Current Events > I must be the unluckiest guy in love ever

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bsp77
09/24/24 7:56:28 AM
#104:


AsucaHayashi posted...
theres an unfathomable difference between finding out youre not right for each other before vs after getting intimate.

and TC hasnt said which side he ended up on.
First of all, he did say. Second, who cares? Your whole goal was to be hurtful and not helpful.

I also notice you ignored the first part of my post.

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Xatrion
09/24/24 9:10:19 AM
#105:


Unluckiest in love? I'm pretty sure I take that title.

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joaquintall
09/24/24 9:19:11 AM
#106:


EpicMickeyDrew posted...
Wdym I did close thats why this is so out the blue

Lol, you closed it, and you're looking to CE for advice? I think you're doing just fine without us tbh.
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EpicMickeyDrew
09/24/24 9:30:13 AM
#107:


joaquintall posted...
Lol, you closed it, and you're looking to CE for advice? I think you're doing just fine without us tbh.
Thank you mate. I've just decided to not respond to her morning message. She's not worth my time and effort to text nor to go bowling, and this way I win, in the most petty way imaginable.

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bsp77
09/24/24 9:38:20 AM
#108:


EpicMickeyDrew posted...
Thank you mate. I've just decided to not respond to her morning message. She's not worth my time and effort to text nor to go bowling, and this way I win, in the most petty way imaginable.
She isn't worth your time or effort at this point, but I would encourage you to try to not be bitter. I know that may be hard right now, but staying empathetic and positive really does help in the long run. Something I had to sometimes remind myself of as well, but it will help keep you in the right mindset for the next woman. And we all know there will be a next one.

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PraetorXyn
09/24/24 9:44:46 AM
#109:


You got a date so youre doing better than me. I havent had one since 2007 or so.

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bsp77
09/24/24 9:53:36 AM
#110:


PraetorXyn posted...
You got a date so youre doing better than me. I havent had one since 2007 or so.
You haven't really been trying though, have you?

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PraetorXyn
09/24/24 10:00:17 AM
#111:


bsp77 posted...
You haven't really been trying though, have you?
Other than talking to people on Messenger and trying to make something happen and online dating, no. Dont really know how to since I cant drive and this isnt exactly a social hub anyway if you hate church and sports like I do.

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Compsognathus
09/24/24 10:13:53 AM
#113:


I say don't go bowling. Men and women can and should be friends, but that isn't what you started looking for with her. And unless are able to just turn feelings off at the drop of a hat, you are going to be in a situation where you spend a bunch time with someone who doesn't reciprocate, or worse, trick yourself into thinking that you will win her over. The first isn't fun. The second is actively detrimental. And it will only compound if she starts seeing someone else. Just politely tell her that you thought it over and that while you enjoyed spending time with her and wish her the best of luck, you are looking for something different.

I do think people who met via dating can stay friends, but it needs to be a situation where the people got along but mutually didn't spark. When one side still has feelings, it just creates too much stress for that person.

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Unsuprised_Pika
09/24/24 10:14:36 AM
#114:


BlueBoy675 posted...
Sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesnt work out. It sucks, man, but you gotta take it on the chin and move on

https://youtu.be/1TCX90yALsI?si=STvA-nEjDd-Ud8YN

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Enclave
09/24/24 11:20:28 AM
#115:


SailorGoon posted...
Yeah, but you don't need to be friends with every person you meet. The best thing about friends is you pick them. It's not a matter of, aw shucks I already started talking with this person, I guess I better turn this in to something. It's not simply just a friend who happens to be a girl since this was initially something else

Wow, I didn't say you have to be friends with everyone. Try actually reading what I said and respond to that.

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TotallyNotAGirl
09/24/24 11:25:29 AM
#116:


Don't listen to these ppl about trying to make her jealous. She clearly does not want to be romantically involved with you ATM. Best thing for you to do is to disinvest emotionally (I know... easier said than done, right?). Distractions such as going out with peers to either a game thing (sporting event/table-top game store) or bar-crawling tend to help me when I try to get accustom to moving on from somebody emotionally.

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Winterking
09/24/24 11:34:24 AM
#117:


Something I havent seen mentioned, is how would you feel if she became emotionally availablewith someone else? You ever see 500 Days of Summer? Its totally fair and valid for her to throw this flag on the play. But you went in with a mindset, and maybe she did too. Totally valid and meaningful to have a platonic relationship with the girl, but if you cant maintain that separation, totally fair and valid for you to make that clear too.

but do cancel on her if you arent going to go. Thats bad karma right there, just going ghost.
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STEROLIZER
09/24/24 12:28:48 PM
#118:


bsp77 posted...
I certainly am better at maintaining a relationship than you are

https://youtu.be/D_KzfcnaFgc?si=pU36FgUHIFsHkBjU

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GenXer
09/24/24 12:44:34 PM
#119:


I feel for you. I'm 57 and have been "friend-zoned" my entire life. It sucks, but you live with it and hope that someday you will meet the right person.
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Princess_Eev
09/24/24 1:37:56 PM
#120:


Giacomo_Hawkins posted...
Ah shucks, you have a friend. Bummer about that.
This.

