Current Events > Dating apps are a new way to get ignored, not meet people

(+) Yeah! (+)

You only hear about how it works from people who it works for.

I haven't slept with many women but more than half have been from dating sites.

If you keep an open mind and relax your standards you can have a great time.

Master_Kazuya posted...

You only hear about how it works from people who it works for.

I am not sure how this makes any sense. I mean, regardless if it worked for 10% or 90%, you would still only hear about how it works from people who it works for...

And dating apps work :)

Master_Kazuya posted...

You only hear about how it works from people who it works for.

aka attractive people

Vengeance29 posted...

I haven't slept with many women but more than half have been from dating sites.

If you keep an open mind and relax your standards you can have a great time.

Lol it's not my standards that's in my way, trust me

That's what they felt like for me... I could see they were working for everyone else but I never met of even talked to anyone through them...

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I was being more facetious because of the comment in the first post. It was a non statement. Obviously, you hear about who it works for, and not from who it doesn't.

But based on how many people I have seen it work for (not all attractive btw), I do think it can work for the broader population. More than anything it is about presentation skills (optimizing the profile vs necessarily being traditionally attractive) and communication skills.

I am always happy to help people who actually want help and are willing to try new things.

Master_Kazuya posted...

You only hear about how it works from people who it works for.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/4/415f0492.jpg

Yeah thats how its always been for me

Dating apps are great if you're tall, conventionally attractive and in a great location.

Crayon_Lover posted...

Dating apps are great if you're tall, conventionally attractive and in a great location.

Maybe the location part is true (rural sucks) but otherwise not true. And I personally know guys 5'5 to 5'7 with success. And at 5'10, I am average.

Master_Kazuya posted...

You only hear about how it works from people who it works for.

You don't say.

I actually feel like I hear more about people complaining that it doesn't work, than people talking about it working. But they absolutely work, and it's not just for attractive people.

The trouble is, without actually seeing it, it's hard to say where exactly guys are going wrong. But there are usually things that they're doing that shoots them in the foot.

Like that guy that had a ton of pictures of him fishing and holding dead fish and his profile said "If you're not trying to go fishing, I don't want it. My idea of a vacation is going to the desert and looking for snakes for a week. I may or may not currently own 33 snakes." That may sound great to other outdoorsy men, but that kind of thing is very off-putting to most (not all) women.

bsp77 posted...

Maybe the location part is true (rural sucks) but otherwise not true. And I personally know guys 5'5 to 5'7 with success. And at 5'10, I am average.

Yeah it's not impossible for shorter guys to find someone but you'll get a lot more matches if you are taller.

Crayon_Lover posted...

Yeah it's not impossible for shorter guys to find someone but you'll get a lot more matches if you are taller.

Of course

I guess that's true I've met my past few girlfriends on tinder and a few hookups as well. I live south of the GTA in Ontario and have decent pictures and build from being physically active so I haven't had issues getting matches in the past.

I'm 5'3 and not that conventionally attractive and I met my girlfriend of nearly 2 years off a dating app. It can work.

I find your age has an impact on your experience.

If you are in your early to mid twenties many women that same age download dating apps out of curiosity as opposed to actually finding a partner, I find at least. Theyre young enough that they are likely still highly social with fewer responsibilities so they can more easily go out and find a partner the traditional way so for them the apps are kinda just an afterthought as opposed to a useful tool for meeting someone so they put in very little effort

For me dating apps didnt get better until my early 30s because I found women in that age range generally where more mature had more responsibilities and participate less in things like going out to bars or clubbing to meet people like their younger counterparts. They actually use the apps for their intended purpose because its an effective tool if you dont have the time to go out meet people the traditional way so they take it more seriously

Some people (men and women of all ages) also download the app with zero interest in actually dating, they use it for validation and to see how many matches they can get

I feel like most guys' problems are related to having a weak bio/profile (including but not limited to bad/unflattering pics like bathroom selfies) as well as bad conversing skills. Like don't send a girl a "Hi" or "what's up" message. She probably gets 20 of those a day. Make your message unique and you'll get more responses. I usually reference or ask a question about something on her profile. I'm 5'9" and not exactly "hot" but I do think I can be handsome with effort. I've had a lot of success (success being actually making it to a 1st date/meetup) on dating apps.

Jupiter posted...

