Current Events > Hate how insecure I am around women. Real chance for a major relationship

(+) Yeah! (+)

Been chatting with a girl on Facebook for months now and she wants me really bad. Though every time she tried to hang out, I found out an excuse to not see her in person. That said, she also lives within 5 minutes of walking distance ironically. On that note, woke up late before work and she gave me a ride last week. Pretty much instant attraction but all we did after was hug before I started my shift.

I'm not exactly a virgin, but still kind of close to one I'm on the grid I feel still. She's given every inclination to want me bad since June as is. Just my own insecurity makes it so hard to overcome just going out on a real date finally. Anyone here ever been like this?

Don't know if it is necessarily a good idea but try letting her know.

chaos_knight posted...

I'm not exactly a virgin

What does this even mean

Irony posted...

What does this even mean

Tried sex, never was able to finish.

Do you realize how lucky you are? Some of us cant even get girls to look at them.

rexcrk posted...

Do you realize how lucky you are? Some of us cant even get girls to look at them.

You can online. Start there.

chaos_knight posted...

You can online. Start there.

Oh-ho youd be surprised

Can I ask what it is you're afraid of? I'm not trying to be condescending or anything. I just want to know where your fears here are focused.

Are you afraid that if you attempt to get closer she'll reject you?

Are you in general just afraid of getting closer to people?

Are you worried about your life changing if the two of you get closer?

CyricZ posted...

Can I ask what it is you're afraid of? I'm not trying to be condescending or anything. I just want to know where your fears here are focused.

Are you afraid that if you attempt to get closer she'll reject you?

Are you in general just afraid of getting closer to people?

Are you worried about your life changing if the two of you get closer?

Not the first. She adores me.

#2, yes.

#3, also yes.

Honestly felt I was falling for her just in text a couple months ago. But now seeing her in person, it confirms it. On top of that, she has been the one to be pursuing me hard. She actually does desire me somehow after everything I've told her about me.

So...I should give it a real chance probably. Like an actual date. Though she keeps talking how she is alone at her place lately. >_>

It might help to go on non date dates until you get used to her more. Like if you live within minutes of eachother is it comfortable for you to go on a walk with her or something else that doesn't include the pressure of a full on date?

Jiek_Fafn posted...

It might help to go on non date dates until you get used to her more. Like if you live within minutes of eachother is it comfortable for you to go on a walk with her or something else that doesn't include the pressure of a full on date?

It would. Neighborhood has some history around it. An old school theater with a giant screen put in during remodel. Shows a lot of classic movies.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

It might help to go on non date dates until you get used to her more. Like if you live within minutes of eachother is it comfortable for you to go on a walk with her or something else that doesn't include the pressure of a full on date?

Thiiiiis.

Just hang out. Be close to her. That's all.

Develop a comfort in having her around.

CyricZ posted...

Thiiiiis.

Just hang out. Be close to her. That's all. You don't even necessarily have to do anything "date specific".

Develop a comfort in having her around.

It's going to be weird if you're used to being alone, but you might be surprised how quickly you can get accustomed to a person.

Yeah true. Just need to get over my shyness. That part is incredibly, monumentally hard though. She even sends messages sometimes just wanting to cuddle and be close to me.

It's not going to be easy, but think about it this way. You don't want to let these opportunities slip by, and if that happens, you'll be beating yourself up/feel a lot worse about that than you do about your shyness now.

Just make your mutual interest clear ASAP verbally and let her know that you'll need to ramp up slowly. Don't let her think you're not into her because once that switch flips off, it'll either be impossible to switch back on or will take far more effort then than what you'll need to do now.

Tl:dr, confirm your interest and start the process of becoming comfortable. Don't just continue to project uncertainty and disinterest. You'll have time if you make your interest clear, but things could end permanently at any time if you don't.

legendary_zell posted...

It's not going to be easy, but think about it this way. You don't want to let these opportunities slip by, and if that happens, you'll be beating yourself up/feel a lot worse about that than you do about your shyness now.

Just make your mutual interest clear ASAP verbally and let her know that you'll need to ramp up slowly. Don't let her think you're not into her because once that switch flips off, it'll either be impossible to switch back on or will take far more effort then than what you'll need to do now.