Having a friend isn't the worst thing in the world. Take it on the chin, play nice, go tomorrow, and have some fun. Not every human interaction you have with the preferred gender has to lead to romance; that path just leads to isolation and loneliness and depression (and a huge load for a hypothetical future partner who has to be your one main source for friendship and socialization).

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Xeknos
09/24/24 1:41:47 PM
#121:


Nah, female friends are fine, but they tend to be women you were never interested in romantically, which is how they're supposed to be. Trying to exist in the friendzone of someone you had romantic feelings for never ends well.

Get a direct answer as to her intentions, then end the friendship. This reeks of someone who's getting smashed by Chad and wants to keep around around as a backup. You don't need that kind of emotional weight for no reason.

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noisetank
09/24/24 1:42:58 PM
#122:


tag

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NoxObscuras
09/24/24 1:51:10 PM
#123:


Princess_Eev posted...
This.

Having a friend isn't the worst thing in the world. Take it on the chin, play nice, go tomorrow, and have some fun. Not every human interaction you have with the preferred gender has to lead to romance; that path just leads to isolation and loneliness and depression (and a huge load for a hypothetical future partner who has to be your one main source for friendship and socialization).
People keep saying this, but it completely ignores how TC might feel about it. Yes it's good to be friends with women, but that doesn't mean he has to be friends with every woman that rejects him. If he has lingering feelings for her, and seeing her date other guys would be painful for him, he has every right to say that friendship doesn't work for him.

TC has said that he already has other women that he's friends with, so it's not like he's a social pariah and needs to make a friendship with her lol.

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bsp77
09/24/24 2:09:24 PM
#124:


NoxObscuras posted...
People keep saying this, but it completely ignores how TC might feel about it. Yes it's good to be friends with women, but that doesn't mean he has to be friends with every woman that rejects him. If he has lingering feelings for her, and seeing her date other guys would be painful for him, he has every right to say that friendship doesn't work for him.

TC has said that he already has other women that he's friends with, so it's not like he's a social pariah and needs to make a friendship with her lol.
Yes

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#125
Post #125 was unavailable or deleted.
STEROLIZER
09/24/24 2:25:21 PM
#126:


At the end of the day, you do you TC. Just make it known that the choice is indeed yours. So if this ends up backfiring in anyway, instead of dwelling on it, just take accountability for the choice you made here, add it to your memory banks as a learning experience.

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STEROLIZER
09/24/24 2:27:27 PM
#127:


GenXer posted...
I feel for you. I'm 57 and have been "friend-zoned" my entire life. It sucks, but you live with it and hope that someday you will meet the right person.

Youre not supposed to live with it your supposed to learn from your mistakes, alter your behavior moving forward, and use said previous experiences to make better choices.

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#128
Post #128 was unavailable or deleted.
LeTigre
09/24/24 2:33:49 PM
#129:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Youre supposed to dislike JGLs character. Like the whole thing is he completely dehumanizes Summer.


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berlyman101
09/24/24 2:40:23 PM
#130:


You were too available and she is setting boundaries. She feels pressure to live up to whatever it is she thinks you want. You can hang out with her and text her but if your goal is a relationship it has to be at her pace. So basically you have to be emotionally distant (compared to how you've been). The only way I've made it work is to be around but essentially non-communicative except for in organic situations involving other people. She still probably won't stick around with you but it's the only way I've seen it work.

Yes, this is making a lot of assumptions and generalizations, but I want to give TC practical advice for what little info we have.

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bsp77
09/24/24 2:52:55 PM
#131:


berlyman101 posted...
You were too available and she is setting boundaries. She feels pressure to live up to whatever it is she thinks you want. You can hang out with her and text her but if your goal is a relationship it has to be at her pace. So basically you have to be emotionally distant (compared to how you've been). The only way I've made it work is to be around but essentially non-communicative except for in organic situations involving other people. She still probably won't stick around with you but it's the only way I've seen it work.

Yes, this is making a lot of assumptions and generalizations, but I want to give TC practical advice for what little info we have.
Holy fuck, no

Pretty sure TC knows better than to listen to this red pill BS

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berlyman101
09/24/24 3:04:02 PM
#132:


bsp77 posted...
Holy fuck, no

Pretty sure TC knows better than to listen to this red pill BS

Which part? I'm making assumptions about the reasons, but the bottom line is she's setting boundaries and let him down easy. I'm suggesting TC do the same for his mental health. It'd be good to even say something like "I would expect more than friendship so maybe we can hang out again when you figure things out." Unless TC wants her as a friend, but clearly he doesn't.

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Princess_Eev
09/24/24 3:17:25 PM
#133:


NoxObscuras posted...
People keep saying this, but it completely ignores how TC might feel about it. Yes it's good to be friends with women, but that doesn't mean he has to be friends with every woman that rejects him. If he has lingering feelings for her, and seeing her date other guys would be painful for him, he has every right to say that friendship doesn't work for him.

TC has said that he already has other women that he's friends with, so it's not like he's a social pariah and needs to make a friendship with her lol.
You're not wrong, and I definitely didn't read the entire topic. I am just used to seeing this type of thread from people who are both lonely and only seeking out romantic partnerships and not platonic friendships. My apologies.

