Current Events > Destination wedding followup topic

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So I made a post here a few weeks ago detailing that I was asked to be the best main at a destination wedding. A wedding which I personally cannot afford to go to considering the bride and groom doesnt want to cover the costs.

I finally talked to my brother about it yesterday, about my concerns about not being able to afford it, being uncomfortable traveling to Jamaica, and finally I expressed my concerns that she isnt really a good person to me.

things she does:

• my brother has to sneak around her and hide to spend any time with me
• when I come over I am not allowed inside and we can only hangout in my car
• she doesnt talk to me- says the least amount possible
• always is awkward around her because she had a crush on me first and I turned her down before she went after my brother
• when she brings food to my place she charges me for the food (which is total bullshit considering shes a guest in my residence
• my Brother has progressively became more reclusive since they have been dating and has lost touch with all his friends
• verbally abusive to my brother (though not infront of me/she has been infront of my mother)

**in six years I have had zero prior negative interactions with her but I do hangout with a group of friends she hates

i finally expressed my concerns, the wedding is two years away. My brother pretty much told me if I am not there he will never talk to me again (exact words) which seemed super selfish if your gonna make a wedding in the middle of no where. At this point we are not on talking terms

thanks for any advice anyone provided here a few weeks back- I would directly link to the topic but Im almost sure it has been purged

parting words: I fucking hate weddings- theyre dramasum and nothing good comes from them

It sounds like not going is the best course of action.

Can't you save up since you got 2 years

I understand the financial aspect of it if you can't afford it but why the hell wouldn't you want to go to Jamaica? I assume this wedding is within a resort? Just stay within the compound/premises.

I've been to quite a few destination weddings and none of them had the bride/groom "pay for everything." That's unrealistic. What's commonplace is that your being there negates any wedding gift you would have given them and all the ones I've been to have been upfront about that.

I feel like based on what hes posted, its not even about the money. I could afford to go to this wedding but if I was in TCs position on everything but finances, I wouldnt be going.

Odd that he is so much more concerned about you coming to Jamaica than your concerns about her.

That said, if this is 2 years away, she should try to save up and go. This is your brother and if you have already given your concerns, then you should be there.

DDP886 posted...

I fucking hate weddings- theyre dramasum and nothing good comes from them

Big disagree. I am groomsman in one in a few weeks

I would rather go and regret going than to not go and regret not going.

Just tell them you cant

Glob posted...

I feel like based on what hes posted, its not even about the money. I could afford to go to this wedding but if I was in TCs position on everything but finances, I wouldnt be going.

Ive stated she treats me I feel like shit and its gotten progressively worse over time

bsp77 posted...

Odd that he is so much more concerned about you coming to Jamaica than your concerns about her.

That said, if this is 2 years away, she should try to save up and go. This is your brother and if you have already given your concerns, then you should be there.

Big disagree. I am groomsman in one in a few weeks

I aired my concerns about her and he didnt give two shits- wasnt even like we will straighten this out.. I have no respect for men who cant put their foot down. Were we even that close to begin with? Since Ive been at the university for five years now we have been in a continuous state of drifting apart.

but the not letting me inside their house things drove me fucking wild. Never did I drive to someones place after being told to come over and not be let inside. Only time I am allowed inside is when shes not sround

I forgot to add to the list that he sneaks around her to spend time with me.

DDP886 posted...

Ive stated she treats me I feel like shit and its gotten progressively worse over time

I aired my concerns about her and he didnt give two shits- wasnt even like we will straighten this out.. I have no respect for men who cant put their foot down. Were we even that close to begin with? Since Ive been at the university for five years now we have been in a continuous state of drifting apart.

but the not letting me inside their house things drove me fucking wild. Never did I drive to someones place after being told to come over and not be let inside. Only time I am allowed inside is when shes not sround

I forgot to add to the list that he sneaks around her to spend time with me.

It sounds problematic but what can you do? You have said your peace and he ignored it.

Now you either be there for him and hope things somehow work out, or you are not there for him...

I am all for cutting people out of your life if toxic, but this is your brother and he wants you as his best man.

bsp77 posted...

It sounds problematic but what can you do? You have said your peace and he ignored it.

Now you either be there for him and hope things somehow work out, or you are not there for him...

I am all for cutting people out of your life if toxic, but this is your brother and he wants you as his best man.

I dont think I am willing to take on the responsibility after being threatened to be at the wedding