Current Events > I asked Bard to write the worst fanfic possible.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Me:

Hi Bard! Can you write the worst 90's Super Mario Bros movie fanfic possible?

Bard:

It's a-me! Mario! But Like, Totally Rad!

The neon lights of Dinohattan pulsed erratically, casting the grimy alleyway in a kaleidoscope of clashing colors. The rhythmic boom of techno music throbbed from a nearby club, its bass line vibrating the overflowing dumpsters lining the street. Luigi, his once pristine overalls now splattered with neon paint and mystery grime, adjusted his backwards neon fedora. His nervous gaze darted around the fetid alley, searching for his brother.
"Mario, bro, where are you?" he squeaked, his voice barely audible over the thrumming music. "This place smells like a Koopa troopa convention after a spicy nacho binge!"
Suddenly, a raspy voice echoed from the shadows. "Luigi, my main man! Chill, dude!"
Emerging from the gloom was Mario, looking less like a heroic plumber and more like a reject from a neon rave. His trademark red cap was replaced with a backwards, neon green snapback, and his once bright blue overalls were ripped and sagging, held together by safety pins shaped like stars. A single neon earring dangled from his left ear, and a mischievous glint shone in his bloodshot eyes.
"Whoa, Mario, what happened to you?" Luigi exclaimed, recoiling from his brother's pungent aroma. "Did you fall into a vat of neon paint, then get mugged by a pack of Koopas with questionable hygiene?"
Mario chuckled, a sound suspiciously like a rusty hinge. "Nah, bro," he winked. "Just havin' some radical fun with the coolest crew in Dinohattan, the Rad Koopas!"
Luigi's jaw dropped. "The Rad Koopas? Those shell-headed delinquents who graffiti Bowser's castle and stuff?"
"Exactly, dude!" Mario grinned, revealing a chipped neon tooth. "They're, like, totally misunderstood. They're just expressin' themselves, man!"
Just then, a rumble shook the alley, and a beat-up school bus, painted in clashing neon colors and sporting a giant boombox on its roof, screeched to a halt. The Rad Koopas, a motley crew of teenagers sporting spiky shells and ripped bandanas, spilled out, their laughter echoing off the grimy walls.
"Yo, Mario!" their leader, a Koopa with a mohawk dyed neon orange, yelled. "You ready to rock the night, dude?"
"Totally!" Mario yelled back, throwing his arms in the air. "Let's show these squares what real fun is!"
Luigi watched in horror as Mario and the Rad Koopas piled into the bus, the booming music drowning out his pleas. The bus lurched forward, leaving a trail of neon smoke and bewildered pigeons in its wake. Luigi, alone and reeking of despair, stood amidst the overflowing dumpsters, the weight of his neon fedora suddenly feeling very heavy.
"This is the worst Saturday night ever," he groaned, kicking a discarded pizza box in frustration. "And it's only going to get worse, isn't it?"
The bus's booming music seemed to answer with a resounding "Cowabunga!" as it disappeared into the neon-drenched labyrinth of Dinohattan. As Luigi trudged home, the image of his once heroic brother, now lost in the neon underworld, filled him with dread. He knew this was just the beginning of a truly wacky, and totally un-awesome, adventure.
...To be continued? (But hopefully not!)

I went with the 90's SMB movie because it was already a bad fanfic.

Luigi, alone and reeking of despair, stood amidst the overflowing dumpsters, the weight of his neon fedora suddenly feeling very heavy.

-ChatGPT, 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eGJoLD2jsc

Me:

Keep going!

Bard:

As the night deepened and the neon lights pulsed into overdrive, Luigi found himself reluctantly following the trail of his errant brother. His journey led him through the seediest underbelly of Dinohattan, from a neon-lit roller rink populated by rollerblading Goombas to a karaoke bar where Bowser himself belted out an off-key rendition of "I Will Survive." Each stop brought him closer to Mario, but also deeper into a neon nightmare that made even the darkest corners of the Mushroom Kingdom seem like a walk in the park.
Finally, Luigi stumbled upon the Rad Koopas' hideout - a abandoned Koopa Troopa tank converted into a pulsating disco den. Inside, a throbbing rave was in full swing, fueled by enough neon-colored energy drinks to power a Koopa airship fleet. Luigi, his senses assaulted by the flashing lights and ear-splitting music, spotted Mario amidst the throng, breakdancing with a particularly enthusiastic Para Troopa.
Mario, his neon-clad form illuminated by the strobing lights, had truly embraced the "radical" lifestyle. His moves were more seizure-inducing than stylish, and his enthusiasm seemed fueled by something stronger than just pizza and root beer. Luigi knew he had to intervene, but how?
Suddenly, inspiration struck. Remembering his days as a reluctant actor in community theater, Luigi clambered onto a makeshift stage and grabbed a discarded microphone. With a deep breath, he cleared his throat and belted out a heartfelt rendition of "That's Amore," his voice surprisingly clear and strong amidst the techno chaos.
The music faltered, the flashing lights dimmed, and all eyes turned to Luigi. Even the Rad Koopas, mid-mosh pit, seemed momentarily stunned. Mario, his face illuminated by the soft glow of a forgotten disco ball, stared at his brother in confusion.
In that moment, Luigi poured his heart out. He sang of their childhood adventures, of their bond as brothers, and of the importance of staying true to oneself, even in the face of questionable neon trends. His voice, raw and genuine, resonated through the cavernous tank.
As the last note faded, a heavy silence descended. Then, something unexpected happened. A lone Koopa Troopa, touched by Luigi's ballad, began clapping. Soon, the applause spread, growing louder and louder until the entire hideout was filled with the rhythmic sound of appreciation.
Even the Rad Koopas, their tough exteriors softened by Luigi's heartfelt performance, joined in the applause. Mario, his bravado fading, approached his brother, a sheepish grin on his face.
"Wow, Luigi," he admitted, his voice hoarse. "That was, like, totally tubular. I guess I got a little carried away with the whole 'radical' thing."
The two brothers, reunited and slightly worse for wear, emerged from the disco tank as the first rays of dawn painted the sky. The neon lights of Dinohattan had dimmed, replaced by the soft glow of a new day. As they walked home, side-by-side, Luigi couldn't help but feel a pang of relief. Their adventure had been wacky, neon-drenched, and totally un-awesome, but it had also reminded them of what truly mattered: their brotherly bond and the importance of staying true to themselves, even in the face of the most bizarre trends.
And so, the Mario Bros, forever marked by their encounter with the Rad Koopas, returned to their usual routine of plumbing and princess-rescuing. But deep down, they knew that the neon underbelly of Dinohattan, and the wild night they spent there, would forever be a bizarre, unforgettable chapter in their wacky adventures

Ctrl+F: "neon"

Good lord

UnholyMudcrab posted...

Ctrl+F: "neon"

Good lord

My favorite is Mario's neon tooth.