Current Events > Am I overthinking this? Not invited to the work Christmas dinner.

(+) Yeah! (+)

At work we usually have both a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for the employees. This year there was no Thanksgiving meal, and I assumed there would be no Christmas one either since no one has mentioned it.

In previous years, there would be a flyer on the wall next to the calendar, it would be in the calendar, there'd be a group text to all the employees, a note at the desk, and my manager would be sure to ask me several times if I'd be attending.

This year, there was none of that. I never heard a whisper from anyone. Which is odd since I'm in good terms with most of them, my manager is weird though, and sometimes develops a problem with me for no reason. I get the impression he's currently in that mood...

But the only thing that makes any sense for me to not to have heard from any of them is that they were told to keep it a secret. I work with the manager's wife often, and she's always super excited about free meals and get togethers. She mentioned nothing. I talk with him on the phone often, and he enjoys gatherings. Nothing. The cheery and friendly first shift lady who always includes everyone. Nothing. Overly friendly coworker who and always over shares. Nothing. The breakfast attendant who is always in everyone's business and nosy about where you'll be. Nothing.

There's just 1 coworker that I almost never see. The very friendly one always bringing me gifts. She wasn't supposed to work today but had to swap with someone due to them being sick. She asked if I was going to be there on Wednesday. I asked what was special about Wednesday. She looked confused, and she sarcastically answered "Oh, you know, nothing special. Just the staff Christmas party is all."

I laughed and said that I didn't know about it(because I didn't plan on going if I had been invited). Her expression changed from amusement to a more serious one, and asked "Have you seriously not been invited?" I told her that literally had no idea we were having one since we didn't have a Thanksgiving one. Then I jokingly asked if there was a Thanksgiving one and I just wasn't invited to that one either. She confirmed there was nothing for Thanksgiving, but was shocked that I hadn't received an invite.

She said all the employees were making sure each of us knew about it, and asked if none of the ones I see had mentioned it. I said no, so she invited me. Told me when and where it's going to be, Wednesday at 4:30 at a nice restaurant downtown. Said it would mean a lot to her if I was there...

But now the more I think about it, the more it feels like I was purposefully excluded. I had planned on skipping this year even if was invited, but with her saying she wants to see me there, I'm considering going... Except I wasn't really invited. Not officially anyway. I don't want to go if they don't want me there. I also just don't want to go in general. But it would've been nice to be invited, and I kind of want to spend more time with the girl who invited me.

The only way I can imagine not even hearing a word until today is that they were keeping it from me. I was never supposed to see the one who told me about it. Without her swapping shifts it would've passed without me even knowing.

Idk... Am I being stupid?

Just go and have fun

Ask your boss whats up if you feel the need to clear the air about it

KogaSteelfang posted...

Said it would mean a lot to her if I was there...

KogaSteelfang posted...

kind of want to spend more time with the girl who invited me.

Go and have a good time with this girl, screw anybody else what are they going to do about it

Go there with the attitude that you are there to have a good time with a work friend and not the other people at the party

I wouldn't assume the wait case scenario straight away.

It's very possible that they just had an office version of "the bystander effect." Everyone else assumed that someone had already invited you, so no one invited you.

Or if you're known for never going to the Holiday party's, they could have assumed you didn't want to go and just didn't bother you with it

To the degree you described all the other employees in such great detail I find it hard to believe they would all universally conspire to act so differently around you and not mention it. I find it more likely they just assumed you were invited rather than they were instructed not to say anything to you.

SweetNut_Farm posted...

Just go and have fun

I went to last year's and I did not have fun. Ended up stuck at my boss's table with people I didn't know or like very well. Half of them were bickering all night and I just kind of sat there not being involved and feeling like a fifth wheel.

So I had already decided I wouldn't go this time. It didn't bother me at first because of that. But then when she asked me to go I decided to reconsider and now I can't figure out if I'm actually welcome or not.

boomgetchopped3 posted...

Ask your boss whats up if you feel the need to clear the air about it

Nah, he's a dummy. He'd just lie, send a group chat, then claim that I got it weeks ago. Or something stupid like that.

KookyCouture posted...

Go and have a good time with this girl, screw anybody else what are they going to do about it

bnui_ransder posted...

Go there with the attitude that you are there to have a good time with a work friend and not the other people at the party

I would, except she's friends with everyone. Just because she said she'd like to see me there doesn't mean I'd to get sit and chat with her. Could be that she'd just say hi and move on to her better friends and I'd end up fifth wheeling again at a random table with people I can't talk with.

NoxObscuras posted...

I wouldn't assume the wait case scenario straight away.

It's very possible that they just had an office version of "the bystander effect." Everyone else assumed that someone had already invited you, so no one invited you.

lol, something similar happened to me several years ago. We had mandatory overtime all week, but on Thursday everyone was told that Friday's overtime got cancelled. Everyone but me, that is. My team lead was supposed to have told me but he forgot before the end of the day and probably just assumed another coworker told me instead.

You should both ditch the party and go do something else together. She sounds like a keeper.

NoxObscuras posted...

I wouldn't assume the wait case scenario straight away.

It's very possible that they just had an office version of "the bystander effect." Everyone else assumed that someone had already invited you, so no one invited you.

Or if you're known for never going to the Holiday party's, they could have assumed you didn't want to go and just didn't bother you with it

That could be it too. I just don't understand why there wasn't any of the usual stuff, like marking it in the calendar, putting a notice on the board, sending a text. And how I managed to avoid hearing about it at all until today.