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bsp77
09/24/24 3:40:20 PM
#134:


berlyman101 posted...
Which part? I'm making assumptions about the reasons, but the bottom line is she's setting boundaries and let him down easy. I'm suggesting TC do the same for his mental health. It'd be good to even say something like "I would expect more than friendship so maybe we can hang out again when you figure things out." Unless TC wants her as a friend, but clearly he doesn't.
This sounds very different from what you said before

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CellBlock7
09/24/24 3:51:26 PM
#135:


She 100% has some other options she wants to explore, but she also wants to keep you around to potentially fall back on and use in the meantime.

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ai123
09/24/24 3:51:37 PM
#136:


People had a lot more fun before they were conned into thinking that strategizing was the key to human relationships.

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bsp77
09/24/24 4:02:33 PM
#137:


ai123 posted...
People had a lot more fun before they were conned into thinking that strategizing was the key to human relationships.
Yeah, all of these strategies that people are giving are awful. Just meet someone (online or offline, I don't care), treat them like a human being, be honest with your intentions, and see how if goes. If someone ultimately isn't feeling it or wants to play games themselves, then move on.

Like, the guy above you had the nerve to say 100%, like he actually knows. None of us know exactly what she was thinking/feeling. We can guess, but we don't know. It also doesn't fucking matter. Just move on.

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SailorGoon
09/24/24 4:03:41 PM
#138:


Enclave posted...
Wow, I didn't say you have to be friends with everyone. Try actually reading what I said and respond to that.
lol I know what you said and know what I said. Chill out bro, don't take the criticism as a personal attack. Yeah, it's healthy to have friends that are girls in the mix, but that isn't the reason you should pursue a friendship. Don't force it because helps you hit the quota.

My point still stands. TC can pick his own friends freely and doesn't need to see this relationship through solely because it's nice to have girl friends. There are plenty of other girls out there to befriend in a more organic sense where there is no complicated history like this

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rick_alverado
09/24/24 4:09:05 PM
#139:


Xeknos posted...
Nah, female friends are fine, but they tend to be women you were never interested in romantically, which is how they're supposed to be. Trying to exist in the friendzone of someone you had romantic feelings for never ends well.

I've been friends with plenty of women that I've had romantic feelings for. Never had any problems with that.
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IceCreamOnStero
09/24/24 4:23:54 PM
#140:


bsp77 posted...
Yeah, all of these strategies that people are giving are awful. Just meet someone (online or offline, I don't care), treat them like a human being, be honest with your intentions, and see how if goes. If someone ultimately isn't feeling it or wants to play games themselves, then move on.

Like, the guy above you had the nerve to say 100%, like he actually knows. None of us know exactly what she was thinking/feeling. We can guess, but we don't know. It also doesn't fucking matter. Just move on.
I can't even understand the thought process. Wondering what her ulterior motives are, and "strategising" how to woo her into a relationship, makes no sense to me. If I was TC I'd stop caring about this girl as soon as she said she wasn't interested.

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#141
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Luteo
09/24/24 4:36:57 PM
#142:


Sorry man, she likes going on free dates and she likes the attention, maybe she'll feel pity and give it up but who knows but it does not like sound like it lmao

Friend zone'd

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Prestoff
09/24/24 4:45:59 PM
#143:


At least she communicated it to you. I've had at least 3 girls that ghosted me when I was 20 in college and never gave a reason why they did. I used to hold a grudge against them but it took many years to finally accept that they probably weren't feeling the same vibes I was or they probably weren't romantically interested in general and just moved on with my life. It's harder the first time, especially when you're still romantically interested with them. I head to deal with this crap for a long time. Funny enough, it was only when I had a guy friend group that actually listened to feedbacks and gave constructive advice without being a "yes" man circlejerk. Many of them just flat out told me to "move on" because there's probably someone better for you out there. I fucking hated them for saying it, but I think it made me a better person once "moving on" finally clicked for me.

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EpicMickeyDrew
09/24/24 5:23:22 PM
#144:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



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STEROLIZER
09/24/24 5:30:36 PM
#145:


STEROLIZER posted...
Youre not supposed to live with it your supposed to learn from your mistakes, alter your behavior moving forward, and use said previous experiences to make better choices.

Actually, its time for me to take my own advice.

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MrDrMan
09/24/24 5:31:53 PM
#146:


Cancel. If you go youre a simp.

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EpicMickeyDrew
09/25/24 7:51:23 AM
#149:


MrDrMan posted...
Cancel. If you go youre a simp.
Mood

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EpicMickeyDrew
09/25/24 3:38:26 PM
#150:


I didn't go in the end. Haven't been in contact with her either.

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Kradek
09/25/24 3:39:37 PM
#151:


The fact that you're even communicating with someone on that level is proof that you're not. It could always be worse. At least she enjoys your presence and company and it doesn't appear like it's some hassle just to answer messages from you.

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#152
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bsp77
09/25/24 3:45:44 PM
#153:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

You mean she might. Otherwise, I agree.

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