I feel like most guys' problems are related to having a weak bio/profile (including but not limited to bad/unflattering pics like bathroom selfies) as well as bad conversing skills. Like don't send a girl a "Hi" or "what's up" message. She probably gets 20 of those a day. Make your message unique and you'll get more responses. I usually reference or ask a question about something on her profile. I'm 5'9" and not exactly "hot" but I do think I can be handsome with effort. I've had a lot of success (success being actually making it to a 1st date/meetup) on dating apps.

They usually tend to complain about the algorithm, which can be pretty strict. But I was in dating app subreddits and forums for a few years, and almost every guy who posted "I'm not getting responses. What's wrong?", and almost every time, the bio and/or their pics were garbage.

They are a new way to get your money. Bumble recently got even more trash by putting more indepth search filters that used to be free behind a paywall.

Which is especially irritating for me as I'm ENM and thats something I need to know about a person ahead of time.

Tinder taught me that most people will fuck in the first date

And that I'm a flake

Yeah, I tried for about 2 and a half years, and got nothing but matches. That's nice and all, but ultimately pointless if nothing else comes of it.

Really just cemented the thought that I'm not good enough for anyone. I've always been depressed, but that really tanked my mental health. Up till that point I had been ignorantly content with life, thinking that I'd eventually manage to find someone despite everything. Then that was proven false, and I realized how bad my chances really were.

I did try. I really did, just to prove myself wrong. And it just ended up confirming what I feared.

Well with the ratio being 2 men for every woman on these, at least 50% will be ignored

*signs up for dating app after seeing "these attractive women in your area!" on ad*
*attractive women disappear after signing up*
*500 down the toilet*

No thanks.

bsp77 posted...

And dating apps work :)

idk if tc has a history of moaning and thats why youre doing it, but this is kicking someone when theyre down fyi

you may not have meant it as such, but most people would read this as mocking sarcasm

i say this as someone who has had much success on the apps

I learned to not put reference to the fact that I'm a handyman on there.

Got so many matches, and well over half were to ask me to fix the sink, except not in the fun way.

So I guess if you want to get an easy foot-in, basic home repair is a good way.

Dungeater posted...

idk if tc has a history of moaning and thats why youre doing it, but this is kicking someone when theyre down fyi

you may not have meant it as such, but most people would read this as mocking sarcasm

i say this as someone who has had much success on the apps

I did already admit to being facetious (and why I did so) and also happy to help if desired

Post 10

right

Tc has a history of questionable posts, especially considering consent from what I've read

You also can't go in with the mindset of it being a last ditch dating effort or thinking it's the only way people date nowadays. It's a supplement to dating and needs to be seen as casual and fun even if you're looking for something serious.

Getting ghosted did bum me out, but if you view yourself as a failure for running out of matches or not getting responses from strangers on a phone app, that's probably a sign of bigger issues.

Jupiter posted...

I feel like most guys' problems are related to having a weak bio/profile (including but not limited to bad/unflattering pics like bathroom selfies) as well as bad conversing skills. Like don't send a girl a "Hi" or "what's up" message. She probably gets 20 of those a day. Make your message unique and you'll get more responses. I usually reference or ask a question about something on her profile. I'm 5'9" and not exactly "hot" but I do think I can be handsome with effort. I've had a lot of success (success being actually making it to a 1st date/meetup) on dating apps.

I've done it all.

Dungeater posted...

idk if tc has a history of moaning and thats why youre doing it, but this is kicking someone when theyre down fyi

you may not have meant it as such, but most people would read this as mocking sarcasm

i say this as someone who has had much success on the apps

Idk he's kinda the "dating coach" persona where the problem is always you, unless you're him

Master_Kazuya posted...

Idk he's kinda the "dating coach" persona where the problem is always you, unless you're him

Of course the problem is "you", at least partially. Yes, there are also problems with algorithms and bots and competitiveness. But it is partially your fault, which is good. That means that there are tactics that you can do that can help. If it was 100% not your fault, then how can you ever hope for change?

And I never said I was perfect. Far from it. But I did figure out tactics that work. But if you want to just bitch and moan instead of trying to listen, then go for it.

I've also had a lot of success on dating apps and met my now wife on one.

Just general thoughts/questions that aren't necessarily targeted to you but

Do you come off as groomed and hygienic in your pics? Pics with friends/family (faces of others being blurred isn't uncommon) pics doing anything fun, activities, hobbies etc

Gainful employment, place of your own, generally have your shit together?

Vehicle?

