Current Events > Girl I had a crush on is telling me about this dude she's interested in.

(+) Yeah! (+)

she sounds terrible

She isn't worth talking to. Ditch her.

move on bro

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Yeah this is typically a sign that it's not meant to be. The "My parents just wouldn't understand if I dated outside my race" type of girls are the ones actively choosing not to break the cycle and will not stand up for you. Though she didn't specifically confirm this was the reason if I'm reading correctly?

Either way, it's time to move on. If you're feeling like a third wheeler even among her friends when you've been in contact for a decade, then there is no foundation to continue a healthy relationship. Don't cling to something simply because it's familiar. If you aren't willing to unadd, simply let what's left of the "relationship" fade away. Stronger bonds than what you have with this girl have died and those people moved on with their lives.

Do what's best for you, and don't be a coward about it. Rip that bandaid right off.

Well, what did she say when you asked her for the reason of her rejection?

But yeah in any context if she knows you had feelings. Talking about that type of stuff is weird. Not a big fan of that.

Friendships are based on feeling, and if she doesn't really like you that much and you feel like shit then just leave. It's in the past now. You should have genuine friendships with people that lift you up and support you, not orbit around flakes.

Umbreon posted...

Yeah this is typically a sign that it's not meant to be. The "My parents just wouldn't understand if I dated outside my race" type of girls are the ones actively choosing not to break the cycle and will not stand up for you.

I can tell you from peristalsis experience that isnt always the case.

My sister in laws folks weren't maga, or even really *racist* but they definitely didn't expect her to end up with my brother, who is black. And were wierd about it. She left them, moved with him to a different state and remains obsessed with him. They ended up making amends more or less, but she was not going to pick them over my brother under any circumstances.

Either way, it's time to move on.

This I agree with.

Sounds like youre all too old for this and you should've moved on years ago.

Holding onto shit that long isn't reasonable in most situations. I'd say bail at this point. She already basically told you she's holding it over you forever. Don't wait.

Dude, pull the ripcord.

She'll never be your girl, and from the sound of her, you wouldn't like it if she was.

People are gonna do what they do we cant control that. I think that sort of story is romantic and awesome, but maybe thats just not enough for some. Its irresistible to me, but what can ya do? Yknow?

Doesnt mean you cant form a stronger bond with someone else and eventually become friends with that person. Just dont put them on a pedestal.

They fart and shit just like everyone else.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/3/3721f3c8.jpg

Dont ask for a reason lol.
just bounce if you cant just be friends. not saying to disregard your feelings or anything but she doesnt actually matter. your happiness is the only thing that matters. your disappointment and being upset is your own choice on how youre reacting to the situation. it sucks, yeah. but try not to waste your life dwelling on it
chasing her will only lead to more and more disappointment. youll only be wondering about the "what-ifs" and "what could I have done better" etc while potentially missing out on people that actually dig you in that sense
accept what-is instead of worrying about the what-ifs and happily move forward

Move on.

Part of the reason she may have put you in the c lister friend pile is because she didnt want you to think you still had a chance. Too friendly gives men vibes that they still have a chance.

Asking for a reason why she rejected you later on was out of line.

Heck she might be gushing about the new guy because she gets the feeling you havent moved on from your feelings for her.

Just stop interacting with her. It isnt good for you.

I mean it's pretty clear you are way into a girl who is not at all into you.

If a friend of yours had come up to you and said everything you said about someone else you would 100 percent know what that friend needs to do. Like it kind of sucks she isn't super direct, but after that long of wishy washy stuff it's kind of on you to not take a hint.

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That doesn't sound like a healthy way to view things. You can accept people that you don't want to be in a romantic relationship with. I've had several friends that I would do anything for, give up my life for without a second thought, that I wouldn't ever consider being romantic with. People want different things. She doesn't want anything more than platonic with you, doesn't mean she thinks less of you. Just the way things work sometimes. But yeah, if it's been going on this long and you're still hung up on it, it definitely sounds like time to move on. Maybe seek help from trusted friends or a therapist, if that's in your means.

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Well it was never explicitly a race thing with them, not overtly. I think they just didn't know what to make of it, since he's very different than she is. But the vibes were there all the same, several on my side of the family took it to be more about race.

Trust me bro, cut her loose

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Basically, women don't like the idea that their male friends want to sleep with them.

Also, some female friends hold you back as options and show interest in you if you date someone.

Both traits are bad but it depends on the instigator. In your case, you opened up and ended up nowhere. I've done the reverse and ended friends if the girl confessed to me.

