Current Events > Are people are too quick to judge and "sum up" others these days?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Or was this always a thing? Hopefully this story doesnt make me sound too incellish

What brought this to mind was I was hanging with a couple of female friends I've known a long time (like 10 years) and they were discussing online dating. One was telling a story about how her other friend, who I admittedly haven't met, and how she'd recently been speaking to someone for several weeks online before meeting him. I think one of them was travelling when they matched so it took a while before they were both back in the same city and could meet.

After apparently 5 minutes into meeting him she decided it was definitely not gonna happen/work. This was after they'd apparently talked every day for weeks

My other friend nodded away like "oh I've been there" and I'm just thinking... what if he was just a bit shy? Nervous? Was having a bad day? What could possibly have happened in the first 5 minutes?

I just couldn't see myself making such a yes/no judgement about a girl that quick. I give people a lot of chances and can usually see or consider reasons for behaviours that I might consider a bit unusual/quirky (not open rudeness or anything like that, but just uncommon traits)

Is it just that guys are more interested in looks so we'll overlook or excuse any personality stuff we might not like?

Is it that a much higher percentage of girls are like, socially competent? Since I've never dated a guy I guess I haven't seen how potentially rude or weird they can be

I just walked away feeling like the next date I go on, I'm gonna be walking on eggshells

To some degree people have always been like this, but the "swipe left" mentality has probably made it worse.

Attraction is a funny thing.

It doesn't mean the other person did anything wrong or raised any of those dreaded 'red flags'. Sometimes, you just don't feel it, and when you know, you know.

If you're looking for long term compatibility, you may want to invest a bit more to see if things will work out, but if you're just dating casually, you need that spark.

I could always tell very quickly if I wasnt feeling it. I thought most people could.

Think of it like tiktok, or music. A video or a song has to catch you immediately, otherwise there are so many other options you can go to if you're "not feeling it".

Hard to say if it's good or bad, they could be avoiding the worst dude they would ever meet, or avoiding the best dude they'd ever meet.

I will say, if my fiance had judged me solely on the first time we hung out, our 11 year relationship wouldn't have happened.

It's easier to mask who you are online than off.

People make labels for others and put them in boxes for better "storage". That's just how our lizard brains work. This is more true now that we are looking at the world quite literally from the clouds like gods. We're also capable of learning, understanding qualities of each other through things like empathy and compassion which separates us from the lizards.

"Hot takes" are good for getting popular on social media and TV. Not so much in life and policymaking.

I remember a woman I talked to being weirded out that I had a dark sense of humor. Guess when we met or talked previously it never came up that I can laugh about anything. But alas it didn't work out because I wasn't a good Christian or whatever.

Another was somewhat into me until my self depreciating humor arose. She found it off putting and that's fine. My life has shaped my sense of humor and some people simply don't like that.

I mean these types of things happen And people need to just accept it and move on instead of dwelling it and blaming others. If we were all in on one another life would be utter chaos and ridiculous orgies across the nation. We'd be one giant pile of flesh.

If we were all in on one another life would be utter chaos and ridiculous orgies across the nation. We'd be one giant pile of flesh.

Lol, that's a funny thought