Current Events > Ugh, my sister found me. Fml

(+) Yeah! (+)

My homeless drug addict sister found me walking into my apartment complex, where me and my son live. Alone. And she was higher than shit and started yelling my name at the top of her lungs to the point where several of me neighbors all stuck their head out and looked at me like I was crazy.

Our dad died in January so I felt compelled to be a little nice, I was graceful to her even though she was telling me how she has been in sober living housing but checked out after 2 weeks because it was dirty and she kept farting. She was so manic that Im still processing the interaction because I was a little high myself (my vape pen, not her meth and whatever had her track marks flaring up).

I didnt have time to put my valuables up before I let her inside my house, but she didnt take anything as far as I can tell. She just wanted a ride across town. She said shell come visit sometime, guess I gotta move. I had hoped shed never find me. Its like Michael Myers.

I need a nap. Fuck me.

Damn. I cannot even imagine that sort of scenario playing out with my fam without feeling all sorts of fucked up. I imagine you numb out to it at some kind of level?

Well, hope you feel better.. youre doing right by your son and thats what really matters

Have you filed a restraining order against her?

Yeah Im pretty numb to her antics, its played out that way my whole life that I can remember. She is about 15 years older than me and has a son that is about the same age as me. I really dont have a good reason to get a restraining order, the police have actually dropped her off at my house in the past but that was a very long time ago. I had to chastise them a few times and they stopped.

Trouble with mental defective family members? I'm there right now, my friend. My greatest fear is that I'm never going to be free of these people who fill me with constant anxiety.

Humble_Novice posted...

Have you filed a restraining order against her?

restraining orders dont work.

monkmith posted...

restraining orders

it's true. they'll only do something when it turns horribly wrong.

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Speaking as an addict who frequently goes three steps beyond extra in protecting addicts from discriminatory or abusive language:

Sometimes, you don't have a choice.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Don't judge. You don't know TC, his sister, or the context of their relationship.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

If she started inviting her drug-enabling friends to hang out at your place 24/7 and demanded that they stay. You damn well let her be homeless.
In my case, I gave her a choice. Either she signed a document stating that she lied and continued to partake in ketamine/cocaine at least 50 times from Date X to Date Y, or she can live somewhere else. She decided that she would rather live in a homeless women's shelter than to live with her 'abusive' and 'controlling' family.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

i've dealt with fuckup relatives. there is a big difference between someone homeless because of happenstance or misfortune and someone homeless because of drug issues. the first deserve all the help you can give them. with the second, sometimes you have to realize that they're just going to keep hurting you when you reach out a hand.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

My sister had an apartment that everyone helped her get 10 years ago and thought things were coming in through the windows, floors and vents to get her. She thought doors and cabinets were being left open by someone besides her so she was freaking out, and she started letting her other drug addict friends stay over and do drugs with her. She stayed there for 4 days and went back on the streets because she was too paranoid. She then blew all her disability check on drugs so it didnt matter anyway. She said she prefers to sleep in her tent with her boyfriend.

If you take her to a treatment facility she makes it back home before you do somehow. She really only complains in the winter.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Homelessness because of uncontrollable addiction is just different. There is literally nothing you can do until the person decides they need to get clean and stick to it.

If theyre strapped for cash and see your valuables they WILL take them for quick cash for their next high. Severe addiction goes beyond family ties

I'd never judge anybody for having a relative on the street. I know from personal experience that some people really are just too noxious and unlikable to be tolerated by anybody.

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Comments like this just show that your family isnt as fucked up as some.

If my oldest brother was homeless, which he very well could be for all I know, I would not give a shit. Hes earned that level of disregard.

MotaroRIP619 posted...

My sister had an apartment that everyone helped her get 10 years ago and thought things were coming in through the windows, floors and vents to get her. She thought doors and cabinets were being left open by someone besides her so she was freaking out, and she started letting her other drug addict friends stay over and do drugs with her. She stayed there for 4 days and went back on the streets because she was too paranoid. She then blew all her disability check on drugs so it didnt matter anyway. She said she prefers to sleep in her tent with her boyfriend.

If you take her to a treatment facility she makes it back home before you do somehow. She really only complains in the winter.

Is drugs really the main issue here then? That sounds more like schizophrenia or some other psychotic illness as the starting point. I remember seeing this kind of thing a lot when working with the chronically homeless though. Long-term homeless people are rarely just poor because of a financial issue - they tend to leave accommodation even when it is provided to them because of issues like this.

Christ, I'm sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how brutal and violating this has to feel

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

I know this feeling. I love my brother, but his anger and drug problems will come to a head once my father passes. If I'm still here ( fathers house or not passed on) i'll have to deal with it. We have never got along trully. If we will live together someone will have to be the parent addictions killed our sister so he should know better. If he cant I'll have to make that choice.

Sonic_Cannon posted...

Is drugs really the main issue here then? That sounds more like schizophrenia or some other psychotic illness as the starting point. I remember seeing this kind of thing a lot when working with the chronically homeless though. Long-term homeless people are rarely just poor because of a financial issue - they tend to leave accommodation even when it is provided to them because of issues like this.

Drug binges and lack of sleep can cause extreme paranoia to be fair.