I'm not saying you don't check there boxes but if you come off as not meeting this criteria (even if you do) that might be a red flag for some people.

Apps can work, but I don't think they're ideal. A lot of people who use ONLY apps are lazy as hell -- no matter the gender.

I would never date someone who would only use apps. Personally, I have not had issues finding dates, and I'm not anything special, honestly.

My sibling got married from someone they met on Tinder, actually. So, it can work. However, they were also unafraid to go out and speak to people and was active in a lot of different hobbies outside of work.

I had no problem getting dates when I was on the apps last year. This time around it's been nothing but breadcrumbing, a lot of it feels like nothing more than luck

Is it seriously not worth the time now? Ive heard that if you dont pay, you get a low selection and a lot of it is bots or girls trying to push their own sites selling strip tease videos. But I do know one guy who got married using it a long time ago.

Payzmaykr posted...

Is it seriously not worth the time now? Ive heard that if you dont pay, you get a low selection and a lot of it is bots or girls trying to push their own sites selling strip tease videos. But I do know one guy who got married using it a long time ago.

I've never run into that to any large degree, though it varies quite a lot by location. I imagine a lot of the dudes who run into that a lot are swiping out of their league

I never paid but this was also til Fall 2022 so I don't know what's changed since.

Probably worth noting that I live in a small urban area too. My city is about 66k with surrounding cities within a 45 minute radius having similar populations.

Will_VIIII posted...

Do you come off as groomed and hygienic in your pics? Pics with friends/family (faces of others being blurred isn't uncommon) pics doing anything fun, activities, hobbies etc

Gainful employment, place of your own, generally have your shit together?

Vehicle?

I'd say I come off rather hygienic idk, idk what that even looks like lol, I don't have like mayonaise all over myself. I have a friend pic of a bunch of us completing an escape room. One of me playing an instrument (that I actually play), one with a cool futuristic leaf blower, one doing karaoke, a profile shot of me smiling, one of me under a tree in pool party clothes from Vegas (not shirtless), a shot of me at my friend's wedding casually sitting and looking at something

I have a job and live with roommates and pursuing my Masters

I have a car

bro just approach the females in the club and talk to them. It is easy.

Master_Kazuya posted...

I'd say I come off rather hygienic idk, idk what that even looks like lol, I don't have like mayonaise all over myself. I have a friend pic of a bunch of us completing an escape room. One of me playing an instrument (that I actually play), one with a cool futuristic leaf blower, one doing karaoke, a profile shot of me smiling, one of me under a tree in pool party clothes from Vegas (not shirtless), a shot of me at my friend's wedding casually sitting and looking at something

I have a job and live with roommates and pursuing my Masters

I have a car

You sound completely fine.

The thing with apps is that they make people hyper-judgmental. I say make a list of things you like and enjoy doing just because you like it. And then, go and find some groups that also partake in those things.

Go there with an open mind and talk to people earnestly and with interest in what they're saying. It should be easy because you guys share a common Hobby. And even if there aren't any women there, maybe someone there knows someone else who might be looking for a relationship too. Don't be self- defeatist. Realize it won't work out every single time, but if you do it enough times you'll increase your chances of success.

Good luck!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/e/e27eab6c.jpg

Tangentially related, am I the only one slightly amused when my notifications kinda almost spell out a word lol

papayapanda posted...

I say make a list of things you like and enjoy doing just because you like it. And then, go and find some groups that also partake in those things.

Thanks for the post. Idk, I have this huge fear that it's going to be yet another avenue to feel lonely about. Or that everyone will start linking up and I'll be left out again. Maybe someday. I just don't have much energy to go try and do things as much anymore. There's also a sort of paradox here. I'm supposed to go out and enjoy myself without the intention of meeting anyone, but the only reason I'm there is the off chance of meeting someone. Truly, I'm content with not meeting random people just for fun. I have enough friends and stuff to do that I don't feel compelled to go to random stuff. I feel like going out and doing things for the sake of it was fun in my 20s but I'm kind of burned out now, especially with no love coming out of it back then.

Really depends on the type of app.

Hook up "dating" apps, if you're not someone who wants to bang anythibg that moves, you will get ignored....ornif you're attractive, people will still send you what you don't want. People just look at the pictures half the time...

I tried Hinge most recently and have had great luck straight away and may have potentially found someone.

Figure out what you want and then cater your account to that and try find an app that mirrors what you're after.