Tl:dr, confirm your interest and start the process of becoming comfortable. Don't just continue to project uncertainty and disinterest. You'll have time if you make your interest clear, but things could end permanently at any time if you don't.

Thanks man.

Just have a date and see how things go, trust me that people's interest in you will vanish if they are not reciprocated, especially when you already can tell about this interest in you.

Here's the truth. If you want anything to come of this you just gotta nut up and make the move. I know it's easier said than done, but be brave and overcome it. If she's as attracted to you as you think she is, she will do some of the work too once you get over that initial hump. That initial hump is scary, but it has to be over... Humped.

If you don't you will likely retreat further and regret it for the rest of your life

Now get out there and hump over that hump! And hump her too

chaos_knight posted...

Yeah true. Just need to get over my shyness. That part is incredibly, monumentally hard though. She even sends messages sometimes just wanting to cuddle and be close to me.

Yeah no one ever said this was going to be easy.

To start, I wouldn't put too much value on sex. Not right away. Intimacy is not just weiners. The first step is going to be welcoming her into your personal space.

Pay attention to how she feels, sounds, smells, and how good that is. Don't feel like you're expected to perform, like there's something you "should" be doing. There's no manual for this. Everyone is intimate in different ways.

And you can always ask her what she wants to do. Remember that this just another person. She can be just as afraid and tense and awkward as you can be.

You guys are awesome. If I don't pursue this, going to regret it hard. Way we talked for months, honestly think we've also fallen a bit for each other too. So really have to seal the deal somehow, especially since we live so close. She's basically the perfect girl and I've lost only one or two other perfect girls I've felt in my past due to my inaction. Can't do it again.

chaos_knight posted...

You guys are awesome. If I don't pursue this, going to regret it hard. Way we talked for months, honestly think we've also fallen a bit for each other too. So really have to seal the deal somehow, especially since we live so close. She's basically the perfect girl and I've lost only one or two other perfect girls I've felt in my past due to my inaction. Can't do it again.

Then you know what you must do. Get to humpin

Smackems posted...

Then you know what you must do. Get to humpin

Going to immediately fail No Nut November. XD

chaos_knight posted...

You guys are awesome. If I don't pursue this, going to regret it hard. Way we talked for months, honestly think we've also fallen a bit for each other too. So really have to seal the deal somehow, especially since we live so close. She's basically the perfect girl and I've lost only one or two other perfect girls I've felt in my past due to my inaction. Can't do it again.

I would say don't frame this as a potential "loss" if you don't act.

Think about what good could come of it when you DO act. Imagine how awesome it's going to be having someone who truly gets you as a part of your life.

I'll never forget that feeling. :)

As for the sex part; I have trouble finishing too. I can just go forever (if I don't go floppy) and it really fucking bothers me; I know what it's like. Since she's been open to other issues about you and accepted them, after a couple dates, but before sessy time, explain to her that you may have issues and be adamant that it isn't a her thing. She will probably be fine with it and help you around it

Least that's my take on it. Let's get you past the first hump first

Smackems posted...

As for the sex part; I have trouble finishing too. I can just go forever (if I don't go floppy) and it really fucking bothers me; I know what it's like. Since she's been open to other issues about you and accepted them, after a couple dates, but before sessy time, explain to her that you may have issues and be adamant that it isn't a her thing. She will probably be fine with it and help you around it

Least that's my take on it. Let's get you past the first hump first

She already knows. Actually knows 90% of my issues as is, but still desires me. She's willing to be intimate knowing it and her goal is to get me to get off for the first time.

Yeah just slowly get used to her by hanging out with her. Just let her know that you like her too and don't keep her wondering. Keep it simple though, you guys are just getting started, don't declare your undying love for her just yet lol.

The more you're around her, the easier it gets. I love my alone time, but I also love spending as much time as possible with my girlfriend. It's a weird feeling to explain lol.

CyricZ posted...

I would say don't frame this as a potential "loss" if you don't act.

Think about what good could come of it when you DO act. Imagine how awesome it's going to be having someone who truly gets you as a part of your life.

I'll never forget that feeling. :)

No, it is a potential loss. Like...I hate to bring up really ancient CE stuff but remember Holly? That was one example where I lost something precious I could have had if I acted within a 2 year time frame she gave me. But was too nervous several years ago. I don't want to do that again.

chaos_knight posted...