Sonic_Cannon posted...

Is drugs really the main issue here then? That sounds more like schizophrenia or some other psychotic illness as the starting point.

Those first two sentences are things I have heard from a lot a lot of addicts with no other relevant behavioral or mental health diagnoses.

Drug-derived paranoia is no joke.

Her brain is fried because of the drugs. She wasnt always like this. She had a bad overdose on a hotshot of bath salts and heroin and something else about 15 years ago and her cognitive function has been in bad decline since. Every year she gets worst and worst. She was a semi-functional drug addict before the overdose, I used to love hanging out with her.

She has a long list of mental health problems as well, dont get me wrong. Its like her drug problem and her mental health problems go hand in hand. Most of her problems come from a lifetime of hard drug abuse though.

I hope she gets help, man. And I hope you and your son are safe

DrizztLink posted...

Those first two sentences are things I have heard from a lot a lot of addicts with no other relevant behavioral or mental health diagnoses.

Drug-derived paranoia is no joke.

I've definitely met people who end up that way because of heavy drug use too yeah, especially amphetamines or other stimulants. But I guess anything too dopaminergic could probably do it.

Once you get into that spiral it's super hard. Mostly because it's hard to reverse, but also because a lot of health services see a dual diagnosis person and will be like "oh it's a substance problem, not appropriate for our mental health unit" and then the other guys go "oh it's a mental illness problem, not appropriate for our drug and alcohol unit"

Sonic_Cannon posted...

I've

Yep, this is all correct. It's a vicious cycle and why I'm generally so gung-ho about fighting dehumanizing language when it comes to addicts, because the system by and large doesn't give a shit.

The failures of the system are not on TC, though. Helping an addict is like helping a drowning person: if you don't have the right training nonzero chance you're going right down with them.

You can't always help people and sometimes it can destroy you, too. ESPECIALLY with a child to protect.

Sorry that happened. Hopefully, a solution that can be a better result for you both comes about. Or, better yet, that she changes her ways and strives to fix her situation. Thats always the hope.

I help her in small ways from time to time. I take her clothes shopping at the local Salvation Army and buy her stuff, or take her food or run her to the doctor. I give her $10 because I found out shes addicted to gas station slots now so I cant really give her anything, but theres really no helping her at this time. From my perspective. I just dont get close to her, talk to her much, and I damn sure didnt let her know where the fuck I live.

She doesn't seem to have a distate for you at least. It displays character that you at least attempt to help. Some folks need to help themselves more than anything tho. But is moving away really rhe only solution to this?

No, I couldnt even move if I wanted to, which I wouldnt. She said she wont be a pest. We will see, Im pretty good at setting boundaries so if I have to Ill just have a few a talk with her next time. She really caught me off guard in front of my neighbors when I didnt expect to see her. It was right after my evening walk with my dog and just threw me for a loop.

I am feeling a little better about it now. I was just embarrassed because shes really loud, and was looking rough and was farting right in front of my neighbors and stuff. And I am not sure how my son processes her because he is on the spectrum and shes a lot.

Some people only learn the hard way, if at all. No matter how well intentioned you are or how hard you try to help them, they refuse to help themselves. You cant help someone who refuses to help themself.

Have you thought about rehab, or even getting her arrested? In jail no easy access to drugs, and forced medication for mental illnesses. Roof over her head, and meals provided. Yes there are dangers, but being homeless has its dangers too.

Sounds like a bad situation for everyone

I don't have it quite as bad as TC's situation, but I had the general predicament with my brother. No drugs but he's made choices out of buying into whatever idea of life his wife stirred up.

There comes a point where you just can't realistically do anything, especially when you have other existing dependents. It won't be money, it won't be power. It sucks, but when someone's an adult making choices, and just so out of reach (and out of touch), you really have no avenues to change their mind it's not necessarily letting go, but letting be.

Mistere_Man posted...

Have you thought about rehab, or even getting her arrested? In jail no easy access to drugs, and forced medication for mental illnesses. Roof over her head, and meals provided. Yes there are dangers, but being homeless has its dangers too.

She has been in prison 3 times. She was on the same softball team as Alyssa Bustamante. She taught Bustamante how to hit better when she first started playing softball.

Bustamante is kind of famous here in Missouri.

10 4

She said she didnt mind prison so much the last time she was there. I worked at a prison for 12 years and saw some of the guys get institutionalized really bad, and I kind of can see that within her and it is really sad. I dont think she knows how to function within the confines of society.

MotaroRIP619 posted...

No, I couldnt even move if I wanted to, which I wouldnt. She said she wont be a pest. We will see, Im pretty good at setting boundaries so if I have to Ill just have a few a talk with her next time. She really caught me off guard in front of my neighbors when I didnt expect to see her. It was right after my evening walk with my dog and just threw me for a loop.

I am feeling a little better about it now. I was just embarrassed because shes really loud, and was looking rough and was farting right in front of my neighbors and stuff. And I am not sure how my son processes her because he is on the spectrum and shes a lot.

Well in any case wishing the best

Robot2600 posted...

i couldnt let my sister be homeless

Did anyone ask?

My sympathies TC. I wish you and your sister all the best

I appreciate everyone being so polite and understanding.