I recommend the slow fade. Become more and more into the background until you are gone. It's more peaceful that way since you stuck around this long.

You obviously aren't listening. Cut off or fade away doesn't mean fuckin talk to her even more.

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You've gotten some good advice earlier in the thread, but I want to specifically take issue with this aspect. Please don't regret taking a chance, getting out of your comfort zone, and doing instead of waiting. Try to feel good about taking initiative and continue moving forward.

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It sounds like you're taking it way too personal if you're thinking like this. Probably better to distance yourself from her. Sticking around to see her gush about this dude is just gonna make you feel worse.

Just think of it this way. If she's still bothered by that from 20 years ago, imagine if you were dating and she was holding grudges. My ex used to do that. I'd think an issue was resolved, but then in every new argument we had, she'd bring up stuff she was still mad about from months before and throw it in my face. That is not a fun feeling.

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Ignore that dude. A chair next to the bed has become known as "the cuck chair" online. So he's basically throwing an insult at you.

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Yeah, definitely taking it too personal. Just because you've been friends for a long time didn't mean you'd be a match made in heaven. You only think that right now because you've been subconsciously putting her on a pedestal.

There's a woman that I'm good friends with, and I even think she's cute. But I also know enough about us that I know it would be a trainwreck if we dated. So I've never made a move on her and she's never made a move on me. Good friends doesn't necessarily mean good partner.

Scardude posted...

Basically, women don't like the idea that their male friends want to sleep with them.

Hard disagree with this. It's fine if you're both mature about it. One of my good friends is a woman who rejected me 4 years ago. We still hang out with our friend group with no issues. The only thing that changed is that once I started dating my girlfriend, I don't hang out with that friend one on one.

People these days are so bad at relationships. Myself included. Idk what happened. Did humanity always suck at this?

I've been in these situations, and yeah, you need to cut off all contact with her. It seems like she's just politely interacting with you instead of actually being a friend.

And when you're still infatuated with someone who rejected you, you're just going to be a perpetual state of them "coming around" and feeling the same about you.

It seems like you've been really hung up on this woman for way too long and nothing is going to happen. It feels like you can't accept that. You may need to distance yourself from this woman. It will open your eyes to other potential opportunities that you may have been blind to in the past.

You say she has already had you in the far outer orbit of her friend cluster for awhile now. You don't need to have some weird, awkward "ending things" conversation. Just let go and allow yourself to drift away naturally. Stop messaging her first. If she messages you, wait to respond. Remain friendly but distant. The friendship will fizzle out naturally.

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You can give advice without being a dick.

Anyway TC, sounds like others have given good advice. Just wish you the best

I agree you need to cut her off on everything. Block her on everything. Delete her contacts and number.

But if you want to double down on the crazy waste of time you've given this part of your life, try to start banging another cute white girl and make sure she knows about it. You'd probably have to change several aspects of yourself and your lifestyle, and it'd be a toxic motivation, but it'd at least be more interesting than this sorry way to live.

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Relationships haven't taken a backseat tho, because are still seeking them out voraciously. If nor a long running one than a fling or something casual.

Im talking more about the decreased amount of emotional maturity that Relationships need.

This surely is copypasta?

Toonstrack posted...

Relationships haven't taken a backseat tho, because are still seeking them out voraciously. If nor a long running one than a fling or something casual.

Im talking more about the decreased amount of emotional maturity that Relationships need.

I am unclear about what is so much harder about having a relationship.

The one thing that was kinda hard for me after my divorce was having the issue of feeling that the grass is always greener. Made it easy to always want to search out someone new. But once I found someone who truly made me happy, I cut that out. She is now my wife.

But I feel that was my own issue and not something indicative about relationships in general.

Not saying you are wrong, but I don't understand what you are referring to specifically.

This relationship clearly needs to end. As you mentioned, it's pretty shitty and weird to just delete all contact info and ghost her. Thankfully, I have a better plan.

Generally, you'll lose a lot of friends when they have children. Kids take up a lot of time and it's pretty understandable that you simply won't have the same amount of time. The friend just kind of fades out of your life without any bad feeling.

Unfortunately, youve been hung up on this girl and it's likely interfered with meeting someone else to create a new life with. Thanks to AI, you can create a fake woman who you had a fling with and impregnated. Post the pretend pictures of you and your new fake girl online and eventually your fake baby too. Slowly, stop talking to your friend over this time. She'll look back and be upset but totally understand. Nothing about it will be awkward.

If in another 20 years youre still not over her, reach out. Tell her your family died in a boating accident or something. Shoot your shot again.