She already knows. Actually knows 90% of my issues as is, but still desires me. She's willing to be intimate knowing it and her goal is to get me to get off for the first time.

Well there ya go

It sounds like most of the puzzle is put together and you just gotta insert that last piece. Ask her on a date. Even just a hang out around home date if y'all prefer that, but a romantic date. Not just hanging out. Make it clear you want to move forward

Smackems posted...

Well there ya go

It sounds like most of the puzzle is put together and you just gotta insert that last piece. Ask her on a date. Even just a hang out around home date if y'all prefer that, but a romantic date. Not just hanging out. Make it clear you want to move forward

Yeah, she asks that all the time. She already took the initiative. I just need to show up. Ahaha.

grow a pair and get in her guts. she made her stance clear. balls in your court.

She's willing to call in so we can hang. And by hang, I mean best day ever lol.

Update: Going to dinner and then to a local bar for a few drinks. She was super happy I suggested it and can't wait to get off work to see me. Might be in love lol.

Ayyyyy, good job man! Now just live in the moment and enjoy her company, don't think too much about the future or think about it as a performance. She likes you for who you are and who you've been, so just keep doing that.

chaos_knight posted...

She already knows. Actually knows 90% of my issues as is, but still desires me. She's willing to be intimate knowing it and her goal is to get me to get off for the first time.

Dude imagine the luck.

44 years in my life and not yet.

Got close once, but that's a story for another time.

Have fun, ck! I know it'll go great! ^_^

chaos_knight posted...

Update: Going to dinner and then to a local bar for a few drinks. She was super happy I suggested it and can't wait to get off work to see me. Might be in love lol.

Remember to be clear about it being romantic. Maybe lean in and kiss her

chaos_knight posted...

Update: Going to dinner and then to a local bar for a few drinks. She was super happy I suggested it and can't wait to get off work to see me. Might be in love lol.

Nice! Have fun and don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself about what "should" happen. As you can see, she's just happy to be going out on a date with you.

CyricZ posted...

Dude imagine the luck.

44 years in my life and not yet.

Got close once, but that's a story for another time.

Honestly, my advice is so fucking stupid but it worked. Get drunk, hit on girls on Facebook, find success. What happened here. I never would have tried if that didn't first happen. Then it was sober me trying to figure out how it works.

So date is going to her place where she'll make several cocktails, watching Princess Bride, and a lot of snuggling and who knows what else.

Tag for later

chaos_knight posted...

So date is going to her place where she'll make several cocktails, watching Princess Bride, and a lot of snuggling and who knows what else.

Nice! Hilarious movie if you haven't already seen it. My gf and I actually watched that a few months ago because I hadn't seen it

I honestly consider The Princess Bride a perfect date movie.

Or as close as one can get.

NoxObscuras posted...

Nice! Hilarious movie if you haven't already seen it. My gf and I actually watched that a few months ago because I hadn't seen it

I only remember the first half with all the memes. Don't remember the second half, so it is kind of new to me.

CyricZ posted...

I honestly consider The Princess Bride a perfect date movie.

Or as close as one can get.

You deserve a great date night too. Super friendly, best guy ever on here.

lol that's its own separate topic.

CyricZ posted...

I honestly consider The Princess Bride a perfect date movie.

Or as close as one can get.

It's a perfect movie for bout anything tbh

Good luck, dont put too much pressure on the sex part of things. Relax. Make it moment to moment. Enjoy the company and enjoy the moment itself. Ive been married for 13 years now and am also bisexual and with a man as well.

I also sustained a back injury in a riot at my job a year and a half ago and have had issues climaxing and sometimes even getting an erection. Instead of thinking oh no I cant get off, think about how good and how sexy everything is. Be in the moment. Look at your partner, really feel everything. That usually helps me.

Also, a lack of confidence is not very unattractive over time. She may not mind building you up right now but I would not make that you alls dynamic. I dont know what has occurred in your life to make you feel insecure, but the fact that she wants you means something, because dick is not hard to get trust me. Take a breath and dont make her convince you that youre good enough all the time. Just some general life advice.

Thank you to everyone. If I overcome my insecurities and get laid tonight, I'll message CE lol