As for skipping events, I do skip some of them. But usually not. I try to force myself to go to not be rude, and because I really need to be more social. I'd say I attend more than I skip. Just last year's Christmas dinner was so unpleasant for me that I decided then I wouldn't go to this year's.

archizzy posted...

To the degree you described all the other employees in such great detail I find it hard to believe they would all universally conspire to act so differently around you and not mention it. I find it more likely they just assumed you were invited rather than they were instructed not to say anything to you.

Yeah, I suppose that is more likely. I don't feel that some of them would be happy to be told not to let me know. Though, at the same time I feel like they'd do as they're told as well. Half of them are directly related to my manager as well. They are all control freaks and like to conspire over stupid stuff just to be in control(manager's family). So it's not out of the realm of possibility that they just decided to see if they could exclude someone.

The only issue is that I trust a couple of them and don't know why they didn't mention it. I probably am just being stupid though.

Maybe they saw how unhappy you were at last year's party and decided not to force you to come?

Any updates, TC?

Sounds like everyone thought everyone was jnvited but they missed a few.

Nah F those ppl hope you didn't go and when they ask why you weren't there immediately call bullshit on them.

Couple of updates.

Manager said he thought he invited me, told me to come. Still didn't say when or where though. lol

It was supposed to be this evening, but they cancelled it due some people being unable to make it today. Will be rescheduled for sometime in January.

i do everything i can to avoid christmas parties, the only one they ever got me to go to was one they held during business hours once and i still snuck out early

Am I overthinking this?

The answer is literally always yes.

Go.

You deserve good things.

Rika_Furude posted...

i do everything i can to avoid christmas parties, the only one they ever got me to go to was one they held during business hours once and i still snuck out early

Me too. I can't stand group events, and I dislike half of these people. Thanksgiving is generally not bad, as it's usually just a potluck or pizza party at the hotel.

For Christmas though they always go out to a restaurant. Eating in a restaurant triggers my anxiety, plus gathering with them does too. It's just really unpleasant, and I did not enjoy last year's that I forced myself to attend.

I'm very glad it got cancelled today. I am not in a mood to have enjoyed it.

I doubt it was intentional. From the dick manager, possibly, but not from everyone else.

But at least it's not tonight now.

You can come to my Christmas party on Saturday if you wanna fly to Minnesota :)

Idk
The way you've described this place doesn't lead me to believe they're super organized over there. So ot wouldn't be crazy to think that they just did a bad job of communicating.

Anyway, I typically at least make aappearance at these types of things. Breezing in and out to just say hi to few people and then taking off has never been a bad experience

bsp77 posted...

I doubt it was intentional. From the dick manager, possibly, but not from everyone else.

Yeah, I don't think they'd all willingly keep it from me. I do think he might have tried, but there's 2 that is trust would have told me anyway.

This week has sucked. If it was still on for tonight I'd be upset.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

The way you've described this place doesn't lead me to believe they're super organized over there.

They're not, but in the past years they did at least try. With a group text, a flyer, and the calendar marked. None of that would take hardly any effort at all to do.

https://youtu.be/HZFA2M6ccDg?si=gsURQMgRVyvvJn-h
https://youtu.be/1x4LUK4ved4?si=ranFnM9P__Sn169Q

Not to feed into the paranoia, but I've been in that negative overthinking swamp aswell. Still am sometimes

and my first instinct was that the Cancellation was fake

_____Cait posted...

Sounds like everyone thought everyone was jnvited but they missed a few.

Do places operate like this? Invites being send out just through word of mouth? OP did say in prior years there were e-mails and posters.

ROBANN_88 posted...

and my first instinct was that the Cancellation was fake

That thought crossed my mind too, but my coworkers are all disappointed about it today. So, I assume it's true. And if it's not, then I don't need to worry about it.

I stand by my advice in post #10.

ROBANN_88 posted...

Not to feed into the paranoia, but I've been in that negative overthinking swamp aswell. Still am sometimes

and my first instinct was that the Cancellation was fake

That was my thought as well. Could even be the case where they are just doing a secret party now just for the non-outsiders of the office.

That seems like quite the conspiracy to spite a single employee to me, unless you really suck hard and deserve that kind of treatment.

I would have confronted the manager about it just to be a dick and make it awkward, then not attended because I don't actually want to go anyway.

1) Show up
2) Eat food
3) Dip out

Ask about the party. Because if it was just an oversight you will be pressed and thinking about people backstapping as long as you work there when it could be nothing.

Who usually organizes the holiday parties? Do you guys have an HR?

I'd bring it up to your boss. Would be really disrespectful to not invite you, especially if it's a company wide thing. Did you talk to your coworker friend about how she heard it? They might have most relied on word of mouth.

edit: I read your replies after making this post. Feels really bizarre to hear that. I get why you think that way

My office just had their Christmas get together and one of my coworkers said he wasn't invited. Problem was that the invite went out via email and the email list for managers, like my coworker, was out of date.

Typically these sorts of things are more fuck ups than anything. Like organizing an office wide secret to exclude you from a work function is way less likely to happen, if only from a logistics issue.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Who usually organizes the holiday parties? Do you guys have an HR?

No HR, and I'm not totally sure who organizes them. I assume the General Manager. I very rarely ever see him.

Arcanine2009 posted...

I'd bring it up to your boss. Would be really disrespectful to not invite you, especially if it's a company wide thing. Did you talk to your coworker friend about how she heard it? They might have most relied on word of mouth.

Nah, I didn't ask her how she found out. I'm sure the manager invited her directly.

You should go to be spiteful and then become life of the party