Current Events > Went out for drinks with my female co-worker. Now I regret everything.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I wanted a friend. Honestly, I thought we had stuff in common. We work at the same place, we car pool together and work out. She invited me to go drinking with her after work. But, we have nothing in common and have no chemistry. Infact, I find the more I talk to her the less I want to hear her. It's all about her. Every single time we talk she has to turn it around back to her. Her sister's marriage is failing, her boss is an asshole, she and her husband had a fight, etc etc. I can't ever get a word in. I can't ever talk about anything because she just turns it back to her. How do I politely tell her to stop? I don't think any friendship is going to work.

All humans are insane monsters

Maybe you caught her on a bad day when she had a lot she needed to unload and was looking for a friend?

Neither of you were able to meet each other's needs on this occasion, but don't judge her too harshly.

isn't this your second thread about her??

She did nothing wrong.

Just ask her out, she'll reject you and you don't have to be the one to end the friendship.

It sounds like she just wanted someone to vent to. If you've enjoyed her friendship up until this point, then don't bail just for that

Shes having a tough go at it right now and shes venting to you, much like your venting to us about her. Personally I dont find it to hard to hear people out about their problems. Talking about your problems can often help, especially if your telling it to the right ears and they can give back positive feedback.

This is not the friendship you envisioned, sure. But right now it is what is. Personally I wouldnt try to breakoff a friendship at work just for the sheer awkwardness of you having to see each other often. But if you really are over it, very gradually start giving her less attention. Shell eventually find someone else to confide in

If it's a one time thing because she had to vent everything out once, I would not mind it. Sometimes it's necessary, and I'm not better in that regard.

If it's happening every single time, that's more problematic. Some people simply are like that.

No matter what you do or say, it should always be about them and their problems.

That's already annoying in a one-to-one discussion, but it's even worse when it's in a group.

I mean, you can try to bait her. Get serious, and talk seriously about a serious problem of yours.

If she tries to help and listen to you, it's fine, if she goes like "I know, I actually have that problem too, with my mother, and it's even worse for me, because...." that's a red flag.

Karovorak posted...

If it's a one time thing because she had to vent everything out once, I would not mind it. Sometimes it's necessary, and I'm not better in that regard.

If it's happening every single time, that's more problematic. Some people simply are like that.

Omg this. I was ok with this friend I met and she was cool to hang in the beginning. The more I was with her, She was being stressed out for few times because maybe she just having a bad week. Later on it ended up being like this with her every day to the point where it is problematic. Jesus this hits hard.

(I guess she has depression but I can't handle those ppl well)

It's okay to have different levels of friendship. She's not going to be your new bff, but there's a wide range of levels between that and not talking at all. There's nothing wrong with that.

She is your coworker who you carpool and workout with yet you didnt know she was like this already?

This happened

ai123 posted...

able

Every single day now? Before we went out for drinks we were pretty not close. But, I'm just lonely and wanted a friend. I wanted someone to talk too and go drinking with. She was the only co-worker here that I didn't loathe.

alfred_ashford posted...

She is your coworker who you carpool and workout with yet you didnt know she was like this already?

We didn't really talk that much. When we worked out we had earbuds in or sometimes her husband joined us.