drowning music plays constantly with a mid-2000's brown filter over everything so you can't tell the bombs from the background and you also have to protect Rapha from FFT who keeps swimming ahead of you and has a ten-second lung capacity.

The water you are swimming in is also toxic, so you take tic damage the entire time. You can use items to negate the damage, but they are a rare resource that don't replenish on death/respawn.

You also have limited air, which is solely communicated to the player via a series of continuous beeps where the beeps get closer together as you run out of air

Phil yells at you to get on the hydras back the entire time.

There's friendly fire and your NPC escort loves to get in your way at all times.

You move at slower speeds but enemies don't.

The person you're escorting will alert enemies, them getting caught means game over, and they don't know how to path around obstacles so you have to whistle for them to move, during which the whistle alerts enemies and they move slower while the enemies remain at normal speeds.

You start at the beginning of the stage if you fail the mission

There are a bunch of proximity mines.

Ricky the Intern was in charge of programming the hitboxes, and he fucked it up.

you have to play a terrible minigame based off silver surfer for the NES

and the entire mission is narrated by fred (former youtube star)

The level has a game-breaking glitch. It's not common, but it can happen. In some rare instances, it has even deleted saves. The forums have been trying to figure out what the trigger is, but there is no consensus on what causes it.

Directed by Hideo Kojima.....

AuthenticZac posted...

The level has a game-breaking glitch. It's not common, but it can happen. In some rare instances, it has even deleted saves. The forums have been trying to figure out what the trigger is, but there is no consensus on what causes it.

It certainly doesn't help that 10,000 bees that are still loaded from the previous level for some reason. Super massive lag spikes because of this.

The mission ends in a cliffhanger and the only way to see it's conclusion is to buy the DLC. The DLC is on disc, if physical.

ReturnOfDevsman posted...

It's a timed, underwater, stealth, escort mission with...

What's funny is I came into this topic imagining something like the NES ninja turtle underwater dam levels only with an escort you need to keep alive that has terrible pathfinding.

Every 10 seconds or so, the NPC you're escorting plays the same sound clip where they remind you that you're supposed to be trying to get to the end of the level